Keeping Secrets

by Lisa Eugene

  She laughed again, waggled her brows.

  “You’re more than welcome to join me, though,” I said, standing. Her gaze meandered over my body again, lingering on my thick morning wood. She seemed a little less embarrassed this time. I stood facing her. If she kept looking at me like I was breakfast, I’d have to drag her into the shower, condom or not.

  “I-I have some studying to do. I’ll start until the food gets here.”

  “I’ll let you use me as a study prop,” I offered jovially. “You can examine me all you want.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” She giggled. “You definitely put Poor Peetie to shame.”

  “I’d certainly hope so. Poor Peetie has no wee-wee,” I pointed out before slipping into the bathroom.

  A half hour later, our breakfast feast came, although it was more of a lunch feast. It was almost noon. Alexa and I sat on the couch and ate while I quizzed and prepped her for an upcoming exam. I was a devil, feeding her pancakes with extra syrup just so I could watch it run down her chin and then have the pleasure of licking it off.

  Stuffed, I leaned back against the cushions and continued my questions on juvenile diabetes. Alexa became more and more distracted, losing focus, answering questions incorrectly that she’d previously gotten right. She fidgeted with her clothes, and at one point, kept nervously knocking a pencil against the coffee table. About fifteen minutes later, she stood and stretched.

  “I’m going to hit the shower,” she announced.

  I sat upright. “Shower?”

  “Yeah, now it’s my turn.”

  “Didn’t you take one earlier?” I remembered her comment about washing her hair.

  “No.”

  “Oh.” I was pretty sure of what she’d said. Why would she lie?

  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, then sent me a smile that didn’t light up her face. My gaze landed on her hands, to the slight tremor in her fingers.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes, silly. I won’t be long. We can keep studying after I come out. Besides, I need a break.” She leaned over and kissed my lips. I had a sudden urge to grab her and hold on tight. “When I return, I’ll do a comparative study of you and Poor Peetie.” She smiled against my lips.

  I managed a smile of my own and nodded as she slipped into the other room and shut the door. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the closed door as I heard the water run. I must’ve misunderstood what she’d said in bed earlier about washing her hair in the shower, but my mind was troubled.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Is that how a young lady eats? Like a cow?

  No, Daddy.

  You must watch yourself, Alexa.

  Yes, Daddy.

  A cow is an ugly, disgusting animal.

  Yes, Daddy.

  Alexa

  I couldn’t remember ever being this happy. In fact, happiness, for me, had always been relative, a wave that ebbed and flowed, but always came in at low tide. There was the day I moved out of my house into my own apartment, the day I graduated from college with top honors, and the day I got the letter saying I’d gotten into med school. Those indeed had been joyful moments, but this was a different type of joy. Dex elevated the feeling to a whole new level, made it swell and burst inside me.

  I was still reeling with disbelief. The night of the engagement party had been one of the best nights of my life. While I’d waited in the garage, I’d shifted through a spectrum of emotions. I’d told myself how wrong it was to feel so much for Dex, how disastrous it would be to even entertain the thought of a romantic relationship. I was worried I’d misinterpreted the kiss. Why would he want me?

  I’d considered school, my plans and goals that didn’t allow for less than one-hundred percent. I hoped to be headed to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota next year. I couldn’t compromise my dream.

  Plus, there was so much turmoil in my head that I wasn’t sure I was ready for that kind of closeness with anyone.

  But this was Dex. And he’d kissed me. Me! Holy shit! This gorgeous, wonderful man had kissed me. My mind had been blown—was still.

  In the car, he’d spilled his heart, and I’d practically attacked him. Well, I actually did attack him.

  My face grew hot just recalling the event. I looked around the classroom to see if anyone was staring, if anyone noticed the signs of mortification on my face.

  There was a flurry of activity behind me. Students were packing up, getting ready to leave morning lecture and head to the hospital for clinicals. The mood was jovial, everyone looking forward to the week off for Thanksgiving. Today was the last day of classes before the break.

