Their pizza arrived, and the conversation lulled for a moment as they each put a steaming hot slice on their respective plates. Zach seemed to realize at that moment how much talking he had been doing.
“Enough about me, though,” he said. “Tell me more about yourself.”
Mindy shrugged. “There’s not much to tell, other than what you already know. I work as a nurse, and now work making jewelry with Bailey on the side.”
“What are your hobbies?” Zach asked.
“Um, I used to be really into painting, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had the free time to pursue that hobby. So, working is pretty much it. Oh, I also volunteer at the orphanage at least once a week. I’m not sure if that’s what you’d consider a hobby, but it’s how I spend most of my free time.”
“I’m impressed,” Zach said. “You sound like a really giving person, and those kids are lucky to have you around.”
Mindy blushed, and looked down at her pizza. “Well, I had cancer, and can’t have kids of my own anymore. So those kids are kind of like my family. I’d adopt them all if I could.”
Zach leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows. “So, you survived cancer, and, instead of being bitter about not having your own kid, you volunteer to help kids who don’t have families. You’re a stronger person than I am.”
Mindy shrugged. “I’m proud of myself for what I’ve made it through, and I do think I’m a strong person. But I don’t think I’m anything out of the ordinary. You’d be surprised how much hard situations can help you grow. You probably would have reacted the same way if you’d had to face something like I faced.”
“No, I wouldn’t have. I’d be a bitter, broken man,” Zach said. He stared off into space with a faraway look in his eyes while he spoke, and Mindy got the feeling that he was talking more to himself than to her.
“Well, anyway, enough serious talk. This pizza isn’t going to eat itself,” Mindy said, and grabbed another slice.
Zach grinned and did the same, and the conversation once again turned to lighter topics. Mindy found herself enjoying Zach’s company, and she started to think that maybe they could actually be friends. She remembered how fun he had been at the bar the night they met—until he got to the point of blackout drunk, that was.
When the bill came, Zach grabbed it and insisted on paying. “I invited you out,” he said. “Let me cover it.”
Mindy smiled. “Okay. I’m not going to pass up free pizza.”
After Zach paid, they walked out into the bright, March sunshine.
“I know it probably sounds silly to say this, because it’s never really cold here, but I love when the weather starts to turn warmer. The bright sun rays feel amazing, and I love spring so much,” Mindy said. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.
Zach smiled. “I love spring, too. The warmer weather means the wildfires are coming back, though. Which is good for me, since I’ll have work. But it’s bad for the forests.”
Mindy’s face turned serious. “Do you get scared when you have to go fight a fire?”
“I get nervous, which I think is good. You never want to get too comfortable around a giant fire. But I never feel scared anymore. I used to, when I first started. Now, it’s kind of just a job.”
Mindy shook her head. “Play it down all you want to, but I’m still amazed at how brave you all are.”
Zach shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other. “I’m amazed at you. You save people’s lives every day at work, and then you go spend your free time with kids who have no one else. That’s pretty remarkable.”
Mindy shrugged and looked down at her feet, feeling a little self-conscious. “I just want to make my time here on earth count, you know? After I almost died from cancer, I realized that every day I have is such a gift. I think that’s why I get along with Bailey so well. She knows what it feels like to think you’re going to die, but then miraculously have the chance to keep on living. In her case it was the hotel fire that almost killed her, but I think the feeling of getting a second chance at life is the same.”
“Yeah,” Zach said. “Speaking of Bailey, I’m really sorry about the way I reacted the other day when you came to help her with her jewelry. It’s not you personally. It’s just that I have some things in my past that can make it hard to trust strangers.”
“Bailey kind of mentioned that,” Mindy said with a shrug. “No hard feelings. And don’t worry about me, by the way. I’m as harmless as a fly. I’m not going to cause you any trouble.”
I know,” Zach said. “And I know most people are harmless. But every time I meet someone new, I have a hard time trusting that they’re not going to be one of the bad apples.”
