Always and Forever

by Lyn Denison

  “Coward,” Angie breathed lightly as they continued dancing. “Well, in case you were going to ask, then the answer’s yes,” she added softly after a moment.

  Shann digested this information, her feelings a mass of clamoring sensation. Now she knew her attraction to Angie had some chance of being reciprocated. Surely she wasn’t imagining the interest in those incredible green eyes.

  “No comment?” Angie asked, her breath fluttering over Shann’s sensitive earlobe.

  “I . . . I’m thinking about it,” Shann managed through her constricted throat muscles, and Angie laughed again.

  “Are you surprised?”

  “Yes and no. Well, I guess I am. But it’s a pleasant surprise,” she added in a rush.

  “Good,” Angie said so softly that Shann had to strain to hear her.

  They lapsed into silence, moving slowly to the beat of the music. Then they swayed closer, and Shann couldn’t have said who closed the small distance between them.

  She felt the thrust of Angie’s breasts brush against hers and her nipples tingled, then Angie’s thighs touched, moved against hers, and a shaft of pure desire speared through Shann, searing her senses. Angie nestled into the curve of Shann’s neck, her breath teasing Shann’s already heightened awareness.

  Shann’s hand slid downward to rest on the warm bare skin of Angie’s waist. How she wanted to take her away from the crowded club, make love to her. She could hear her heart beating wildly in her chest. Or was it Angie’s? The burning need to pull her so much closer was almost overwhelming.

  Then the beat of the music picked up, and they moved reluctantly apart.

  “Want to sit this one out?” Angie asked thickly, as though she was having trouble forming her words.

  Shann nodded and, taking hold of Angie’s hand again, led her from the dance floor and back to the bar. They ordered drinks and sat slightly apart from the half dozen or so women who were perched on the barstools. Gina was over at another table talking to a group of women and hadn’t noticed Shann and Angie at the bar.

  “How long have you known you were a lesbian?” Shann asked, and Angie gave a slight shrug.

  “Most of my life would be the simple answer. But I suppose it must have been since I knew what a lesbian was. Before that I just had the sensation of being different. I guess I was about thirteen. How about you?”

  “The same I guess,” Shann acknowledged. “I don’t remember thinking you were . . . I mean, I never discussed anything like that with you when we were younger.”

  “Why would you have? We never really talked about anything deep and meaningful. Except your music and my math.” Angie grinned. “And besides, the three years difference in our ages was more discernible when we were teenagers, don’t you think?”

  “I suppose they were.” And Shann knew she was focused on Leigh and no one else.

  “Would you believe the day I decided I was going to tell Ann I was a lesbian I arrived home to discover Leigh had apparently stolen my thunder.”

  Shann stiffened slightly.

  “Of course, most of it was over when I walked in, and even before I got part of the story from Leigh, I’d decided Ann wouldn’t be receptive to my earth-shattering revelation. Two lesbians in the family in one day would have been two too many.”

  Shann met her gaze, and Angie smiled ruefully.

  “But I already knew how you felt about Leigh,” Angie said softly, and her green eyes reflected a deep sympathy. “I knew you loved my cousin and I suspect she broke your heart.”

  “It was a long time ago, Angie.” Shann sighed. “We were only kids.”

  “Which doesn’t mean it hurt any less.”

  “No. I suppose not. Let’s just say it wasn’t the best time of my life.”

  “I never did find out exactly what happened that day,” Angie said gently. “All I knew was that Leigh had been banished to her room, and Ann was absolutely livid. She was not in the mood for my questions so I was sent to my room, too. After Mike came home they both headed over to your place. I saw them go, and Ann’s body language said all hell was going to break loose.”

  “It did. She’d sent me home, and I had to wait for my father and Ruth to come home, too. Before I could begin to explain anything, Ann and Mike were there. Things deteriorated from that moment.”

  “And I went in to talk to Leigh, but she was still crying her eyes out. It wasn’t such a jump to figure out that Ann had walked in on the two of you.”

