by Julie Rowe
“Yes. But I wasn’t. I refuse to apologise for doing what I had to do.”
“Your father would not approve.” He was absolutely certain of that.
Jude stopped walking.
He went two steps farther then stopped as well, turning to look at her with an impatient frown.
“My father knows.”
Michael’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“He’s known since the day I started work at the palace hospital.”
The idea alone astounded him. The colonel had an analytical mind and the ability to view even the most heinous of acts dispassionately, but this went beyond that. No man could use his child in such a way. No man. “I don’t believe it.”
“What you believe is not my concern.” Jude shrugged. “He wasn’t particularly happy about my ‘sneaking about’ as he put it, but since he knew I would be doing it with or without his permission, he advised me on how best to organise things.”
Michael rocked back as if she’d struck him. “He said nothing to me.”
“No. We decided to keep my involvement absolutely secret. If the messenger hadn’t been caught no one would have known. Ever.”
Her courage and tenacity staggered and terrified him. “Who was the messenger?”
“A palace servant who knows every member of the royal family on sight. I’m not the only one engaged in this game, just the one in the best position to obtain information.”
Michael’s nostrils flared and he had to restrain himself from physically confronting her. How dare she put herself in such a precarious position? “You allowed yourself to be a pawn? To be thrown away in case of capture?”
“Yes.”
That one word, that simple word cut the last cord leashing his control. He grabbed her arm and set off again at a brisk pace, dragging her with him. “Your father deserves to be set on his ass.”
She snorted. “You’d strike a superior officer? Never.”
There was much about him she didn’t know, like how much he was willing to risk to keep her safe. “For endangering the life of civilian? His daughter? You? Yes.”
“You wouldn’t dare. You idolise my father and you’re too well trained an officer to break regulations in such a manner.”
“This has nothing to do with regulations and everything to do with keeping the fighting up to the soldiers.”
“What happened to the Lusitania changed the rules of war. There are no civilians anymore. Why can’t you see that I can contribute to the war effort? I want, no, I have to do my part.”
“The Lusitania went down nine weeks ago. You’ve been dancing this complicated jig for months.” His pace sped up and he brought her along with him. He was going to make her see, even if he had to scare her a little to do it.
She tried to pull her arm out of his grip, but he ignored her struggles. “For God’s sake, stop hauling me about like a criminal. We’re going to attract attention.” She froze. “Too late.”
He glanced behind. A pair of soldiers followed them with purpose in their steps.
He pulled her into an alley, backed her against a cold stone wall and leaned over her. “I’ve had enough,” he growled into her ear.
He shifted his feet until one of them was between hers and he was pressed along her body, hands flat to the wall on either side of her head. His lips touched her ear. He wanted to lick, suck and bite down on her tender flesh with a desire that burned through his body like a lightning strike.
“I want to know everything.” This woman had the power to rob him of his sanity. “What you’re doing here, how long you’ve been doing it, who you’re doing it with and who else knows about it.”
She turned her face away. “You don’t understand and I don’t know if I have time to convince you. Far more than my life is at stake. Far, far more.”
One of the soldiers called out from the mouth of the alley, “What are you doing?”
“Looking for some privacy,” Michael answered, moving even closer to shield her body with his own.
One of the soldiers took several steps towards them then stopped. “Find somewhere inside for this.”
“Yes, sir.”
The soldiers left, but he kept her pinned to the wall. “No more hiding, Jude.”
“My work here isn’t finished.”
“Yes, it is. I’m getting you out of Belgium and taking you back to England—where you’re going to stay.”
“Stay? And how will you accomplish that?” She met his gaze and lifted her chin. “You have no claim on me and no authority to do anything of the sort.”
The smile that crossed his face was a threat. He made sure she saw it. “Don’t I?”
She flinched, but still had the strength to retort, “No, you don’t.”
She’d grown. Strong, smart and stubborn. As much as he admired those qualities, he needed her to follow orders. “Do you remember what you said to me the last time I saw you?”
“You would bring that up, damn you.” She glared up at him with eyes that shone with unshed tears. “Well, it means nothing now.”
One of those tears tracked its way down her face. He hated this. Hated arguing with her. Hated knowing he was going to make her acknowledge feelings she’d rather not face. But damn it, he wasn’t going to let her throw her life away.
“Nothing? You declared your love for me.”
* * *
“You rejected me.” She could hardly believe she said the words without stumbling over them. Anger gave her the strength. “You were quite clear. You didn’t...don’t love me. You’re not my father, brother or husband. I am not your responsibility.”
“You made yourself my responsibility the moment you told me your feelings. Do you think it so little a matter that I would forget or ignore it?”
He was a man and that was exactly what men did. “Yes.”
He shook his head. “Stubborn fool.”
“Indeed, you are.”
He stared at her, his lips pressed together, his gaze glittering with anger and frustration. If she could have stepped back, she would have. But she had nowhere to go.