  Satisfied that no one seemed to be paying attention to me, my thoughts swung back to Dex.

  Sex with him was incredible, the things he did with his mouth, like heaven. He knew what he was doing. The guy I’d dated two years ago had hated performing oral sex and made no attempt to disguise his dislike for the act. Of course, he hadn’t minded being on the receiving end. It wasn’t something I thought guys liked to do, but Dex seemed to enjoy it as much as I did.

  He seemed to enjoy sex—with me!—finding pleasure in the simplest things. I clenched my thighs in the chair. Just thinking about him made my nipples ache and sent moisture flowing between my legs.

  Shoving both hands into my hair, I squeezed my head in frustration. What am I going to do? I wanted to cry. I was terrified of him seeing my body. He’d be turned off, for sure. He was all hard muscle and sinew, and I was mostly pudge and flab, an unattractive blob. Gross. I’d never had sex with the lights on. The thought of it filled me with such anxiety that my heart kicked like a horse against my ribs. I had to work harder. I had to double my efforts to lose weight.

  No more fucking eating, Cow!

  There was no way a man like Dex would stay interested in someone who was such a hot mess. Women flirted with him at every turn. I would never measure up. How could I expect to keep his interest sexually? Friendship was one thing, but a sexual relationship was a completely different ballgame. One I wasn’t sure I knew how to play.

  “Did you hear a thing I just said?” Tina stood in front of my desk, hand planted at her hip, face marred by a frown. Carla stood next to her.

  “What?” I blinked, my cheeks burning.

  “I said that I’m your partner today. John and I switched.”

  I stood up and closed my books, burying my previous thoughts. “Switched?”

  “He alleges to have had a date last night and got in late,” Carla informed, rolling her eyes.

  “Good for him.”

  “Personally, I think his date was with Hannah and her four sisters, but I’m just sayin’,” Carla added.

  I was glad John had switched with Tina and not Carla for our assignment. I’d lose my mind if I had to be saddled with her sarcastic mouth all day long.

  “You ready to head over?” Tina asked.

  I nodded, stuffing books into my backpack. Just then, Professor Lee came over and pulled me aside, informing me that Dr. Leon wanted to see me in his office before I headed over to the hospital. A sick feeling simmered in my stomach, but I tried not to give in to it, even after my professor denied knowing what it was about. When I returned to Tina and Carla, they were both exchanging worried looks. They’d overheard our conversation.

  “What’s going on?” Tina asked.

  I shrugged, fitting my backpack onto my shoulders. “Don’t know.”

  “This can’t be good,” Carla stated. “If he wants to see you, then you’re in deep shit.”

  I rolled my eyes and stepped away, trying not to pay attention to Carla’s portent of disaster, but inside, that sick feeling was starting to boil.

  It took less than five minutes to get to Dr. Leon’s office on the administrative floor. I was surprised to see Monika emerge from his office when I arrived, Dr. Leon trailing behind her. She greeted me with a cautious smile that gave away nothing. I tried to hold her gaze, to get some sense of what I was in for, but she kept movi
ng, her expression stoic.

  Dr. Leon smiled and ushered me inside, but dread had started a fire in my gut that his polite smile couldn’t extinguish. It wasn’t until I’d stepped fully into the room, that I saw Rhonda sitting in the chair opposite his desk. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, bangs immaculate, her eyes red and puffy like she’d been crying. I groaned inwardly, wondering what the hell she was up to now. And what had Monika been doing here?

  “Please, have a seat.” Dr. Leon gestured to the chair next to Rhonda. He took his own seat behind a massive oak desk I was sure had no purpose other than to intimidate.

  Rhonda stared straight ahead, her gaze never straying to me. I noticed balled-up tissues clutched in her hands. I took a deep breath and looked to Dr. Leon, puzzled.

  “Thanks for coming so promptly, Miss Kennedy.”

