by T Gray
“He said the ‘L’ word.” She said the letter “L” with such disgust that I thought she might lose her popcorn.
“The ‘L’ word? Am I missing something?”
“Really, Avery? Jake, I’ve left her alone way too long. L-O-V-E. Yuk, I can hardly say it.”
It took me a second, but then it struck me. I did the same thing to Jake. Love must be a bad word in their family because both of them seemed to run for the hills at the sheer mention of it. I lifted my eyebrows, suddenly feeling like I was talking more to Jake, than to Issy. “Well, just give it time. I’m sure he’ll get over it soon enough.”
They both turned to look at me, dumbfounded by my lack of interest on the subject. I guess I understood. Up to this point, I had been the hopeless romantic of the group.
“What? Do you think you two have the market on being indifferent?” I asked rudely. I didn’t like how I was acting, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I was hurt and angry, and seeing him just sit there was making me want to scream.
They both turned back to the show, not saying much else. Issy looked at me one more time with a questioning look on her face. My response was a silent “What?” and she dropped it.
I lasted about an hour, but then excused myself saying there was only so much “Michael” I could take. The truth was, there was only so much Jake I could take without completely breaking down, and I had had my fill. The only positive thing…I didn’t throw up tonight. That marked three days now…and if nothing else, that was something worth smiling about.
Around two in the morning, I heard a knock on my door. “Avery, are you awake?” Issy whispered.
“I am now. Come in,” I answered, sitting up in bed and turning on my lamp. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted to talk to you, and knew I had to wait until Jake was asleep.” I peeked out my door and saw him passed out in his usual position on the couch.
“Ok, what about?”
“I just wanted to see if you were ok…you were acting a little strange tonight. I tried to talk to Jake about it, but he got defensive like he always does when he behaves badly with a friend of mine. I just don’t want you to leave like Betsy did. It’s partly why I tried so hard to keep you two apart.”
I sat there silent for a while. That speech was the most serious dialogue Issy had ever given, and I didn’t quite know how to respond to it. Part of me wanted to tell her everything, to confide in her about my struggles with food and about the horrific way Jake ripped my heart out. But that would require vulnerability, and I was still healing from the last time I had given it to someone. So, instead I deflected to something true, but much less honest.
“Issy, you don’t have to worry about me leaving, well unless my grades don’t come up.” I sighed and then lied through my teeth. “I’m not upset about Jake. I was never that serious about him anyway. It’s my grades that have me on edge. I’ll be on probation with my scholarship next semester, and if I don’t get them back up, I’ll lose it for good.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“It’s ok. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew it was going to be a hard semester, and I chose not to make it a priority. I’m just going to have to really buckle down next semester. Which, of course, means much less partying.” I tried to give my voice a teasing edge to let her know I didn’t blame her, and then I changed the subject. “So, what really happened with Danny?”
“It just got too intense. I like to have fun; I’m kind of a free bird like that,” she explained, her face completely void of any emotion.
“Is he upset?”
“I don’t know. I stopped taking his calls,” she answered nonchalantly.
“Issy,” I scolded. “That’s horrible. You didn’t even tell him why you were breaking up with him?”
“You have to be dating in order to break up, Avery.”
“You’ve been sleeping over there for weeks. That’s dating.”
Issy just shrugged. “Maybe to you. I don’t do relationships. Anyway, when are you leaving for Thanksgiving?”
“I’m not.”
“Ohhh, you should come with me!” I immediately looked skeptical and started to decline. Issy jumped in before I could say anything. “Come on, Avery, you’ve never met my mom and there is no way I can deal with my dad without you there. You have to come!”
“Won’t you have Jake? You don’t need me.”
“Are you kidding, that’s exactly why I need you. I hate Jake when he is around my mom, and he can’t stand my dad and refuses to go over there with me. I need a buffer…please…pretty please.” Issy was impossible to turn down, even when the idea of sitting around a dinner table with Jake made my pulse race.
“I’ll think about Thanksgiving Day only. I’m working the rest of the week.”
“You’re the best, Avery! I’m so glad you moved in!” She jumped off my bed, the seriousness of our conversation long gone, and said good night. I had no idea how I was going to manage what she was asking me to do.
“Lord, set her feet on level ground and let her walk in your truth. Show her your love is ever before her and lead her to a place where your glory dwells…”
9. VORTEX
Jake was gone before I woke up on Saturday and didn’t come back around. Issy was still avoiding Danny, so we spent the afternoon shopping in Asheville and doing other “girl” things like getting our nails painted. It had been a while since I had just good, carefree fun and it felt refreshing.
Issy spent most of the time giving me the background on her family drama, so I wouldn’t be surprised on Thursday. I still wasn’t sure how to tell her I had decided not to go, but I’d deal with that later.
I guess her mom and dad met in college and got married pretty young. Issy came along after they had graduated, and her mom opted to stay home with her while her dad got into the business world. To hear Issy’s point of view, you’d think her dad was a monster.
