by T Gray
We got out of the car, and Issy made me take off my sweater even though it was easily forty degrees outside. A few steps later and we were entering the second biggest house I’d ever seen in my life. Issy was right, I was starting to become numb to the extravagance and just noticed the mass of people that covered the place.
There were makeshift bars set up in three locations, complete with a vast array of liquor, blenders and pumpkin shots. Before we had made it five feet, someone had put a bottle of beer in one hand and a pumpkin shot in the other. I watched as Issy slammed them both back in a matter of seconds and raised her arms up over her head with a proud scream. She was immediately surrounded by people and looked happier than ever.
I took a sip of the shot, more out of curiosity, and recoiled. It tasted good, like pumpkin and cinnamon, but that couldn’t mask the strength of the rum underneath. I set it down, knowing one of those would ruin any chance of us making it back to Diana’s house tonight.
I looked around, having lost Issy in the crowd and saw her on the dance floor with a guy I was sure had to be Ben. He was extremely good looking, almost movie handsome with dark hair that was styled to perfection. He had defined cheekbones and a strong jaw that appeared chiseled. His eyebrows were straight and dark, bringing all attention to his sultry eyes that screamed sexuality. Seeing the two of them together was almost breathtaking because their beauty perfectly complimented one another.
As I watched Issy dance with him, I lost any thought that she felt nothing for him, and it was glaringly obvious that he too was still mesmerized by her. They were so lost in each other that I had to look away, feeling as if I was intruding on their intimate moment.
I was suddenly aware of how isolated I was even though the room was full of people. There was not one familiar face, and everyone at the party looked as if they stepped right out of a fashion magazine.
By midnight, I had finally had enough. Issy had introduced me to all of her old friends and to Ben, who I immediately did not like. He was arrogant and snobbish, meeting every stereotype I’d heard about spoiled rich kids.
Issy seemed to be having the time of her life, floating between partners on the dance floor, but always ended up back in Ben’s arms. The drunker she got, the more inappropriately he touched her, and I was starting to worry a little about leaving her alone. I excused myself from another pointless conversation and went to get her off the dance floor.
“Issy, it’s time to go,” I said pulling her off of Ben. She was barely coherent and was having trouble standing on her own.
“Oh, don’t be a party pooper,” she slurred as she draped herself on me.
“Yeah, Avery, she’s just fine,” Ben agreed with a devilish look in his eyes as he pulled her back to him. I glared at him and put her arm around my neck.
“Do I need to call Jake, or can you help me get her to the car?” My voice was stern, letting him know I wasn’t bluffing. The mention of Jake’s name sobered him up pretty quickly, and he let go of her waist, leaving me to bear her entire weight.
“Fine, take her home. She was getting on my nerves anyway,” he spatted and headed to the bar. I watched him walk away and felt sickened. Issy was way too good for that creep.
Luckily, another of her friends saw me struggling and helped me walk Issy out to the car. We laid her in the backseat and she was out before I even shut the door. I said my thanks and goodbyes, so ready to leave I was practically running to the driver’s side.
I started the car and pulled out of Ben’s driveway, heading back towards Issy’s father’s house. When I got to his gate, I pulled over and tried to pull up the GPS on my phone. No cellular data. I cursed under my breath, realizing that I had no idea how to get back to her mom’s house. Feeling panicked because it was really dark and spooky, I considered for a moment calling Jake, but immediately changed my mind as I thought back to the many times he had scolded me for not taking better care of his cousin. A party at Ben’s house would be unforgivable.
I took a breath and texted Parker, “Are you awake? If so, can you call me?”
It only took a minute for my phone to ring, making me feel more relieved and relaxed than I had all day.
“Hey! Thanks so much for calling me. I know it’s really late,” I said apologetically as I answered.
“Sure. Is everything ok?” He sounded tired.
