“There’s such a thing as over protecting. There’s such a thing as ruining your present because of worries about the future. You understand what I’m saying?”
He nodded.
“What is it you’re really afraid of?”
“Turning into my father.”
I sighed. “Tell me more about him. You almost never talk about your father.”
He grunted. “Like I said, there’s things I don’t like talking about.”
“Oh, I figured that out a long time ago, Dylan.” I put my arm down, and rested my head on his shoulder. He was warm.
“Dylan,” I said, screwing up my courage. “Listen to me. And listen closely. I love you. With all my heart. I’m willing to spend my life with you.”
I could feel his heart beating as my hand rested on his chest, right next to his hand. Then he said, his voice in a low growl, “I’d rather die than lose you again.”
I closed my eyes, and tried to focus. “Then you have to talk to me. You have to tell me what you’re thinking and feeling. You don’t decide for me what the best way to protect me is, Dylan. You ask me, you don’t decide for me. Am I clear?”
He looked at me, and I could see I was getting through. He smiled, actually.
“I’m serious, Dylan. I’m a big girl. I can take whatever you throw my way. But I damned well better be informed.”
“You have no idea how much you’re turning me on right now.”
I burst into laughter and slapped him lightly on the shoulder.
“What? I told you how I felt!”
“Will you promise me?”
He nodded.
“Not good enough. I want to hear it.”
He took a deep breath, then looked into my eyes, and said, “Alex, I promise. I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, and feeling, no matter how fucked up it is. I won’t … I won’t try to protect you from me. Not without talking about it.”
His voice caught, and we looked in each others eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that caught me from across the room three years ago and never let me go.
“Please forgive me,” he whispered.
“I do,” I replied. Then I leaned forward and kissed him, very softly, on the lips.
He closed his eyes, and I could feel his body tensing, hungrily, and I found myself biting his lower lip. He moaned softly, and for me, that led the floodgates loose. I pushed myself closer, pressing my body against his, and lowered my lips to his neck. He was clean shaven after his shower, and I could taste the faint tang of his aftershave.
I was breathing heavily, suddenly so wound up with desire I wanted to rip his clothes off on the spot. I looked up at him, met his eyes, and whispered, “Something very important was interrupted Saturday night a few weeks ago.”
He smiled, and our eyes met, and he sat up, then leaned close to me and very slowly kissed my neck, my chin, below my ear. Each kiss sent a small shudder through my body. As his tongue and lips worked their way down to the top button of my shirt, my hands moved of their own accord, underneath his t-shirt, running up his strongly muscled ribs and around his back.
He began to unbutton my shirt with his left. As he stopped at each button he kissed the skin he revealed. I lay back, arching my back as his lips slowly worked their way down my chest, then my stomach. Each pause was excruciating, and I let out a loud moan as he lightly breathed against the underside of my ribcage.
“You have no idea how beautiful you are,” he murmured.
“Tell me,” I whispered.
He slid his hands up to my shoulders, and I slightly lifted myself off the mattress as he slid my shirt off. He kissed my shoulder and said, “You’re like looking at a sunset on the beach,” then began working his way across to my other shoulder, stopping to pause at the base of my neck.
“Hmmm…” I said.
“Sometimes you’re so beautiful I have to shade my eyes just to look at you,” he murmured. At that, he slid his left hand behind my back and awkwardly undid the hooks in my bra. I slid the bra down my arms, and he brought his mouth to my right breast and kissed first the underside, then slowly worked his way to the nipple. I almost screamed at the sensation, as he quietly said, “You were so beautiful when we met I was terrified to talk with you.”
I closed my eyes and shuddered as his lips worked their magic, now moving toward the button on my jeans. He paused there, and said, suddenly and soberly, “Alex, stop, I have to tell you how I feel right now.”
My eyes popped open. “What?” I said.
“Just kidding.”
I growled at him, and he carefully undid the zipper and I slid my jeans down my hips and kicked them off onto the floor.
I heard him gasp. Meeting his eyes, he whispered, “I’ve been waiting three years to see you like this. I just want to look at you, drink the sight of you in.”
I stretched, then said, “You’re not finished yet.”