Zach looked down at the ground, and the pair fell silent for several moments. Finally, Zach looked up at Mindy with a sheepish smile.
“Look,” he said. “I know we kind of started off on the wrong foot. Well, actually we started off on a good foot at the bar, but I quickly ruined that. And then I made it worse by the way I acted at the hospital and the hangar. I’m really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I mean it when I say that I’m really impressed with you. The more I talk to you, the more I realize that it’s completely unfair for me to treat you the way I have. You’re a good, genuine person. To be frank, not only am I impressed with you, but I’m very attracted to you. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about you that just draws me in.”
Zach looked down at his feet for one more moment before looking up again and taking in a loud breath. “Do you think that there’s a chance that there might be something between us?”
Mindy suddenly felt played. Had this whole lunch just been some fancy scheme to get her to spend time with him?
“Are you kidding me?” she asked angrily. “You told me that this wasn’t a date.”
“It wasn’t,” Zach said. “I honestly just wanted to have lunch with you as a friend. But the more I get to know you, the more I can’t ignore what an amazing individual you are. Sitting here talking to you over lunch today made me realize how wrong I had been about a lot of things, and how much I want a chance to get to know you better on a deeper level.”
Mindy laughed sardonically. “Well, that’s sweet. But when I said I wanted this to be just a friend thing, I meant it. I don’t know what your deal is. Obviously, you’ve been very hurt by someone. But we all have things in our life that are painful, and it’s not an excuse to fly off the handle or treat people the way you’ve treated me. We can be friends, but I’m not interested in a relationship with a guy who thinks it’s okay to just yell at people whenever he feels like it. Apologizing to me is a good start, but how do I know that tomorrow you’re not going to be off on one of your angry tirades again? No thank you.”
Zach’s face fell. “I’m really sorry,” he said. “If you knew what I’ve been through, I think you would be more understanding of the way I’ve acted. Just give me a chance. I can change, and I can show you that deep down I’m actually a nice guy, and loyal to a fault to those I care about.”
Mindy shook her head. “Sorry, Zach. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions over the last several times I’ve seen you have shown me that you’re not the kind of person I want to be in a relationship with. I wish you all the best, and I hope that we can continue to be friends. But just friends. I don’t want anything more than that.”
Zach’s eyes darkened and his face contorted into a scowl—a look that was becoming all too familiar to Mindy. Just more proof that he couldn’t be trusted not to go into a rage whenever he felt like it.
He didn’t say anything, so Mindy turned around and headed for her car. Seriously, why did good-looking guys always think they could act however they wanted to and get away with it? Maybe that worked on some girls, but not on her. She already had too many things in her life to juggle without adding bipolar boy toy to the list. Nope, nope, nope.
Mindy couldn’t resist one last look over her shoulder before stepping int
o her car. Zach stood in the same spot she had left him, with his arms crossed and the same scowl etched onto his face. Nice try, buddy, Mindy thought. It’s going to take more than a couple minutes of sweet talking to win over a girl like me.
Chapter Ten
Zach stood outside the pizzeria, and watched as Mindy drove away. He didn’t know whether he should be angry at her or at himself. He’d quickly progressed from agreeing to this lunch as a way to get rid of Mindy, to thinking maybe they could actually be friends, to asking her to be his freaking girlfriend. What the hell was wrong with him?
He didn’t know what had come over him, but he felt quite unsettled by the adrenaline rush he got every time he spoke with Mindy. No doubt remained in his mind anymore—she was his fated lifemate. It didn’t make any sense to him, but it was obvious from the strong, unshakable attraction he felt. Every time he was around her, his bear begged to bond with her.
But after the way she had rejected him, he also had no doubt remaining in his mind that he and Mindy would never actually be together. He had taken one small chance on her, and had been totally rebuffed. She didn’t believe his apology, and she didn’t seem to even believe that he could change.