“I didn’t forget. And I won’t ignore it anymore either.” He jaw was tightly clenched. “If you can’t be made to see reason, I’ll have to insist.”
“I told you I’d go.”
“You also said you’d come back, and that I can’t allow.”
A group of soldiers passed the alley, but luckily they didn’t seem to notice the two of them. “We’re going to attract attention again.”
He growled again. “How far is it to this hospital?”
“Just a few blocks.”
“Good.” He pulled her to the edge of the alley and took a quick look up and down the street. “Come on.”
They walked for several minutes while Jude tried to understand his logic. No matter how she examined the situation, she couldn’t understand why he was so angry with her. Wouldn’t he have done exactly the same in her position? “I don’t understand you.”
“That makes two of us.”
“No one else could have done the work I’ve been doing. Especially not a man.”
He didn’t answer.
“I’m not the only woman involved. There are many of us.”
He swore, low and long, and she flinched.
“How many women are taking the risks you’re taking?” he asked in a dead tone that told her his anger wasn’t gone, only stuffed deep. It would no doubt show itself when she least wanted it.
“Rose and Aunt Sylvie.”
“Jude, there’s nothing you could say that will convince me what you’ve been doing is a good idea. You’re asking to get shot.”
“You seem to think I want to die, but that’s not true. I want to live. I want to find a good husband, have children and make a life, but not at the expense of hundreds if not thousands of British and Belgian lives. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do everything in my power to save those lives. You don’t like it? Well, I don’t like the risks you’
re taking either.”
“I am a soldier,” he said between clenched teeth. “Trained for war. You’re not. You’re a—”
“A woman,” she interrupted. “Taught to heal. Don’t think you can convince me otherwise or alter my course. You of all people should know how immobile I can be when I’ve made up my mind.”
“And I’ve made mine. You’re going home, Jude, if I have to tie you up, gag you and carry you there.”
“I’ve already told you I’ll go. My father understands what I’m doing. As soon as you leave, I’ll simply come back to Belgium.”
Michael’s stride faltered for a moment. “I’m trying to protect you. Why do you insist on putting yourself in danger?”
“I’ve already answered that question.”
“No, you’ve avoided the truth, talked about your lofty goals but said nothing about what really motivates you.” He came to an abrupt stop and cupped her face in one hand. “Why? Why court death?”
She took a breath, but the pain in her chest made it difficult. Pain she’d lived with for a long time now. She wouldn’t speak of it, not to him. She couldn’t. He shouldn’t be touching her. It made her want things she could never have.
She tried to back away, but he retained his fragile hold on her, which wasn’t so fragile after all.
She shook her head but couldn’t meet his gaze. “What a ridiculous question.”
He moved closer, his breath caressing her skin. “Did I hurt you that badly?”
The wound was as deep now as it had been a year ago. It would never truly heal. If he wanted the truth that badly she’d give it to him. Words spilled from her mouth like an icy waterfall of tears. “Sometimes I think you killed me.”
Chapter Five
“Jude.” Michael’s tortured whisper could not compare to the pain she’d lived with every day since his rejection.
How dare he? How dare he look at her with sad eyes and a mournful mouth? He’d lost the right to pity her.
“Release me.”
“Jude,” he began in a tone that told her he was preparing to argue further.
“We’re here.”
His head whipped around and he stared at the house stood in front of. “This is a hospital?”
She tried to see it through his eyes. It looked like any other house on the street, yet it wasn’t average or ordinary on the inside. “Yes, a place where lives are saved. Some even by subterfuge.”
His cautious gaze found her face. “You must feel at home, then.”
“Flattery, Michael? Whatever is the matter with you?”
“You’ve surprised me. I thought myself long impervious to that.” He gazed directly at her. “I was wrong.”
Michael admit he was wrong? He appeared sincere, but he was also a superlative actor. Uncertainty ate at the pit of her stomach. “Come on.”
She walked to the front door and, after three quick knocks, went right in.
The entryway was dark, but the smells were painfully familiar. Alcohol, blood and decaying flesh mixed together in a nauseating brew that revealed the true purpose of the building despite the homelike exterior.
Jude followed the faint candlelight trail down the short hall, Michael behind her, and entered the cramped office of her mentor and friend, Rose Culver.
Rose sat behind her desk, stacks of paper in front of her, pen in hand. “Good evening, Nurse. What can I do for you at this early hour?”
“Rose, this is BEF Captain Michael Lawrence,” Jude said without preamble. “He arrived in Brussels yesterday. One of my contacts has been captured and the German authorities are looking for me.”
Rose blinked and sat up straight. “Good heavens. We need to get you out of the city immediately.” She jumped up. “They’ve been itching to get their hands on you.”
Michael took two steps forward and nodded politely. “That’s exactly what I said.”
“I take it you will keep her out of the trouble that seems to follow Jude everywhere she goes?”
