He stood and smiled. “Hey, darlin’. Sleep well?”
She looked up—way up—at him. “How tall are you?”
Conner laughed. “Six foot four. Why?”
“I think this is the first time I’ve truly noticed your height. You’re huge.” When he started to smirk, she slapped his arm. “Keep your mind out of the gutter. So, can I have some coffee?”
“Sure, I made a whole pot. Jessica’s a bear without her coffee.” Moving away from her, he took a mug down from a high cupboard and filled it.
After adding cream and sugar she sat down at the table, regarding him after he folded himself back into the seat opposite her. “You’ve been so great to me since I got here, and I want you to know how much I appreciate that. You and Jessica both.” Reaching over, she squeezed his hand.
Conner gave her a warm smile as he squeezed her hand back. Then his smile turned evil. “Better not let Brady see you touching me. I know how I react when other people touch Jess.” Pulling his hand out of hers, he playfully tapped her nose.
“Why?”
“Let’s just say guys tend to be jealous types.”
“Is that so?”
Conner tilted his head as he regarded her. “Does that bother you?”
“No…” Leah began. “I’m just surprised he’s feeling possessive. I mean, he wasn’t happy when I was talking to Marco, but he hasn’t seemed to be bothered when other guys talk to me.” Conner barked out a laugh and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Besides, Brady hasn’t said anything about wanting to see me after I leave. I guess I assumed this was just a fleeting thing for him.”
“Yeah, about that…”
Further comment from Conner was impossible as Brady stepped out of the bedroom. His gaze shifted from her to Conner and back to her. “Mornin’.” Stepping to the stove, he poured a cup of coffee for himself and motioned for her to move over. Resting his arm on the back of the seat, he said, “What’d I miss?”
“Nothing,” Leah lied. “We were just talking about how my time on the tour is almost up.”
A muscle ticked in Brady’s jaw, but he remained otherwise expressionless. Leah glanced at Conner, who was hiding a smile behind his cup. Did he know something she didn’t? Taking another swallow of the strong brew, she said, “I should go soon. Aaron Jackson wants to see me this morning.”
“So you’ll meet us in the riders’ area when you’re done?” Brady asked her.
“That sounds good.”
Once outside a little while later, she bit her lip. Wasn’t it a good thing if he didn’t pursue her after the promo tour was over? What did she really have to offer Brady? Money? Nope, he didn’t need it—he had plenty of his own. Great sex? Sure, but he could find that elsewhere for a lot less hassle. Love? Maybe, but what if he didn’t want it? What if he didn’t love her back? And even if he did, she wasn’t sure how to go about having a real relationship. Their lives were so different. How could they ever make a go of it when both of them were traveling and concentrating on their careers? No matter how many times she tried to tell herself it was for the best, though, another little piece of her heart sliced off and left her bleeding.
Much as it pained her, killed her, really, it was better to go their separate ways. There were too many obstacles to overcome. And if she messed up a guy as great as Brady because she didn’t know how to love someone, she’d never forgive herself. But how could she make him understand? Sighing, she began the short trek to the arena.
After her meeting with Aaron, where he thanked her for her time and said he thought the tour had been a success, she spent the rest of the day mingling amongst the fans, signing autographs, taking pictures and answering questions. She didn’t stop until it was time for Conner and Brady to ride, then she finally made her way down to the chutes to watch with Jessica. Both men stayed on their bulls and received scores that put them in the top five finishers. As they left the arena, Brady was unusually quiet.
Her patience snapped and she asked, “Is something wrong?”
Turning toward her, he raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because you’re acting all quiet and weird.”
“Look, let’s just go get something to eat. We can talk there.”
Frustrated, she nodded. Once they were seated in a diner and had ordered, though, she pushed him. “Brady, tell me what’s going on.” She realized how angry she sounded, but she refused to wonder why.
He looked up, the surprise at her tone evident on his face. “So you’re leaving tomorrow?”