“He got into the habit of buying my affections around my fifth birthday, and I’ve taken full advantage of that since. He topped it all though, on my twelth birthday,” Issy explained as the massage chairs were kneading out the tension in our backs. “He had promised to take me to a concert that night, but was running late as usual. My mom decided to drive me to his office to save him the commute time (or so she said), and that is when we got to see him and his assistant going at it. Talk about a quick way to have the birds and bees conversation with your kid.”
“Oh my gosh! Did your mom suspect?” I asked, horrified at the visual she was painting.
“Of course she did, but I don’t think she expected us to see what we saw. Even she seemed shocked. Needless to say, I did not get to go to the concert. Instead, I spent the next year going to custody hearings and counselors. Fun year.” The sarcasm in her voice was potent, but her face concealed any emotion she may have been feeling.
“How do you do that?” I asked, once again amazed at her ability to detach.
“Do what?”
“Be completely apathetic, like you’re telling me a story of someone else’s life? Jake would do something similar too, except his was more of a zoning, while your face just stays vacant. I can’t master that. I’m a total open book.”
Issy chuckled. “Yes, you are, and worse, you are a terrible liar. But that’s beside the point. I’m vacant because that is how I feel…empty. There is no emotion there because I feel nothing for my father. Jake zones because he’s stuck in the past, trying to figure out what he could have changed.”
I cursed Issy in my head. I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to feel sorry for Jake or see anything redeeming in him. It was too painful.
“See! There you go again!” Issy said pointing. “Your face total shifted. You thought something and it immediately reacted. Don’t tell me Jake didn’t hurt you. I know you’re lying.”
“Fine, he hurt me. What does it matter?”
“It matters because I don’t want you to change.”
/>
“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, Issy. Life changes you. It just does.”
She leaned back in her chair knowing full well I was right. We finished the rest of our pedicure in silence, neither one of us wanting to talk about the men in our lives who hurt us.
We had about two more hours before dinner, so we decided to hit some of the art galleries in town. Looking at art was by far my favorite thing to do in Asheville. I had always been blown away by the creativity of others. I didn’t have an eye for such things, and was inspired when someone could take a simple object and make it look spectacular. I think that is why photography appealed to me so much. Being able to look at the world from completely different angles and find beauty in it was incredible. Issy bored pretty easily and didn’t understand why I spent so much time on each picture.
“I guess I just don’t see what you are staring at,” she said mimicking my intensity. “I mean, it’s a picture. You look at it and move on. What are you trying to find? Is Waldo in there or something?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Issy looked at life though the eyes of a child, seeing only the obvious and stating it as well. “I like to imagine what they were thinking when they took the picture. Why they chose that angle and how the lighting sets the mood. There is so much more to the pictures then what you see at a glance.”
“Ok then…what does this picture say? To me, it says ‘I’m a spiral staircase with people on me.’”
“Actually, what is so awesome about this picture is not what it is, but the image that it gives. He used the shadows and textures to create what looks like a spinning vortex. The addition of people makes the staircase appear so large that it could swallow them up whole. Kind of how life seems sometimes.”
She looked at me and then at the picture again with new insight. “That’s amazing.”
“Yes, it is,” a soft voice agreed behind us.
Issy and I both turned around to see the owner of the mysterious voice and to my surprise, Parker was peering over our shoulders at the same picture. “I thought that was you,” he said pleasantly with the same charming smile I remembered. “This is one of my favorite galleries.”
He looked exactly like he had the other day—jeans, t-shirt and a black backpack, although his t-shirt was an army green today instead of red.
“You two know each other?” Issy asked looking back and forth between us.
“Yes, in fact, you must be Issy, the fun and exciting roommate Avery told me about. I’m Parker.” He reached out his hand to shake hers.
Issy was overtly checking him out and then turned to me. “I like this guy.”
I just smiled, feeling a little embarrassed to be put on the spot, but Issy didn’t waste any time. “We are on our way to grab some dinner, wanna come?”
Parker looked at me for a confirmation, making me feel a little guilty for not being the one to ask. “Um yeah, you should come. We were just going to the sandwich hut down the street.”
“Hey, I should call Jake and see if he wants to join us,” Issy said mischievously as I flashed her a panicked stare even Parker picked up on.
“I’m sure he has other plans,” I stammered unable to process why Issy would be so cruel after our earlier conversation.
“Too late, I’ve already texted him and he is on the way.” There was a gleam in her eye, and I wanted to crawl in a hole.
“Ok then,” I said gritting my teeth and doing my best to keep a smile plastered on my face. “Let’s go.”
Issy was in true form as we walked to the restaurant. She latched her arm through Parker’s and started giving him the third degree. “So, how did you meet our Avery?”
“We actually met in the quad. She was sitting there, looking very lovely as she watched the sunset, and I just had to say ‘hi.’”
I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until I finally released it. He didn’t mention that fateful night at all, or my total meltdown. I was once again impressed at his character and how he had gone out of his way twice now to spare my feelings.
