by Amy Gamet
“I was lonely, Jax! All the time. Even when you were right next to me, I was lonely. I still am. You shut me out with a single look, and damned if I know how to get back in.”
“Then I’ll go grab your cell phone and you can make a booty call to one of the guys you’ve been fucking. Maybe barebacking on the living room sofa we picked out together will help you sleep.”
He’d rounded the corner to the stairs, nearly colliding with Jessa.
She’d been horrified.
It hadn’t even occurred to her that Jax might still live in the same house.
Jax opened the garage door but did not pull inside. He turned to her. "I want you to wait here." He looked at her handcuffs, clearly considering, then cursed under his breath before unlocking them. "Never mind, you're coming with me."
"But…"
"But nothing. I can't leave you here handcuffed. You won't be able to defend yourself. And I can't give you the keys because we both know you’d be gone faster than a bat out of hell. Which leaves us with only one option."
He walked into the garage and opened a storage locker, withdrawing a dark vest. He brought it back to her. "Put this on." He handed her a weapon. “I’m just going to have to trust you don’t hate me enough to kill me.”
With that, he led the way inside. “We’re going to clear each room, one by one. You stay behind me, never in front, or I might shoot you.”
She slipped her arms into the bulletproof vest. “Seems we’ll just have to trust each other, then.”
23
Jax watched as Jessa pushed her pasta around her plate with a fork. She'd hardly eaten anything, and he wondered if that was her new normal now that she was pregnant. “Is there something else I can get you to eat?"
She put her fork down. "No, it’s just not sitting very well.”
He nodded, picking up her plate and taking it to the sink.
They'd gone through the house room by room finding no one and nothing visibly disturbed, then checked the logs from the security system. Nothing seemed out of place, no sensors on the house alerted in his absence, but Jax remained convinced someone had been there. Hell, they might still be outside. The woods around this house could provide cover for the masses.
He needed to upgrade his security system. Install video surveillance at the gate and around the perimeter of the property.
"So," said Jessa, "I've been thinking. About you and me and the baby… What it’s going to be like."
He rinsed her pasta into the garbage disposal. "Go on, I'm listening."
"I know you never wanted kids. That doesn’t have to change.”
He turned around and leaned back against the counter. "When were you discussing my life goals? With Linda?"
She nodded. "We were friends."
"Yes, I remember. Maybe I should explain a few things to you about my ex-wife."
Jessa held up her hands. "Whatever happened between the two of you is none of my business."
"Before today, I would have agreed with you. Now I think it's important you understand what really happened. She cheated on me, nearly every time we went wheels up. Lots of different men, lots of different times. Did you know that?"
"I overheard you guys arguing that night."
"That's right. You did.”
"I remember she was very lonely."
"She was a goddamn liar, that's what she was. Seems you two have something in common there.”
Jessa narrowed her eyes at him.
Jax shrugged. "Besides sharing my bed, that is." He watched as her face flushed with anger, momentarily pleased he was the one who put it there. He wanted her to be angry. He wanted her to be hurt. He wanted her to feel even a fraction of the hell she was putting him through now.
"You know what I keep thinking?" asked Jessa. "That some people just aren't meant to have children. They're not nurturing, they're not warm. Just because I'm pregnant, Jax, doesn't mean you have to be a father."
He walked around behind her chair and put his hands on her shoulders. "If you wanted an absentee father for your kid, you should have run faster." He squeezed her shoulders, enjoying how she shook him off.
"I've been doing some thinking of my own,” he said. “And I thought maybe I should have primary custody, and you should be the one to get visitation."
She shot out of her chair. "No!"
"I mean, it seems only fair. You decided to bring this new life into the world. I should get to decide what we do with it."
"You will make a terrible father. The only emotion you know how to show is anger."
He froze. All his life he’d been told he was cold, unemotional, but none of those comments ever hurt quite like this one. “Could be worse,” he said. “I could have forgotten how to smile." He watched as her face fell, his comment hitting home. The volley of insults reminded him of his ex-wife. "I think we've talked enough for tonight. It's time for us to get some sleep."
She crossed her arms. “I’m not sleeping next to you again."
He had expected as much. Fortunately, he already had another plan. “No, you’ll be sleeping in the guest room. Second door on the left. There are clean clothes for you on the bed.”
He watched her go, noting the curious look she gave him at the apparent reprieve from his watchful stare this evening, then finished straightening the kitchen while her words echoed in his head.
You will make a terrible father.
The only emotion you know how to show is anger.
She was good at locating his Achilles heel, that much was sure. He walked up the stairs, stopping in an empty room Linda had used for crafts. It was supposed to be a child’s room, but that child had never come. In the end he knew why — his wife had secretly been on birth control throughout their marriage.
What a fool he’d been.
Now Jessa was carrying his child and she didn’t want him in the baby’s life. Not that she would win that battle, of course, but her accusations touched on the major concern he had about fatherhood — that he wouldn’t be affectionate enough with the child.
