Fractured & Formidable: The Sacred Hearts MC Book V

by Downey, A. J.

  “Go big or go home,” I said with a shrug. A weird look crossed her face.

  “You know this might go a lot better with me if you said you were sorry!” she crossed her arms over her chest and her legs at the knee. She wore a long cream satin nightgown under the robe, her leg safe from my prying eyes but the way that material clung to her figure… well my brain went out to dinner without me for a second. She gave an exasperated sigh.

  “You know saying you’re sorry doesn’t mean that I was right or that you were wrong… It means you care about our friendship. That it’s more valuable than your ego,” she fixed me with an unwavering look.

  I blinked. I’d never considered what she was saying, truth was I wasn’t much for apologies. Shit happened, you did something wrong, a few words wasn’t going to fix it. You had to do better, try harder. In my world, actions spoke louder than words ever could. I regarded her, sitting there so very serious, the hard set to her shoulders, the tightness around her eyes slowly blurring and fading into lines of weariness and hurt.

  “You should probably just go,” she said softly.

  “Not going to happen,” I told her as I pulled the steaks out of the oven and ditched the pan on the cooktop, switching off the broiler. I came around the counter and crouched in front of her, putting my hands on her knees, resting them there lightly. She met my eyes and I held hers fast with my gaze.

  “I’m sorry,” I said and she looked past me, over one of my shoulders. I cupped her face gently between my hands and forced her to look at me.

  “I screwed up. I forgot about dinner and I got wrapped up in the club and being a prospect. I was doing club business and couldn’t answer the phone. When I picked up my messages I felt like a world class douche, but then you wouldn’t answer my calls and that pissed me off and…”

  Her voice stopped me, “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Why do you say that, Sugar?” She shifted uncomfortably, opened her mouth, closed it and opened it again. She looked to be on the verge of spilling it but her eyes held such a pleading look, begging me not to make her say it, that I had to know, so I pressed her.

  “Talk to me. Not going anywhere until you do.” I said firmly.

  “I thought when you didn’t show up that something had come up, I waited, and when a half hour went by, I tried to call you, you didn’t answer. I was embarrassed. I waited in that restaurant over an hour. When Evy explained that being a prospect was a lot like being a fraternity pledge I…” she pursed her lips and rushed the rest of it out, “I thought you’d never really been interested. That one of the guys put you up to it, or that you were just leading me on to impress Dray and when you figured out you didn’t have to, you just stopped bothering.”

  “What do you mean?” I scowled, I was fixated on the last bit of what she’d said. High spots of color appeared on her cheeks. She gave a harsh and exaggerated sigh.

  “I figured you got wrapped up with one of the girls at the club. That I was just a passing fancy and that you weren’t really serious about me, I didn’t answer your calls the next day because I was hurt, Zander,” she looked defeated. She stared at her hands in her lap for a long minute. I was fucking floored, silent, because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d had no freaking clue.

  She took a breath, “I know I’m not pretty like Evy or Shelly. That compared to them I’m, um – “

  “Red stop, just stop,” I shook my head incredulous, “You’re fucking gorgeous and I don’t ever want to hear you put yourself down again. You hear me?” she swallowed hard, her autumn colored eyes so very wide and nodded. I was fuming, but not at her, more at me and whoever had put these craptastic ideas into her head. It wasn’t lost on me that someone, somewhere, at some time or another had done something really shitty to Mandy to have her believing any of this horse shit.

  “It wasn’t either of those things,” I told her, “You know that right?” her lips thinned down and regret and heartache flashed across her pretty features in equal measure. I swore, low and heated and she stopped breathing, freezing in place.

  “I just realized that I couldn’t give you the attention you deserved at the time, Babe. Patching into the club was a really big deal to me and a long time in coming. When I set my sights on something I just, I don’t know, I get real focused.” I sighed defeated. I wasn’t sure how to explain it. I stood up, my knees cracking in a bit of protest and moved around the kitchen finishing up dinner by plating it before it got cold.

  “I had no idea you thought any of those things. I feel like such an ass.”

  Mandy sat for long moments, thinking, before finally rising and asking, “What can I do?”

