by AJ Brooks
“And I might have a few answers, but first you need to make some decisions.” Her voice glides around me and settles me further. “There is so rush, of course. You have eternity.”
< - - - >
I’ve been left alone to think and prepare for questions. The Fates have only slightly outlined my duties as the Goddess of Forgiveness, the rest is up to me. My memories tell me I should be more frantic. Pushing harder to get this done, but my new self recognizes that time doesn’t mean the same to me as it used to.
The dress Emilia, Cassius’ mother, put me in is soft, smooth, something between peach and white and is grating on me. Helena would have loved it. Several of my selves would have loved it. Collette for sure. I have enough Zarah in me to hate the dress, but standing on the balcony overlooking an ocean of turquoise, none of that much matters.
Goddess of Forgiveness. How do I want to do it? I’ll be traveling like Cy does and I will have to complete tasks in the mortal world. I close my eyes and breathe in the fresh scent of this place wondering why Cassius doesn’t love it here. Wondering why he’s not here. But I decide to think about what I’ve been asked to do.
Forgiveness.
My lives and experiences from those lives don’t hurt like they did at the Fates, but they’re still with me. Now I remember my lives with a sharp clarity that will certainly help me as a goddess. The empathy, the remembrance of how the worst things in my life I was able to let go. How I want to help someone else have that same experience. How I now have the power to do exactly that.
The revelation of how I want my new power to work hits me all at once. My wardrobe changes like my body did when I made those decisions. Now I have questions.
< - - - >
Emilia frowns as I step out of my room and onto the large balcony.
“What?”
“Are the boots necessary?” Her voice is still smooth, but the irritation is evident. “You’re. A. Goddess.” The words are clipped, but still deceptively silken.
“Yes. I know.” I glance down at the jeans, which are like mine from Zarah’s life but much softer, and less destroyed. Similar boots, but a bit more refined. The blouse is soft and sweet. Something Collette would have loved, and she was the one place I was a mother. Perfection.
Changing clothes by blinking is never going to get old. Or maybe it will. Maybe it’s another mortal trait that will disappear over time.
“And have you thought about your calling?” Her voice lacks some of the sweetness she had when I first woke up. “Forgiveness.”
I pull the throwing stars from the pocket on an armband and spread the shiny gold across the table. “These are for softening people. For the process to begin. Even for the simple act of cheering someone briefly. I want to show Cassius.”
I hold my breath waiting for her to give me some news of him, but I can tell by her expression that she won’t. “I don’t know that it will…” She frowns deeper. Now I’m beginning to understand why Cassius doesn’t spend time here.
“These will work. They will be perfect,” I assure her.
Our eyes meet long enough for the love in her body to overwhelm me and for my gaze to cast down again. Clearly, not all gods are created equal.
“Very well,” she says. “But something more powerful will be needed for the final… When they’re ready to turn their heart.”
I slide a dagger out not unlike the one she lent Cassius.
“Well, my dear.” Her smile lifts the room. “You already know I approve of that one.”
“Yes.” I smile back knowing mine has nowhere near the same effect.
She takes a breath. “You also know you and Cassius are not Fated. You being Fated to him is what brought you here, but now that you’ve reached god status, you are bound no longer.”
A pressure builds in my chest as I think about what we’ve been through together. What he’s suffered. What I’ve suffered. And how we’re both free to choose. He could have simply been the vessel through which I ended up where I am now. My mortal feelings are swirling with my immortal ones, and I’m not sure what to do with any of them.
“His cracks,” His mother begins. “His brokenness comes from the mistakes he has made on his journey and they are the reminder of his choices. The deepest of those cracks have come from each of your deaths because of what he did to you. Because the son of the goddess of love should always choose love, and he did not. But my son loves you. More powerfully than I’ve ever seen. I'm proud of him. I want you to know that.”
I’m silent and absorbing. My new brain has so much more room than the old one. There are so many things to consider.
