Science and theology were ripping asunder. The political corruption of the Church was becoming undeniable; now its intellectual claims were also coming under fire. And some radical thinkers, often medics who had studied comparative anatomy and noticed remarkable similarities between the bones of entirely different animals, were engaged in speculation that changed the view of creation itself. According to the Bible, God had created each type of animal as a one-off item - whales and winged fowl on the fifth day, cattle and creeping things and humans on the sixth. But these medical types were starting to think that species could change, `transmute'. Species were not fixed for all time. They realised that there was a rather big gap between, say, a banana and a fish. You couldn't cross that gap in one step. But given enough time, and enough steps ...
Darwin slowly became caught up in the flow. His Red Notebook, where he recorded anything that he saw or that came to mind, began to hint at the `mutability of species'. The hints were incomplete and ill-assorted. Deformed babies resembled new species. The beaks of Galapagos finches were of different shapes and sizes. Rheas were a puzzle, though: two distinct species of the giant birds had overlapping ranges in Patagonia. Why didn't they merge into a single species?
By July, he had secretly started a new notebook, his B Notebook.
It was on the transmutation of species.
By 1839 Darwin was building up a complete picture, and he wrote a 35-page summary of his thinking. A crucial influence was Thomas Malthus, whose 1826 Essay on the Principle of Population pointed out that the unchecked growth of organisms is exponential (or 'geometric', in the old-fashioned phrase of the time), whereas that of
resources is linear (`arithmetic'). Exponential growth occurs when each step multiplies the size by some fixed amount, for example 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, where each number is twice the previous one. Linear growth adds some fixed amount at each step, for instance 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, where each number exceeds the previous one by 2. However small the multiplier is in exponential growth, provided it is bigger than 1, and however large the number added in linear growth may be, it turns out that in the long run exponential growth always beats linear. Though it does take some time if the multiplier is close to 1 and the number being added is huge.
Darwin had taken on board Malthus's argument, and he had realised that in practice what keeps populations down is competition for resources, such as food and a place to live. This competition, he wrote, leads to `natural selection', in which those creatures that are victorious in the `war of nature' are the ones that produce the next generation. Individual creatures within a species are not exactly identical; those differences make it possible for the force of natural selection to produce slow, gradual changes. How far might such changes go? In Darwin's view, very far indeed. Far enough to lead to entirely new species, given enough time. And thanks to geology, scientists now knew that the Earth was very, very old.
Darwin, following family tradition, was a Unitarian. This particular branch of Christianity has been aptly described as `people who believe in at most one God'. As a sound Unitarian, he believed that the Deity must work on the grandest of scales. So he finished his summary with a powerful appeal to the Unitarian view of the Deity:
It is derogatory that the Creator of countless systems of worlds should have created each of the myriads of creeping parasites and slimy worms which have swarmed each day of life on land and water on this one globe. We cease being astonished, however much we may deplore, that a group of animals should have been directly created to lay their eggs in bowels and flesh of others - that some organisms
should delight in cruelty ... From death, famine, rapine, and the concealed war of nature we can see that the highest good, which we can conceive, the creation of the higher animals has directly come.
God surely has better taste than to create nasty parasites directly. They exist only because they are a necessary step along the path that leads to cats, dogs, and us.
Darwin had his hypothesis.
Now he began to agonise about how to bring it to the waiting world.
ELEVEN
WIZARDS ON THE WARPATH
IN THE GLOOM OF THE High Energy Magic building, Hex wrote. Every minute another page slid off the writing table.
"`Boat sunk by collision with Spanish fishing vessel",' Ponder Stibbons read out, a tremor in his voice. "`Boat shipwrecked on uncharted reef near Madeira. Boat found drifting minus all crew, with the table laid for a meal. Boat catches fire, all lost. Boat struck by meteorite. Darwin accidentally shot by ship's surgeon and naturalist during a collecting expedition on the island of St Jago. Darwin accidentally shot by ship's captain. Darwin accidentally shot by himself. Darwin loses place on boat. Darwin leaves boat because of seasickness. Darwin loses notebooks. Darwin stung to death by wasps! Darwin bangs head on underside of table and loses memory ..."' He put down the paper. `And these are the more sensible causes.'