  “You can just sit down and relax, let me make you dinner. Let me try to fix this. I never meant to hurt your feelings, Red. Believe me.” I brought the plates over and set them down contemplating her. She looked like she really wanted to do something, anything to help rather than just sit there.

  “On second thought, where’s the silverware at?” I asked, I knew damned well where it was but she was sitting there just looking so uncomfortable and wringing her hands, I could tell this was way outside her comfort zone.

  Hadn’t any guy ever taken care of her? She finally smiled and got up to get the utensils, returning with them and a couple of paper towels to use as napkins. I held her chair for her and pushed her in. Never saw the fucking point of doing that really. All it did was bang the chair into the backs of her knees but it was worth it to pretend to be a gentleman, if only to watch the warm glow that suffused her cheeks and across the bridge of her nose when I did it.

  “Thank you,” she murmured.

  “You’re welcome, Sugar.”

  She bowed her head over her food and closed her eyes, murmuring a prayer and I smiled and took the opportunity to look her over. She had a long graceful neck. I’d never noticed it before with her hair always down. An errant curl draped artfully along the side of it, the end just teasing her pulse point. It was probably one of the most provocative things I’d ever seen and I was hard to the point of aching from it.

  “I’m really sorry, Mandy, I really suck at apologizing, but I’m trying here,” I said when we’d been silent a touch too long.

  “I can see that,” she murmured.

  “Ouch,” I said dryly and smiled.

  “Oh no,” she said abruptly, “I meant that I can see that you’re trying!” She looked horrified and I couldn’t stop the laugh if I wanted to.

  “Relax, Red. I knew what you meant.” I took a bite of food and looked her over. She was fucking beautiful when she blushed like that and I just kept making her do it.

  “So what were you planning on doing this evening?” she asked cutting her steak into dainty bites with such a lady like precision. I chewed through my own bite of meat.

  “Keep blushing like that, you,” I said simply with a roguish grin. I bounced my eyebrows at her and she scoffed and laughed incredulously. She blushed even more deeply, which made me grin more broadly, and she took a bite of her steak. I think I’d rendered her speechless.

  She looked vaguely more comfortable which I claimed as a small victory, but still she sat back straight, shoulders stiff. She cleaned her plate, which I could appreciate a girl who wasn’t afraid to eat, but after she’d finished, which was before me, she simply sat there solemnly, eyes fixated on a point on the table.

  “What were your plans for the night?” I finally asked her, picking up where the conversation had left off while we ate.

  “I was going to catch up on a television series I’ve been watching,” she murmured.

  “Oh yeah? What one?” I asked, expecting something completely girly to come out of her mouth.

  “Um, Sons of Anarchy,” she said and blushed again rushing out with, “Everett and Dray got me hooked on it. I’m trying to catch up.” Well color me impressed.

  “No shit? I dig that show. Where you at with it?” I asked.

  “I’m a couple of episodes in to season two.”


  No sooner had I pushed my plate a couple of inches away from me then she was up and clearing the dishes. I blinked and watched her move around the kitchen. She did all of the cleanup, loaded the dishwasher, covered the salad bowl with saran wrap and stashed it in the fridge. She moved around the kitchen with sure efficiency and startled when I came in to it.

  I went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, twisting off the top. I took a drink and watched her. I recognized it. Everything she was doing. My mom had been the same right before she ditched me with my old man, who was a real fucking winner let me tell you… I kept my seething anger below the surface, where she couldn’t or wouldn’t see it. I kept the poor girl on edge enough as it was. She drifted passed me and I reached out and captured her hand. She startled and her eyes flicked to mine, again, wide and beautiful but with that glint of fear in them that I was really beginning to hate.

  “I don’t bite Mandy, I’m not going to hurt you,” I said.

  “Oh! I know that! I apologize, I…” she looked like she was heading into a state of some real discomfiture so I tugged her into my arms.

  “Always been a shy girl huh Baby?” She nodded mutely.

  “I make you that uncomfortable?” I asked and she gasped her autumn colored eyes, like turning leaves from green to winter brown raised from where they’d been fixed on my chest.