“Of course you and Cassius are welcome to work together, but you are not bound to him. You are free to work alone. You’ve earned it.” Her voice is intoxicating, and I can’t imagine being in the male presence of someone like her, making me wonder what it’s like for the male gods who visit here.
“Okay.” For the first time I’m free, and I have enough power and resources to remain that way.
“You’re taking all of this very well.” A perfect eyebrow arches slowly as she watches me.
“A trip to the Fates sort of prepared me for—”
“Nearly anything. I understand.” A corner of her mouth pulls up in a smirk that I didn’t think was possible for someone of her status.
“This arrow will relieve Cassius of the curse he forced upon himself. But he’s perfectly capable of fixing himself. Fating between gods can be tricky and is not advised, but there is nothing standing between you any more, should you choose each other.”
I take the thin arrow from her. “I’d like to find him.” I stand feeling stronger and more powerful than I could have ever imagined. It’s a quiet kind of feeling. There’s an ease in my heart I’ve never had before, and a confidence in understanding fate well enough to know that my existence is in the three women’s’ hands and I’m okay with this.
Excited about this, but not as excited as I am to see and feel Cassius in my new form.
“I’m sure the Fates would love for you to check in from time to time.”
“Give me assignments?” I ask.
She smiles a smile too lovely for me to watch. “Yes. But in the end it will be up to you if you wish to accept.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s all up to you now… What do we call you?”
I take a hard swallow, knowing my new name as soon as I discovered the details of my new calling and how linked they are to the person who gave me that name. “Lena.”
“Good luck with your decision, Lena.”
XXXIV
Cassius
It’s been three months since I lost her, but I’m still in Seattle. I can’t force myself to leave. I say it’s for Max and Taylor, but even I don’t buy it.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this? That you want this?” I ask again. Taylor smiles and squeezes Max’s hand. They are a perfect balance of strengths and weaknesses. They are more of a match than anyone I’ve ever Fated.
"Is it mandatory that we get married tomorrow?" Taylor throws at me with a teasing grin.
"No, your mortal ceremonies are completely unnecessary."
"Then what does it matter if you do it now or ten years from now?" Her hip juts out and I laugh. Max's arm slides across her shoulders and she softens into him.
“Cassius, Taylor and I have been to hell and back together. Literally. That arrow thing isn’t going to change my feelings. They’re already there. Plus I’m your last one. I’m glad you don’t have to kill me, or steal my soul or something. Then we’d have problems.” Max smirks.
He’s forgiven me, which means he’s decided he can tease me for being the god of love. Like it’s not a masculine job or something.
Max, Taylor and Crystal will never have mere mortal eyes again. They’ll see everything from my world that passes them by. I’m guessing they’ll be snatched up as Watchers like Smith if they wish.
I flip out my crossbow and use gravit
y to pull out the side-pieces with a thunderous snap before pointing it at Max's chest. He sucks in a breath as his eyes go from mine to the weapon.
“Pardon? You wanna run that by me again?” I smile. Max glares. God of love but I can still scare the shit out of a mortal.
Taylor rolls her eyes and then I shift the cross bow to her, loading a sharp arrow and cocking it back into place.
“Don’t think you’re off the hook, miss. I’ve decided you’re the one getting shot.”
Taylor’s eyes widen. “Me?”
“Yes, it’s the only way to truly balance you two. You are the…the…dominant personality, shall we say. I think you need to be the lover. Soften you up a bit.”
Zarah would have said that’s the only way to balance them fully, and that simple thought nearly caves my chest in again. My thoughts spiral for a moment. One different decision and we could have lived a simple life together on her family’s farm. I could have saved so many so much heartache.
Taylor reaches around the crossbow, unaffected by it, and punches me in the chest. “Whatever. Do it now before I change my mind, or look at you in the eye and turn you to stone.” Her tone is stiff but she looks at Max and smiles that same caring smile from the cave.
