“He was a really great guy,” Jackson finally said. “If I couldn’t raise my own child, I’d have chosen him in a heartbeat.” He tried to push away his anger. “But I didn’t get a choice.”
“Mom didn’t—”
Jackson held up a hand. “I know. It’s my fault. I screwed up. I didn’t think I had any alternative but to leave. My father threw me out, told me I wasn’t his son anymore. He hated the sight of me.”
“He said that?” Ben’s tone held outrage.
“Yeah. But in fairness, I didn’t make things easy. I broke his heart because I didn’t want what he wanted for me. I couldn’t wait to grow up and leave Sweetgrass. Your mother and I never planned to stay here. Once she graduated, we didn’t intend to come back.”
“She told me you had a full ride at MIT.”
Jackson shrugged. “Yeah. Listen, you’re smart enough, and you won’t need a scholarship. Do you know what you want to do about college?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think…I mean, after Dad died, there wasn’t any money and…”
“There’s money now. You can go anywhere you want.”
“You said you weren’t going to bribe me with games and junk.”
“I’m not. Your college money will depend on your grades. You screw around and blow it, and you’ll be back here, working in the greenhouse.”
“Or coding for you?”
Jackson’s heart skipped. “Would you want to?”
“I’m good at it.”
“You are. But you still need to get out in the world, see what you really want.”
Ben grew silent. “Dad intended me to take over the ranch, but I’m not a Butler.”
Jackson’s gaze whipped to his. “Of course you are.”
“Just because his name is on my birth certificate—”
“No. Because he made you who you are. I didn’t get the chance, and it hurts like hell that I didn’t, but maybe you wouldn’t have turned out this great without him.”
Ben looked so uncertain. Jackson longed to embrace his son, but this balance was dicey already…
“You think I’m great?” Ben said in a small voice, his eyes open and vulnerable.
“Of course. Ben, I love you.” Jackson threw caution to the winds and gripped Ben’s shoulder. “Not because you’re my blood—okay, yes, I’m proud as hell that you’re mine—but because of who you are. Son, there is no limit to what you can do with your life, and I will be there every step of the way if you’ll let me.” Jackson squeezed the boy’s shoulder but forced himself to go slow.
He let go and exhaled. “But I am not going to force you into any life or try to impose any of my choices. I know what that feels like.” He looked straight into his son’s eyes. “I would be the proudest man on this earth for you to bear my name, but not if it makes you feel like you’re abandoning that very good man who raised you. And what you decide to call me is up to you. Maybe you should just call me Jackson for now, the way you did before we learned I’m your father.”
“That seems…disrespectful. I don’t know what to do,” Ben said after a moment.
Though a part of Jackson wanted his child to choose him, this was about Ben, not him. “I won’t lie and say I like it, but I can live with it for now. How about I promise you that I’ll speak frankly and you do the same? Take the time to think about all this until you do know.” He squeezed Ben’s shoulder again. “I want to marry your mother so badly I can’t think straight. I want us to be a family. I have this really primitive urge to lock this all down, set it in stone. But the fact that I’ve been alone a long time is not your problem. You know what I want more than any of that?”
“What?”
“I want you to be the one to decide how we move forward. My dad didn’t give me that choice. When I was just a little past your age, he told me it was his way or the highway. I’m not doing that to you. I want you to be at peace. If we’re all to have a future, I want you to be there with a whole heart.” He pointed to the headstone. “That man loved your mother long before I left. I knew it, but no way was I stepping aside because I knew deep in here—” He pointed a thumb at his chest “—that she and I belonged together. And we did. We do—but life isn’t often easy or simple. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes you don’t know what to do right that moment.”
“So what do you choose? How do you choose?”