He walked to the window. She should be dressed by now and enjoying her newfound freedom, if not already planning her escape. He walked to his bedroom and opened the nightstand drawer, a smile lighting his features as he pictured what she had in store.
24
Jessa changed into the large T-shirt he left for her, grateful for the clean clothes after her shower, and made her way back to the guest room. The bed was big and tall and fluffy, covered in a white comforter and lots of pillows. She sighed, relieved she would finally get to spend the night by herself, and climbed under the covers.
Jax knocked once and opened the door. "All set for bed?"
"For the love of God, just lock me in here and leave me alone."
He clucked his tongue. "Sorry, sweetheart, there's no lock on the door. But I brought something for you.”
She eyed him warily. “What is that?"
He moved to the end of the bed and sat down, pulling the blankets out to expose her feet, and her stomach clenched.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
His voice was husky. "Just making sure you're here in the morning."
He picked up her foot and wrapped something soft around her ankle. She pushed down the puffy blanket so she could see what he had placed there—a black velvet cuff with red rope running from it.
A sex toy.
She gasped. “You can’t be serious…”
“Oh, I’m serious all right. You tried to take my child out of my life. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you here.” He raised one eyebrow. “I think you'll find they're pretty comfortable."
“Just a little something you happened to have lying around?”
He shrugged. “They’re made for holding someone against a bed. They seemed appropriate.”
He reached for her other foot and she snatched it away. “Would you rather sleep in my bed tonight?” he asked. His eyes were dark, and they held a silent threat that clearly
told her the sex toy was the least dangerous option.
She pursed her lips. “How am I supposed to move?”
“I’ll leave enough play in the lines. As long as you can’t reach the other straps to unfasten them, that’s all I care about.”
She glared at him, then slowly put her leg back within his reach. He touched her and her leg jerked as he placed the band around her ankle and secured it tightly.
She couldn’t help but wonder what woman he’d tied to his bed before her. Was that how he liked it, with one partner immobile?
Or maybe the tie-downs are for him.
An image of Jax naked and spread eagle on the bed emerged unbidden in her mind. His glorious muscles. His cock erect and full.
Lord have mercy.
But who was the woman who would straddle him?
She watched as he tucked a length of red rope under the mattress, then moved to the side of the bed and pulled it back out. She licked her lips.
“Give me your hand,” he said.
She was beginning to feel way too vulnerable, and she was shaking. “This is ridiculous.”
“All right, then.” He pulled back the covers, exposing her body and bare legs. “I’ll sleep in here with you.”
“Whoa, wait, stop!” She grabbed the blankets and pulled them back up with a huff. “Fine. Tie me up, but you’re not sleeping here.” She glared at him as his too-warm fingers wrapped around her wrist and pulled it toward him, then fastened the velvet strap securely.
He walked to the opposite side of the bed, trailing the red rope up the underside of the mattress as he went. He sat down on the edge of the bed and held out his hand expectantly.
Her heart was racing. As soon as she gave him her hand, he would have all four of her limbs secured.
"Give me your hand, Jessa."
She took a deep breath in and out, imploring him with her eyes not to make her do this.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, but there was a change in him, a dangerous fierceness to his voice that made her feel like she was a bunny looking for comfort from a fox.
She closed her eyes and held out her hand.
His fingers closed around her more tightly this time, his hand lightly caressing hers before he secured the velvet strap, but he didn’t release her.
Jessa held her breath.
It must be the pregnancy hormones, because she was overwhelmed with intense physical longing, the connection between them seeming to magnify every sensation as he stroked her fiery skin.
She opened her eyes, her lids heavy with desire, and saw an answering arousal on his face that frightened her to her core. This was the man she professed to hate, the father of her child, a man truly worthy of the horrible betrayal she’d bestowed upon him.
So why am I attracted to him?
He stared at her for what seemed a long time, the tension between them stretching out like the bands that held her to the bed. Then the pressure of his hands on her changed, pulling him toward her. "Damn you," he growled.
He leaned in and kissed her, his mouth demanding and rough. She pulled at her restraints, her arms reaching for him, though whether to hold on to him tightly or push him away, she wasn't sure. But she could do neither, she could only take his kisses as she lay beneath him, open and exposed.
Her mind might have been confused, but her body was not, its will made known by the twist of her hips against the mattress and the subtle moans of pleasure coming from deep in her throat.
Jax’s hand came up to her breast and squeezed, shocking her sensitive peak and making her arch her back as she gasped. He deepened the kiss, the hard bridge of his erection grinding into her hip, and she pushed back against him suggestively.
She was vaguely aware of the insanity in her movements and the hot flush of arousal covering her body. She hated him so much, yet that emotion did nothing to douse the flames of desire that flared up when he was near. On the contrary, it seemed to make him that much more irresistible.