He chuckled in a low voice, and said, “No. Not yet.” Then brought his lips to my navel and began kissing again, now working his way down. He slid my panties down around my hips, kissing me everywhere, his hand gently caressing the side of my hip, down to my calf. I was absolutely alive with sensation, every nerve ending in my body crying out for relief as he slowly kissed and licked all the way down on leg to the calf and my feet, then began working his way back up the other leg. Oh. My. God. I was going to scream with pleasure or frustration or both, and then suddenly his mouth touched me there, and I really did think I was going to scream. I’d never experienced such intense sensation and pleasure, and I felt my hands grip the blanket, bunching it up in my fists as I gasped.
“Oh, God,” I cried out, leaning my head back, my eyes rolling up. I almost started to cry at the intense pleasure of it, and didn’t even realize that even as he was doing it, he was working his own clothes off of his body, until he suddenly stopped. I wanted to cry out, Don’t stop! until I realized he was working his way back up, kissing my navel, the undersides of my breasts, my ribs, my neck, then my mouth.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he whispered.
I couldn’t talk anymore. I just nodded, frantically, and put my arms around his waist and pulled him to me, and suddenly he was inside me. I let out an involuntary cry, because it hurt, and he paused, watching me, watching. I bit my lip and nodded at him, wanting to say go but I couldn’t say anything at all. Then he moved again, and everything was washed away, the pain of our separation, the heartache, the arguments and questions and complications, everything was washed away in that moment of intense pleasure that was so amazing it hurt.
I wrapped my legs around him, crossing my feet behind his back, and and dug at his back with my nails, and at first he moved so slowly that I wanted to cry out in pleasure and frustration. When I thought I couldn’t go on anymore he would stop, and smile, look at me. He was drawing it out, stopping himself, so we didn’t have to stop.
I didn’t ever want to stop, but I didn’t want to go slow any more. I pushed at his chest, rolled him over, and straddled him, our chests together, and brought my lips to him as my hips pushed against him. Then we both cried out, one right after the other, and I felt my whole body shaking and shuddering. I grabbed his shoulders, crying out in pleasure, then collapsed against his chest, my pulse thumping in my chest.
We were silent, just breathing in and out slowly. We twined our fingers together, and I lay against his chest, listening to his heart beat. Slowly, I slid off of him, and curled up at his side, then rested my head on his shoulder. He turned his face toward me, and I could see that his eyes were watering.
“What’s wrong, Dylan?” I asked.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s just that … if you had asked me, three years ago, what my single, secret, biggest dream was… well… this is it. You and me, Alex. You’ve managed to make it all come true.”
I slowly kissed him, then we lay there, talking long into the night, about our shared dreams for our future. And I drifted off to sleep, knowing that aft
er all this time, all the complications and pain and separation, that somehow we’d managed to work our way through it, and that together, we’d face our future, and our dreams, with smiles on our faces and courage in our hearts.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Playlist for Just Remember to Breathe
Beautiful, Christina Aguilera
Green Eyes Make Me Blue, Dead Cool Dropouts
Playing for Keeps, Dead Cool Dropouts
Keep Holding On, Avril Lavigne
Linger, The Cranberries
Fifteen, Taylor Swift
Fully Alive, Flyleaf
I’m Sorry, Flyleaf
What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger), Kelly Clarkson
Love the Way You Lie, Eminem feat. Rihanna
Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis
Love is a Beautiful Thing, Group 1 Crew
Did Ya Think, The Veronicas
Lolita, The Veronicas
Give Your Heart a Break, Demi Lovato
Together (feat. Jason Derulo), Demi Lovato
Don’t Speak, No Doubt
It’s My Life, No Doubt
Sign Your Name, Terance Trent Darby
Long Live, Taylor Swift
Angels, Moon Dust
Breath (2 AM) (Acoustic Version), Anna Nalick
Breaking the Girl, Anna Nalick
Innocence, Avril Lavinge
Coin-Operated Boy, The Dresden Dolls
Books by Charles Sheehan-Miles
Fiction
Prayer at Rumayla: A Novel of the Gulf War
Republic: A Novel of America’s Future
Insurgent: Book 2 of America’s Future
Just Remember to Breathe
Non-fiction
Saving the World on $30 A Day: An Activists Guide to Starting, Organizing and Running a Non-Profit Organization
Feedback
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Books by Charles Sheehan-Miles
http://www.sheehanmiles.com
Charles Sheehan-Miles
Published by Cincinnatus Press
Copyright 2012 Charles Sheehan-Miles.
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is unintentional, with the exception of certain named historical characters.
Cincinnatus Press
Atlanta, Georgia
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Just Remember to Breathe Page 23