“Sometimes you have to be patient, Ben. You have to dig deep and wait to hear what your heart is really saying. And you have to think about who you’re going to hurt.” He glanced back at the house. “I’m going to marry your mother, but maybe not as soon as I’d like. She’s torn up over this, and I’m not going to make it worse. She puts you children first, over the needs of her heart, and I’m pretty sure that’s what my mother did a lot of the time. Being a mom means your heart is always divided.” He found a smile. “I’m talking to you, man to man, Ben, and I’m telling you that I won’t say I like waiting, but dreams are worth waiting for. My dream is all of us as a family, but the right kind of family, one where everyone feels respected and cherished. So I am going to wait until you’re ready to come to this family with an open heart, until you no longer feel torn between David and me. And I promise you this: I will never expect you to forget that good man and what he meant to you. Not ever.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Da—” Ben halted. “Jackson.” He shook his head. “That sounds wrong now. I don’t know what to call you.”
“I guess Prince Daddy is out.” Given how badly he wanted this boy to claim him fully as his father, Jackson was surprised he could make a jest.
A quick grin from Ben.
“We’ll figure it out. This is hard. You miss him, and so does your mom. The girls have it a little easier because they were so young when he died, but they miss him, too. I do myself, but I’ve had longer to get used to not having him around.” Jackson straightened. “We will never forget him, and I want to help you find a way to feel that you honor his life and make peace with his passing as much as any of us can with someone so important to us.” He leveled a look filled with all the love he held for this boy. “Just please remember that when you want to talk, I want to listen. You’re not alone anymore, Ben. You don’t have to be the man of the house, though I’m grateful as hell for all you’ve done to take care of your mom and the girls. It’s okay to be a kid again.”
He could almost see the weight of the burdens slide from Ben’s shoulders. “I didn’t mind.”
“You probably did sometimes, but there’s no shame in that. Who wouldn’t? You’re supposed to be chasing girls and playing football.” He grinned. “And studying, of course.”
Ben looked up. “You’re really not mad?”
“I’m really not.”
Then Ben moved, and suddenly Jackson’s arms were full of boy.
He sighed in relief and held his son close. “We’ll figure this out, son.”
For a moment, he felt Ben’s shoulders shake, then too quickly, the boy stepped back. Swiped at his eyes. “I’d better talk to Mom.”
“Want me to?”
Vulnerable. “Would you?”
“Sure. But you might want to give her a hug.” Jackson turned. “Ready to go back, or you want to stay here a bit?”
Ben hesitated. “I might stay.”
“That’s fine. Just fine.” Jackson clasped his shoulder, then started down the rise alone.
“Pops?” Ben called out.
Jackson closed his eyes in gratitude. “Yes?”
“Is Pops okay? Would that work?”
He could be Pops. He could be whatever Ben needed him to be. “Pops is just fine.”
“Thanks. For understanding, I mean. For letting me think.”
Jackson looked back and met his son’s gaze. “I love you, Ben.”
Ben nodded. “Mom looks beautiful in that dress.”
“Yeah? Think she’ll let me see it?”
A quick grin. “What do you think?”
“Yeah,
” Jackson responded. “Not a chance.” He turned and headed down once more. Maybe he wouldn’t get the Christmas gift he really wanted, but that was small potatoes in the span of a life.
“Pops?”
“Yes?”
“I’m not sorry I’m your son. I’m proud of that.”
Jackson stopped in his tracks. Felt his eyes burn.
And sometimes you got the dream that was much more important.
“Thank you.” He cleared his throat. “We’ll call when supper’s ready.”
“Okay.”
Jackson entered the back door, looking around for Veronica.
“I’m sorry,” Veronica said to Penny before he made it to the kitchen. “I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you.”
Penny grabbed her arm before she could flee. “You can talk to me anytime you want. I want to help.”
“The only thing that will help, I fear, is time. And time is the one thing we don’t have, now that everybody’s involved.” Veronica summoned a smile. “It’ll work out somehow.”
“Want us to take the girls somewhere?”
Before she could answer, Jackson came to her, tucked her into his side. Kissed her softly, then faced his twin. “Hey, sis.”