  “We forgot to lock the door, and Ann came home early. It was pretty harrowing. And humiliating.” Shann said with remembered pain. “Leigh told . . . Ann caught us kissing.” And Shann had had her hand under Leigh’s T-shirt.

  “I gathered as much. Until that day I thought my aunt and uncle were loving, tolerant people. I didn’t even consider they wouldn’t accept that I was a lesbian with anything other than compassion.” Angie laughed. “They gave me some extremely mixed messages over that. Apparently it was okay to love whoever you liked as long as that person was a member of the opposite sex.” She looked at Shann. “They way Ann was reacting I knew Leigh hadn’t been truthful. Whatever she told her mother, well, I suspected it was more like the truth with a bit of a kink in it. Leigh betrayed you, too, didn’t she?”

  “There was a lot . . . it was something of a shock to have her mother walk in on us. We were both scared, scared about what would happen to us. Leigh told her mother what she thought her mother wanted to hear. I don’t blame her. It was self preservation I guess.”

  “You didn’t do that.”

  “Maybe I was more of a fighter.” Shann shrugged. “I know I had a huge fight with my father and Ruth after your aunt and uncle left.”

  Angie was silent for a moment. “Are you still in love with her?”

  Shann looked away, then shook her head. “I haven’t seen her for ten years,” she said, knowing she was being evasive.

  Angie looked as though she was about to say something, but Gina joined them to ask Shann if she was ready to start her second bracket. As Shann went to follow Gina to the stage Angie put her hand on Shann’s arm. “What about singing your song ‘Rollercoaster Love?’ I used to love that one.”

  “She’s not the one who broke your heart, is she?” Gina asked as they crossed the floor.

  “No.” Shann hesitated before continuing. “It was her cousin, Leigh.”

  “Ah, yes. Leigh.” Gina turned and raised her eyebrows, but she made no comment. They reached the stage and then she reintroduced Shann.

  As soon as she had finished her final bracket Shann knew she should be heading for home. It wasn’t late by clubbing standards, and although Corey would be fast asleep, Shann was worried that her doctor brother-in-law might have been held up at the hospital, and either Liz or her father might need her. She packed her guitar away and looked around the still-crowded room. She couldn’t see Angie anywhere, but Gina waved and joined her.

  “Now you’re free to party,” Gina said brightly.

  “Wish I could, but I should head on home.”

  Gina pouted. “And here I was thinking lascivious thoughts about what you and the delicious Angie would be getting up to.”

  Shann couldn’t prevent the blush coloring her cheeks. “Knock it off, Gina. I’ve only just caught up with her after ten years. She was just a kid when I left.”

  “She’s not a kid now.” Gina wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “I know a stack of women here tonight who’d race her off if given half a chance.”

  “I take it you’ve seen her in here before,” Shann remarked with feigned disinterest, pretending to study the women on the dance floor.

  Gina’s smile told Shann she wasn’t fooling anyone. “She’s not what I’d call a regular, but I’ve seen her now and then. I’d have to be blind not to remember her. She’s not what I’d describe as unattractive.” Gina paused. “She keeps herself to herself from what I hear.”

  Shann raised her eyebrows.

  “She doesn’t sleep aroun
d,” Gina said baldly.

  Shann knew it shouldn’t matter but Gina’s statement pleased her more than it should. She had no right to judge anyone. Her own life wouldn’t stand up to much scrutiny.

  “See that couple facing us over at table twenty-eight,” Gina continued.

  Shann knew where to look, and she recognized the two women as the couple Angie had joined when she arrived.

  “I think she was an item with the brunette quite a while ago,” Gina told her. “But apparently not now. But they obviously parted as friends.”

  Shann tried to study the couple without seeming to stare. The brunette stood up to take drinks from the tray another woman had brought to the table. She was tall, her hair shoulder length, and she was attractive.

  “Notice anything?” Gina asked.

  “No. What?” Shann shrugged. “She’s attractive.”

  “And she looks very much like you.”

  Shann turned back to the other woman.