He felt his heart breaking, but, as far as he could tell, there was only one option left for him. He would do what he had been planning to do before his ill-fated decision to ask Mindy to lunch—pack up his duffel bag and leave. He had become a burden to his crew, and, in addition to that, if he stayed here now then he would be forced to constantly see the lifemate he could never actually have. All of this, on top of the fact that it was starting to look like he would never find his long-lost cub, had become too much for Zach to handle. It would be better for everyone if he just left. Himself included.
Zach got back into his truck, and headed toward base with a heavy heart. He hated to say it, but he almost envied Mindy and her inability to have a child. It seemed like a better option than having a child but never being able to see him or her. He could feel anger bubbling up in his stomach. He had never been a violent person, but his bitterness had grown to the level that he thought it might be best if he never found Traci. He didn’t think he could trust himself not to turn into a ferocious bear around her, out only for blood.
Zach took a few deep breaths to try to calm himself. He had to think about something else, so he started mentally going over in his mind the list of things that he wanted to pack and take with him when he left the crew. He tried to mentally winnow it down, so that he could keep his packing as light as possible. By the time he got back to base, he was sure he could fit his whole mental list into one large duffel bag. He hopped out of his truck, and started toward the bunkhouse, almost excited for the prospect of a new life that stretched out in front of him. But he’d only walked about ten feet when Trevor came running around the corner of the hangar at full speed.
“Zach, where have you been? Get your gear together!” Trevor said. “We just got a call from headquarters. They’re sending us out to a fire in Southern California.”
“What?” Zach asked, startled. “We’re barely into March. How is it hot enough already for a fire?”
“Well, you know the drought is just as bad down there as it is up here, so everything is abnormally dry,” Trevor said. “Combine that with the fact that they’re having a heat wave down there, and that an idiot camper still thought it would be okay to leave a campfire unattended, and you have, quite literally, the perfect storm. I guess the guy thought that he was far enough out that nobody would catch him lighting an illegal fire. Well, now his fire is not only out of control, but it’s way too deep in the wilderness for any vehicles to get there or for a ground crew to reach.”
Zach stood staring at Trevor. “Are you sure? I’ve never heard of a smokejumping crew being called in this early in the year.”
Trevor looked at Zach like he was a crazy person. “Yes, I’m sure. Why would I be making this up? Get your butt in gear and start getting ready. The plane’s going to be here to pick us up in three hours.”
Trevor jogged off, shaking his head. Zach watched him leave, and tried to figure out what to do. He had been all ready to walk out the door, but he felt it was unfair to force his crew to take on a job short a crewmember without any notice. After considering the situation for a few moments, he decided that the only way to really do right by his crew was to go on this last mission with them. When he got back, he would tell them he was leaving. Odds were that there wouldn’t be another fire for a while after this one, so they should have plenty of time to prepare for taking on the next wildfire without him.
Zach strode into the hangar to make sure his gear was ready, even though he already knew that it was. He had checked and double checked it several times, and now his overabundance of caution was paying off. The rest of the crew was already in the hangar, running around and making last minute preparations. Zach smiled sadly at the sight of the crew going into action. They might all have their differences here and there, but when it was time to get down to business, they all knew how to work together as a team. He was going to miss these guys when he was gone.
Zach shook off the feelings of sadness, and jumped in to help with last minute preparations. There would be time to wallow in grief later. Right now, he had one last job to do with his crew.
A few hours later, Zach joined the rest of the smokejumpers as they climbed into a twin otter aircraft, and the pilot took off due south. Feelings of nostalgia overwhelmed Zach as he watched the hangar he had called home for the last year become smaller and smaller as the plane flew higher and farther away. He closed his eyes, and tried to focus on something else, like what he would do for work as soon as he left the crew and gave up his job. Maybe he would head up to the Pacific Northwest, and take a bartending job at some small bar in a sleepy town on the coast. He could start over where no one knew him. The idea of never being judged for who he was or what his past held sounded overwhelmingly appealing to him. And yet, even as he tried to fill his mind with images of himself hiding out in a small coastal town, he couldn’t completely push away with the snapshots of Mindy that kept popping up in his mind’s eye. By the time the plane reached the drop site, Zach’s mood had plummeted. He did his best, though, to at least act like everything was okay. Maybe Mindy was unwilling to accept that he could change, but he truly believed that he could. He would make a real effort during this last mission not to fly off the handle at his crew. He took a deep breath as he looked over at his alpha, and saw Ian nod at him.
