by Lane, Soraya
"So that's a no?" she asked, opening the boxes and nudging one in his direction.
"I think it's incredible, just different," he told her honestly. "It looks like exactly the type of apartment a successful New York artist should be living in."
He watched as she took a slow sip of wine before tucking in to the noodles, and he did the same, more hungry that he'd realized.
"Do you think it's weird that this place is everything that I ever wanted, and yet all I want right now is to go back home?"
Scott chuckled and put down his fork, finishing his mouthful. "Mandy, I spent eleven years, hell maybe twelve, making a new life for myself on the other side of the world. I had almost everything I'd ever wanted, and yet the moment my dad died, I couldn't sell my business fast enough to get back to Montana."
"Do you think we reach a certain age and start to realize that we've been running away when we should have been running back?" she asked.
He reached for her hand, ran his fingers across hers. "I think that we need to move away to get perspective on what we really want. Just like you need to let a person go sometimes before you realize how badly you want them by your side."
"Is that how you feel about me?" Amanda's voice was barely a whisper.
"Yeah, except I feel a damn fool for ever letting you walk away in the first place. And for telling you it was a good idea."
She looked up, her eyes moist like she was about to start crying. Hell, he had no idea what he'd do if she did.
"I don't want to give up everything I've worked so hard for, Scott, but I don't want to lose you either."
"Then don't," he said, putting his carton back on the table then doing the same with hers. He took her hands, holding both of them and looking straight into her eyes. "You can have it all, Mandy, if you want it."
"Really?" she asked, catching her bottom lip with her teeth like she always did when she was unsure.
"I never expected to settle down with anyone, so I sure as hell don't expect you to give up everything for me," he told her, not wanting to screw up his one chance to prove to her how he felt. "You can divide your time between here and Montana, figure out a way to make it work, and I promise you that I'll do everything I can to make it happen. To make us both happy."
A tear plopped down her cheek then, rolling all the way down her face to the corner of her mouth. Scott reached out just before it disappeared, wiping it away and then cupping her cheek in his palm.
"Please don't cry."
"I can help it. I just…"
He opened his arms for her to fall against his chest, cradling her, stroking her back and pressing his lips into her hair.
"If this isn't what you want, I can walk right out that door and let you move on with your life," he said, hoping to hell she wouldn't tell him to. "I came here because I didn't want to look back all my life and regret not being honest, when I should have put my heart on the line. But if you need me to leave, I'll go."
She shook her head and pulled back, staring up at him. "Don't go, Scott. Please don't go."
"So you want this?" he asked, hardly recognizing the huskiness of his own voice.
Amanda leaned forward and kissed him, her lips soft and warm against his. "I'm scared like you wouldn't believe, but yeah, I want this. I've missed you ever since I left."
"Then let's celebrate," he said, unable to wipe the grin off his face as she leaned forward and kissed him again. "To us," he toasted.
Amanda laughed and held up her glass. "To moving home," she said, "and to us. But you do realize that I’m still going to be spending a decent chunk of time here, right? It doesn’t have to be home but it does need to be where I sell my work.”
“Of course.” Scott put his arm around Amanda as they sunk back on to her sofa, keeping her close. "You know, this sofa might look great, but it's about as comfy as a 2 x 4."
"Hey, no criticizing my designer furniture!" she scolded, slapping his hand. "But then, didn't we always have a thing for uncomfortable make out spots?"
Scott stroked her face and pulled her in for a kiss, looking into her eyes before dropping his gaze to her mouth. He'd been a fool to let her go once, and now that he had Amanda in his arms he was going to do everything within his power to keep her there.
Amanda felt suddenly shy, like she was about to see Scott naked for the first time. It had been two months since they'd been together - two long months of thinking about him and remembering what it had been like to be with him - and now that he was here, she was nervous. She was already under the covers, in her underwear still because she hadn't been sure whether to go naked or keep something on, and Scott had just walked out of the bathroom with only a towel tucked around his waist.
In the soft light cast from her bedside lamp, she could admire his body, see the outline of his muscular chest and big arms, and it made her mouth dry, like it was stuffed full of cotton.
"Do you know this'll be the first time we've actually slept in a real bed together?"
Amanda laughed, but it sounded like a nervous giggle that she sure as hell didn't recognize as coming from her mouth. "Maybe we should see how it goes first, before we make any long term plans," she teased.
When he dropped his towel to the ground and walked the rest of the way to the bed naked, she had to stifle her gasp. He was so comfortable with being bare, and here she was hidden under her comforter.
Scott slid beneath the covers and she slowly released her hold on it, wishing she'd had that second glass of wine. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so on edge, so nervous about what was about to happen. Now that it wasn't just fun, she was worried about everything being perfect.
"You okay?" Scott asked, moving closer until his body was against hers.
"It's stupid, but…" she took a deep breath, "I'm kind of nervous all of a sudden."
He grinned and reached over to flick off the bedside lamp. "We could just cuddle if you want."
"Really?"
