by M. F. Wild
“Rough night?” Her voice was a throaty purr that might have turned me on again if I hadn’t been sated.
Lust darkened Travis’s eyes. “Yeah, real rough.”
The corner of her mouth lifted and she curled her finger, motioning him toward her. I stepped away, seeing where this was headed. I grabbed my bag of gear and headed for the door. I only glanced back once. Travis stood where I had against the lockers, dick in hand, guiding it into the girl’s eager mouth with a groan.
She gave good head, but she wasn’t Clare. Not in a million years.
* * *
Reed held my hand in his while I rested my head against his shoulder. We sat on a bench overlooking a small park. The sunset had faded, and the night had grown dark and cool.
“Do you want to head back to the hotel for a while?”
I glanced up to Reed’s beautifully bronzed face. Hesitating, I chewed the inside of my lip.
His brow wrinkled. “Clare…we don’t have to do anything. I hope you know that’s not why I came here.”
I stared down to where our fingers wove together. “Megan told me that you had things you wanted to say to me.”
He sighed and nodded. “Yeah. I guess I’ve been stalling because I don’t know where you’re at with this guy.”
“Eric.”
His expression tightened. “Right. Eric.”
I exhaled and leaned against Reed’s shoulder again as fatigue took a stronger hold on me. “It’s complicated.”
“You love him.”
I nodded. “Very much.”
“Then why can’t you forget about us?”
I hesitated. I knew we’d have to address this eventually. Megan had evidently told him almost everything. “I guess because I’ve never been with someone like you. Someone who was so careful with me. When we were together, we had this connection that I haven’t been able to forget.”
He touched my cheek and tipped my face up. “Then let’s try to make this work.”
I winced and closed my eyes. “That’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“For starters, you live in Hawaii.”
“I travel all over the world.”
“Exactly, and this do-nothing town shouldn’t be a regular pit stop for you.”
“Then transfer to Hawaii.”
I laughed. “I love that you dream, Reed. I’m sure that’s why you’re as successful as you are. But I can’t afford to live on the island, let alone pay for school there. I have an amazing scholarship here that I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to.”
He sighed and stared up into the darkening sky. “I was afraid you’d say all that.”
My shoulders hunched. “And you traveled four thousand miles to hear me say it. I’m sorry, Reed.”
“I made the trip to see you and spend time with you. That’s what we’re doing. You don’t owe me anything.”
Emotion clogged my throat and stung my eyes. “Reed…”
He hushed me and pulled me in closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. As I cried into his chest, relief, sadness, love, and even a glimmer of hope washed over me.
When I caught my breath, I chanced a look up into Reed’s dark, soulful eyes, hoping that somewhere in those depths he held the answers to the many questions swirling through my mind right now.
“Clare, you’re special. I’m sorry you’re going through all this, but I know that if you follow your heart, it’ll take you where you need to be. And no matter what you decide, I’ll be here—or somewhere—a phone call or a plane ride away. As a friend, a lover, a shoulder to cry on. You’re one of the purest, kindest people I’ve ever met, and I want you in my life any way I can have you. We made love, and it was incredible. I’ll never forget a second of it, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here for you. Okay?”
Fresh tears brimmed my eyes as I nodded. “Thank you, Reed.” I sucked in a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. “God, I’m so tired. Do you want to head back now?”
“Sure. Let’s go.”
Ten minutes later I was on the top floor of the nicest hotel this little college town had to offer. The room had two queen-size beds and a view of the downtown.
Reed tossed his light jacket onto the couch. “I’m going to take a quick shower if you don’t mind. I’ve been traveling all day, and I didn’t get a chance to clean up much before.”
“Of course. Take your time.”
“Want to pick out a movie or something? We can just relax tonight, order room service or whatever.”
My lips curved upward. “That sounds perfect.”
He winked before disappearing into the bathroom. I unpacked and quickly changed into comfortable pajama pants and a light T-shirt for bed, still in slight disbelief that Reed had come all this way for a sexless slumber party with me. I felt like such a bitch, but I also felt honored and appreciated. Reed had had that effect on me before. He’d taken his time with me, really taken care of me while we were together. The mere remembrance made my desire surge. Good God, how was I going to get through this night?
* * *
My head was swimming. The frat house punch was lethal, and I’d had no less than ten cups of it. I couldn’t wait to pass out, because then I could escape the stares and thoughts that had been tormenting me all goddamn night. The wall was holding me up as I watched a game of beer pong play out. Travis was about to lose after a pretty lengthy winning streak.
He downed the last solo cup and came to me, slapping me on the arm. “What’s with the long face, man? We won. You’re still acting like we lost.”
I let out a weak laugh. “Yeah, should have heard how happy Coach was about that win.”
He shrugged. “Who cares? We’ll kill it next week.”
“You saved the game,” I said.
“And you threw the winning pass. We’re a team, like always.”
I knew then I was past drunk, because I was ready to give the motherfucker a hug and thank him for being the best friend I’d ever had. If only he could save me from this awful mess I’d made with Clare.
“Have you ever been in love, Travis?”
