by Amber Lynn
No walls or floor to try to focus on. My whole day had been kind of crappy, so in a way it made sense that my first dream was screwed up beyond my control.
“This isn’t a dream, and since you aren’t physically in your mind where I’m visiting, there isn’t a reason for you to see anything other than me. I was one half of the original par lupu, the half you now are. Over the years, who and what we were was forgotten. If the stories were passed down like they should’ve been, you wouldn’t find the idea so hard to believe.”
“I don’t mind the general idea of the par lupu existing, what I find preposterous is the fact that anyone would believe I’m part of it.”
“I’m aware of that, and that’s exactly why you’re perfect to bring werewolves back from the edge of a cliff they’re about to go over. I know you haven’t spent a lot of time with Viktor yet, as you’ve fought him every step of the way, but the connection between you isn’t going to go away. Within you lies my soul and within him lies Rajan’s. I’d tell you stories of our love, but I know they would only make this more difficult for you.”
That had to have been the creepiest thing I’d ever heard. Not only had my mind thought about the afterlife recently, but I was dreaming up thoughts on reincarnation.
“Werewolves don’t love. Any chance of that is driven out of them as children while watching their parents fight.”
“But not with you. You went off and found a man you truly love. It’s a shame he’s the wrong man for you. Paul is a catch and will make a great wolf, especially when things start to change. If he was born or turned before Rajan had picked Viktor, your heart wouldn’t hurt as much as it has over the past few years. Sadly, even with all our wisdom, we couldn’t predict him coming into your life.”
“I’ve always been told I like to do things the hard way. What exactly are you trying to tell me by bringing this all up?”
She’d said that she was going to explain everything to me, but she’d basically told me nothing Vik hadn’t. Other than my soul supposedly belonged to wolves who had dreams about how the world should be.
I hadn’t missed that I continued to think of him as Vik. There wasn’t a reason for me to continue trying to deny our connection.
“Only what you’ve already realized. Your heart is big enough to love many people. I know the ways of the world have changed from the time I lived, so that may sound odd to you. You’ve already stated that werewolves don’t love, but you do. You love those little girls of yours, you love the human you’ve bonded with, you love your brother, and even if you don’t want to admit it, your heart belongs to Viktor.”
“That last one is out of my control.”
I didn’t deny anything. I wouldn’t admit to loving him, but as she and I had both said, it wasn’t my choice what my heart did as far as he was concerned.
“Understandable. It isn’t the same for you as it was when you and Paul first met, which is what you’ve come to associate that kind of love with. With Rajan and I involved, it makes things different. It makes things more powerful and that scares you. You don’t want to diminish what you and Paul had.”
“Nothing scares me about it. It’s wrong that what I’ve felt for Paul has to be lessened because of what I am. I should’ve been allowed the chance to choose who deserves my heart.”
“I hate to tell you this, but you cannot outrun what you are. You’re a werewolf, Nicole, as much as you hate to admit that.”
I had tried so hard to prove those words false. There was even a time when I’d promised to not have children to make sure I didn’t pass the curse on. I’d failed to do that and failed to prove to myself that I could be something more than just a monster. The call had always been too strong.
“Failure isn’t what I’d call your life. Maybe a tad misguided, but every minute of your life has led you to what you need to be. I thought the first time we were able to talk would end up with me having to explain the things required of the reġina lupu, to make sure you understood, but you already know what you need to do.”
“When exactly did you live, and by chance were people more into your cryptic conversations back then? I can tell you things have changed enough that the current generation really enjoys having everything spelled out for them.”
“I’d love to tell you more about me, but we don’t have that much time right now. Viktor is waiting for you and you two have a lot of work to do.”
I didn’t want a life story. I was just curious how many centuries ago people didn’t mind not getting a straight answer.
“So that’s it. You’ve decided to make my life difficult, and there’s no playbook you’re going to hand down from one reġina lupu to another.”
Whether she wanted to admit that we were talking in circles or not, I felt like we were. I wondered how much of Tera’s punches Vik had absorbed. He had to have done something to make me not realize my brain was turning into mush.
She stood up and moved closer to the invisible me. I couldn’t call what she did walking, because she sort of glided above the floor.
“We’ll talk more soon, but you’ve found the perfect place to prove who you are by making a difference. Remember though, with the power you have, is a great responsibility, as cliché as that sounds.”
When I was awake, I didn’t want to remember a single thing about the conversation. Pine drifted into my senses, which made me realize I hadn’t been able to smell a single thing during the talk.
“He’s more insistent than I thought he’d be. He’s spent hours learning from Rajan, so you’d think he’d realize things shouldn’t be rushed. Well, great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter, we’ll talk again soon. Until then, cherish everything you have and continue to know deep down that you are blessed to have it.”
She didn’t fade away, or glide away from my vision. She was just there one second and gone the next. It took a few moments before I sensed anything else, and when I did it was someone saying my name.
