by Amber Lynn
I’d set out plates and the food from our basket. It wasn’t a lot of food, especially when the majority of the people planning on eating it were wolves, who by nature had healthy appetites.
Before my defection from the pack, I hadn’t had a lot of bread and other carbohydrates in my diet. It took some getting used to, but it’d been years since I had to throw them back up because I couldn’t digest them. I wasn’t sure if the other adult wolf with us would have any issues, but I also didn’t really care.
“I guess I assumed since there were no other cars around that things were okay. Have you picked up someone else?”
Paul took his eyes off the girls to look back at me. He had a lot to learn if he really wanted to be a wolf, which only added on to the reasons I had for not wanting him to turn.
“There are tons of people around, there almost always are.”
We weren’t far enough away from the city to find ourselves alone. There wasn’t anyone in our immediate vicinity, but it was an excuse to keep the talk from going in that direction.
“Just how far are they? We’ve already said things I don’t think we want the public to know as far as the girls go.”
“I would’ve thrown something at you if I thought you were running your mouth when you shouldn’t be. They aren’t close enough to hear, but you never know when someone will come running.”
“Nikki’s logic is probably good to live by. Maybe in the future you’ll be able to tell where others are without one of us saying something. She isn’t ready to discuss that, if you haven’t noticed.”
“That message came in loud and clear. Sometimes she thinks things out quickly and can come around to someone else’s way of thinking.”
I scoffed at Paul’s assumption. I didn’t remember many times during our years together when I’d reversed my initial reaction.
“You’re going to want to wait to push her until after she realizes what’s at stake. Things are changing in the world she doesn’t want to be a part of, and she’s going to want to be involved.”
Great. He decided the need to be weird and cryptic was in order. No matter what he believed, nothing was going to make me want to go back to the werewolf world.
“Are you guys going to stand over there and worry about the most hard-headed woman in the world changing her mind, or are you going to come over and eat? I’m sure the girls are fine for a few minutes.”
I wasn’t hungry, but I felt weird being the guardian of the food while they stared at the girls.
“Not one bit, but I suppose I could make sure you’re being kept safe from the threat against our family.”
Paul didn’t move, but I was joined at the picnic table as the other man in our group sat next to me. He left a little room between us, not as much as I’d like, but I could deal.
I enjoyed the spot he’d picked out. We were in a secluded cove, with trees surrounding us on all sides. I didn’t see a single pine, but I might as well have been in a pine forest. The stench shouldn’t have been worse out in the fresh air. It was.
“How in the world did a man ever win you over? I understand why you picked the one you did, but I’m a little surprised you settled for anyone.”
That comment got Paul looking over his shoulder. It was an odd thing to say, and not something I really wanted to discuss.
“That isn’t a conversation for out in the open, but I will say I never thought I settled. I didn’t marry because I felt I had to.”
“How many matches did you have before you left?”
“I have a feeling you’re good at picking subjects I don’t ever want to talk about. Let’s just say I’m pretty sure I have you beat.”
He’d mentioned that we were going to talk alone, not that I would’ve answered his questions even then, but there’d be a better chance than out in the open. From my side of things, bringing up the past, especially when it concerned my love life, wasn’t part of spending the day out with the girls.
“Okay, I had to try. Those kinds of things aren’t what you spend your day thinking about, so I haven’t been able to pick them up via other methods.”
“Which should be a sign that I don’t want to talk about them. I hope you don’t think I’m just going to open up now that you’re pretending to be our guard.”
The girls were doing a good job of keeping within five feet of shore. I was fast enough that I didn’t worry about them being farther out, but I liked that they were smart enough to stay close in water they’d never been before. I knew there was no way it was as clear as the pools they were used to, so caution showed me Sierra wasn’t totally running the show.
The little hellion was wild enough that I was thankful any day she woke up and decided it was still a good idea to wear clothes.
“I’m not pretending. I’ve been guarding you for the last three years, and I plan on keeping that up until the day I die.”
“I’m sure there’s tons of women you can find who would love to hear that. You aren’t by any chance planning on dying tomorrow, are you?”
It was a mean thing to say, but no one had ever accused me of being nice. I wasn’t out there hosting fundraiser events for schools or baking cookies for church bake sales. Not many of the constituents seemed to care.
I never paid attention to how the public relations team explained my oddness away. I assumed they had a good lie in place, because I never met the wrong end of a raw egg or read about myself in the newspaper.
“You better hope I don’t. You already have your hands full with the girls. You don’t want to deal with every male wolf trying to prove to you they can be your mexxej lupu. There’s only supposed to be one of those, and I have no plans of giving up that title.”
“During our talk later, which I’ve decided I’ll grant you, are you going to find a way to prove that you aren’t delusional?”
“There are ways I think I could prove it to you, but I doubt we’ll partake in them tonight. I’ll let you see my mark, which should be a pretty good indicator. As much as you hate that part of us, you do know it’s not normal for the male to get marked.”