“Yes, but you know all this, Brady. What’s wrong? And don’t tell me nothing.”
“I don’t wanna let you go,” he blurted, then swore to himself, rubbing the back of his neck before raising his gaze to her.
“What?”
He looked annoyed. Whether at himself or her, she wasn’t sure, but she intended to find out. “You heard me.” He stopped and then started again. “I mean, obviously I’m not gonna stop you from leaving, but I have no intention of that being the last time we see each other.”
“Brady…” Leah pinched the bridge of her nose, willing the tears welling up to stay inside. We live too far away. We both travel. Our lives are so different.” They were weak excuses, but how could she tell him she was convinced she’d destroy him sooner or later? Brady shook his head and took her hand in his, kissing her palm.
“I think we have something good, and I refuse to let you walk away from it. Why can’t we just try?”
“I-I can’t. I need to concentrate on my skating.”
Brady made a noise. “How many more lame excuses are you gonna give me?”
“They’re not lame,” she whispered, unbidden panic rising. Why couldn’t he let this go? The more he argued, the harder it was for her. She wanted nothing more than to say yes, but letting Brady hand her his heart was wrong. There was no way it would work and Leah couldn’t do that to him.
“Yes, they are lame, and you know it. Why are you pushing me away?” Brady’s voice was angry and heated, his eyes flashing as his gaze bore into her.
“I just can’t do it, Brady. You’re going places. You’re at the height of your career. Even if you think differently now, you don’t want to be saddled with an albatross like me.” Leah briefly closed her eyes, willing her heart to stop breaking. If she gave in now…
Pulling her hand away with a swift jerk, she rose. His mouth fell open in shock. “Where are you going?”
“I should go. I have to go. It’s better this way. You’ll see.” Turning, she ran out of the diner. She heard Brady cursing behind her, but she took off running toward the hotel a block away.
“Leah, dammit, wait!”
She kept running, tears streaming out of the corners of her eyes. Now that she’d left him she couldn’t stop. She knew this was crazy, especially given the potential to reinjure her ankle by running in cowboy boots, but kept going anyway. Chancing a glance backward she saw Brady had stopped. As she looked back again she saw him running back in the other direction, presumably toward his truck. Reaching the hotel, she threw open the front door and made for the elevator, ducking her face from curious stares.
Once she reached her room, she immediately began to throw things into her suitcase, calling James on her cell phone at the same time.
He answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
“James?”
“Leah, is that you? Are you all right?”
“I need a flight. Tonight.”
“Leah, what’s going on? Are you hurt?”
Leah chuckled through her tears. “Not physically.”
“What did he do to you?” She’d never heard that deadly tone from James, and it pulled her up short.
“He didn’t do anything. I did. I did it all. Oh God, I messed things up this time. James, please, get me out of here.”
“All right. Calm down. I’ll call the airlines and let you know what I could get.”
A knock sounded at the door and Leah swore. “I’ve got to g
o. That’s probably Brady.”
Her assumption was proven correct when he banged on the door again, bellowing, “Leah, fucking-a. Open the damn door!”
James said, “Leah, promise me you’re not in danger. Swear it.”
“I’m not. He would never hurt me, despite what I just did to him. Find me a flight, please.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I can.” James hung up and Leah heard pounding again.
“Dammit! Leah!”
Shuffling to the door, she leaned her cheek against it. “Go away, Brady.”
“Open the fucking door!”
“I’m leaving tonight. It’s over.”
“It’s not over.” Wincing, she heard him release a stream of profanities. His voice gentled. “Leah, talk to me. Why are you doing this?”
“It’s for your own good. You’ll see that someday. I’m sorry.” She paused for a second, but he didn’t say anything so she continued. “I’m not going to open the door. James is getting me a flight and I’m leaving. Go home, Brady.”
“Please,” Brady begged. “Don’t do this, Leah.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “Brady, you deserve someone so much better than me.” Her voice cracked and she willed herself to say, “Go home.” She looked out the peephole to see if he was leaving, but reared back when he punched the door. Feeling bile rise in her throat, she looked out again.
