Well, not entirely faceless. I’d seen a few of them here or there, riding by at one point or another in my travels around town. It was a forty-five minute drive to my parents who lived in the next county and I would go every Sunday, both for church and to have Sunday dinner with them, and that’s where I saw The Suicide Kings. Mostly.
“What ‘cha thinkin’ about girl?” Zeb asked and slipped up on a stool in my ultra-modern industrial kitchen.
“I was thinking about how it was easy to forget why you’re here,” I said softly and checked the chocolate I had melting in the double boiler. Zeb’s face lost that easy grin of his, and I marveled to myself how the tribal tattoos etched into his face around his left eye and along his left cheek didn’t stand out as foreign to me anymore. The blue swirling lines were just a part of him, his past and his family.
“Aww, you ain’t scared are yah eh?” he asked me. I shook my head. No, I wasn’t scared for me or for Soul Fuel. I sighed. I was thinking a lot about Zander if I had to be honest with myself. I knew the whole story through Everett, that Zander was okay, but I still couldn’t help but feel a keen sense of loss, a deep dread over the whole thing. It’d been nearly two weeks and you would think that those feelings would diminish by now, but no… if anything they’d just grown stronger. I didn’t hear Zeb get up. I’d been so lost in my own thoughts. I startled when the dark leather of his jacket edged into focus a heartbeat before his fingertips grazed my neck, thumbs beneath my jaw, gently tilting my head up to look at him the couple of inches that separated our eyes from being on an even keel.
“No! No, I’m not scared. I mean, that’s why you’re here isn’t it?” I asked and smiled. He was a good friend to be so concerned. He smiled down at me, his brown eyes kind.
“That’s right,” he said. I took a halting step back and he let his hands drop.
“Rush is gone! Hey Zeb, what can I get you!?” Everett called from out front. He winked at me and called back.
“Whatever that thing was that you give me yesterday!” he retreated a few steps and with a final grin and another wink went out front, I assumed to take up his usual post at the corner table near the register.
I smiled to myself and shook my head. It was Zeb here most of the time, occasionally a man with hair as fiery as my own nicknamed Duracell would sit in, and in the evenings there was either a very quiet and reserved brother who had ‘Blue’ on his vest, or an uncomfortably flirtatious one who went by Grinder. Duracell seemed unreasonably angry about just about everything. Over all I preferred Zeb and Blue to the rest.
I resumed my work with a rather single minded determination to focus on chocolate and nothing but chocolate, thinking of nothing else. I looked up to find Everett in the kitchen doorway.
“He likes you,” she said and I scowled.
“Who Zander?” I asked without thinking. She laughed.
“Well him too, he said as much last Saturday night,”
I frowned, “He has a fantastic way of showing it,” I muttered darkly. Everett sighed and slipped up onto the stool Zeb had vacated.
Zander… One moment he’d seemed so very enthusiastic about seeing me, dating me… then we had actually set a date and I’d wound up sitting in a restaurant an hour and more waiting for him to arrive. He hadn’t. No call, no text, no response to my calls or texts. Dray had told me that Zander was a prospect and that it happened sometimes. That prospects were a lot like fraternity pledges and they were all in until they became fully patched members or brothers. It’d made sense but it had still hurt, and then I had just plain gotten angry when I’d simply never heard from him again. We’d crossed paths over the last year or so but he would simply watch me, never really saying much. This odd little half smile on his lips.
I’d asked him why. Why he’d stood me up? Why the silence after expressing such a keen interest, and all he’d given me was a simple nonchalant one shouldered shrug and a sniffed “I got busy.”
It’d been cold and had hurt deeply. I had felt like it was high school all over again. Rejection sucked and having the reputation of being the goody-two-shoes preacher’s daughter had done nothing whatsoever when it had come to dating to this point. Still, the darned biker was never far from my thoughts. His easy smile and his caring nature during the crisis when my best friend had been shot had gotten his name etched on my heart, and I couldn’t forget him no matter how much I wanted to sometimes.
