by Q. B. Tyler
“I get that. I get everything you’re saying. I’m not arguing with you. I’m only saying that it’s different now. Everything is different.”
* * *
The vibrations of my phone reluctantly pull me out of my sleep. I could easily sleep longer after the long night I had, but when I see the two missed calls from Micah, I figure it’s time to call him back.
But seriously? I told him I’d call him back today. And it’s barely eleven a.m.
I press my phone to my ear as I sit up in bed and rub the rest of the sleep from my eyes. “Stassia.” His voice sounds irritated and instantly I’m on the defensive. The last time we spoke on the phone wasn’t exactly pleasant and I worry this will be more of the same.
“What’s with the calls? I said I would call you back today.”
“Right, sorry. I guess I just got worried. You were out late last night and I was worried about you getting home safely.”
“I’m eighteen, Micah, and again, you’re a few years too late on the parenting thing.” He lets out a sigh and I roll my eyes, already over this conversation. “I literally just woke up, you’re new to me and all, so let me give you a quick crash course, I’m not a morning person. And I definitely don’t do well with people’s attitudes in the morning.”
“I don’t have an attitude. I was worried.”
“And I’m telling you, you don’t have to be. I’m good.”
He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and I briefly wonder if he hung up or the call dropped. I pull the phone away from my ear and see it’s still connected. “Hello?”
“I just…I’m not the bad guy here, Stassi.”
“Maybe you’re not, but I wouldn’t necessarily call you the good guy either.”
“There are things…” he starts. “Would you be willing to meet me for lunch today? I’d like to talk to you in person.” I scrunch my nose. Lunch is a commitment and I’m not sure I’m ready for a sit-down meal with him, especially after this conversation.
“How about coffee?”
“I can do that. How about around one?”
“Okay, yeah.” I run a hand through my waves that have gotten even bigger during the night. “Send me the address of where I should meet you.”
“Done,” he says just as my phone vibrates. “Stassi, I’d like the chance to talk to you alone. So please just…don’t bring your stepdad.” Oh, here we go.
I roll my eyes at his bone to pick with Dominic. “Fine, whatever.”
“I’m serious, Stassi. I don’t trust him and I know you do, but…I think your judgment is a little clouded with everything you’ve been through this year.”
“Okay, if this coffee shit is just an excuse to ambush me about this weird jealousy thing you have with Dominic, then I don’t want to come,” I snap.
“It’s not. I promise. I just want to talk to you about something.”
“Fine.” I fling my covers off of me and make my way to my mirror to see the state of my face. I don’t remember taking my makeup off and sure enough, I see the ring around my mouth from sucking Dominic’s dick for probably an hour and then not taking the bright red lipstick off. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Goodbye, Stassia.”
I’m surprised I haven’t heard from Dominic because I hear the television downstairs. I peek my head in his room and see he isn’t there. I decide to hop in the shower, knowing I have to wash my hair. I also want to shave my legs and everywhere else as well just in case I pay Dominic a late night visit tonight. I’m turning off the water and reaching for the towel when I feel it pulled from my hands. I slide the shower curtain back, having a pretty good idea who is in the bathroom with me and I’m met with hooded blue eyes and that crooked grin I’ve come to love so much. I’m still dripping wet, having not had a chance to towel off and I love the look of appreciation and lust that flashes through his eyes as he drinks me in. He takes a few steps towards me and pulls me into his arms before he plants a deep kiss on my lips. His hand snakes down my body and between my legs where he rubs at the slick flesh there and I whimper in his arms. “Morning, beautiful.”
“Hi.” I realize I’m getting him soaked but he doesn’t seem to care as he wraps his arms around me and grabs my ass palming it hard. “I’m surprised I didn’t hear from you this morning. Did you even make me breakfast?” I raise an eyebrow at him as he finally hands me my towel and helps me step out of the bathtub. I wrap the towel around myself as he leans against the door watching me dry the water from my skin.
“I could watch you do this all day,” he tells me, “but to answer your question, I haven’t really had a chance to make anything.” I frown, having grown to expect a full spread in the morning. “There’s a reason for that.” He winces. “Don’t freak out.”
I furrow my brows and then widen my eyes realizing that Dominic is in the bathroom with me while his brother very well may be in the house. “Oh my God, he knows?” I whisper as I point towards the door.
He nods. “It’s my fault baby. I was so fucking reckless. He heard us last night.”
“Oh my God.” My stomach turns and tears well in my eyes in humiliation. “He heard…me?” I swallow hard as I try to stomach this news. I can’t imagine anyone but Dominic hearing me say the things I say during sex. Oh my God, I called him Daddy.
“He didn’t stick around to listen or anything and I doubt he heard us talking because we were quiet, he just heard us…you know.” He sighs. “The bed, and your moans, my grunting, our bodies moving together.”
I put a hand over my eyes. “Is he freaked out? Does he think we are sick?”
“He doesn’t think anything about you, Stassi. He blames me for letting it get this far.”
I feel myself getting anxious and panic rising inside me. “Did you tell him it was my idea? That I came onto you? Propositioned you in Charleston?”