`The stone dropping out of the sky was sensible?' said Ridcully.
`Compared to the attack of the giant squid, Archchancellor, I would say so,' said Ponder. `And the enormous waterspout. And the shipwreck off the coast of Norway.'
`Well, ships do get wrecked,' said the Dean.
`Yes, sir. But the country known as Norway is in the wrong direction. The Beagle would only get there by sailing backwards. Hex is right, sir. This is insane. The moment that we decided to change one simple little history, the whole of the universe is trying to stop the voyage happening! And mathematically speaking, this is illegal!'
Ponder thumped the table, his face red. The senior wizards shied. This was as unnerving as hearing a sheep roar.
'My word!' said Ridcully. `Is it?
'Yes! There must be room in phase space for the possibility that Origin gets written! It's not against the physical laws of this universe!'
`That a young inexperienced man takes a voyage around this world and has an insight that changes mankind's view of itself?' said the Dean. `You must admit it looks a bit unlikely - sorry, sorry, sorry!' He backed away as Ponder advanced.
`One of the biggest religions on Roundworld was founded by a carpenter's son!' Ponder snarled. `For years, the most powerful person on the planet was an actor! There's got to be room for Darwin!'
He stamped back to the table and picked up a handful of papers. `Look at this stuff! "Darwin bitten by poisonous spider ... Darwin savaged by kangaroo ... stung by jellyfish ... eaten by shark ... Beagle found floating, table laid for a meal, this time in a different ocean, still no one on board ... Darwin struck by lightning ... killed by volcanic activity ... Beagle sunk by freak wave" ... does anyone expect us to believe this for one minute?'
There was a ringing silence.
`I can see this is worrying you, Mr Stibbons,' said Ridcully.
`Well, yes, I mean, yes, it's so ... wrong! The multiverse is not supposed to change the rules. Anything that's possible to happen has a universe for it to happen in! I mean, here, yes, the rules can be bent in all kinds of ways, but in Roundworld there's no one to bend them!'
`I've got an idea,' said Rincewind. The other wizards turned, amazed at this revelation.
`Yes?' said Ponder.
`Why not just take it for granted that someone is out to get you?' said Rincewind. `That's what I do. Don't bother to work out the fine detail. Look, when you first started to tinker, it was all going to be plain sailing, right? Make a few little adjustments, pinch a fish, and it'd all be OK? But now there are nearly fifteen hundred new reasons-'
With a rattle, Hex's writing desk started up. The pens wrote: +++ 3563 reasons now +++
`They're breeding!' said Ridcully.
`There you are, then,' said Rincewind, almost cheerfully. `Something down there is frightened. It's so frightened that it's not even going to let him get on the boat. I mean, he has to take the voyage whatever book he writes, isn't that right!'
`Yes, of course,' said Ponder. Theology of Species gets taken seriously because it's written by a renowned and respected scientist whose researc
h was meticulous. So was The Origin. Either way, he needs to be on that boat. But the moment we take an interest, the voyage doesn't happen!'
`Then if it was me, I'd say that something's got really worried,' said Rincewind. `They don't mind if The Ology doesn't get written in just one universe, but they hate the idea of The Origin being written at all.
`Oh, really?' said Ridcully. `The nerve! I am the master of this college, and that - ' he pointed to the little globe ' - is university property! Now I'm getting angry. We're going to fight back, Mr Stibbons!'
`I don't think you can fight a whole universe, sir! 'It's the prerogative of every life form, Mr Stibbons!'
Gales roared for three weeks. Roundworld time was mutable for the wizards; it only affected them if they wanted it to.
Something or someone didn't want the Beagle to sail, and they could influence the weather. They could influence anything. But of them, there was still no sign.
The Dean watched the storm in the big omniscope in the HEM.