“I know,” Everett’s voice was gentle, kind and sympathetic, snapping me out of my spiral of thought, but it brightened to teasing when she said, “But I wasn’t talking about Rev, I was talking about Zeb.”
I looked up from what I was doing and raised an eyebrow, “What?” I asked. Zeb was a good friend, he had no interest in a plain girl like me. The bell chimed above the door out front and Everett slid off the stool on to her feet.
“You need to quit selling yourself short, Sister,” she said and ducked out of the doorway and to the front to fix someone’s coffee.
The door chimed again and I heard her exclaim, “Heya Lass!” and after a few more random clangs and bangs ask, “The usual Ghost?” which piqued my curiosity. Usually Ghost came in alone. The conundrum of Zander and Zeb momentarily forgotten I finished up what I was doing so I could go out and have a look at what was up out there. I blinked when I stepped out of the kitchen to see Duracell at his post. Apparently Zeb had just come in for coffee. I wiped my hands on the old fashioned dish cloth over my shoulder and heard Everett say,
“I can’t keep up with the damned books Shelly, I need help,” I rolled my eyes and corrected Ev who liked to think that the whole world rested solely on her shoulders.
“We need your help,” I took the last empty seat at the four person table with Ghost and Everett and looked Shelly over, surprised to see her here. She looked just awful. So very thin with deep dark circles under her eyes. Her usually so-carefully done hair grown unkempt. While I was studiously looking her over, Ghost stood up and made to take his leave.
I waved him off, and said that we would take Shelly home. Then Everett and I spent the next fifteen minutes convincing her that she was the right person for the job at hand, which she was for a multitude of reasons. I watched the young lady follow my childhood friend to the back office with a heavy heart. Poor Shelly had one horrible cross to bear. I stood up and smiled at Duracell who smiled back at me over the newspaper he had open on his table.
“Where’d Zeb get off to?” I asked and Duracell smiled.
“Think he just came in to see you,” he said shaking out the newsprint pages.
I scoffed, secretly flattered and slipped back into the kitchen. I found myself praying for Shelly to find some solace and happiness, to heal, and while I did, set back to work making some maple crèmes for the season. The hours passed along with the different chocolates and projects and before I knew it Everett was at the door with Dray just behind her.
“You okay if we go home?” he asked, eyeing me speculatively. I smiled and nodded.
“I just want to finish these up for Hayden’s birthday,” I said, adding, “Don’t you worry about me, my car is just out in the lot,” he nodded.
“K, there’s a brother out here. He’ll stay until you leave,” he raked me with his dark eyes. Over the last year, Dray had become quite the protective older brother type. Not that I minded. Everett was happy with him and he was so very good to my friend. Way better than Jerry had ever been. I rocked back on my heels.
“Dray it’s fine, send him on his way and stop worrying so much!” I admonished and his dark gaze hardened to obsidian.
“No,” he said simply. Everett laughed.
“Shelly is still here, Reaver is on his way to pick her up since he’s done with whatever he’s doing.” I nodded absently and brought the molds for the starfish out of the chiller.
“Okay,” I said.
“Love you,” Everett said and waved over her shoulder. I smiled at them.
“Love you guys too!”
“Bye Red,” Dray said and I nodded, my focus on getting the starfish filled with rum out of the molds without cracking their shells, leaving them to leak. I heard the bell above the door as Dray and Everett left and all was silent. It was telling. I bet dollars to chocolates that it was Blue on watch. I smiled to myself.
“Hi Mandy,” the voice was right behind me and so unexpected I bleated out a little frightened scream. Reaver laughed and steadied me, his hands on my shoulders.
“God!” I exclaimed, hand pressed over my rapidly beating heart. My kitchen felt like Grand Central all of a sudden.
“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that Reaver! You scared me half to death!” I cried. He grinned and if I didn’t know what a sweet guy he was I would have said it was feral.
“Sorry,” he said with a shrug but didn’t sound like he was one bit, “Seen my cousin?”