  I nodded, now anxious to hear what he had to say. He cleared his throat. “I’ve summoned you here because Miss. Rothford has brought a matter to my attention. She’s alleged that you’ve threatened her repeatedly, and says she’s in fear of attending classes with you.”

  A small laugh burbled out of my throat. I didn’t mean it to, but his words were so absurd that I thought he was joking. The stern look on his face, though, stated quite the contrary.

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  “I assure you that I’m not. Threatening another student is something we take very seriously.”

  Threatening? Is she kidding me? I looked to Rhonda, who was still playing the part of the innocent wounded and had to stop my eyes from rolling.

  “These allegations are simply not true,” I said to Dr. Leon. “It’s no secret that Rhonda and I don’t get along, but I’ve never threatened her.”

  A sniffle came from beside me and Rhonda dabbed her eyes.

  “Yes, you did! At the lockers after my equipment was stolen. Everyone heard you. And you’ve threatened me several times after that.” Rhonda infused just enough of a tremor in her voice to sound like she was afraid for her life at that very minute.

  Oh. My. God. I wanted to scream. This lying bitch!

  I focused on Dr. Leon, trying to keep calm and block out the ridiculous hysterics next to me.

  “At the lockers, she confronted me and just about accused me of stealing the equipment. I simply wanted her to get out of my face. And I swear, I haven’t spoken a word to her since then.”

  “There are other accounts of what happened at the lockers. I’ve spoken to other students,” Dr. Leon informed me matter-of-factly.

  Now I knew why Monika had been here. I couldn’t imagine that she’d tossed me under the bus, but I knew how things could be misconstrued. I couldn’t believe that small incident had warranted a full-out investigation by the dean. This was just ridiculous.

  I couldn’t tell if Dr. Leon believed me. He sat, his face pinched, his thumb and forefinger stroking his jaw. My muscles clenched so tight that they hurt, anger fueling the blistering fire inside me. It didn’t help that Dr. Leon probably had no confidence in my integrity. I’d returned his equipment smashed to pieces, thanks to the lying witch next to me.

  He apparently was taking too long with his response because I could sense Rhonda growing restless next to me. She huffed and shifted impatiently in her chair.

  “You can’t let her get away with this!” she snarled. “I should feel safe in this school, be free to go to class without fear of getting assaulted. This isn’t the hood. This isn’t the streets of Queens where you can go around threatening people! This school has standards that should be upheld.”

  It wasn’t until now that I realized just how ignorant this girl was, or how much of an uptight, snooty bitch. Just because she’d grown up in affluent Scarsdale, she thought she was better than everyone else. Since when was Queens the hood? I already knew she thought she deserved to be here more than anyone else, but her prejudice was appalling.

  I also realized that the more she kept talking, the more she was showing her true colors. Dr. Leon was looking at her now, frowning.

  “That’s enough, Miss Rothford!” he snapped. “I’m from Queens and I don’t recall any law that sanctions threatening people.”

  Yes! Fist pump! Joy almost sprang me from my chair. Dr. Leon was obviously annoyed with Rhonda’s elitist attitude. He turned to me, his expression mocking.

  “Is there such a law I don’t know about? Because I’d like to take full advantage of it.”

  I couldn’t hide my smile. “None that I know of.”

  He turned back to Rhonda. Her face was fire-engine red. She was fuming. She’d traded her scared and wounded act for indignant anger.

  “My parents donate a lot of money to this school to make sure that I’m safe here.”

  “Your parents donate a lot of money to this school to make sure that all students are safe here, and we’re grateful for their support.”

  I couldn’t help smiling again. Dr. Leon had a reputation for being tough, for being a no-nonsense task-master. Many of the students didn’t like his Draconian style, but I appreciated the fact that he could cut through the bullshit. He straightened his shoulders and sent a stern look at both of us.

  “You two are exemplary students. You and a few others signify the best of this graduating class. I’m displeased to see that you are not getting along. You two should not only represent this school with your academics, but with your character. This is not the type of behavior we support.”

  My fists curled tight, nails digging into my palms. I couldn’t believe I was getting in trouble for something that Rhonda started. I’d done nothing wrong.