I don’t wait for her to look back at me. I pull the trigger. She takes a sharp breath in as the arrow explodes through her chest but her expression doesn’t change. Even when she leans into Max, her expression doesn’t change. Not like others that I’ve Fated. Not like the blonde on the boardwalk who won’t be happy with her new lover because he was never meant to be so. He didn’t balance her.
Taylor reaches up and grabs Max’s face, pulling him down to her tiny frame and pressing her lips to his. He slides his arms around her waist and hers go around his neck.
“Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it.” I mutter and take a step back. Taylor reaches out and flips me off, never pulling herself from Max.
I laugh and spin to face the ocean. Salt and misty air and light drizzling rain. Maybe I’ll go to Italy after this.
My heart seizes for a second and I let the guilt flood me. I walk for a long time, only thinking about her before I lean on the long metal railing overlooking the coast.
I put my head in my hands and vigorously rub my hair before clasping my fingers behind my head. I need to leave here. My brain says it, but my feet don’t react. I’m stuck.
I feel someone beside me lean against the railing. I tense because the someone isn’t mortal.
“Curo, I don’t want to hear it one more ti–” My mouth keeps moving but the sound stops as a pair of light blue eyes sucks all the oxygen from my body.
She reaches out with a soft smooth hand and presses my jaw shut before smiling that unpracticed half-smile. Her hair is dark, her build strong. Shorter than I ever remember seeing her, now that I’ve had three months to realize I’ve come in contact with my Helena in all of her lives. Her tight jeans and high boots catch my attention and my jaw falls open again. She wiggles her feet.
“Boy did I have to fight to keep these babies. You’re mother is vicious. I never saw that coming.” She laughs and it sounds like Helena. She speaks and it sounds like Zarah. I don’t know what to do. Laugh. Cry. Rub my eyes and think I’ve gone mad.
“Zarah?”
“I think I’ll be Lena. Much more godly, don’t you think?” There’s the tease I loved so much in Zarah, and a kind of sweetness around her lips from Collette. “Someone gave me that name, and it felt like something I’d like to keep. Forever.”
My hand reaches for her face and I pause briefly before cupping her cheek in my palm. She leans into me, like Zarah always did.
“You’re here.”
“I’m here.” She smiles wider and more freely than I’ve seen her smile since I knew her as Helena.
“How...” I felt her leave. There was...nothing.
“In a moment. First, I have something for you. From your mother.”
She pulls an arrow from her back pocket. With a movement only comparable to a goddess, she plunges the arrow into my chest. I watch it explode into a cloud of white smoke. I gasp in a deep breath and fall to my knees as I’m overtaken by power. Mother has broken my curse. Strength floods my body and I squeeze my eyes shut. Feeling the new power overtakes me. Consumes me.
She sinks down onto her knees and lifts my face in her hands. She stares into my eyes and nothing happens. No stone. Which means she did it. She proved herself to the gods. And I proved myself to my mother.
“But–” I start and Helena, or Zarah, rubs her thumb over my lips to silence me.
“By looking in, and letting go, you have proven you are ready. By letting me go, you proved you loved me and trusted me enough to do what needed to be done.”
I stare into the eyes I fell in love with two hundred years ago with the cheekbones and crooked half smile of the one I let go just months ago. Now they are one in the same.
They were always one in the same.
“How are you here?” I sputter. “Serissa... The Unfated... I mean, I thought...”
“Apparently offering yourself up as a sacrifice for the Unfated to take scores big points with the Fates.” She grins. “I’d suffered enough. Learned enough. That, and, they like me. Your mom might already be annoyed, but we’ll be okay.”
“Did you know what was going to happen to you going in?”
“I knew the chances of success were slim. The Unfated... That I hadn’t seen coming, and I only hoped that you’d remember how much I loved you. That you wouldn’t be overcome and taken in by Serissa.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Not after knowing you.”