“I was wondering if you could do me a favor. We were at this party, and Issy had way too much to drink. We’re still forty-five minutes from her mom’s house and I have no idea how to get there. We’re out in the middle of nowhere and my cell isn’t picking up any data. Could you look it up online for me and just get me to a main highway somewhere?” I could feel myself rambling as I tried to justify texting him in the middle of the night.
“Of course. Are you ok? You sound upset.” He was concerned and it registered through the phone. “You haven’t been drinking, have you?”
“No, I’m fine. Just a little spooked,” I answered and then gave him her dad’s address as the start point and then her mom’s. Parker looked it up and carefully guided me to the highway where Issy’s written directions could take over. As soon as I turned on the well-lit road, I could feel the tension start to ease. Dark woods and two girls alone at night was not a good combination.
“Parker, thank you so much. I should be good from here,” I said, not wanting to keep him any longer than I already had.
“Why don’t you stay on the line with me until you get there. I wont be able to sleep until I know you are safe, anyway,” he admitted, and my heart melted.
“Ok, that would be nice. So how did the game end up?”
“It was a disaster. We lost twenty-one to seven, which meant we had dish duty for the entire day. I think my hands are going to be permanently wrinkled. What about you? How did Thanksgiving go with Issy’s family?”
“Honestly, it was a total nightmare!” I exclaimed laughing, finally able to step out the situation and see the humor in it all. I went on to tell him every detail of the day, leaving out the parts about Jake, of course. He seemed as stunned as I was at the extreme dysfunction of Issy’s home life. As always, talking with Parker made every situation seem manageable. We laughed together on the phone, making jokes about Anna and the taste level of their house. We took turns trying to guess the prices of some of the items I described, with Parker even looking up a few of them on line. It was exactly what I needed, and the drive went by so fast, I was almost disappointed when I pulled in Diana’s driveway.
“Well, I’m here. Safe and sound, thanks to you,” I said appreciatively.
“Good. Now I can go to sleep and dream of large purple couches.” We laughed some more and then he got serious saying, “All joking aside, I’m really glad you called me. I will always be here for you, any time…you know that, right?”
“I’m starting to. Thanks again.”
We said our goodbyes, and I went around to the back door to try and wake Issy up. She wouldn’t budge, just batted my hand away when I tried to shake her. I knew I couldn’t leave her in the car, but was at a loss as to how I could get her into her house.
“I’ve got it from here,” I heard Jake say over my shoulder and I almost screamed from being so startled.
“Sorry,” he said laughing. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
My heart finally started to settle as I watched him carry her to her room. I locked up the house and walked to my bedroom, setting my purse and sweater on the bed. I could feel the tension consuming me and ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes as I tried to get myself to relax after being under so much stress today.
I opened my eyes again when I heard a light tap on the door. I looked over and Jake was leaning against the frame watching me. He was rugged and more handsome then I had ever seen him. He was wearing a gray tank and black boxers, which only accentuated his strong, chiseled body. His perfectly manicured hair was messed up and kept falling in front of his eyes. I tried not to stare, but he looked emotion
ally exposed and that was always when I was at my most vulnerable with him.
“Rough night?” he asked softly.
“You could say that.” I turned away and began taking my shoes off. I didn’t want to talk to him, feeling the way I did.
“I wanted to apologize for earlier. I had a little too much to drink and came on way too strong. It wasn’t fair to you.” He was being so careful with his words, which was not like him at all. In fact, he hadn’t said a word about Issy being wasted out of her mind on my watch either, which really wasn’t like him.
I shot him a look that must have said all I was thinking, because he walked toward me carefully and sat on the bed. “Can we just talk? Like we used to?” he asked taking my hand in his. I didn’t know what to say, so I just sat on the bed next to him. He moved up to where his back was resting on the headboard and pulled me between his legs. My back was resting on his broad chest and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. I closed my eyes, taking in his perfect scent, sure I was in a dream.