This time he laughed. "Hell no! I didn't come all this way just to cuddle you."
Amanda laughed right back at him as she tried to punch his arm, but he was too quick, grabbing both her wrists and holding them down, his grip firm yet gentle.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to explore every inch of you," he murmured against her neck.
Amanda sighed, her body relaxing under his touch, under Scott's control. There was something about him holding her down and taking charge that she was really starting to like.
"Where are you going to start?" she whispered.
"Here," he said, brushing his lips across hers. "And then I'm going to make love to you any way you want."
Amanda let him raise her hands above her head, writhed beneath Scott as he slowly started to trail kisses down her entire body. Thinking about him, fantasizing about the man for so long, had made actually being with him again all the sweeter, because she knew exactly how intensely he was going to pleasure her.
"There's only so much of this I'm going to be able to do before I lose control," Scott murmured, his tongue tracing circles on her breasts before sucking one of her nipples through her lace bra.
Amanda gasped and yanked his head up by his hair. She wriggled until she could reach behind and undo her bra, before kicking off her panties as fast as she could. She’d been waiting one long month to have Scott inside of her again and she wasn’t going to wait a second longer.
"Screw foreplay," she muttered, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him back down on top her, in between her parted thighs. "We've got tomorrow for taking it slow."
If Scott was surprised, he never said, but the smile on his face before he kissed her told her all she needed to know. Somehow they were going to make this work, and until they figured that out, at least they could have great sex in the meantime.
Amanda woke to the sun streaming in and bathing her face, leaving her squinting and wishing she'd remembered to close the blinds the night before. She stretched, contemplated burrowing under the covers for at
least another hour, before forcing herself to kick the comforter off.
Where was Scott? She sat up and rubbed her eyes, wondering if having Scott in her apartment, back in her life, had just been some dream. Maybe the whole evening had been a dream, which meant that the warm fuzzy feeling she was having about how successful her exhibition had been wasn't real either.
She'd shut the blinds. While Scott had been in the shower she'd pulled the blinds, turned on the bedside lamp and crawled into bed to wait for him. His towel had been… yes. His towel was still crumpled on the floor where he'd dropped it.
Amanda sunk back down, telling herself it was stupid to think he’d just left. He’d probably just gone out to get them coffee.
She stretched out, pulling her arm back as she connected with something unfamiliar in the bed that shouldn't have been there. It was one of her personalized envelopes, and her name was scrawled across the front of it. Amanda pushed up and sat back against the pillows, sliding one finger under the seal and taking the note out. Only it wasn't just a note, there was a ticket, too. A plane ticket.
Amanda took a deep breath. Her first thought was wondering where he'd found her stationary, but the ticket wiped her mind of anything else. It was a one-way ticket to Billings, leaving at 4pm that afternoon. A ticket home.
She tried to stop her hand from shaking as she dropped it to her lap and retrieved the note instead, needing to know what it said, why he'd gone and left this in his place. She'd wanted to wake up next to him, enjoy being with him, and instead she was sitting alone not knowing what the hell was going on.
Amanda,
I wanted to give you time to make sure this is what you really want, so I left before you woke. I also left you a plane ticket home, on the same flight as me.
I've been scared of commitment all my life, but I promise never to let you down if you decide to come back to Montana with me. I have to get back today to oversee a critical installation, but I want you know that I’d much rather be in bed with you.
Change the ticket if you need to.
I love you.
-Scott
Amanda shut her eyes and replayed the words over and over in her mind. 4pm. He’d said she could change it, but she didn’t want to. He'd come all the way to see her just for one night, to be there when she needed someone there the most, and now it was up to her. She wanted to fly home with him, and she was going to make it happen.
She reached for her iPhone and checked her emails, then consulted her calendar. She had a meeting at the gallery with Louis, back to back interviews with journalists, and then… she took a deep breath. Everything else could wait. What she needed to do was take a shower, clear her head, and then make some tough decisions. Deep down, she knew what her decision was, where her priorities needed to be, but it was still difficult.
Her apartment was everything she'd ever dreamed of and so was her career, her lifestyle; but there was something missing that she'd started to think she'd ever find.
Amanda picked up the plane ticket and stared at it one last time, before leaving it on the bed and walking into the bathroom. By 4pm, she'd have made her decision.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SCOTT settled into his seat and refused to glare at the flight attendant as she passed him the scotch he'd ordered the moment he'd walked onto the plane. It wasn't her fault that Amanda hadn't shown up, or that he'd been reclining up front with an empty seat beside him, but he wanted someone to be pissed at.
He'd come all this god damn way, and he hoped he hadn’t put his heart on the line for nothing. Maybe he'd pushed too hard, maybe leaving the ticket had been stupid and he should have just hung around and enjoyed the day with her, but… fuck. He'd fucked up big time and now he had to get the hell over it and deal with going home alone. Without the girl. Thank god he hadn't told anyone where he was going. He shouldn’t have tried to be all romantic, should have just talked it through with her. Although maybe, maybe, she’d just needed to change the ticket.