  “Oh, not as in, you look like sisters, but in, she’s your style, so to speak. Tall. Dark. Good looking. Must be Angie’s type.”

  “Angie’s type? Gina!” Shann exclaimed in disbelief.

  “What?” she said innocently. “We all have a type, love. Look at me. Cassie was short and blond. I always go for short and blond. In fact, see that fair-haired woman at the bar now?”

  Shann followed Gina’s gaze and then looked inquiringly at Gina.

  Gina nodded. “It’s early yet. We’re both taking it slowly. She lost her partner six months before I lost Cassie.” Gina sighed. “You know there’ll never be anyone like Cassie for me, but Kerri and I, well, we’re comfortable with each other. And, of course, the sex is pretty good.”

  Shann blushed, and Gina laughed as she squeezed Shann’s arm. “Just teasing. I love to see you blush. It’s a dying art these days. As I said, Kerri and I aren’t rushing into anything right now. It’s enough to have someone to talk to.”

  “I hope it works out, Gina. She looks really nice.”

  “She is. Maybe too nice for me.”

  Shann rolled her eyes, and Gina laughed again.

  “Kerri and I are having a couple of days away next week. Who knows after that? But enough of me. Have you always fancied that gorgeous Angie?”

  “Gina, she was barely fifteen years old when I last saw her and—”

  “And there was her cousin,” Gina finished softly.

  “Yes. There was Leigh.”

  “Have you seen Leigh yet?”

  “No.” Shann shook her head. “And I don’t think I want to.”

  “Is it likely you will? I mean, don’t her parents live next door to yours?”

  “Yes,” Shann acceded. “But she’s in New Zealand at the moment. With her husband and children. And I’ll be safely at the Gympie Muster when they return, so I’m hoping we’ll miss each other.”

  “Perhaps you should see her, Shann. Lay old ghosts.”

  “It’s old history, and I fancy the old ghosts might still be a trifle painful,” Shann said dryly.

  “All the more reason to exorcise them, wouldn’t you say?”

  Shann looked skeptical.

  “You know, Shann, about Leigh. I never—” Gina shook her head. “As you said, old history. So, to get onto more pleasant subjects, is there any chance you and Angie might get together?”

  “I really don’t know. That very same old history makes it a bit complicated.”

  “It doesn’t have to be so, does it? You’re either attracted to her or you’re not, and I think it’s pretty clear it’s the former.”

  “Am I so obvious?” Shann asked her.

  “Only to someone who’s looking. She seems nice, Shann. And you deserve to be happy, love.”

  “Thanks, Gina.” Shann kissed her on the cheek. “But I am happy. I have Corey. My music’s taking off. My father and I are talking again. It’s a pretty good time for me at the moment.”

  “No harm in making it better, and having someone like Angie in your bed is not going to be all that hard to take, don’t you think?”

  Shann’s traitorous body reacted to the thought. Maybe Gina was right. It had been a long time since she was close to someone, physically close. She was primed for an affair.

  Yet something told her to tread carefully, that what she felt for Angie was not a casual thing, that she needed to be cautious, that there were pitfalls that could pave the road with pain. Shann didn’t think her bruised heart would take another beating. And Angie was beginning to—

  At that moment Shann caught sight of the other woman as she detached herself from a group in the far corner of the room and began making her way toward them.

  And just as suddenly Shann knew she had already set out along that road, and she might have gone too far for her to turn back.

  “Hi! You were fantastic,” Angie said. “Care to have another dance?”

  If she got out on the dance floor, close to Angie, she knew she wouldn’t want to leave. “I’d like to but,” she glanced at her wristwatch, “I should be getting home.”

  Angie reached out and picked up Shann’s hand so she could check the time for herself.

  Shann’s skin burned where the other woman touched her.

  “Darn! Is it that late? You’re right. And I have to work tomorrow,” she said ruefully.

  “You do?” Shann was surprised.

  “We’re open seven days a week, and I do my turn at the weekend shifts. Only fair.” Angie seemed to realize she was still holding Shann’s hand and reluctantly released it. “How did you get here tonight? I mean, do you need a lift home?” She smiled. “It wouldn’t be out of my way.”