“Hey.” The love between them was tangible. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
But he wasn’t, Veronica could tell. She was sure Penny could, too.
Fortunately, Penny didn’t push him. “How is Ben?” she asked instead.
“He’s okay.”
“Why isn’t he with you?” Veronica asked.
Jackson looked down at her. “He wanted to be with David for a while.”
She frowned. “Are you all right with that?”
He framed her face with his hands. “I’m not going to do to him what my dad did to me. I told him to take his time. To figure out what he wants. And what to call me.”
“But Christmas is—” She hesitated. Summoned her courage. “I don’t feel right about getting married with this unsettled.”
“I know.” Disappointment flared, but quickly he masked it. “I’m not pushing you into a wedding until you’re ready.”
“It’s not that—”
“It’s all right. I understand. And if he doesn’t want to change his name, I’m okay with that.”
She frowned. “You can’t mean that.”
“Is it what I want? No. But am I going to play rough with my child? No way.” His smile was tender. “I want to be okay with it, and I will. This has to be his choice.” He drew her in, and she absorbed once again the luxury of his strength. His honor. His commitment.
“But what happens about the wedding?”
For a second, his eyes held mischief. “Depends. Can I see the dress? Where did you get it?”
“No, you cannot see it.” Rissa entered the room. “You really want to risk jinxing this, after all the years you two have waited to be together?”
“Nope. Put that way, guess not.” He shifted his gaze to Veronica. “Ben said you looked beautiful in it.”
“He did?” Something inside her eased. “It’s your mother’s wedding gown.”
It wasn’t often one could surprise Jackson that much, but he looked gobsmacked. “Seriously?”
“Yes.”
“Where on earth—”
“It was in the attic. In pretty good condition. Jeanette says she’ll help us steam out the wrinkles. I didn’t see anything that needed mending, did you?” Penny asked the other two.
Veronica clung to Jackson’s side. “No, but I was a little emotional.”
He glanced down. “Do you really want to wear it? You know I’d buy you anything you want.”
“I really do,” she said. “I adored your mother.”
“And the dress looks like it was made for her,” Rissa pointed out.
“Penny? You didn’t want to wear it?”
“I already asked,” Veronica said.
“Jackson,” Penny said patiently. “Do you not remember how much shorter Mama was than either Rissa or me?”
“And it couldn’t be altered to fit you?”
Worry struck Veronica. “Do you not want me to wear it, Jackson?”
“What? No—of course I do if that’s what you—” He gripped her again. “I’d marry you if you were wearing rags, Vee. I don’t care what you wear. I just want you to be happy. I want to make your dreams come true.”
“You already have,” she answered honestly. Then glanced out the back. “If Ben would just be okay with this.”
“Us getting married isn’t the problem. It’s figuring out how to become a Gallagher when he always thought he was a Butler. And I don’t want to make him choose. He’s my son, whatever his name is.”
“But don’t you want—”
“Him bearing my name? Hell, yes. But am I going to box him in the way my dad did me? Absolutely not. David was my friend, and obviously he was one hell of a dad. I just hope I can be half as good.”
She smiled and laid her hand on his jaw. “You already are.” She rested her head against his heart for a minute, and he gathered her close. Even with his sisters watching, she didn’t feel self-conscious, really.
They were becoming a family.
Finally, she stepped back. “Well, I need to get supper going. Would you two like to join us?” she asked Rissa and Penny.
“Thanks,” Penny said, “But I want to see Bridger.”
“Invite him, too, and Mackey.” She glanced at Jackson. “And your dad?”
Jackson didn’t even hesitate. “Sure. Do we have enough?” He halted. “But wouldn’t you rather have the evening for privacy with Ben?”
“My son—our son—does not make hasty decisions, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
Jackson grimaced. “Unlike his father.”
She rose to her toes and kissed his cheek. “Some of your hasty decisions have been wonderful.” They shared a moment filled with memories, some of them very sweet.