  “Oh no! No… at least you didn’t before… I just, I guess… I don’t know how I should feel.”

  I nodded and thought for a second. She looked so unhappy.

  “Close your eyes for me Sugar?” she looked apprehensive for a second but then complied, her eyes drifting shut. She was ridged in my embrace.

  “Now do me a favor, think back to the hospital; remember?” she relaxed marginally.

  “Yes.”

  “Then after that, at the club, remember then?” she nodded, “I’m the same guy who was there for you back then Red, same man. I’m sorry I dropped off the face of the earth, it was a dick move and it’s not gonna happen again,” I whispered and I kissed her and this time she was so beautifully responsive, her lips parted beneath mine and pressed back soft and sweet. I flicked my tongue against her lower lip and with this soft little sigh she let me in, her tongue finding mine, stroking. I pulled her so tightly against my body, she was so warm and soft and Christ what was that fucking phenomenal smell!? Whatever she wore drove me absolutely fucking crazy! Such a pure, clean and delicate floral scent.

  Her hands drifted to my chest from my shoulders and she pressed a little, I pulled her tighter against me, God I wanted her so bad it hurt! No, really, I was so fucking hard in my shorts I thought I was gonna split my foreskin. The image cooled me off just a bit along with a more insistent shove from my Red. I let her break the kiss, her impassioned gasp twisting me up inside.

  “I need a little room to breathe please,” she said and patted her hands where they rested on the chest of my thin, sleeveless, Misfits tee. An old favorite of mine. I took a step back, my hands coming to rest on her hips and gave both of us a little breathing room.

  “Sorry Sugar, too easy to get carried away with you,” I told her honestly. I took her by the hands and she followed me in to the living room only a little reluctantly. I sat down on the couch, well, laid down really, propping my head on the arm, one leg resting along the back, the other bent, foot planted on the floor. I pulled her down to sit between my legs, swept the remote off the coffee table and propped it on my knee.

  “Come here, no play tonight, I just want to hold you.”

  I took a hold of Red’s hands and I gently tugged, guiding her to lay down. She shifted her hip to make sure she wouldn’t crush the family jewels and laid her legs sideways on the expanse of the couch, twisting her upper body, her ear resting over my heart. I smiled, one hand on the nape of her neck, massaging. The other I smoothed up and down her silk clad back.

  “I like this,” I murmured, and switched on the TV. Truthfully the only way I’d like it more is if I’d been smart enough to sweep off my shirt before getting her against me. Felt like too much material was between us as it was. I switched the television over to the blu-ray player and brought up Netflix, I’d spent enough time over here as a prospect while the girls were out doing girl things to know what was up. Although now that I had more perspective, Red bolting for and shutting herself into her room made more sense.

  “Me too,” she said after a minute, her voice was timid like she expected judgment or for me to ravish her or something and it derailed my train of thought completely.

  She was a bit stiff in my arms, but slowly began to unwind. I got things picked up where she’d left off in the series, tossing my hat onto floor by us, the bill had been digging uncomfortably and the damn thing didn’t want to stay on with my head laying against the arm of the couch. I held on to her through the mild fidgeting to get comfortable, one hand continuing to rub the tension from the muscles in her neck, the other smoothing up and down her back until with a soft, gasped out little sigh, she relaxed completely. Sometime later I pulled the throw on the back of the couch down over the top of her to keep her warm. I don’t think it was long after that both of us were out like a traffic light.

  Having her down against me like that. Pure. Epic. Bliss.

  Chapter 4

  Mandy…

  I came back to myself slowly, the daylight coming through the living room windows muted by deep gray clouds. It looked to be a chilly and damp Sunday but it was so very warm and safe lying here with Zander. I smiled, the TV was still going. The Netflix hooked up to it having auto played through who knew how many episodes while we’d cuddled and apparently, slept. I let my eyes close and listened to the cadence of Zander's heart, the rhythmic deep breathing of his sleep, and I smiled. His intensity frightened me sometimes, he could be so bossy, bossy like my…

  “Oh no!” I bolted upright and looked at the clock. “No! No, no no no no!” Zander’s hand grasped my arm above the elbow and I jerked.