`That's what happened when Darwin gets on board in this universe,' said Ponder, adjusting the omniscope. `If he hadn't gone, his place is taken by an artist, who produced a famous portfolio as a result. His name was Preserved J. Nightingale. You met his wife.'
`Preserved?' said the Dean, watching the dismal gale.
`Short for Preserved-by-God,' said Ponder. `He was found as a child in the wreckage of a ship. His adopted parents were very religious. And ... ah yes ... this is the weather they get when he is on board.'
The omniscope flickered.
`No gale?' said the Dean, looking at the blue sky.
`Brisk winds from the north-east. They're ball-world directions, sir. For the purposes of the voyage, they are ideal. I see you have your "Born to Rune" jacket on, sir.'
`We've got a fight on our hands, Stibbons,' said the Dean, severely. `It's a long time since I've seen the Archchancellor so angry at anyone but me! Have you finished?'
'Just finishing, sir,' said Ponder.
The HEM had a deserted look. That was because it had been, by and large, deserted. Thick tubes led out from Hex, across the floor and out over the lawn towards UU's Great Hall.
The wizards were going to war. It took a lot to make that happen, but you couldn't let any old universe push you around. Gods, demons and Death were one thing, but mindless matter shouldn't be allowed to get ideas.
`Couldn't we just find a way to bring Darwin back here?' said the Dean, watching Ponder prod buttons on Hex's keyboard.
`Quite probably, sir,' said Ponder.
`Well, then, why don't we just bring him here, explain the situation, and drop him off on his island? We could even give him a copy of his book.'
Ponder shuddered.
`There are quite a lot of reasons why that course of action might not, with ease, be rescued in any coherent way from the category of the insanely unwise, Dean,' he said, having worked out that the senior wizards lost interest in any sentence that went on past twenty words. `For one thing, he'd know.'
`We could bop him on the head,' said the Dean. `Or put a 'fluence on him. Yes, that'd be a good idea,' he said, because it was his. `We could sit him in a comfy chair and read out the right book to him. He'd wake up back home and think he's made it all up.'
`But he wouldn't have been there,' said Ponder. He waved a hand. In the air overhead, a little ball of multicoloured light appeared. It looked like a tangle of glowing strings, or the mating of rainbows.
`Oh, we could sort that out,' said the Dean airily. `Stick some sand in his boots, a few finch feathers in his pocket ... we are wizards, after all.'
`That would be unethical, Dean,' said Ridcully. `Why? We're the Good Guys, aren't we?'
`Yes, but that rather hinges on doing certain things and not doing others, sir,' said Ponder. `Playing around with people's heads against their will is almost certainly one of the nots. You should get ready to move quickly, sir.'
`What are you doing, Stibbons?'
`I've got Hex to cast a thaumatic glyph in conditional Darwin space,' said Ponder. `But to resolve it properly Hex will have to run the thaumic reactor a little higher than usual.'
`How much higher?' said the Dean suspiciously. `About 200 per cent, sir.'
`Is that safe?'
`Absolutely not, sir. Hex, glyphic resolution in twenty seconds. Dean, run! Run, sir!'
From the direction of the Old Squash Court came a sound that had been there all the time, unheeded, and was now growing louder. It was the whum whum of dying thaums, each one yielding up its intrinsic magic ...
Wizards have a wonderful turn of speed.
Ponder and the Dean reached the Great Hall in twelve seconds, the Dean slightly in the lead. The ball of rainbows had got there before them, though, and hung high over the black and white flagstones of the floor.
The hall was packed with wizards. Teams had been sent out to the furthest corners of the university, which were pretty far. Space and time had long ago been warped by the ancient magical stones, and there were wizards at UU who had happily occupied nooks and corners for decades or longer, regarding the Great Hall and surrounding buildings as the colonists on some faraway continent might regard the ancient mother country. Distant studies had been broken into and their occupants dragged out or, in some unfortunate cases, swept up. Wizards that Ponder had never seen before were in the throng, blinking in the light of common day.
Panting slightly, Ponder hurried over to Ridcully.
`You said you wanted a map, sir,' he said.
`Yes, Stibbons. Can't plan a campaign without a map!'