He let out a long sigh and grabbed my arm. “Come on. I have a feeling we need some fresh air for this conversation.”
I followed him upstairs and outside to where a stained floral couch sat on an upper deck.
“Okay, to answer your question, I’m not really sure. Sometimes I think I’m in love with Tori, but I’ve never fucked her so I’m not sure if I can commit to love without knowing how we’d be together physically.”
My eyes went wide. “You think you’re in love with her? Why the hell didn’t you date her when we were still in school?”
He shrugged again, looking less confident than he had before. “I don’t know. I wanted to mess around. I figured if I locked it down with her, it would only last through high school and then, like you and Mandy, we’d end up going our separate ways. If I was going to be with her, I wanted to just be with her and really make it last.”
“And now?”
He shoved his hand through his hair and took another swig of beer. “I don’t want to talk about me. Why’d you ask me that anyway? Is this about Clare?”
“I think she’s fucking someone else right now.”
He locked on me with a frozen stare. “Uh, do we need to go kill someone?”
“No. I gave her permission. A long time ago.”
“Is this another fantasy thing like we did with Tyler?”
“No, at the beginning of the semester I told her that she should have experiences with other people, and so could I. And we agreed to do that until Christmas. One more week and then it’ll just be us. No one else.”
He shook his head. “I don’t understand it, but whatever. If that’s the deal though, why aren’t you balls deep in cheer squad pussy right now?”
“Because she’s the only one I want.”
He rubbed his forehead with a sigh. “All right. One more week then. And in the meantime, pu
t her out of your head because I can’t deal with your fucking moping.”
“But what if she changes her mind? What if she falls for this guy, and I lost my chance by trying to give her the freedom I thought she needed?”
He frowned and leaned toward me. “Then you fucking win her back. You don’t pussy out on the field and you don’t give up on the girl you love. You tell her how you feel and you prove it to her. That’s it.”
I clenched my jaw tight and nodded. Travis was right. I couldn’t give up, and it wasn’t fair of me to make her feel guilty for the arrangement I’d forced on her.
Travis stood abruptly. “I’m not drunk enough. You want a beer?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’ll hang out here for a bit.”
As soon as he left, I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed Clare’s number. I didn’t expect her to pick up. When her voicemail greeting played out, I closed my eyes at the sound of her sweet voice. Then a beep.
“Hey, Clare. It’s me. I figure you’re probably with this guy tonight.” I swallowed hard. “That’s okay. I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you. I missed you tonight. God, I wish you were here just so I could hold you. I know I don’t deserve it right now. I fucked up. I’ve fucked up so much with us. All I can do is beg you to give me a chance to make it right. One more week…and then I want to start all over. Just you and me. That’s all I ever want.” I exhaled a shaky sigh and fought the emotion coming to the surface too quickly. “Sorry. Damnit, I’m too drunk for this. But I just wanted you to know how I felt. Let me know when you’re back and maybe we can talk. I love you, Clare. Bye…”
Chapter Twelve
Clare
The weekend with Megan went almost nothing how I’d expected. In my mind, I imagined that I was running from Eric and his bad behavior and straight into Reed’s arms. I had little doubt that we’d end up in his bed. We had, but I hadn’t let him into my body. He didn’t even kiss me until we’d said goodbye. Something told me I wasn’t going to be seeing him again for a long time, so I let him kiss me senseless. He promised me again that he’d always be there for me, and the way he’d proven to me that he could be a friend without sex in the equation made me really believe him. Maybe there was a way to go backward from a hookup and find true friendship. And maybe that was what had brought him back into my life this second time, with a fate of friendship, not love.
As I sat on the bus that would take me back to my campus and my life, I pulled my phone out and absently went through the motions of checking my apps and my email. I went to my voice messages and thought about replaying Eric’s drunken message from Friday night. I’d checked the score online. They’d barely won. I wasn’t sure if I could have alleviated the guilt if they’d lost. The big game was this coming weekend, and then we’d both be heading home to Ridgeville.
When I arrived back at the dorm, Lacey was sitting at her desk with her nose in a book. She lifted her head and nodded toward my desk. “You got a delivery. I wasn’t sure when you were getting back. Eric’s been here a few times looking for you.”
On my desk was a beautiful bouquet of fall flowers arranged in a short crystal vase. The aroma filled the room. And even though my first instinct was to call Eric, fly into his arms, and fuck until we couldn’t be angry with each other anymore, I resisted the temptation.
Eric had his game and I had my own academic pressures. We had to talk, but we both had a lot riding on us this week. Beyond that, I had no idea what I would say right now. Everything was about to change. Things had to change…
“Lacey, if he comes by again, can you cover for me? Just let him know I’m at the library or something? I need this week to get through finals, and he’s the ultimate distraction.”
Lacey hesitated. “Sure, but he looks kind of desperate. Can you at least call him or something?”
I shook my head with a sigh. “It’s complicated. I can’t really see him right now.”
She held my stare. “Are you breaking up with him?”
I laughed and dropped down onto my bed. “We’d have to be dating for me to break up with him.”
“You know what I mean. You’re together, like it or not.”