“So you’re a student at Winsor then? What major?”
“Pre-med,” he answered.
“Wow, pre-med, what made you decide on that field?” At that point, I hit Issy as discretely as I could and gave her the look that said, What are you doing?
She ignored me and continued to wait for his reply.
“I love people, and I thought what better way is there to make a difference in their lives than to help them when they are in need of care? People are at their most vulnerable when they’re sick and I want to be someone that can give them peace, and if I’m lucky, healing too.” I was really starting to wonder if I had imagined him, because there was no way this guy was for real.
“You will love my cousin, Jake, then. He always says he’s the ultimate caretaker.”
I unknowingly sucked my breath in when she said that, which caused a coughing spasm so severe that we had to quit walking. All I could think of was how much I wanted to be in the photograph getting swallowed up by the vortex so I could escape this moment. Parker immediately came to my aid, patting my back and handing me a bottle of water he had in his backpack.
“Thank you,” I said between coughs until I finally got myself under control. “I don’t know what happened.”
Parker walked into the restaurant to get us a table, and Issy whispered in my ear, “He’s cute! Why didn’t you tell me about him?”
“Because there is nothing to tell,” I fired back. “I’m going to kill you, by the way!” Despite my irritation, I turned and smiled at Parker when he joined us again.
“They have a table ready now if you want to go in.”
“Great! Lead the way.” Issy was as playful as ever which was the only thing keeping me from a full-fledged panic attack. I had no idea how I was going to react with Jake in the room, and how much more awkward it was going to feel with Parker sitting right there. It wasn’t like he and I were dating or anything, but Jake brought out the worst in my insecurities, and I didn’t want Parker seeing that.
Parker pulled my chair out for me and then sat down adjacent to it, all under the watchful eyes of the always-perceptive Issy.
“So Issy, you heard all about me. What about you? What are you studying?” Parker asked with genuine interest.
“I’m in the undecided category,” she explained. “I figured its kind of like my hair, there is no reason to commit until you are sure. I figure I should take all the classes I like now and then my senior year, I’ll just figure out what major I can use to graduate and declare that one. My theory is that I’ll really like that major because I picked those classes by choice and not off some degree plan.”
Issy’s logic was remarkable. She was so convincing, I almost thought it was a good idea.
“I can see some reason in that,” Parker said nodding. “Can’t say I’ve ever met someone on quite the same academic plan, but then again, I’ve never met someone with two different colored ponytails either. I think originality is a gift, and you certainly have it in spades.” Parker’s tone was totally complimentary and authentic, as if he was validating her right to be her own person.
“Thank you,” she said with a hint of pride.
I wasn’t sure how he did it, but Parker had a way of making you feel really good about yourself, like your individuality made you special and unique.
“What about you, Avery? We never got to that on our walk the other day.”
“I’m in engineering. I’m not sure what specialty, yet. I don’t have to decide that until next year, but I’m starting to think I may go into civil. I’m kind of fascinated with different types of structures.”
“Ahh, that explains your love for the staircase in the picture.”
“Yeah, maybe so.” I had never thought of that before, but it made sense, especially considering my two favorite art pieces were of a bridge and a pier. I never considered the idea that art and engineering could come together, but maybe it could.
&nb
sp; We continued to make small talk until the waitress brought our drinks and the menus. Issy’s battering of questions revealed that Parker was from Boone, North Carolina, which was about two hours from Asheville. His parents had been married for twenty-seven years, and he had an older brother who did missionary stuff overseas. He explained how the town was named after the famous explorer, Daniel Boone.
I never thought hearing about someone’s hometown would be so interesting, but Parker had us falling out of our seats laughing at the stories he would tell. I was having so much fun I almost forgot Issy had called Jake until we heard him move the chair out and sit down.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, giving Issy an annoyed look.
She had to fight to get under control and wiped the tears out of her eyes. “Parker was telling us stories from his hometown, and they are hilarious. The one of Mr. French and the cat…” Issy stopped talking due to fits of laugher, and I followed suit. Jake looked considerably put out that he wasn’t included, which sobered us all up a little.
“I’m sorry, Jake. I guess you had to be here,” Issy said apologetically.
“Well, I’m here now. So, what’s for dinner?” He grabbed a menu and began looking at the specials. I couldn’t believe he didn’t introduce himself to Parker. In fact, I had never seen Jake so off his game before. It almost seemed as if he was uncomfortable being in the same room with us. I took that as a direct slam against me and realized that Issy probably forgot to mention that she was with me today. I wanted to crawl under a rock and looked down at my fidgeting hand, wondering how in the world I ever thought this guy cared about me.
“You ok?” Parker whispered in my ear sounding genuinely concerned.
I just looked at him and nodded, trying to give a convincing smile, realizing that I would have to do a better job at the whole hide-your-feelings thing.
I looked up at Jake, who was staring at the exchange between me and Parker, and he seemed almost hostile. I quickly adverted my eyes and went to Issy who appeared very pleased with herself.