“Fuck!” Turning away from her, he shook his hand. “I just broke my fucking hand! Dammit!”
A door opened across the hall and a woman looked out. “Young man, if you don’t stop screaming and swearing I’m going to call security.”
“Yeah, you do that,” he sneered at her. Turning back toward her door, he said, “Fine, Leah. I can’t make you open the door.” He leaned his uninjured hand on the wall next to the door, his head dropping. When he finally looked up she saw so much raw pain in his eyes it took her breath away. Did he really love her? Was she making a terrible mistake?
She’d almost made the decision to open the door when he pushed away from the wall and stalked away, shaking his hand and swearing. Slumping against the door, she closed her eyes as the tears started fresh. Why did it have to hurt so much? Why couldn’t she just give in? What was wrong with her that when the chance to maybe be happy came along she pushed it away? Right now she wanted to damn her parents to hell and back. Swiping at another tear, she forced herself to finish packing.
James called a short while later. “I’ve got you on a flight out at six a.m. That’s the best I could do.”
Leah sighed. “All right. Thanks, James.” At least it was almost twelve hours earlier than the other flight she’d been scheduled to take.
“Take care of yourself. I’ll pick you up from the airport and then you’re going to tell me what’s going on. I will not leave this alone. I’ve never known you to be this upset in all the years we’ve been together.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve never been in love.” Saying the word left a bitter taste in her mouth.
“Love?”
She could tell he was gearing up to discuss it now and she nipped that in the bud. “I’m tired, James. I can’t deal with this right now. I’ll fall apart. We’ll talk tomorrow. I promise.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
A ghost of a smile formed on her lips. “I’d expect nothing less.”
Once her packing was finally completed she dropped into bed, tossing and turning until her alarm went off at three-thirty the next morning.
After boarding the plane, she placed her hand on the window, looking out blindly. Whispering, she said, “Goodbye, Brady. I love you. I always will. Please try to understand. I just hope you can forgive me someday, because I’ll never forgive myself.”
Chapter Twelve
Brady woke up at the crack of dawn, his eyes crusty and sore. He’d never cried over a woman before, but last night he had. Thankfully, Conner and Jessica had decided to go out and hadn’t gotten home until late.
He rose, dressing quickly. Tiptoeing past his sleeping friends, he left the trailer and headed for a different diner than the one where he and Leah had been last night. He couldn’t even bear to look at that place. Seating himself in a booth, he ordered coffee. She was probably already gone. How had everything gotten so fucked-up?
After going through four cups of coffee, he was practically vibrating, but his mood hadn’t improved one bit. His cell phone rang and he grabbed it, looking at the caller ID. Sighing, he answered the phone.
“Where are ya, bud?”
“At a diner.”
“Which one? Do you mind if we come meet you guys? I’m starving.”
“Feel free, but Leah isn’t here. She’s gone.”
“Whaddya mean, she’s gone? Wasn’t she supposed to stay until tonight?”
“She was supposed to, yes, but she’s gone. Forever.” His voice cracked and he pulled his hat even lower over his eyes, damning himself for his weakness.
“Shit. Where are you?”
“The Odyssey.”
“Is that walking distance?”
“Yeah, it’s about three blocks down to your left.”
“Be there in twenty. Don’t you fucking move.”
Brady chuckled without humor. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”
He went back to sipping his coffee. His hand was bruised and swollen and he was pretty sure he’d broken it. If he was smart he’d go to the emergency room and have them x-ray it, but he just couldn’t summon up enough energy to bother. He had to ride tomorrow night too. At least he’d punched her door with his free hand, not his roping hand.
Conner and Jessica rushed in a short time later, spotting Brady and striding to the booth. Sliding in across from him, Conner said, “You look like shit.” He squinted at Brady’s hand. “What the fuck happened to you?”