  Shann shook her head, disappointment and a hint of relief mingling inside her. “No. I came in my own car.”

  “Me, too. Oh well, guess I’ll just have to follow you home.” She grinned. “We live next door to each other,” she added for Gina’s benefit.

  “Pity,” Gina said, slanting a meaningful look at Shann.

  Shann gave a nervous cough, sure that Angie couldn’t have missed Gina’s obviousness.

  “You should have carpooled,” Gina finished innocently.

  “We should have,” Angie agreed lightly enough. “Maybe next time. Well, it was a great night. Nice to officially meet you, Gina. I’ll see you again.” She gave Shann a slow smile. “ ’Night, Shann.”

  Shann nodded, not sure she could trust her voice after that smile. She watched Angie as she walked away, the artificial lights picking up the highlights in her fair hair, the curve of her neck, that strip of tanned, bare skin at her waist, the swell of her buttocks encased in her jeans, the long, nicely shaped legs. Shann’s eyes returned to that expanse of smooth skin. Was that the faint hint of dimples above the top of her jeans? As she watched, Angie collected her jacket from the back of a chair, waved good-bye to her friends and headed out the door. Only then did Shann let out the breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

  “At the risk of repeating myself,” Gina said beside her. “Pity.”

  Shann met her dark eyes and looked away.

  “Shann, love. Don’t throw something special away because of an old memory. Old memories often have a habit of taking on a rosy hue they might never have had.”

  Shann grimaced and gave Gina a warm hug. “If you keep this up I’ll think you’re nothing but an old romantic.”

  “Heaven forbid.” Gina hugged her back. “I’ll see you again, soon I hope. I meant it when I said I wanted you to play for us again.”

  Shann nodded. “I’ll let you know how things go at home. Just let me know when you work out a schedule. And thanks, Gina.”

  After collecting her guitar Shann let herself out the back door. Jess had long since finished her shift. Shann turned out onto the main road and headed for home. The traffic seemed light for a Saturday night, and she was soon pulling to the curb in front of her house.

  Rhys’s car was in the driveway so at least he was home. She decided not to park behind him in cas
e he had to leave early. She lifted her guitar case out of the boot and gently closed the lid. As she beeped the central locking system she heard the electronic garage door sliding closed next door.

  In the glow from the street light she saw Angie walking across the front lawn. Angie paused as Shann crossed the footpath and walked through the open front gates.

  “Are you sneaking in the back way like I am?” Angie whispered.

  Shann laughed softly, suspecting her voice was a little high. “Yes. I don’t want to wake everyone up.”

  “Me neither. Although Ann and Mike are pretty heavy sleepers. None of us had trouble sneaking in and out when we were younger.”

  Shann wasn’t sure she wanted to think about that. She’d known Leigh often slipped out to meet friends. That was her explanation. To meet friends. But Shann knew it was to meet Evan Radford.

  They walked quietly down beside their respective houses, their way lit by the moon.

  “I only hope Ann’s locked that wretched dog in the house or he’s likely to slobber me to death.” Angie stopped. “This is where I used to jump the fence to listen to you playing the guitar.”

  Shann looked up to see her open bedroom window above them.

  Angie sprang lightly over the fence and landed beside Shann. “And that’s my grevillea bush.”

  “I never knew you were there.”

  There was a moment’s silence.

  “Leigh caught me once,” Angie said. “She called me a little pervert. I wasn’t sure how a girl could be a pervert, but it made me stop hopping the fence for a while.”

  “I wouldn’t have minded if you’d come inside,” Shann told her.

  “I wouldn’t have wanted to stop you working on your music. I loved it.”

  Shann put her guitar case down, held it by the top. “They were all full of teenage angst and forlorn lost love.”

  Angie laughed softly. “And your point is?”

  Shann chuckled. “I suppose the teen years are a pretty intense time in our lives.” More intense for some than others, Shann thought.