“Nikki, I know you can hear me. Wake up.”
“No.”
Vik’s command didn’t need any more response than that. I didn’t want to wake up. My body felt like it was run over by a cement truck, and if I was fully awake, I was sure it’d only hurt more.
“Don’t be a baby. Paul needs you to verify that you’re really alive and our lack of calling for a doctor to see to you isn’t because we’re all waiting around to see if you die.”
The body next to me in bed wasn’t Paul’s. That body being next to me was enough to get me moving. I hated when people watched me sleep and I assumed that was all Vik had been doing while he waited for me to heal enough to wake up.
“I see you’ve dropped the Selina’s dad, my mate, Jack’s partner and general pronouns your vocabulary has been full of.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t disappear from my refusal to acknowledge you have a name, so I suppose it’s not worth my effort to come up with other things to call you.”
I sat up in the unfamiliar bed and looked around the room, more excited than I should’ve been that I had the ability to do so. Even in a void in my head, I thought the basic capability to change perspective should’ve been available.
Along with the unknown bed, there were a few pieces of other normal bedroom furniture. One of those pieces was a chair that Paul occupied as he stared in my direction. Not only had one person been watching me sleep, but my husband gazed on while his rival tried to hold me close.
I didn’t care what Ece had to say on the subject. That was wrong and in many ways cruel.
“I told him that you were fine and he didn’t need to be in here, but he insisted, even after I climbed in to continue my efforts of keeping your body heat elevated enough that you’d heal faster.”
“Likely story. Where are the girls?”
I felt them outside, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know exactly where they were. I was worried about the two guys being with me and the girls running around on their own.
“Jack and Elisa are watching them. I’m sure you have a lot of questions about that, but you can wait until you feel better to ask them.”
I waited for someone to say something more, because both of them knew exactly how I’d respond to Vik’s statement. My brother and mother teaming up to watch the girls terrified me.
“I’m told Selina had things under control, but Elisa was the one who physically stood in between the crazy lady playing dress-up and me. Elisa about killed crazy lady when she threatened to even touch the girls. There was some kind of power play going on, and crazy lady backed down enough that the girls were safe, but she kept giving me this look. I knew she wanted to kill me, even before she said she was going to, and Elisa stood in her way.”
After fighting the man responsible for bringing me into the world, I never expected my mother would work to protect the people most important to me, especially when one of them meant nothing to her.
“Elisa wasn’t in on the plans, but she knew instantly that Sierra was your daughter, so she understood what was going on. She couldn’t stand up to your father over the years, but he wasn’t here and she would’ve died before anything happened to our family, even if he’d decided to show up.”
I didn’t anticipate Vik wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. I would’ve countered the affection if I’d been prepared. Everything about my life seemed impossible to comprehend.
“Where does that leave everything?”
I didn’t even know where I was, so reaching out with my normal senses to take stock of things didn’t do me a lot of good. I felt people everywhere, mostly anxious people, which I expected after the events of the day.
“Not to shock you, but you’ve been asleep for three hours. It’s pretty early in the morning and as you already picked up, people are a little antsy about the delay. If you’re feeling up to it, we can go out and help with your problem and theirs.”
Vik hadn’t let go of me, and I hoped he wasn’t planning on carrying me again. I was still a little groggy, but I was going to walk on my own.
“Please tell me you’re guessing on the three hours because there isn’t a clock in the room.”
I knew he wasn’t. He had a shadow of a beard I could feel against the side of my face as he’d brought me closer to him.
“Don’t you think we should figure out where things stand here in this room before we deal with the mess outside?” He didn’t feel a need to respond to the question of time, so I pushed forward.
Whether they’d acted like they were buddies or not, there were things that had to be discussed. It was probably easier out in the middle of pack land than back in the mansion to have the discussion. I needed to figure out what the deal with the guards was before I trusted anyone to even be on the grounds while we had a conversation.
“Paul can fill you in some on that last thought later, but it seems it was an isolated breach and it’s been corrected. He’s already gone over everything that happened with me, but I’m sure you’ll appreciate hearing it from him and the girls yourself. Nothing has changed about the other issues, other than I think Paul’s going to be pushing harder for you to turn him.”
I’d already been through him begging me to turn him. I thought it complicated things unnecessarily. He’d gotten a first look at what life as a werewolf was like. I couldn’t believe anyone wanted to voluntarily sign up for that.
“I see that look in your eyes, Nikki. The conversation isn’t over. You don’t know how helpless I felt when there was absolutely nothing I could do to protect the girls.”
“What about everything else? I don’t want to have any feelings for Vik, but I do, and the ones I have for Paul aren’t going anywhere. Whether Paul is a wolf, he’s still an alpha, and two alphas don’t survive fighting for the affections of a woman.”