“This was my first holiday without her,” he explained quietly, still holding me tight. “I thought I’d be fine, but really neither of us were. Diana was a mess today, trying to make everything perfect so I wouldn’t miss her so much, and I pretended with everything I had just to make her feel better. As hard as we tried, though, it wasn’t enough. Her absence was everywhere.” His voice trailed off and he buried his head in my hair. I didn’t know what to say. My anger towards him had completely melted, and I wanted more than anything to take away his pain. I shifted my body so that I could reach him and ran my fingers through his hair while he continued to rest on my shoulder.
He was still for a long time and then whispered in my ear, “Can I just stay with you tonight? We won’t do anything. I just need to feel you next to me.” He looked up at me and I nodded, lost in his eyes, remembering all the reasons why I fell in love with him to begin with. He smiled at me, almost as if he could read my mind and got under the covers. He was on his back and I rested my head on his chest as he held me. It felt so familiar, so right that I fought sleep as long as I could for fear it would all disappear in the morning.
The sun coming in my window woke me from my sleep as I felt around for Jake. He was gone, and just as I feared, my heart suddenly felt very empty and cold again. I went next door to Issy’s room to check on her, but she was gone too. I knew she was planning to go shopping, but never imagined she would actually make it. I shook my head; Issy never ceased to amaze me.
I showered and cleaned up the room, trying to make it look as perfect as it had when I got there yesterday. I glanced at the bed one more time before I turned out the light and shook my head. So much of my relationship with Jake was a mirage, so real when I was in the midst of it, and then gone in an instant.
I walked into the kitchen and left Diana a note, thanking her for her hospitality. The comfort and warmth I felt when I walked in yesterday was gone; it just felt dark and empty now.
I felt depressed as I drove home, the weight of the week suddenly weighing on my shoulders. My phone beeped, and I grabbed it as quickly as I could, hopeful that it was Jake. It was just the grad student reminding me to take the sample today, as if I could possibly forget. I rolled my eyes and threw my phone down. I hated today.
I got home and unpacked, but my mood was still foul. Parker was getting back today too, and we had talked about meeting up at the library again and possibly going to a movie. For some reason, it didn’t have the same appeal. I sighed, frustrated with myself for being such an idiot, and left to go take samples for the fiftieth time. The whole walk to the lab, I could feel my conscience gnawing at me, but I pushed it down.
I daydreamed of Jake, remembering our kiss in the kitchen, his broken manner in my room last night. It was consuming me. He was consuming me, just like before. I tried to make sense of him, why he was so mysterious. How he could turn it on and off so quickly and effectively. He seemed to need me, to want me, but yet he was gone…again.
The hours in the lab drug on forever, but finally my time was up and I trudged back to the apartment feeling just as defeated as I had earlier. I approached the building and immediately noticed that Danny was sitting on the top step near our landing. My heart constricted for a minute. He looked just as miserable as I felt.
I sat down next to him and patted his leg. “You doing ok?”
He let out a heavy sigh and looked out over the lake. “Not really,” he admitted. “Did she say anything to you?” He turned to me, his eyes almost hopeful. I didn’t know what to say. How could I tell him it was all just in his head and Issy felt nothing for him but irritation?
“She just mentioned that you two weren’t seeing each other anymore,” I lied.
He shook his head and then ran both of his hands up through his hair, leaving it standing straight up. “It makes no sense. Things were amazing. I mean, more than amazing, and one morning she was gone, and that was it.”
I didn’t know what to say so I just ran my hand along his back to attempt to comfort him.
He sent me a weak smile and then continued, “Its my own fault. I mean she told me the first night that she didn’t do serious. I didn’t care at the time. I mean, being around her is intoxicating and in the midst of it, you don’t even think about the hangover. Then she just kept saying yes when I’d ask her to do things and when things between us got physical, I just assumed we were on the same page.” He grabbed his hair in frustration. “One stupid word!”
Watching Danny was like watching myself through a different lens. I had thought the same thing, so sure Jake was my forever.
“Danny, I know this wont make you feel better, but I don’t think that one word changed anything. It may have sped it up a little, but in the end, Issy is Issy.”