She clicks her boots together a few times as if trying to tell me something, but not sure how to begin. “We’re no longer Fated, Cy.”
“I know.” The realization that she’s alive and well and that her lifetimes of near torture are over is enough. I don’t want to exist without her, but knowing she exists is so much more than I expected. She has every reason in the universe to never speak with me again.
“But we don't need to be. We can still choose each other.” Her smile is wide. “I want you to know that I chose this. You. I want to be here. Ironic, yes? This arrow, and what it’s done to us. Hopefully you'll choose me too...”
I take in everything about her new face. The familiarity, the rightness of this being parts of a goddess I have forever to get to know. “You. I want you.”
“I learned you get to choose everything about yourself and you do this with your hair?” She ruffs her hand over my head and I’m still staring, stunned.
“I was born a god. This is god-given hair.” I grin at her and she shoves my arm with shocking force before sliding her hand into mine. I squeeze her fingers, wanting any part of her she’s willing to give.
“I wanna show you something.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small gold throwing star. “Hold still.”
I freeze and she gives it a light toss toward my chest. The moment her star bursts, a warmth spreads through me bringing a smile to my face.
“Cool, huh?”
“Very.” And so very her.
“So. When you’re ready to forgive yourself, I have a dagger, but I don’t think you’re there yet.” Her eyes narrow as she thinks and then squeezes my hand. “But you will be soon because I understand why my lives were all necessary. Why your curse was necessary. I’d do it again, Cy. I’m here. With you. I’ve been given a gift I’m only beginning to understand the wonder of. It was worth it. All of it. Don’t feel bad for my lives. Ever. I love you.”
“I love you.” The words fall from my lips as I take her in again. My girl. A goddess. Complete perfection.
“I’d like to see Max and Taylor. Show them I’m okay. See Mom. I’m sure that’s okay after what they’ve been through. What they’ve seen. Zarah would love that.”
“They’ll be thrilled.” I slide my fingers across her hand, feeling the equality between us that we’ve never had before.
<
br /> We stand together, our eyes meet, and she leans in for a kiss. “I’m thinking that there are a lot of firsts I’m going to get to re-live in this life.” She kisses me again, using more pressure this time. Enough for me to realize again that she’s immortal, stronger, less fragile…that I don’t have to hold back with her anymore.
“Yeah?” I’m still reeling that she’s here. That she wants me. That I don’t have to wait another hundred years.
“And once Mom and Taylor know I’m okay, I might be up for another visit to our beach…” she trails off suggestively.
“I’m yours, Lena. Anything you want. Everything. All of it.”
“That, Cassius…” She lightly jumps and lands on my shoulders. My hands immediately rest on her thighs as if we’ve done this a million times and I look up at her. As her eyes search mine, I fall into her deeper than I ever have. “…sounds divine.”
Milan, Italy
Five years later
“Shh.” Lena shushes the two gods with her on the tiny balcony. “You two can be so immature.”
“Uh…” Cy leans in close behind her in the darkness. “This was your idea.”
“And you two are going to muck it up.” She widens her eyes, but she’s holding in a smile.
“Fine.” Curo draws a line over his lips, sealing them up, which earns him an eye roll.
“They need to come in and let down their guard. We can’t jump in there now,” Lena explains. “It would ruin it.”
“Then we can scare the crap out of them?” Curo presses his nose against the glass.
“Yes.” Her smile turns wicked.
“Some friend you are.” Cy nudges her again loving that he’s finally with her. Every day. All the time. As much as he wants. Five years with his goddess have passed in a blink.
“What kind of gods would we be if we didn’t wish our honeymooners good luck?” Lena bats her eyes, knowing the boys would love her idea.
“The kind that want Max and Taylor to still speak with them afterwards? Even though we’re not even supposed to be in Italy?” Cy suggests, but Lena knows he’s more keen on this than even she is. Curo is along for the ride as he is when he’s not working.