“I told him it was both of us. We both wanted it.”
“I’m not going to be able to face him.” I shake my head and wrap my arms around myself, suddenly freezing despite the warm temperature of the bathroom. “Dominic…”
“Hey, look at me,” he tells me and I meet his gaze. “How are you going to face your grandparents if you can’t face my brother? He is probably the least of our worries.”
“I don’t know…Did he know about last night? In the car?”
“Well, he figured it out now. But no, at the time he said he didn’t know. He did say he had a hunch by the way I was behaving all night in regards to you. He said I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you and any time you moved it’s like I was hyper aware of it.”
I hadn’t noticed that. Was it that obvious?
“He thinks it’s going to be a hard road for us should we choose to go down it, but he knows I don’t take anything lightly. If I’m in, I’m in.”
I feel myself getting short of breath at his words. I remember my comment last night about how I’d never not want him and I remember thinking I’d scared him off. Now I’m coming to the realization that I definitely did not.
“You’re…in?”
He takes a step closer, raising my chin and pressing a short kiss at the corner of my mouth. “When Seth leaves, we’ll talk all of this out. But…to answer your question, yeah. I’m in.”
I am on cloud nine upon hearing Dominic’s words. My heart feels like it could burst hearing that he is beginning to feel the same things I do. It makes me feel like I’m not so alone. It feels good that I have someone that understands how my feelings came with guilt and a bit of self-hatred for feeling as if I betrayed the one person who loved me more than anyone.
I had dropped the towel and lunged for him the second he said it. He’d chuckled and sat me down, telling me that if I rubbed my naked body against him one more time, I wouldn’t be leaving the bathroom without an orgasm. I warned him not to threaten me with a good time, but I knew Seth was awake and God knew where in the house, and I’d proven I was not quiet when I came.
Amidst all of this, I had
n’t exactly mentioned that I was meeting Micah. I hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment by bringing it up and now I’m standing in my room, completely dressed, wondering if I should tell him the truth about where I’m going or make something up. I decide to go with the truth. If things were truly changing between him and me, then Dominic needed to trust me and my decisions. I don’t want to be parented by him, even if that might feel like his natural reaction.
I make my way down the stairs and spot Dominic reading the newspaper on the couch.
“Where’s Seth?”
“Asleep.” He chuckles. “Going somewhere? You look very beautiful as always.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into his lap.
“Yes. I’d kind of like to talk to you about that.”
“Oh?”
“Mmhmm. I’m glad you said we would talk about everything when Seth leaves on Monday but we might have to have one conversation earlier.”
“Okay?” he says as if to say out with it.
“Micah asked if I could meet him for coffee.” He tenses beneath me and I turn in his arms, wrapping them around his neck. “You have to relax, baby. It’s coffee.”
I note that his jaw tightens. “I don’t trust him.”
I reach up to stroke his jaw and I feel it loosening under my palm. “He feels the same about you, and both of you have to stop. I feel like I’m a toy you’re fighting over. Or maybe you both feel some way about both being with my mother, which is just so weird for me to even think about. I don’t know, I don’t care. Just stop.”
“He has issues with me, Stassia. The issue I have with him is that he wasn’t there for you or your mother. His issues stem from some jealous bullshit that I’m the father you needed because he couldn’t or wouldn’t or whatever the fuck.” He starts to move me but I hold firm and turn to straddle his lap.
“Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“You mean a million times more to me than he ever could. Even if you weren’t…” I start. “Weren’t my…” I’m not really sure what word to use here. Boyfriend? Lover?
“Man?” he smirks.
I smile back and press my lips to his, sliding my tongue between his lips once.
“Do you want me to come with you?” he asks as he strokes my cheek and tucks a hair behind my ear.
I raise an eyebrow at him and he raises his arms in surrender. “Okay, okay. I won’t, but you’ll let me know you made it safely? And when you leave? I will track you down if you don’t check in.”
“Dominic…” For the moment, I ignore the flutter in my chest over his protectiveness because I really want him to trust my judgment.
“What, Stassi? Maybe eventually I’ll come around to him. But right now, I don’t trust him.”
“I’m not saying I totally do either. But he’s been asking to meet up and I’ve been blowing him off for months. I don’t want to be in this weird in between with my birth father. I need to know if I can see myself having a relationship with him and I can’t know that unless I have a conversation with him, at least once.” He doesn’t say anything, he just pouts. Yes pouts, and it’s actually the cutest thing. “If you care about me as much as you say you do, you’ll support my need to do this. To know this part of me that I’ve never known before.”
He looks at me and shakes his head. “That’s not fair to say that. You know I care.”
“I know you do too, which is why you’re going to relax and let me navigate this. I’ll ask for your advice and I’ll always respect your thoughts but you need to understand mine.”
“So wise for such a young girl.” He taps my nose and I rub it against his.
“A pretty wise man taught me a lot when I was growing up. I’ll have to tell you about him sometime.” I wink before hopping off his lap.