He turned and fixed a crooked smile on Rose. “I will do my best, but she’s not the most cooperative person.”
Rose fixed him in place with a frown. “Try talking to her.”
Both his brows rose. “Wise advice. I wish I’d met you sooner.”
Jude sighed and rolled her eyes. “As if that could’ve helped.” She looked at Rose. “Is there a safe route out of the city?”
“No. Soldiers patrol the streets, even at the edges of the city. You won’t get far before you’re challenged.”
“We were stopped twice between the palace and here,” Michael said. “Used the old ether excuse.”
“Well, that won’t get you out of the city.” Rose stared at the top of her desk for a moment. “Perhaps a delivery of bandages and brandy would suffice. You could always use the brandy as a bribe if necessary.”
She led them down a dark staircase and into a large kitchen. Within moments, Jude carried a large package of homemade bandages, while Michael shouldered four bottles of brandy, two to a bag, each wrapped in more bandages.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked, a frown hovering over his eyes.
“Take the supplies to the station. The platform manager, Roger Peeters, is a friend. He’ll know what to do with the supplies. Tell him they come from me and he’ll get you on a train going to the Netherlands.”
“That’s perfect. I have orders to that will allow us to travel should we be stopped on the train.”
Rose glanced at Michael’s uniform. “Your uniform should help. Hopefully no one will shoot you once you cross the border.”
“My contacts in the Netherlands are expecting us.”
“Expecting us?” Jude asked, unable to hide her surprise or irritation. Had he been so sure of her cooperation?
“John and Maria Bennet.”
“Of course.” Rose nodded. “Excellent.”
“You know Maria?” Jude asked Michael.
“Not well. Her husband, John, and I worked together for the last several months, but I’ve only met his wife once. They’re doing excellent work in the Netherlands. We’ve gotten more information from them than from any three other sources combined. I understand Maria has a few girls working with her at their ‘aid station’ as they call it.”
“I spoke with her not a fortnight ago,” Jude said slowly. “She’s been so busy she rarely gets a full night’s sleep, but she’s proud of all the people she’s been able to help and the soldiers they’ve gotten to safety.”
“The Germans are getting suspicious, however. They’ve increased their patrols along that part of the border. It’s going to be difficult to find a safe place to cross. All civilians are being searched.”
“Will your orders get us past the border guards?”
“Perhaps.” He stared at a spot on the floor, then glanced at her with a speculative look. “If you’re willing to play along.”
Jude’s back became a hot steel rod and she stretched to her full height. “I can act my part.”
A slow, sinful smile coasted across his face, but he said nothing in response.
“You should hurry.” Rose led them to the kitchen door. “Do you know where the train station is?”
Michael nodded. “Thank you.”
“Good luck,” she said as they rushed out, Jude only taking the time to squeeze Rose’s hand in parting.
Jude sighed as they headed out into the night. “Out the back door again.”
“Always skulking down the garden path. That’s us,” Michael said with a too-cheerful grin.
“Perhaps you need a drink of the brandy.”
“Not while on the job.”
“Ah, yes, your wonderful rules on abstaining. Too bad you didn’t remember that when you woke me earlier.”
He turned to look at her. “You find me intoxicating?”
She could see his teeth gleaming in the moonlight. Arrogant man. “Perhaps a spot of brandy would make this all more...palatable.”
He chuckled.
Was it a morbid fascination that drew men to the battlefield? Were the sounds of war so attractive, or were they all stubbornly attached to the idea of protecting others at the risk of their own lives?
It seemed incomprehensible, this drive to step in front of a bullet that could take your eye or leg or life.
Dawn approached, sending the first hints of pink across the horizon, turning the inky darkness into a deep indigo. “We should hurry,” she said. “Daytime patrols will be out soon.”
He nodded, turned a corner and came to an abrupt stop.
Jude bumped into him and opened her mouth to ask why he’d halted, but at the same moment, she saw for herself.
A troop of five or six German soldiers, surprise briefly evident in their wide eyes and slack jaws.
Michael recovered first. “On patrol?” he asked in perfect German.
“Yes,” the man in front said. “Where are you going with this woman?”
“I’m escorting her to the train station. She’s a nurse sending medical supplies to the front.”
He looked Jude over as if she were up for sale. “Medical supplies?”
She opened her bag and showed the soldier the bandages. He glanced inside the bag then at her for a long moment.
“If you’ll excuse us.” Michael took a step back. “My orders are to return her to the hospital as soon as possible.”
“We have orders to detain anyone...” One of the men behind the leader said something she couldn’t hear. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.” The second soldier nodded. “I’m certain that’s her.”
All of them watched her now with steady eyes.
She forgot how to breathe. How to speak. How to move.
She wanted to run—a voice inside her head screamed at her to—but she was frozen in place, her feet like wooden blocks in winter, glued by ice to the ground.
Michael shifted so his body blocked her from the sight of some of the men, but it wasn’t enough. They’d identified her. She was caught.