Scott reached for the in-flight magazine, flipping through, not giving a shit what he was looking at but needing something to do. He knocked back the rest of his scotch and thought about another one, and then he swallowed, hard. There she was, staring at him. Amanda's beautiful face, blonde hair looking wild and untamed as she walked through Central Park, beneath the headline that raved about the up and coming artist's exhibition.
He definitely needed another drink, and fast.
"Am I too late?"
Scott closed the magazine and slowly raised his head, his anger disappearing faster than it had arrived. Amanda. She was standing in the aisle, holding an oversized carry-on bag, the expression on her face so fragile he wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go.
"No," he managed, shaking his head and trying not to laugh it was so unbelievable. "No, it's not too late."
The smile she gave him made him jump up and reach for her bag, tucking it safely above them in the overhead compartment. Then he touched her arm, not knowing what to think, not believing that she was actually here. That after all that time standing near the check-in counter thinking she was a no-show, then in the waiting lounge, that Amanda was actually here beside him, about to fly home.
"I'm sorry if you thought I wasn't coming, but…"
Scott didn't give a damn what she was about to say - all he cared about was that she was here right now. He took her face in both of his hands, palms pressed to her soft skin, and kissed her, more tenderly than he'd ever kissed a woman before. Scott touched her like she was breakable, brushed his lips over hers so slowly that it almost pained him. But it was the only way he knew how to tell her how he felt, how much he cared, because he sure as hell wasn't capable of expressing it with words.
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to take your seat. Would you like another scotch?"
Scott took his time, kissed Amanda again before pulling back and staring into her eyes, knowing from the way she was looking at him that everything was going to work out.
"We'll be needing champagne. Two glasses," he said, taking Amanda's hand and backing into his seat. She kept a tight grip on his hand and sat down beside him, never taking her eyes from his. "We're celebrating."
He didn't know how they were going to make it work, and he didn't care. All he cared about was that Amanda wanted to be with him.
Amanda fought the urge to drain her entire glass, and took a delicate sip instead.
"I honestly didn't mean to keep you waiting," she told Scott, looking down at their hands and smiling at their intertwined fingers.
"You sure had me thinking you weren't going to show," he said with a grimace.
"I had so much to do for work today, then I had to clear my schedule for the rest of the week, then packing what I needed to bring…" she laughed at the expression on his face. "Okay, so you don't care about the details, huh?"
He shook his head and shrugged. "Honestly? No. What I care about is not pressuring you into a decision, which is why I wanted to give you time to think, but I’m starting to wonder if I ended up doing the exact opposite of what I meant to.”
"Just promise me that I've done the right thing," she muttered. “You didn’t pressure me, because I’ve been wanting to come home ever since I arrived here. But today was kind of crazy.”
"You know there’s still time to get off the plane," he said. “Not that I want you to, but you can still change your mind.”
She laughed. "Or not. I gave up my studio space and arranged for everything to be delivered to my mom’s place," she admitted. "You're the one who inspired me last time, so I thought, what the hell? If we're going to try this, I need to see if I can work from your place or home, right?"
Scott put down his glass and cupped her face, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you, Mandy. You know that, right? Even if we have to commute back and forth together, we can make this work."
"I love you, too," she whispered. "I just hope I've done the right thing."
She was scared
shitless of what she'd just done, how her life had just changed, but… it was time to put on her big girl panties and trust her gut. Because deep down, she knew she'd made the only decision she was capable of making. That it was the right time to listen to her gut, to stop doing what was right on paper when she made one of her silly lists.
"When we get home, I'm going to show you why you've done the right thing, sweetheart. I promise. It’s one of the reasons I had to leave today, because I’m finally coming to the end of all my building projects.”
She dropped her head onto Scott's shoulder as they started their ascent, her eyes shut as they lifted into the sky. Amanda was exhausted from the last week, from everything she'd had to do today, but there was also a nervous flutter of excitement building in her belly that was making her feel… incredible. Because maybe she could have it all. The career, her family, the guy.
Amanda snuggled closer to Scott, inhaling his cologne, trying not to laugh when she realized he was still wearing a suit. She bet he couldn't wait to get back into his jeans and boots, even if he did look amazing wearing Hugo Boss.
"What's everyone going to say when we turn up tonight?" she asked, not lifting her head.
"Considering I didn't even tell Jack where I was going?" Scott chuckled and knocked back the rest of his champagne.
"Are you serious?" She'd presumed everyone back home would know that he'd come looking for her, that he'd gone with the intention of trying to bring her home.
"I think it's time we were honest with everyone about how we feel about each other."
"Yeah," she agreed, squeezing his hand. "Except I have a feeling that everyone else already knew. It was you and me who were struggling to figure the truth out."
"You think?" he asked.
Amanda laughed. "Oh, I know so. Besides, at least I’ll be there for the final reading of dad’s will. We can always just pretend the fact that I’m with you was an accident.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN