by Connie Mason
Mariah could not meet his eyes. "Aye, Robbie is yours."
"When did you intend to tell me?"
"Never. Our futures were at stake. No one could know that Robbie wasn't Edmond's son. Everything would have gone as planned if Osgood hadn't challenged Robbie's legitimacy and seized Mildenhall. I never expected you to arrive when I asked for the king's help."
Falcon's words dripped with sarcasm. "You must have been terrified to see me walk in the door as the king's representative."
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"I despised the lies I told you, but the truth would have left me and Robbie without a home and naught but my widow's portion to sustain us. Telling you the truth would have given Osgood everything he desired."
"Telling me the truth was the honorable thing to do," Falcon rejoined harshly.
"You would have taken Robbie away from me," Mariah said in a trembling voice.
"Could you not have trusted me?"
"Too much was at stake. Please try to understand—"
"I understand very well," Falcon spat. "You seduced me, told countless lies, and kept my son from me."
"You weren't even around!" Mariah charged. "You were in France. Robbie and I were alone and unprotected but for a few loyal guardsmen who had remained after Edmond's death."
"You could have told me when I returned to Mildenhall on the king's business. Think you I didn't know Edmond was incapable of siring a child? I was here for weeks, I saw his weakness, knew how ill he was. You even lied about Robbie's age; I assumed you had taken a lover after I left. How old is Robbie? The truth, Mariah."
"He'll soon turn five. Edmond worshiped him. He is as much Edmond's son as he is yours."
Falcon rolled out of bed and stood over her, his eyes cold, his expression unreadable. "I don't want to hear how much Edmond adored my son. Get up." She stared at him for several heartbeats before obeying. "I'll order a bath for you. Come down to the hall when you're ready."
"Falcon, do not condemn me. Edmond and I needed a son to save Mildenhall."
"Lies. Lies. Lies. That's all I've heard from you since
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the first day I arrived at Mildenhall, near death and vulnerable to your intrigues."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I need to think this through before I make a decision."
"If you tell the king that Robbie isn't Edmond's son and heir, you'll be playing right into Osgood's hands. Does that mean naught to you?"
"Did it mean naught to you?" he flung back at her.
"It did." She looked into his eyes, offering him her heart and soul with that single glance. "I... I love you, Falcon."
Falcon laughed; it was not a comforting sound. "So you say, but you have a strange way of showing it. I am an honorable man, Mariah. It took me a long time to work through my anger after I learned Edmond was your husband and not your father. But through it all I never forgot how it had been between us. I didn't want to care for you, to make love to you, but I couldn't help myself.
"But this .. ." He shook his head. "I compromised my honor, took another man's wife while I thought I was making love to his widowed daughter. You took something precious from me, Mariah. I have a son who can never take my name. I admired Edmond, but now I'm not sure how I feel about him. The man is dead and cannot answer for himself, but you could have told me weeks ago."
"I'm sorry," Mariah said, "so very sorry."
With a snort of disgust, Falcon stormed from the chamber.
Heartbroken, Mariah fought back tears. She'd told Falcon the truth and had paid the ultimate price. He hated her, just as she'd feared he would. Did he hate her enough
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to take her son from her? She didn't know. He had changed from passionate lover to virtual stranger during the course of her tale. He hated her, and she had no one to blame but herself.
She rose and donned her chamber robe. A knock sounded on the door. Unless it was her bath, Mariah didn't wish to see anyone right now.
"Who is it?"
"Edwina. May I come in?"
Mariah opened the door to her friend and found herself enfolded in arms that were so very dear to her.
"Where have you been?" Edwina asked. "Falcon was nearly out of his mind with worry."
"Falcon knows about Robbie, Edwina. He hates me now."
"You told him?"
"Aye, I couldn't live with the guilt any longer."
" "Twas time," Edwina said sagely. "How did he take it?"
Mariah collapsed on the bed. "Not well. He is an honorable man. My lies have hurt him. From the first, I knew those lies would return to haunt me. Mistakenly, I thought having Robbie made everything right. Why did Falcon have to return? Though I missed him dreadfully, yearned for his return, I knew 'twas best for me and Robbie if he never came back."
"You love Falcon, Mariah. I knew it from the beginning."
Mariah nodded miserably. "His return left me in panic, but after a while we seemed to reconnect. He helped defeat Osgood and advised the king to accept Robbie as the new Earl of Mildenhall even though he knew Edmond couldn't have been Robbie's father.
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"I thought Falcon had decided in Robbie's favor because he realized he cared for me. We shared a bond. But then Rosamond arrived, offering Falcon everything I could not give him."
Edwina patted Mariah's shoulder. "But he didn't wed Rosamond, did he? The man has strong feelings for you, Mariah. You're the mother of his son. You have a great deal to offer him."
"Apparently, not enough. I can give him neither land nor wealth. Mildenhall belongs to Robbie, unless Falcon decides to expose his illegitimacy to the king, in which case Osgood will claim it."
"Calm yourself, lass. Look at me."
Mariah turned her head toward Edwina. After several moments of staring into Mariah's eyes, Edwina nodded complacently. " 'Tis just as I thought."
Mariah had no idea what Edwina was talking about. "What do you see?"
"Do you not know?"
"Nay. Why are you acting so strangely?"
Whatever Edwina meant to tell Mariah had to wait; a knock on the door announced the arrival of Mariah's bath. When her bath had been prepared and everyone had left, Mariah looked for Edwina, eager to continue the conversation, but the healer had disappeared.
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Falcon arrived in the hall before Mariah, his mind still trying to accept the fact that he was a father, had been for nearly five years. Mariah could have told him the truth any time during the past weeks but she had not. Could he forgive her lies? Did he want to?
Sir Maynard joined Falcon at the head table. "The men
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are ready to resume the search for Lady Mariah after they break their fast."
"That won't be necessary," Falcon said stiffly. "Lady Mariah is no longer missing. She left her hiding place during the night. I found her wandering about in the corridor outside her chamber."
A combination of relief and joy suffused Sir Maynard's face. "Thank God! Will you make the announcement?"
"Aye, I will," Falcon replied. He stood and pounded a cup on the table to gain attention. The hall took on an expectant silence as Falcon searched for the right words.
"The search for Lady Mariah is officially over. She left her hiding place last night and is in her own chamber as I speak. I expect her to arrive in the hall momentarily."
A rousing cheer followed Falcon's words, but he did not share the general joy. He felt sorely used and badly deceived. The drone of happy chatter failed to lift Falcon's dour thoughts. He welcomed the interruption when Sir Dennis joined him.
"What wonderful news!" Dennis exclaimed. "Think you Osgood will present a danger to Mildenhall in the future?"
"I doubt it. Osgood is a broken man. He has no friends to back up his claims, and after this defeat, he'll have a hard time recruiting mercenaries to his cause."
"
What are your intentions now that Osgood is no longer a threat to Lady Mariah and little Robbie?"
"Since I have unfinished business at Mildenhall that needs resolving, I intend to remain for a while."
"I'm certain the men won't complain; they like it here. Have you given any thought to appointing a new steward to take Sir Martin's place?"
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"That's for Lady Mariah to decide."
A rousing cheer and vigorous clapping announced Mariah's arrival. She acknowledged the accolade with a smile and a wave of her hand.
Falcon stood to seat her on his right. "Your people are thrilled to see you," he said as he resumed his seat. Dennis sat down next to Mariah. "Sir Dennis and I were discussing the fact that you need to appoint a new steward."
Falcon could tell by the poignant look on Mariah's face that she was still mourning Sir Martin. He hardened his heart against the crush of compassion that threatened to overwhelm him. He didn't want to feel anything for Mariah. His emotions were still too raw.
"I can't think about that right now," Mariah replied. "Sir Martin will be sorely missed."
Servants streamed in from the kitchen, bearing bowls of porridge and platters of ham and eggs. "You must be starving," Falcon said. "It's been a while since you've eaten."
Sir Dennis cleared his throat. "My lady, you are the most courageous and resourceful lady I've ever met. We are grateful you survived Sir Osgood's evil plans."
"Thank you, Sir Dennis. It didn't take much to outwit Osgood."
Sir Dennis bowed and left to join his men.
From the corner of his eye, Falcon watched Mariah pick at her food. She should be hungry, so why wasn't she eating? Why did he even care?
He jumped when Mariah's fork clattered against her plate. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head. "Food doesn't appeal to me." She started to rise. He grasped her wrist; she resumed her seat.
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"Eat, Mariah."
"How can I eat with you glowering at me?"
"I'm not glowering."
"I want you to leave Mildenhall. Your hatred will be easier to bear if you are not here."
The barb went straight to Falcon's heart. Was it hatred he felt for Mariah? Last night, as she lay in his arms, he would have given his emotion another name.
"Fear not. I will leave in my own good time. But I've missed too much of my son's life to leave without greeting him when he returns."
Her face took on a greenish cast.
Alarm slammed through Falcon. "Are you ill?"
She clutched her throat. "I... don't feel well. Excuse me."
She tried to rise, but Falcon's hold on her wrist increased. "Are you afraid of me?"
She lowered her head. "Not of you. I fear that you will destroy my life. If you leave Robbie with me, I will go to the king, admit my wrongdoing and leave Mildenhall to Osgood. My son is more important than material things. Please don't take Robbie away from me."
He released her wrist, alarmed to see a darkening bruise where he had applied pressure. "I am not a monster, Mariah."
Mariah's head shot up, her gaze burning into his. "Are you not? Then prove it. Leave Mildenhall. Now. Today."
Falcon shook his head. I need time to think. I want to see Robbie before I decide anything."
"Do you intend to inform the king about Robbie?"
"I told you, I've decided naught. Now eat, don't let your people see you distraught."
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Though Falcon thought she still looked a bit pale, he was gratified to see her begin to eat. No matter what she had done to him, how many lies she had told, he still cared about her and knew she cared for him. Mayhap even loved him, if that wasn't another of her lies.
Whatever was he going to do about Mariah?
Should he take this mess to the king?
What about his own dreams and aspirations? He had a son, and he wanted his son to be proud of him. But the way things stood now, he was doomed to remain a knight forever, a man without land to call his own or wealth to provide for his son.
Even if Henry offered him another heiress, Falcon doubted he would marry her, because Mariah had ruined him for any other woman. Would his honor allow him to forgive her for the lies she had told him?
He had a son! A son!
Very soon he could hold his son in his arms and tell him...
Tell him what?
Damnation! What a coil.
Chapter 18
Robbie arrived home later that afternoon. He came bursting through the door and ran straight into Mariah's arms. Falcon forced himself to wait to greet his son, even though he wanted to tear Robbie from Mariah's arms and hold him close. He'd been denied too long.
After waiting impatiently for Robbie to notice him, Falcon cleared his throat and called out a greeting. Robbie's face lit up when he saw Falcon standing nearby. He left his mother's arms and went straight into Falcon's. Falcon scooped him up and swung him high.
"You're still here!" Robbie chirped. "I'm glad. Are you going to stay at Mildenhall with me and Mama?"
Mariah arrived hard on Robbie's heels. "Sir Falcon must return to London to serve the king," she said before Falcon could form an answer.
Falcon sent Mariah a quelling look. "I don't intend to return to London just yet, son, so I'll be around for a while."
"I thought—" Mariah began.
"I know what you thought, my lady, but you were
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wrong. I have yet to decide what I will do or where I will go. I suspect the king will return to London very soon, so haring off to France will serve no purpose."