“Office, through there,” I pointed and he nodded his thanks and looked me over. He came out a few moments later with Shelly, who looked tired but almost happy. It made me smile and after a short exchange and one of my chocolates they both left smiling. I heard the shop bell chime signaling their leaving and felt my shoulders sag in relief. I closed my eyes and relished in the quiet for a moment as I finished up, putting the starfish into individual paper cups and nesting them into Tupperware.
I didn’t see him coming, my back turned as it was. I didn’t hear him either, I was just suddenly pinned flush against the kitchen counter, strong arms around my waist his breath warm against the side of my neck where his nose was buried in my hair behind my ear. I cried out, my hands flying to the arms that pinned me.
“Hi Red,” he said to me, his voice velvety smooth, rich like the darkest dark chocolate you could eat and still have it be palatable. I jumped, startling hard and shuddered in his embrace, my hands squeezing one of his muscled forearms where it went around my waist above my hips. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized had stuck in my throat and swallowed hard. My heart hammered in my chest for a second time that night and I couldn’t turn around to see if this was real or if I was dreaming even if I wanted to. He’d caught me fast.
“Hmm,” He hummed out in pleasure, and placed a kiss behind my ear and I closed my eyes, awash in tingles.
“What are you doing Zander?” I eked out.
“What is that?” he asked, ignoring my question.
“What is what?” I stayed rigid, stiff in his arms. What did he think he was doing!?
“That smell? Sweet and clean but like flowers,” he asked and took a half step into me, pressing me tighter into the counter. I bent forward slightly to get away from his lips which tickled the back of my neck when he spoke. I felt hot, flushed, from his proximity and I was growing angry with my body’s betrayal even as longing and a desire for him swirled in my blood.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, and it sounded sullen, my voice uneven to me. I bit my lower lip, and shivered involuntarily when his chuckle vibrated through his chest and thrummed pleasurably down my spine. He stepped back, his arms sliding back, hands coming to rest on my jeans covered hips. I turned to face him. It really was him and I felt a wave of humiliation and hurt, of anger and loss, all these old emotions climbing to the surface where I thought I’d locked them away.
His chocolate caramel eyes sparkled with good humor, his dark hair was growing too long again, winging out from beneath the brim of his almost ever present red baseball hat. I pressed back into the counter and he stepped forward, trapping me between it and him once more. His powerful thigh slid between mine and I raised my chin defiantly. He looked up at me slightly. There was about a four inch difference in our height. I was five foot nine, like Everett so that made Zander five foot five or so.
“I’ve missed you, Baby,” he said softly and I scoffed.
“How can you miss something you’ve never had… or wanted?” I asked. He smiled this tight lipped little smile and captured the back of my neck in one hand, stroking the side of my throat beneath my jaw with his thumb. It was a light caress that had me forcing down a shudder. I was supposed to be upset, I was supposed to be angry! So why was it so hard to hold on to those feelings? His arm slid around my back, a steel band at the base of my spine, crushing me to him. I didn’t even realize I was letting him guide my mouth to his until his warm breath ghosted over my lips.
“You were mine the minute you agreed to get on the back of my bike and I’ve wanted you since the moment I first saw you. Never stopped wanting you Red, nothing ever changed about that. I’ve been a neglectful son of a bitch and I aim to fix that, starting now,” his lips touched mine and all righteousness, all resistance drained from my body. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me, powerless to stop him or resist but I felt a sudden and sure surge of anger, of outrage at his audacity and that alone kept my lips in check, kept me from kissing back. That didn’t seem to faze Zander in the slightest.
He pressed against my body tighter and my mind just switched off, just like watching a television screen go blank. I felt a heady rush to my head and butterflies swirled in my stomach, and longingly my heart reached back in time to a little over a year ago to the very first time Zander kissed me. He murmured against my lips now, and my heart gave a painful twist in my chest.