I shrugged, ignoring her persistence. I knew she meant well, but I was done with everyone’s advice. The only voice I could hear right now was Reed’s, telling me to follow my heart. I had to choose my own path. No one could choose it for me.
* * *
Under my advisor’s tutelage, I’d signed up for every class I could breeze through to allow maximum time for sports. And that’s exactly what I did during finals week. I knew Clare’s classes were much more challenging, and I didn’t envy her.
The week wasn’t without its stresses, however. It’d been almost two weeks without seeing Clare, and I felt like I was starving. Cut off from everything that made life worth waking up for.
She’d texted me only once. A simple message thanking me for the flowers and saying that she’d come see me when her finals were through. But that wasn’t nearly enough to take the edge off. I needed to touch her. I wanted to breathe her air. I had to make love to her, because it was the only way I knew how to break down every wall between us.
Right now, I was outside the wall she’d built around herself, and I had no idea how to push past it. Tonight I had to focus on the game. My future at this school depended on it. Once we got past this week, though, I’d be merciless.
The lights glowed above the field, and the crowd was roaring with anticipation. I felt the pressure to perform deep in my bones. Even though I was warmed up, my muscles jumped from the nerves. I was edgy and fully at war with myself. Doubts that I could pull this off clawed for attention in my brain.
I shook my head, trying to dislodge them, and threw a practice pass to Travis. I had to focus. I had to envision the win. And I had to get the fear of losing Clare out of my head.
Travis tossed the ball back, and I heard a girl’s voice call out my name. I glanced over my shoulder to where the cheerleaders were lined up. The brunette from the locker room was shaking her pompoms, doing her job to get the crowd and the team pumped up. Her cheerful gaze was fixed on me, but just past her, in the bleachers, another face caught my eye.
Clare was there, dressed in our colors. Her strawberry-blond hair curled around her face and fell over her shoulders. I thought my heart was going to fucking explode. Suddenly, I had oxygen again when I’d been deprived of it for days. I had sustenance, Clare in the flesh, when I’d been surviving only on memories. My feet froze in the turf, but every cell in my body wanted to propel me to her. Because in that single moment, we were the only two people who existed. She was my Clare. The same sweet girl who’d cheered me on from the stands all through school whether I’d known it or not. The same brave girl who’d given herself to me so completely. By some miracle, with hundreds of people cluttering the view, then and now, she had come into focus.
I mouthed the words, “I love you,” to her. Her eyes glittered with emotion.
My nerves calmed. Everything was clearer. Then Travis hollered my name, drawing my attention back to the field. I pulled back and arrowed the ball right into his hands.
The game sped by. The opposition came at us hard, but we were a force to be reckoned with. I saw every play before it happened. Split-second decisions moved us down the field with speed and accuracy. I’d never felt more a part of the team I’d spent the whole semester playing with.
We didn’t just win. We destroyed them.
Coach came out onto the field with the other staff after the final whistle blew. He slapped me hard on the arm that wasn’t sore from throwing passes. “Good job, son. I’ll be a son of a bitch if they don’t go running home crying to their mommas after that game.”
I laughed and let him pull me in for a manly hug. Before the team could drag me into the locker room, I sprinted to the sideline where Clare stood among the cheering masses. I scaled the stands to the second row, pushed past a couple people who stood betw
een us, and hauled her against me. She parted her lips to say something, but I stole her words with a kiss. The fierce claiming of her mouth was met with a fresh roar of hoots and cheers around us.
Relief flooded every vein. Relief that we’d won. That Clare was back in my arms. That the rest of the school knew she was mine. The greatest relief came with the promise that maybe our future wasn’t lost.
I pulled away only to catch my breath. “See me tonight.”
She smiled tearfully, her pink lips wet and swollen from my kisses. “No, you go celebrate with your team. They deserve it. You deserve it.”
I frowned. “Clare…” Goddamn, this woman was going to kill me.
She shook her head and put a little pressure on my chest. “Go, they want to see their hero. We’ll talk later.”
Against every instinct, I pulled away. But not before I took her lips one last time. I stopped just before my cock started throbbing. It was one thing to let the cheerleaders know Clare Winston made me hard as a fucking rock. It was another to let the entire campus know it.
* * *
I didn’t sleep much the night of Eric’s win. The adrenaline that had surged through me during the game had barely waned hours later, making me jumpy and energized when I should have been resting for the journey home tomorrow.
Lacey had left campus with her parents after the game, so I killed time tidying up our room and packing my bags for the trip home. The longing that Eric had inspired with his very public kiss only sharpened as the hours passed. Just past midnight I’d given up trying to get him out of my head. Falling into bed, I slid my hand into my panties and hurriedly brought myself to orgasm. I cried out, Eric’s name on my lips, my pussy slick and ready for him. The relief was fleeting, and hell if the ache to have him filling me up with his cock wasn’t sharp as ever afterward.
Early the next morning, fueled with only a few hours of sleep, I texted Paul, asking him to meet me for coffee. He agreed, and the prospect of seeing him filled me with a fresh wave of uneasiness. The semester was over, and I couldn’t help but feel like I’d made an utter mess of my social life.