"Does that mean you will stay forever?" Robbie asked.
"Robbie, Becca is waiting to take you to find something to eat. You're hungry, aren't you?"
"Aye, Mama, very hungry."
Reluctantly Falcon relinquished Robbie to Becca.
"It's not going to work, Marian," Falcon warned.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I think you do. There's no way you're going to keep my son from me."
The color drained from Mariah's face. "What are you going to do? I'll deny Robbie is yours if you petition the king for him."
Falcon shook his head. "Marian—"
"Don't do this to me, Falcon. I beg you—"
"That's enough, Mariah! I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll let you know when I make up my mind. Meanwhile, don't even try to keep Robbie away from me. I'll see him when and where I please."
"You can't stay here! You have to leave!"
God, he hated this. He wasn't a monster; he just wanted to get to know his son. Mariah was being unreasonable. She'd had his son to herself while he was out of the picture, now it was his turn to play a prominent role in Robbie's life. The lad needed a father.
"Go to our son; he's missed you."
Falcon took note of her tightly clenched fists as she stormed off. He wanted to comfort her, but couldn't bring himself to reach out to her. Too many lies stood between them.
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* * *
During the following days, Falcon spent a great many hours with Robbie despite Mariah's attempts to curtail their time together. He took his son up on his horse and rode aro'und the courtyard, enjoying Robbie's squeals of delight. He played toy soldiers with him and told him stories of legendary knights and battles.
One day Sir John and his new wife arrived unexpectedly at Mildenhall. Mariah hugged Elizabeth while Falcon greeted John enthusiastically.
"I learned in London that you were at Mildenhall," John said.
"We were on our way to Southwold to visit Elizabeth's mother when I suggested we stop at Mildenhall first and see where things stood with Osgood. I admit I was surprised to learn you were here. Did Rosamond come with you? I cannot believe she'd let you leave so soon after your marriage."
"I didn't wed Rosamond," Falcon replied. "Things didn't work out between us. As for Osgood, he's gone for good." Then he went on to
explain everything that had transpired since John and Elizabeth had left to visit his parents.
"What an incredible story," John said when Falcon finished. "Obviously, you recuperated from your wound. Thank God it wasn't serious."
"Edwina and Father Francis saved my life, one with herbal concoctions and the other with prayers. Robbie and Becca returned to Mildenhall a few days ago."
"Mother is alone at Southwold with Father and Walter," Elizabeth said in a voice fraught with fear. "Father must have been in a rage when he was driven from
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Mildenhall. I'm afraid that Mother will suffer the brunt of his anger. Oh, John, we must go to her."
John took Elizabeth into her arms. "We'll leave for Southwold first thing tomorrow."
"Fetch Martha and bring her here," Mariah insisted. "She has a home with us for as long as she wishes."
"Thank you, Mariah," Elizabeth said gratefully. "John and I planned to take Mother to John's family home in Devonshire and hoped Father wouldn't be there to stop us."
"Your father had no place to go but home once he fled Mildenhall," Falcon said. "But his mercenaries have deserted him; I doubt he has the men to stop you."
Elizabeth looked unconvinced. "I hope you're right. Father is a brutal man, and Mother is defenseless against him. Walter is no help, for he's afraid to cross Father."
"Don't fret, sweetheart, I will not let your father hurt your mother," John said.
"Choose two men to take with you in case Osgood causes trouble," Falcon offered.
"I'm taking Elizabeth to her chamber; she looks exhausted," Mariah said. "She'll have plenty of time to rest before the evening meal."
"I have a skin of fine wine in my chamber," Falcon said to John. "Will you join me?"
"I'd be delighted." John followed Falcon to his chamber and accepted a goblet of wine from him. Falcon idly swirled the red liquid in his glass as John surreptitiously studied him.
"You look troubled," John said. "Do you want to talk about it?"