“Kiss me back, Sugar,” he murmured. I closed my eyes and sucked in a tremulous breath, letting it escape in a shuddering sigh.
“I can’t,” I whispered and I felt him smile. I opened my eyes and his were warm and smiling and so very close.
“Sure you can,” his voice was teasing and at once inviting and I felt a deep dull throb of hurt in the center of my chest.
“And if I kiss you this time? What then? You kissed me last year, gave me your number, said you wanted to see me and then left me sitting in that restaurant all alone. I won’t have it Zander. I can’t…” his lips touched mine again so very softly and I closed my eyes and fought not to kiss back but my resolve was weakening and I think he could sense that. His tongue flicked out and tasted my bottom lip and a soft whimper ran into the back of my teeth which I had firmly clenched.
It was a low blow but I needed space, I needed to think and so I blurted out softly, “Are you going to make me?” he withdrew to look into my eyes and his brow wrinkled slightly in confusion.
I pressed on, “The way Shelly was forced?” I asked to make my point clear. Zander recoiled like he’d been slapped. His warmth just gone and I silently cursed my body for the bereft feeling it left me with, every part of me except my brain beseeching him to come back, to hold me, to kiss me, to touch me… I crossed my arms over my middle.
“I’d never do that to you Red, don’t even think it,” he admonished and the guilt swamped me sevenfold. I nodded and tried to relearn how to breathe, his departure had nearly stolen the breath from my lungs with it. I shifted uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry. You were just… You… You make it hard to think when you’re that close and it isn’t fair.” I swallowed hard and felt the blush sweep up from my chest and go to the very roots of my hair. He smiled, his good humor at my expense back again.
“Really?” he asked dryly. I shook my head and turned, my hands were trembling as I tried to finish my task, the paper cups scratching together loudly in the quiet kitchen as I stuffed them with the little chocolates. I felt humiliated tears burn the backs of my eyes and I closed them tightly and resolutely refused to let them gather any further let alone spill over.
I could feel Zander at my back, his intense gaze sweeping over me and he stood there. Finally I heard him sigh and the rustle of cloth shifting as he put down his arms which he’d crossed.
“Hey, don’t do that, come here,” I heard him take a step forward and I skirted around the counter out of reach. He cursed.
“Just give me a minute, just give me… God!” I hated how I sounded on the verge of tears, voice high and tight, trembling with the sheer force of will it took to force the rising tide down.
“Oh hey, Red no. Don
’t do that, Sugar, don’t cry. I didn’t want you to cry.”
He was on me before I could step away, right up in my personal space all over again, his arms went around my waist and he pulled me tightly against him and I couldn’t resist this time, my hands slid over the smooth skin of his arms, which were solid, my palms coming to rest just below his shoulders. He palmed my ass with one hand and I couldn’t even find the will to be indignant. He pulled my forehead down to his with his other hand and simply rested them together.
“Shh, shh, shh… It’s okay,” I sniffed. No tears yet, but they were trying. This was so confusing! What was he doing here? A fine question, so I asked.
“What do you want Zander? What are you doing here?” I demanded and held myself ridged in his embrace.
“Thought I already told you, Baby. I want you, I’m here for you.”
I scoffed and wrenched myself out of his grasp. ”Well people in Hell want ice water too!” I said dispassionately, “You had your chance last year, you chose not to show up or return my calls!” He looked a mix between hurt and angry and that was rich, that was rich indeed.
“When was the last time you ate anything?” he asked and the change in conversation was so abrupt I could swear I heard the sound of the needle abruptly being pulled across the vinyl record’s surface. I frowned.
“What?”
“Food, Red. When was the last time you had a meal?”
I blinked and frowned and thought about it before replying, “Breakfast I think. I don’t know, I don’t remember eating lunch, I’ve been busy.” I rolled my lips together, smoothing them against each other. The ghost of his lips grazing mine still there, a slight glimmer of touch even though it’d been minutes since his lips moved on mine.
Fractured & Formidable: The Sacred Hearts MC Book V Page 3