  “Red what’s wrong!? What’s wrong Sugar?” I searched his alarmed face and valiantly put a lid on my burgeoning fear.

  “I over slept! I’m late!” I cried and stood. He let me go and I bolted around the corner into my room. I swung the door shut and heard him go into the bathroom which I needed to do myself but clothes! I had to find clothes! Something appropriate for service! I ripped open my closet door and pulled down a conservative cotton dress. It was a deep earthy forest green turtleneck with long sleeves and I threw it on the bed so I could rip off my robe and night gown.

  “Hey Red, you okay?” Zander called through the door.

  “I’m fine!” I called out, which was a lie. Which was a total lie, I needed to go! I slapped a hand on my alarm the music shutting off. I hadn’t heard it from the living room. I pulled on bra and panties and the dress was just falling to cover my legs when my door swung wide. Zander leaned a muscular shoulder against the inside door frame and crossed his arms. He crossed an ankle over the other, the white rubber toe of one red high top burying itself in the carpet and he raised his dark eyebrows. I pulled on some socks and zipped up my brown leather riding boots to the knee.

  “Where’s the fire Sugar?” he asked kindly.

  “The church if I don’t move it!” I cried. I snatched a wide leather belt, a brown to match the boots off the inside of my closet door and fitted it around my waist.

  “I’m sure God will forgive you for being a few minutes late Darlin’, you’re human.” He smiled and his chocolate caramel eyes danced with a sparkle of amusement. My mouth went dry and I nodded but didn’t slow one bit. I pulled my hair from its pins and sloppy bun and gathered it, pulling it into a tight twist.

  “It’s not God’s forgiveness I’ll need,” I said dubiously and twisted my hair up in the back. I snatched a copper hair basket in a random Celtic knot work design that Evy had bought me for Christmas one year and held it to the back of my hair, jamming the matching metal stick through to hold it in place. My eyes watered as the stick c
aught and pulled in my hair, yanking some at the roots. I sniffed and the smarting soon went away as I snatched up my purse.

  “I apologize, Zander! I will make it up to you, I promise I…” he stepped into my room, my space, and took so much of it up with both his sheer size and force of personality.

  “Shh, easy Sugar. No need to apologize to me, just slow down a little. Not sure I like the idea of you driving all worked up like this.”

  I blinked twice as his words registered. He was worried about me? I was speechless. I nodded, eyes a little wide and Zander put his hands gently to either side of my face, cradling it softly between his rough and calloused hands. I forced down a shiver even as I felt the room grow hotter, or was that just me?

  He brought his lips to mine and kissed me gently. I covered his hands with mine and kissed him back, but my need to get out of the house and to my father’s church overrode just about everything right now. I pulled back, heat dusting my cheeks and Zander smiled at me with the devil’s own grin. I smiled back and swallowed hard.

  “Kay that’s better. I’ll lock up, I still got a key,” he murmured.

  I nodded mutely and he walked me out to the living room. He kissed me one more time at the door and breathed deep, just beneath my ear, the warm current of his breath radiating through my body sending goose flesh in a ripple down my back.

  “God I love that smell!” he exclaimed in a harsh but soft voice. I smiled and left out the front door.

  “I’ll see you later?” I asked gently, dashing down the front steps.

  “I promise Red. Not going anywhere this time,” he called after me and I stole one last glance as I shut the car door behind me and started it. I pulled away from the curb, Zander’s shiny red and white muscle car across the street, and drove quickly, but safely in the direction of the highway and ultimately my father’s church.

  I pulled into the first available space once I got there and sped walked to the building. I was over twenty minutes late. My father was up at the front in his pastor’s robes, my mother in the front row as always. I slipped inside quietly and walked up the side of the sanctuary attempting to be as unobtrusive as possible. I slid into the pew beside my mother who took one of my hands in both of hers and patted the back, her face impassive, her brown eyes so very worried. My father didn’t miss a beat and preached on, but I didn’t miss the dispassionate look, the icy glare he reserved for me at my late arrival.