“Ben and I will talk when he’s ready,” she said and turned back to the women who had so generously given her a treasure. “Please? We’d love to have you. Eric is included, of course.”
Rissa spread her hands. “I’ll call Mackey.”
“Call Bridger, too, okay?” Penny asked. “I’ll help Veronica. You—” She pointed at her sister. “Don’t even think about touching the food.”
Rissa made a rude gesture, grinning the whole time.
The laughter was a welcome balm, washing away the clouds of emotion that had sent them on a roller coaster ride.
Chapter Seven
Cookie Day dawned bright and early. Ruby and her crew served a buffet breakfast at the diner while Scarlett oversaw the initial setup at the courthouse kitchen.
In between being ordered to sit down by every last person present.
“I love this place, but you all drive me completely nuts,” she complained, popping up and down like some demented jack in the box.
“One cookie recipe, I remind you,” Penny said, holding up an imperious finger. “One. You can count, right?”
“They only taught about butter and crap in Paris, Sissy,” Rissa snickered. “City Girl doesn’t do numbers.”
Scarlett glared at her. Ian grinned and nodded his thanks. Rissa snickered. “You’ll get your turn. For right now, sit down or we’ll send you home.”
“It’s Cookie Day,” Scarlett pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m a Gallagher, just like you.”
“We’re all Gallaghers today, Cousin Scarlett,” chimed Eric. “But in school they tell us it’s important to be polite and wait our turn. Right, Mom?”
Rissa grinned proudly and gave her son a thumbs-up.
Mackey clapped him on the shoulder. “Good one, son.”
The door opened, and in trooped Jackson, Veronica and the girls.
“Good morning. Where’s Ben?” Penny asked.
“Outside with Bridger,” Jackson responded, “Learning Barbecue 101. They’re practici
ng for the Community Christmas.”
“I was thinking cookies for lunch,” Scarlett protested.
“You have a baby to grow. Can’t do that on cookies,” Ian reminded her.
“I know that. I ate.”
“Not enough.” He crouched before her, clearly worried. “Anything I can bring you to help out?”
“Coffee,” she whimpered.
“So sorry. Seriously. I’ll get you some decaf.”
“Not the same…” She sighed dramatically. “Thank you,” she said to him, stroking his face. “For putting up with me, taking care of me. Not strangling me in my sleep.”
Ian rose on his knees and pulled her toward him. “No problem. It’s this love thing. Can’t help myself.”
She dropped her head to his shoulder and whimpered. “I want this baby so much, but dang…”
Ian’s face split in a wide grin. He winked over her shoulder at Rissa. “She said dang. She’s a real Texan now. I won’t have to teach our baby two languages.”
As the group chuckled, he gathered her in and rocked side to side. She burrowed closer. “Sure you’re okay being here? I could take you home. Put you back to bed.”
“Will you come with me?” she spoke into his neck. And wriggled against his body.
His eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline. “Well, now.” A grin as wide as the horizon. “Penny, I think I’d better—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…it’s Cookie Day. You can do that anytime.”
Half the heads in the room whipped in her direction.
Bridger had just walked in, and faces turned in his direction. “What?” he asked.
“Dude, this is not a good sign. Your woman thinks there’s something more important than s—oof!” Mackey took an elbow in the belly from Rissa. She pointed to the kids in the room.
“Than what, Uncle Mackey?” asked Abby.
“Than, uh…”
“Than sarsaparilla. Or sopapillas, maybe,” contributed Arnie. “I’m old, so I don’t hear real well. What kind of cookies are you making, Miss Abby?”
The kids switched gears on a dime as they took turns calling out the cookie recipe they intended to make.
It was going to be a long day, Penny thought.
A deep voice spoke behind her as a kiss landed on her nape. “Did I do such a poor job this morning you’ve forgotten already?”
Texas Christmas Bride: The Gallaghers of Sweetgrass Springs Book 6 Page 9