  “But, she’s the one—” I tried to explain.

  “And,” Dr. Leon cut me off, skewering me with his austere gaze. “We do not take threats of any kind lightly, Miss Kennedy. That is not something that looks favorable on a student’s record when it’s reviewed at the end of the year.”

  My eyes widened. I knew what he was saying. The end of the year was when valedictorian would be decided, when our records would be reviewed and everything weighed. The slightest blemish could make all the difference. I bit my lip and nodded, my stomach turning over.

  “Now.” He sighed and turned to Rhonda. “I trust that this matter has been resolved and that you can resume classes without fear of bodily harm,” he said dryly.

  I stared down at my hands, my head about to explode. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Rhonda’s goal had been to get me in trouble, to get herself one step closer to valedictorian. She might’ve even been trying to get me expelled. I wouldn’t put it past her. She was ruthless. Dr. Leon had seemed irked by her haughty attitude, but he hadn’t seemed pleased with me, either. I wondered what had gone down in the office before I’d arrived. What had Monika said about me?

  In this school, threatening another student was worse than being a snob. There were other students in line for valedictorian, but after the last set of grades, it was Rhonda and I who were clearly at the top of the list. This girl would stop at nothing. From now on, I had to be more careful. I couldn’t afford to underestimate her.

  “You can both consider yourselves warned. I’ll be keeping my eye on both of you. Any further altercation will result in severe disciplinary action. I hope I don’t have to see either of you in my office again. I promise you the next time I won’t be so pleasant.”

  Dr. Leon dismissed us and, numbly, I walked from the room. The happy glow that had followed me for the past few days had just dimmed considerably. Not wanting to be anywhere near Rhonda, I headed toward the stairs when I saw her waiting for the elevator. She didn’t seem nearly as upset as I was and that irked me. Three and a half years of medical school and I’d never been on probation, never had so much as a scratch on my record. Now this witch was creating all sorts of chaos in my life. Like I needed this shit.

  I was so angry that I didn’t hear the stairwell door open behind me. The sound of my name caused me to turn. Rhonda stood on the top step, glaring at me like I’d caused this mess. />
  “What is your goddamn problem?” I spat out.

  She pulled out her bun and tossed her head, letting her blond locks fall to her shoulders. She reminded me of an animal unsheathing its claws. I guess the facade was over.

  “My problem is that I’ve worked my ass off in this hell hole and I’m not going to let anyone stop me from getting what I want.”

  Her words sent fire racing through my veins. “And you don’t think I’ve worked my ass off? At least I don’t use underhanded tactics to get ahead.”

  She puffed out a sigh. “Please, give up the whole goody-two-shoes-misfit routine. I’ll do whatever I need to do. That spot at the Mayo Clinic is mine.”

  “Well, I have news for you. I’m not going to sit back and let you get away with the shit you’re trying to pull. I deserve that spot as much as you do.”

  Rhonda’s lips pinched and her eyes blazed. “We’ll see about that. You’re way out of your league. It’s best you just step the fuck out of the way and slink back to the hood you came from. You better watch your back.”

  With those words she spun around and pushed through the door. I stared. Just stared. She was unbelievable. Fuming, I kicked the wall, almost breaking my damn toe in the process.

  The remainder of the day was a slow blur. I saw Monika several times on the ward, but never got a chance to talk to her. My classmates had planned a huge get-together at a local bar that night to celebrate the start of the holiday vacation. I was in no mood to attend. Dex was on an overnight trip to Chicago and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow evening for our date. I was really looking forward to it, especially after my nightmarish day.

  I called him during my break, needing to hear his voice. He made me laugh, a Band-Aid on the turmoil brewing inside me. I didn’t tell him what had happened, but knowing something was wrong, he kept asking if I was okay. It was uncanny how connected we were.

  I was packed up and heading out of the hospital when Tina and Carla approached.

  “What happened at Dr. Leon’s office?” Tina asked.