“Maybe you decided to get a tattoo, so you could pretend to be special.”
It wasn’t like I could feel his mark calling to me. Supposedly they did that kind of thing. I’d heard it was so the big, strong men could rescue their damsels in distress if anything crazy ever happened to them. The thought of me ever needing to call someone in for help made me laugh, which caused Paul to finally walk our way.
“Sometimes I think the only feminine part of your personality is that laugh of yours. You usually scoff more than laugh so no one else hears it.”
Reminding me that I had a dorky laugh didn’t entice me to use it more. Thankfully I’d only half laughed at my own thoughts, so a full dose didn’t make it out.
“Believe me, you would’ve divorced me if you had to listen to me laugh more than once a year. I’ve heard your stomach screaming for food, so why don’t you grab a sandwich.”
He didn’t bother sitting down, but did move to stand close to my side of the table. No one could complain about him being by my side, since as far as the world knew, we were supposed to be a happy couple.
“I highly doubt that. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of proving I’d do anything to stay married, including listening to your brother’s horrible advice.”
At least he knew that Jack only had bad advice to give. I wished he would’ve seen through his guidance from the beginning, but I couldn’t change the past. I’d just have to eventually pay Jack back.
“You’ll learn as you find out more about the world you’ve been a part of without knowing it that most of us are very protective of that world. Nikki is the only person I now who actually left that world. There are some who resist things, just to be rebellious, but no one leaves.”
He made it sound like we were in some religious cult or something, which I supposed wasn’t far from the truth.
“Girls, why don’t you come get a sandwic
h? I know you’re having fun, but I don’t want you wearing yourselves out.”
I was hoping we could stretch the outing out a couple of hours. We could skate around issues that everyone wanted to discuss, but we couldn’t very well start screaming the majority of us were werewolves and the one person who wasn’t was trying to figure out a way to change into one.
It had been forever since I really had to worry about making sure nothing too revealing was spoken in public. I’d become an expert at pretending I wasn’t different, and I worked to raise the girls with that mentality.
Sierra dragged her feet getting out of the water, but she followed behind her sister as Selina was quick to obey my request. They didn’t bother with their sandals, instead worrying about wringing out their dresses on the way over.
“The water smells different and the sand on the bottom feels weird in between my toes,” Sierra relayed.
I wasn’t sure if the clean, chlorine water or the murky, fish-filled water was the better option. Being one who liked nature, I knew which one I preferred; I just didn’t know what bacteria lurked in its depths.
“Have you had any fish try to make friends with your legs?”
The question came from my left. Paul was busy devouring a sandwich, so he wasn’t rushing to converse.
“No. Most animals are afraid of us and I expect fish aren’t any different.” Sierra climbed up to take a seat across from me as she answered.
“Yeah, when we were little Daddy tried to get us a family dog, but that didn’t work out too well,” Selina added.
She didn’t seem to hesitate when calling Paul Daddy, so I assumed her father didn’t have an issue with it. Selina was the kind of person who would try to make everyone happy, and if he had a problem, she’d find a way to please them both.
“Really? What happened?”
He sounded interested, but he had to know the outcome of Paul bringing a puppy home. It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, which I was thankful for. I didn’t want any events that would scar the girls for life happening when they were young.
“The puppy spent every moment she could in the house hiding in corners and rooms we didn’t visit often. We tried it for two days before I requested a new home be found for the dog.”
I’d made sure we hadn’t named her, because I knew she wouldn’t stay long. For a domestic animal, she’d been beautiful, and I suppose I should’ve known by the fact that she was a husky that Paul knew a little more about me and the girls than I thought he did.
I helped the girls get their corned beef sandwiches cut in quarters, so they were easier for them to eat. Even though they could handle eating the whole sandwich, their little hands preferred what I considered bite-sized pieces.
Neither girl was big on condiments, so their sandwiches were dry compared to Paul’s, which had the works. If you ever thought of something being on a sandwich, his had it.
Selina’s dad started asking the girls questions about their lives, which was cute, and appreciated, since I didn’t have to tax my brain to come up with stupid answers to what I considered stupid questions. It worked out well until the girls got their fill and decided to go back out into the water.
Chapter Thirteen
We stayed there for another hour. My dreams of prolonging the outing were dashed when I realized I hated small talk, and that was what the conversation fell into when I decided I didn’t want to answer any questions.
I really did need to learn to be patient, but I didn’t have the time it took to figure that out. My mind was busy making sure the girls stayed out of trouble and trying to keep Paul from causing his own death. I didn’t care how laid back a wolf was, if they felt threatened, they attacked.
Paul did his best not to act possessive. We spent parts of each day after the truth all came out talking about how dangerous that could be for him. As someone who always considered himself an alpha, it was difficult for him to realize someone else had more power than he did.
“He thinks about you constantly, sometimes the girls join you, but for the most part you’re always on his mind.”