Micah is already sitting at a table inside the small coffee shop when I get there. He nods when he sees me, and I’m disappointed that he doesn’t even get up or attempt to offer to buy my coffee. Wouldn’t a five dollar drink be the least he could do? But to be honest, I’m glad to have a moment of peace before I sit down. I grab my latte and cross the room to sit across from him. I instantly wonder what is causing this scowl on his face. “Stassia.” He nods.
He’s dressed in a suit without a tie and his brown hair is slicked back.
“Micah.” I nod back.
“You look very nice. That color suits you,” he tells me and I look down at the yellow long dress I’m wearing that flows with me when I walk, giving the illusion that I’m gliding.
“Thank you.” I smile and take a small sip of my drink.
“So, I’m going to cut to the chase. I…I’m not sure what exactly your plans are for college, but I’d like to help in any way I can.”
I look to the side and then back to him. “What?”
“Like tuition, your housing. What can I do? Are you living on campus because I was thinking if you want, I could get you an apartment?” Wait what? “I own a lot of complexes in the city and one just opened by your school. One bedroom or two bedrooms if you’d like a roommate. You wouldn’t have to pay for anything at all.”
Wow. This is a lot. I did take out one small loan, mostly because neither my mom or Dominic wanted me to have a job while I’m in school and in case I need extra money, but they have most of the big stuff covered.
“That’s really nice of you, Micah, but…I’m fine with staying on campus. I already have a roommate and she’s super nice.” A flare of discomfort sneaks up my spine and I find myself sitting up straighter. Is he trying to buy my love or something?
“She can stay with you. I’m sure her parents will be thrilled to not have to pay,” he says and now the red flags start flying up everywhere.
“Micah, that’s insane. You don’t even know her. Hell, I don’t even know her that well.”
“We’d draw up a contract if that makes her and her parents more comfortable. So, they know I wouldn’t just arbitrarily change the terms and kick their daughter out.”
“Okay…” I trail off.
“And you wouldn’t have to leave, ever, like you would if you lived in the dorms. You could stay there for summers and holidays, and it gives you some freedom and privacy.”
My God, could he be any more obvious? Again, is this about Dominic? “Oh…I mean Dominic doesn’t really bother me. I don’t mind staying with him.”
“Hmmm.” He leans back and rubs his face. “It’s not weird? Living with your mother’s husband?”
My mouth goes dry hearing him call Dominic that. I close my eyes and let them open after a moment. “It’s not.”
He looks me over and for a second I wonder if he could see the truth written all over my face. I wonder if he can sense the discomfort over this conversation. “I think you need some space to grow and flourish.”
I resist the urge to snort and call bullshit. Where was this interest in me growing and flourishing years ago? “And I can’t do that in the dorm I’ve already signed up for?”
“Kids your age would kill for their own apartment,” he retorts and I’m growing restless with this back and forth. My foot begins to bounce anxiously and I feel my heart begin to race. My hands find my lap and I dig my nails into my palms to try and calm the anxiety snaking down my spine.
“I’m sure they would and I think it’s great you want to help, but I just can’t help but think there are strings attached to this. I am getting this feeling like living in your apartment building and letting you pay for it…gives you control over my life and I don’t want that.” I know my words are harsh, especially if there aren’t ulterior motives, but I am sure there is something I’m missing. I’m even surer that his intentions aren’t totally innocent.
I can see a look of anger flash over his features. “Stassi, I’m trying to help and you’re fighting me.”
“You’re not trying to help; you’re trying to control me,” I reply instantly.
His brows furrow and he lowers his head to look at me from over the tops of his glasses. “By
giving you an apartment?” The condescension drips from his voice and I so badly want to comment on it, but I’d just rather end this conversation altogether.
“One you own,” I add. I feel like we’re going in circles at this point. Can you just let it the fuck go?
“So, you’re saying no.”
“I’m saying I already have my living arrangements in place. I really appreciate the offer, but I don’t need that.”
He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair as fiddles with his cufflinks. “I can see you’re just as difficult as your mother.”
Fuck. You. I bite my tongue to prevent myself from blurting those words out. “You’d know if you were around,” I snap.
“Are we ever going to get past that?”
“I don’t know, Micah. I’ve known you existed for about two months. I’m sorry that you coming to my graduation and bringing me flowers doesn’t erase eighteen years of your absence. You’re asking for me to just welcome you with open arms. Why, because maybe you’re not a total deadbeat? Because my mother asked you to stay away? Why didn’t you fight for me? For a relationship with me? Because you didn’t care enough. I was a burden you were happy you didn’t have to deal with—”
“That’s not true, Stassia,” he interrupts and I hold my hand up.
“It is true. You could have looked for me when you supposedly got out of the life. You said my mom asked you to stay away; why didn’t you fight her on that? Why didn’t you demand to meet me? To see me? I wanted to know you. I asked about you all the time.” Tears spring to my eyes but I swallow them down because the last thing I want to do is get myself worked up over this. He doesn’t respond, he just looks away from me and shakes his head.
“When I heard your mother died, I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know that I haven’t been there for you in the past, but I was worried about you. I’ve been worried about you your whole life. I admit that I could have done everything differently, but I can’t change the past. I’m trying to do better for the future but it seems you’re not even giving me a chance to make it right.”