“I punched the door of Leah’s hotel room.” Flexing it again, he winced as sharp pain shot straight up his arm.
“Oh my God, Brady. What were you thinking?” Jessica cried.
“Dude, it looks broken,” Conner observed. “Did you have it x-rayed somewhere?”
“No. I’ll have someone look at it at the next event. Besides, that’s the least of my problems.”
The waitress came over. After filling a cup for Conner and Jess and refilling his coffee, she left and Conner turned back to Brady. “What happened?”
“She doesn’t want to see me anymore.” His voice sounded flat and dead even to his own ears.
Conner’s eyes narrowed. “Come again?”
“She said it was better this way, that our lives were too different.”
“So you just let her go?” Jessica asked.
He growled. “I punched her damn door trying to get her to open it. What more did you want me to do?”
“Okay, calm down, bud. Don’t yell at Jessica. She’s just trying to help.”
Brady ran his good hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, hon. I don’t even know what way is up, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. Anyway, she’s gone, so I guess that’s it.”
“You’re not gonna go after her?”
“She sounded pretty positive last night. I told her I wanted to continue seeing her and she turned me down flat.”
“Did you tell her you love her?”
Brady made a dismissive noise.
“You didn’t, did you?”
“Why would I? She made her own feelings pretty clear and I didn’t want to look like an even bigger fool than I already did.”
Conner shook his head. “Both of you are too fucking stubborn for your own good. She loves you. She’s just afraid.”
“Didn’t sound like it,” Brady mumbled.
“Screw what it sounded like. Go after her, Brady,” Jessica urged.
“No way. I’m not putting myself out there again. If she wants me she’ll have to come to me.” He clenched his jaw so hard his teeth clicked.
Conner shook his head, his mouth set in a hard line. “Fine. Be
an ass, then. Let’s go get that hand looked at.” Conner and Jessica stood and Brady followed, throwing a couple of bills on the table.
Sure enough, there was a hairline fracture in his hand in the bone that led into his middle finger. How appropriate given the way she’d verbally flipped him off last night. He let them wrap it in an Ace bandage so he could still ride and got ready to drive to the next event.
Not surprisingly, he got bucked off right quick, landing hard on his shoulder as he tried to protect his hand. Now he could add a badly bruised shoulder to his list of ailments, along with the broken hand and heart he was already sporting. He made Conner and Jess take him to a bar where he drank himself into oblivion.
Finally Conner dragged him out of there and they went back to the trailer, where Brady spent the night heaving up the contents of his stomach. He fell asleep on the floor outside the bathroom, waking up with a wicked headache and a mouth that felt as if it was stuffed full of cotton. Unfortunately, they had to ride again, and he got bucked again. They left right after for the next stop in St. Louis. Conner drove while Brady leaned against the door and hoped for death. Thankfully his two friends left him alone.
St. Louis didn’t go any better than Arlington—Brady got bucked twice and finished out of the money again. His ranking dropped to number two as Randy took over the points lead. To top it all off, both his shoulder and his hand throbbed constantly, but he welcomed the pain. At least he knew he was still alive and it gave him something to focus on besides the mile-wide hole in his chest.
* * * * *
Back in Stamford, Leah poured whatever energy she could muster into her skating. She was set to debut both a new short and long program this season with some added technical elements to try to keep up with the younger skaters, and though her ankle had healed, it still wasn’t as strong as she’d like.
She’d done an exhibition two nights ago, and despite having only done a watered-down version of her long program she’d still fallen on her triple Lutz and bobbled the landing of the second jump in her last combination. Her attention was shaken because she knew the event was being televised and couldn’t stop thinking about how Brady might be watching. It was a foolish idea since he hadn’t even called her, but it had been enough to rattle her. Whereas in the past she’d been able to slip on her “Ice Queen” persona and go out there and skate no matter what circumstances she was facing, it seemed she couldn’t count on that anymore. Brady had opened her up in more ways than one.
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