`Then look up now, sir! Here it comes!'
The air wavered for a moment, and then the mated rainbows gave birth. Frozen streamers of light looped through the hazy air of the hall. They twisted and tangled and curved in ways that suggested more than the everyday four dimensions were involved.
`Looks very pretty,' said the Archchancellor, blinking. 'Er ...'
`I thought it would help us sort out further nodalities,' said Ponder.
`Ah yes, good idea,' said Ridcully. `No one wants unsorted nodalities.' The other senior wizards nodded sagely.
`By which I mean,' Ponder added, `it will show us those points where our intervention will have been going to be was essential, if I can put it that way.'
`Oh,' said the Archchancellor. `Er ... what does the coloured line mean, exactly?'
`Which one, sir?'
`All of them, man!'
`Well, the points of intervention that require a human show up as red circles. Those that can be left to Hex are white. The blue lines represent the author of, ahem, The Ology, the yellow lines is the optimum path for the author of The Origin, and the green line represent slippage between futures. Known thaumic occlusions are purple, but I expect you worked that out already.'
`What's that one?' said the Dean, pointing to a red circle with his staff.
`We must make certain he doesn't get off the boat at an island called Tenerife,' said Ponder. `Seasickness again, you see. Quite a few Darwins got off there.'
The tip of the staff moved. `And that one?'
`He must get off the boat at the island of St Jago. He has valuable insights there.'
`Sees things evolvin', that kind of thing?' said Ridcully.
`No, sir. You can't see things evolving, even when they're doing it.' `We saw them on Mono Island,' said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
`You could practically hear them!'
`Yes, sir. But we have a god of evolution. Gods aren't patient. On Roundworld, evolution takes time. Lots of time. Darwin was raised in the belief that the Roundworld universe was created in six days -'
`Which is correct, as I have pointed out,' said the Dean proudly.
`Yes,' said Ponder, `but I have also pointed out that on the inside it took billions of years. It is vital that Darwin realises that evolution has got lots of time to work in.'
Before the Dean could protest, Ponder turned back to the shining, twisting tangle of
light.
'There is where the mast falls on his head in the port of Buenos Aires,' he said, pointing. `The Beagle was shot at. It was meant to he a blank, fired from a cannon, but for some reason it had been loaded. The British were very upset about it, and issued a stern diplomatic protest by sending a warship to bombard the port to rubble. This one is where Darwin bludgeons himself into unconsciousness with his own bolas in Argentina. This one is where he's severely injured putting down an insurrection-'
`He got about a bit for a man who collected flowers and things,' said Ridcully, with a touch of admiration.
`Look, I've been thinking about all this,' said the Dean. `This "science" is all about the search for truth, yes? Why don't we just tell them the truth?'
`You mean tell them that their universe was accidentally started by you, Dean, sticking your hand into some raw firmament created to use up spare power from the thaumic reactor?' said Ridcully.
`Put like that it seems a bit unlikely, I admit, but-'
`No direct contact, Dean, we agreed about that,' said Ridcully. `We just clear his way. What's that nodality, Stibbons? It's flashing.'
Ponder looked at where the Archchancellor's staff was pointing.
`That's a tricky one, sir. We will have to ensure that Edward Lawson, a British official in the Galapagos Islands, isn't struck by a meteorite. It's a new malignity, Hex says. In a number of histories, it happens a few days before he meets Darwin. Remember, sir? I mentioned it in my yellow folder that was delivered to your office this morning.' Ponder sighed. `He draws Darwin's attention to some interesting facts.'
`Ah, I read that one,' said Ridcully, his happy tone indicating that this was a lucky coincidence. `Darwin seemed to be too busy runnin' around like a monkey in a banana plantation to spot the clues, eh?'
`It would be true to say that his full theory of natural selection was evolved on mature reflection some time after his voyage, yes,' said Ponder, carefully answering a slightly different question.
`And this chap Lawson was important?'
`Hex believes so, sir. In a way, everyone Darwin met was important. And everything he saw.'
Darwin's Watch Page 13