“Door!” Zach called out, and then started opening the jump door of the plane. A rush of cold wind came in to the aircraft as Zach pulled on his jump helmet and fastened the strap. Even though the temperature on the ground was hot, the air at an altitude of nine thousand feet still felt fresh.
“Gear up!” Ian said, and the rest of the crew started buckling their helmets and checking the straps on their parachute rigs. Zach grabbed the colorful paper streamers that the crew used to determine wind direction. He stuck his head out the door of the plane and watched as the trees went rushing by below him in miniature. He loved how tiny everything looked from up here, and how sticking his head out of the airplane to watch it all zoom by made him feel like he was flying. Another small detail of this job that he was going to miss.
Zach threw several streamers down in quick succession, watching them carefully as they floated down to the earth.
“Looks like there’s no wind to speak of,” Zach said. “You know what that means—there’s not going to be much wind to slow you down on your landings, so be extra careful when you’re coming in. Try extra hard to avoid the trees.”
Ian stuck his head out the door with Zach, to assess the situation, then looked over at Zach to nod his confirmation.
“We’ve got our spot,” Zach said. “Let’s go!”
The crew lined up, and one by one began hurling themselves from the door of the airplane. First Trevor, then Hunter, and then Charlotte jumped. The plane had gone too far at tha
t point, so the pilot circled around to do a second pass. When they got back over the jump spot, Luke jumped first. Zach got in position in the door after him. He would jump, and Ian would follow him, leaving the plane last.
Zach watched as Luke fell away from the plane, counted out five seconds, and then hurled himself into the open air. The jumping part of this job had become so routine for him that he didn’t feel much adrenaline anymore. He arched his back to stabilize himself against the wind, and then paused for a moment to look at the burning horizon as he fell. He was trained to pull open his parachute as soon as he had stabilized, but today he couldn’t resist the temptation to wait for several extra seconds. Since he was traveling toward the earth at about a hundred and sixty miles an hour, it didn’t take long for those extra seconds to bring him dangerously close to the earth. He had heard people describing ground rush, which, just like it sounded, meant the feeling of watching the ground rush up toward you as you fell without a parachute. The feeling could be alternatively exhilarating or terrifying, depending on your personality, and, of course on why exactly there wasn’t a parachute over your head. If you were freefalling by choice, because you wanted the exhilarating, dangerous feeling of getting too close to the earth, you’d obviously be a little less freaked out than if your plummeting was unintentionally caused by difficulties in opening your parachute.
Zach had intentionally chosen not to open his parachute, but it wasn’t because he was looking for some exhilarating feeling. He had just found himself wondering, at five thousand feet above the ground, what it would be like to collide with the earth and then feel nothing. He fantasized about how freeing it would be for all of the heartache he dealt with to disappear into oblivion in an instant. Then he saw, out of the left corner of his eye, Luke, with a fully open parachute. When Zach flew past Luke in a rapid descent, that’s when he snapped out of it. No matter how hopeless he felt things were, he couldn’t leave his crew with this kind of mess. Having to deal with a clan member dying so horrifically was too much to ask of them. Zach reached back, and pulled the handle of his parachute. The last few seconds before it inflated he watched with widened eyes as the treetops came impossibly close. He heard the loud sound of a woman’s voice screaming, and he realized that Charlotte must be on the ground, freaking out as she watched him plummeting down far too quickly.
An Ember To Bear (Fire Bear Shifters 5) Page 9