“So it’s really over? She wont change her mind?” he asked sadly as if realizing it for the first time.
“Well, I wouldn’t dare to ever guess what’s going on in Issy’s mind, but chances are more likely that she wont.”
He let out another sigh and then stood up. I followed suit and he squeezed my arm before ascending the stairs to his floor. The defeated way he walked matched my own as I unlocked my apartment and slid into bed. I felt too depressed to cry…just wanted to sleep.
It was six o’clock on a Friday night, and I was still lying in my bed. It was pitiful, and I was at my wits end with it. I got up, determined to be a stronger person, a better person. I made my bed and threw on some decent clothes. I would go into Asheville and walk the gallery strip, knowing that I would feel better tomorrow.
My mind lingered on the closet. I still had food in there. It would be so easy. Issy was gone until tomorrow, and no one would ever know. I looked at the calendar. It had been six days, the longest I had gone since breaking up with Jake. I took a breath, and pushed the thought out of my head. No! I was not going to do it!
I grabbed my coat, determined to escape the temptation and almost ran right into Parker, who was about to knock on the front door.
“Hey!” he said, obviously surprised to see me in such a rush. “I was worried about you. I thought you were going to meet me?”
I backtracked into the apartment, feeling more uncomfortable around him than I ever had before. I turned and set down my coat, trying to stop my hands from fidgeting with my shirt.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I just wasn’t up for studying today,” I lied, still not making eye contact with him.
I heard him shut the door and walk towards me. “Your place is great. No wonder everyone fights for these apartments. Its twice the size as mine.” He put his hands on my arms and I jumped, heading right into the kitchen.
“Do you want a drink?” I asked, trying to sound natural. He gave me a confused look and then went over to sit on the lip love seat, running his hands back and forth over the upholstery.
“Let me guess…Issy?” he asked with grin. He was trying so hard to lighten the mood, and each time he did, I felt more horrible. It was like
there was a chasm between us that I couldn’t cross, and suddenly the guilt of Jake started to overwhelm me. I stood in the kitchen, not saying anything, and he got up again to walk over to me.
“Avery, what’s going on?” he asked, careful this time not to touch me.
“Nothing, I’m just tired,” I lied. “It was a rough couple of days, and I’m really not up for doing anything tonight.” His proximity to me made me sad. The comfort and closeness I’d always felt with him wasn’t there. Tears threatened my eyes, and I walked away again to my bedroom. I heard Parker sigh and then footsteps behind me. I didn’t know why he wouldn’t just leave.
“Ok, so you are starting to worry me. Did something happen last night after we got off the phone?” His voice was full of concern, and he took my arms in his hands again, firmer this time so he could turn me around to face him. “You can talk to me.”
I looked down at my feet, unable to look him in the eyes. He was so good, and I knew I had to tell him, even if the consequences meant I’d lose him. I moved out of his arms again and sat on the bed, still fidgeting.
“Parker, I don’t know what we are to each other, and because of that, I don’t know what’s ok and what’s not ok.” I took a pause, knowing I wasn’t making any sense. “I wasn’t totally honest with you when I told you I spent Thanksgiving with Issy.”
“How so?” he asked, pulling up my desk chair so he could look me in the eye.
“I didn’t just spend Thanksgiving with Issy. I also spent it with Jake.” The words came out just louder than a whisper, and I looked down at my feet not wanting to see his reaction. He stood up and walked across the room. His stride was rigid, and I watched as his hand began to rub the back of his neck.
“So you two are back together,” he said flatly.
I stood up quickly, “No, we’re not. It’s not like that at all.” I paused again, knowing I had to tell him, but not wanting to. “But, we kissed…and I’ve felt so guilty about it, I just didn’t know how to be around you.” I didn’t know why, but it was like the minute I told him, the chasm closed. I felt his comfort again, even with his back to me, and wanted more than anything to touch him and somehow convey to him what I was feeling.