A few hours had gone by, and the girls were finally tired. We’d spent the time between the lake and early evening listening to Sierra ask every question she could think of, some resulted in interesting answers, but for the most part she kept things simple. Eventually she started yawning and Paul had taken both girls up to bed.
“I can tell when I look in his eyes, which is one of the reasons I’ve tried not to do that lately.”
I’d ventured out to a balcony off the living room. I knew he’d follow, so I stood as far away from the entrance as I could.
“I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say love is easy. Knowing how fervently you’ve loved him gives me hope. I believe Paul’s going to stay up with the girls so we can talk.”
“How accommodating of him. I’m sure he’s been dying to hear your plans all day.”
It was a miracle that the subject hadn’t turned to future plans more often. I’d heard enough about keeping things quiet that I didn’t really care about final decisions. I just wanted to have an uncomplicated life, even after I’d screwed that up by being born complicated.
“Life wouldn’t be complicated if you accepted who you were, Nikki. I admit that would’ve been difficult for you when you didn’t understand who and what you are, but now that you do, you need to let all the hatred you feel go.”
“You want me to accept the fact that I’m a monster?” I kept focused on the gardens below us as I whispered my reply, ignoring a rumble from his chest. “I struggle everyday with the fact that I’ve passed down the affliction to the girls.”
I felt him move, the rapid whooshing of air around him as he advanced. He stopped short of reaching out to me, but I was sure he wanted to.
“I’ve arrested and dealt with murderers and rapists the last three years, don’t you dare call yourself a monster. If I thought you meant that the same way I interpret the word, I’d show you what a monster looks like.”
His voice dropped an octave, which seemed impossible with how low it usually was. I didn’t know that I really thought I was that different from the scum he locked up. There were different levels of monsters, and I was someone mothers didn’t want their children running into in dark alleys, so I couldn’t be that much better.
“You mentioned earlier today that you’ve killed a number of people since showing up in town. You don’t classify that as being a monster?”
I thought about turning around to face him, but he was too close. I didn’t want to brush noses.
“I did what I did to protect my family, so no, I don’t think it makes me a monster. I’ve had to claim self-defense more than most people, but it was win or die in the majority of those cases.”
“Which is the way of the world you want me to embrace. There are many things the humans do wrong, but they don’t needlessly kill each other because it makes them feel manly.”
“And that’s exactly why we need to accept who we are. Together we can change the way the wolves operate.”
He interrupted my thoughts, so I butted in before he could say anything else.
“Because you believe we’re some magical werewolf couple who are supposed to rule over the rest of the wolves. Do you know how crazy that sounds?”
The mark on my shoulder blade started to burn. Over the years, I’d felt it tingle every once in a while, but I never felt him around, so I figured the mark was warning me he was off doing something stupid. I never cared to find out why it acted up, but it also never felt like it was on fire.
He reached out, and instantly the mark cooled, causing my body to remain warm for another reason.
“I’m guessing you didn’t ask many questions about mates and marks when you were busy rebelling. A mate mark is only meant to prove to others you aren’t available. Our marks are a little different.”
“They’d have to be if you actually have one. I still haven’t seen it, so I’m not convinced.”
I knew everything I needed to know about mates from watching my parents. Wolves seldom got to choose who they ended up with. Mates weren’t predestined, but parents tried to set their children up with the match they thought was best.
I was lucky I was really good at scaring potential mates away. I wasn’t perfect, obviously, but I’d managed to make more than one man reconsider what my father promised was a perfect match.
“Do you promise not to faint if I show you?”
“The chances of that are zero, so yes. Are you going to finish explaining why we’re any different than every other wolf? I didn’t pay attention, but things seemed different from the very beginning.”
His touch left me, and I sensed him stepping back a few steps, so I turned around to face him. I should’ve waited until his shirt was off and he’d turned around. I’d never swooned, but the female part of my brain was telling me the time had come.
If one was of a technical nature, they’d say my whole brain was female, but I liked to think I was gender neutral when it came to thinking. I picked up the best parts of both the male and female brains and combined them into my higher level of thinking brain.
Watching each curve of muscle exposed made most of that thinking escape out my ears. Having stared at his arm and leg muscles all day, I knew what to expect, but my brain hadn’t done his toned stomach justice.
I decided to chalk up the attraction to the fact that we were mates and my wolfy senses made it impossible not to drool in his presence.
“If it was the wolf side of you coming up with the thoughts, you would’ve thrown me to the ground and we’d focus on giving the girls siblings for the next week. I knew you were disciplined, but I kind of hoped you’d have trouble fighting through the urges.”
My eyes diverted from trying to count the number of scars he had on his stomach and looked up to his face. The scars were faint, but I could see them after I stopped focusing on his muscles. He grinned like a fool as he threw his shirt off to the side. He was supposed to put it right back on, so I didn’t know why he was quick to discard it. Hearing weight to the shirt hitting the ground, I assumed the badge I’d noticed under the fabric came off just as easily as the shirt.