“I’m glad to hear you don’t hate him. I’d have trouble letting go of you if I thought there was no hope for your relationship. As naïve as you think I am in this world, I understand how things work. Vik explained the story of the par lupu to me, so I know you two were destined to find each other. I also know that isn’t how it is for all wolves, but I’m sure eventually I’ll find someone who meets your standards and is willing to understand that a part of my heart will always be yours.”
Paul stood up from his seat and looked a little forlorn at the two of us on the bed. I had a lot of things to say to his declaration, but Vik squeezed me and mentally told me to wait to talk about it later.
After hearing about my mother’s actions and that my husband was already making plans to move on, I wanted to just sit in the bed and cry. All the sentiment was turning me into a giant baby.
I had two little girls I wanted to check for even the slightest bruises on, though, so sitting around while I tried to understand the mysteries of the universe wasn’t in my day planner. Vik joined Paul by putting his feet on the floor and held his hand out to me. I took it and walked between the fathers of my daughters as we went to tell the pack about the changes coming to the world.
I wasn’t an expert on what those changes were, but I’d always been pretty good about winging things.
Epilogue
1 year later
There were days I hated what I was. I suppose after years of feeling that way, it was hard to let it go. Those days seemed to become fewer and further between, and that was a giant step for me.
My life had been turned upside down since I’d thought those specific words four years ago. One of the biggest differences from that day to the present day was the fact that I was happy. It’d taken me about twenty-five years to find the happiness I never knew was possible.
There were times over the years that I’d thought Paul and I had found what I believed to be perfection. That short time was something I’d never forget, but I hadn’t understood how pretending to be something I wasn’t actually prevented me from being as happy as he was.
I would never claim things were perfect. Accepting my place as the reġina lupu had been difficult for me. After watching Vik work the crowd waiting for us the day our family had been held hostage, and the hope I saw in every one of the wolves’ eyes, I knew I could make a difference.
I didn’t know how I was supposed to change the world, and truthfully it would take years to make any real change. I knew it could be done, though. Looking at the people who had been prisoners to my father’s ways, I knew wolves didn’t all want to live in the dark.
By that point, my mother had killed Tera for threatening her grandchildren and Jack had stood up in a way a little brother shouldn’t have had to by killing our father. While I slept, it had been decided that their poison couldn’t continue to spread through packs, and there was little hope for rehabilitation.
I never knew exactly why Tera had shown up to screw with our lives, other than she was a woman who wanted some kind of revenge. The people who had come with her had been following blindly. She’d wrestled control of the pack away from her father and they’d spent about three years living in fear.
Vik often told me how relieved he was that he found me when he did. Another month and he would’ve been tied to that crazy, and finding me wouldn’t have meant a thing if he was bonded to another wolf. I didn’t believe Ece and Rajan would’ve allowed that, but they hadn’t gotten in the way of Paul and me.
The day Ece officially introduced herself was a day that changed me. I couldn’t explain exactly what it was, but seeing the charred remains of Tera and Levi had actually saddened me. Before being poisoned, I’d wanted to kill them both with my bare hands, so it made very little sense to me.
Ece had been in touch after that, but not as much as I expected. She’d been right from the very beginning that I understood how things should be and what needed to be done to get things back to how they were when she was alive. I also learned that she hadn’t just been trying to blow my mind when she mentioned we were distantly related.
That many generations back took a little research, but I tracked
her, along with Rajan. Apparently she had her heart set on passing the legacy on to one of her descendants, and it took her a long time to find one she thought deserved it.
She also had to be a firstborn girl, which hadn’t happened in any bloodlines since her time, so she worked a little magic to make sure I existed to gain the right she bestowed. I’d told her when she mentioned the part of finding someone deserving that she must have finally lowered her standards when she picked me.
All I received in return was a laugh, which didn’t tell me if I was onto something. It didn’t matter. After only a year of trying to show werewolves the values we were being taught were wrong, Ece told me she was proud of me. After hearing my mother tell me the same thing days after reuniting with her, I figured I was doing pretty well.
“How’s he doing today?”
Vik’s arms wrapped around me, bringing me out of my thoughts, as I stood on the deck behind our house, looking out to a meadow in full bloom. As he promised, after Paul served his last day as governor of the state, we moved into the house we’d all had a hand in picking out. The girls probably had the most say, but we all agreed in the end.
By that time, Paul had been a werewolf for a few months. I’d lasted only three weeks before I turned him. We didn’t talk much about the process. After he begged and I was sure he knew what would happen, things were a little more intense than he expected.
“He’s telling me he’s hungry again. I swear I’m bigger carrying just him than I was carrying both girls, and I have at least two more months to go.”
The “he” I was talking about kicked his father’s hand to let me know he thought I was exaggerating. Our son couldn’t see me in a mirror, so I voted that his thoughts didn’t count.
“You have very selective memory if you think that’s the case. I didn’t get to enjoy each day of the girls growing firsthand, but I remember your very intriguing waddle.”