He slid his hands under the T-shirt he’d given her, pushing the fabric up to reveal her to him. He exhaled a shaking breath and took one breast in each hand, forcing her nipples out of the holes made by his thumb and forefinger before lapping at each one with his tongue. She cried out in pleasure. She was wickedly aroused, her body screaming and desperate for him to make love to her again as he’d done that first night, knowing his touch held the magic she craved to be free of her past.
"Please, Jax," she begged.
Their eyes locked, her lids heavy with desire.
His hands fell away from her body, and cool air grazed her skin where he’d held her tightly. "This is crazy," he said.
It was as if the world suddenly stopped spinning, everything falling over as momentum turned into a destructive force. She curled her fingers into her palms and bit her lip, hard.
He looked around the room like he’d just awakened from sleepwalking. He stared at her half-naked body. “What the hell am I doing?”
He pulled her shirt down, the blanket up over her, and got up. He scrubbed his face with his palms before leaving the room, closing the door firmly behind him.
Jessa was alone — just as she’d wanted — a frantic sort of desperation her only companion for the night.
25
Jessa awoke to the sound of deep male voices in quiet conversation. When one of them barked with laughter, her eyes popped open.
Cowboy.
She smiled widely and moved to get up, surprised when she realized her hands were bound together with part of the sex bindings from last night and affixed with a tiny padlock.
At least she was no longer attached to the bed. She furrowed her brow, wondering when Jax had made the change.
Cowboy laughed again in the distance. It had been forever since she’d seen him, and forever was much too long to go without seeing a friend like she had in Leo Wilson. He was a ray of sunshine in a world full of raindrops, and she’d missed him terribly.
“Jax, how could you leave me like this?” She looked down at her body. At least she had a shirt on.
She stood and made her way to the top of the stairs. “Jax?” she called down. The men kept talking as if they didn’t hear. She sighed and moved down the steps, stopping short of the doorway to the kitchen. “Jax?” she called again.
“That’s Jessa,” Jax said. “Why don’t you go and say hi?”
“Jessa McConnell?” Cowboy came into view at the bottom of the stairs, and Jessa grinned warily. She was barely covered up and wearing a pair of velvet handcuffs. What would he think of her?
She needn’t have worried. Cowboy gave a loud whoop and opened his arms to greet her, hopping up two stairs when she wasn’t quick enough to leap into his embrace.
“Damn, girl, it’s good to see you.” He pulled back, his eyes scanning from her head to her waist. “Looking sexy, too.” He picked up her hand and furrowed his brow. “What is this?”
“Uh…”
Jax appeared in the doorway, dressed to a T and clearly back in command of his emotions.
And everyone around him.
Her toes curled into the rug.
Jax looked from her to Cowboy and back again. “I see you remember Leo.”
He looked angry, and she felt like she’d done something wrong, though she wasn’t sure why. “Of course I do.”
Jax took a small key out of his pocket and unlocked her wrists.
Cowboy smiled widely. “If I’d known it was that kind of party, I’d have brought my whips and chains.”
Jessa was embarrassed, but Jax just laughed good-naturedly, making her wonder if she’d been right about his anger just a moment before.
“You two seeing each other?” Cowboy asked.
Jessa and Jax answered at the same time.
“No,” said Jessa.
“We’re having a baby,” said Jax.
Cowboy’s mouth pulled into a disbelieving half grin. “Together?”
Jax pointed at her with his chin. “Te
ll him, sweetie.”
At that very moment, her morning sickness reared its ugly head and she pressed a hand to her stomach.
“Are you okay?” asked Cowboy.
“She’s fine,” said Jax. “Just happy.”
She brought her hand to her mouth and ran for the bathroom, aware and horrified that her ass was hanging out of the back of her shirt. She heard Jax say, “She’s glowing. Don’t you think?” and she wished he were closer so she could throw up on his perfectly shined shoes.
When she was done being sick, she sat on the washroom floor and rested her head in her hands.
She thought back over the last six months. The increasing sense that life was passing her by, her determination to get out of the house where her marriage lived like a ghost that was haunting her present.
So, she’d packed up everything she owned and made a new plan—move to Savannah and start fresh. A new hospital, a new town, a new life.
Then Jax showed up at her door.
She cursed and wiped at her eyes.
She’d thought her days with HERO Force were over, that she’d never see any of those guys ever again. But there he was, standing on her doorstep in the bright sunshine, just waiting to take her newfound independence and throw her back in time.
In the blink of an eye, she was stuck again, the sad young widow who had lost her happiness. And she just about lost her mind.
Hell, maybe I did lose it.
She remembered getting ready to go to the bar and find Jax. She remembered her plan, which was now well executed. Seduce him. Get pregnant. Go on with her life a little better than she’d been before, the replacement of a baby in her womb like a pound of flesh that could make everything better.
Only it hadn’t made anything better at all.
She loved this baby with all her heart and soul, but she knew now it could never replace the one she’d lost. That was the baby she and Ralph had created out of love, and it died when he did.
She stood and started the water running, then stripped and stepped into the tub. A stirring like the tickling of butterfly wings in her lower belly made her gasp.