by Dawn Brower
Damn it. She was right again. He should quit arguing while he was ahead. “I’m sorry. It’s—well—I worry.”
Claire laughed. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t. Dani’s fine. She has her very own live-in doctor to take care of her.”
A shot of pain filled his heart. It wasn’t something more than a pinprick of envy. He wanted what Dani had. Jealousy wasn’t something he usually dealt in, yet he couldn’t help that it was rolling through his gut. Maybe once he got his crap together he could have that. Until then, he could only sit back and hope he’d live up to his self-imposed expectations. “When are you moving out?”
“Are we back to that already?’
“We never left it.” He shook his head. “I’m not going to let it go.”
What would it take to get through to her? She was so stubborn, wonderful, and beautiful. Of course, on the latter, he was going on memory. The other parts were evident daily. She put up with a lot from him. It was time for her to start living again. They both had to.
“How about we table this discussion until after your next visit with Ren.”
He started to interrupt her, but she refused to let him get a word in.
“Don’t even try to talk me out of it. I won’t leave unless he says it’s all right to leave you by yourself. I’m also going to talk to your occupational therapist and Lana. If all three of them agree, I’ll leave before you can say boo.”
“Fine,” he reluctantly agreed. He intended to phone all three of them personally to ensure they agreed he could be by himself. Matt didn’t want to think of this thing between them as a war, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t strategize better than the best five-star general. “I can live with those terms.”
Especially as he intended to rig them in his favor.
CHAPTER FIVE
Matt jerked forward as the car went over a small bump while Claire maneuvered the car into the hospital parking lot. Today was the day he would find out if his sight was improving or if... He gulped down a lump in his throat. The alternative wasn’t something he ever wanted to put a voice to. It was unacceptable to consider he might never see again. The blurry vision he’d endured for the past month was annoying, and no clear indication he was healing.
The car came to a stop. “Are you ready to go inside?” Claire asked.
No, he wasn’t. Not really. Inside, he’d either receive good news—or the worst. Either way he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear any of it. His life had been in limbo for too long. He didn’t say any of that though. The last thing he wanted to do was dump all of his anxieties on Claire. It would give her one more reason to stay and hover over him. “Of course.” He lifted his hand and fumbled it over the side panel until he located the door handle. “Let’s go see Dr. Sousa.”
“I can get the door for you.”
“No,” he snapped. He clenched his jaw tight. “I can open a damn door myself.”
He slid his hand through the handle and pulled. It opened and he took a deep breath. Everything was so much harder than it used to be, but he wasn’t an invalid. He could do some things and didn’t need her to take over even the smallest things in his life.
“Matt...”
He ignored her and stepped out of the vehicle. Then he realized he did need her. He had no idea where they were in the blasted parking lot, let alone where the entrance was to the hospital. Damn, this was all frustrating. He leaned against the car and waited for her to come lead him inside. Every minute he stood there weak and dependant on another grated on his nerves.
“I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I don’t mean to hover.”
“It’s fine.” A muscle in his jaw twitched. He didn’t want her apologizing to him. “Can we go inside now?”
She wrapped her arm around his and they started to walk. He could make out objects. Most of them he assumed were vehicles in the parking lot. Not that he could make out their shape, but that made the most sense. The different colors were evident, but after a while even they started to blend into each other. He heard doors swish open and they headed inside. Claire led him every step of the way, down the hall, on the elevators, and finally to Ren’s office.
“Hello?” Claire knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Ren called out.
Matt allowed her to help him inside. He reached out and felt for the chair in front of him and slowly sat. “Do you have any good news?”
He wished he could see the expression on Ren’s face. It would help him to gage the levity of his news. Relying on tone alone wouldn’t give him the entire picture. They held back, not wanting to upset him. Even Dani danced around the issue so he wouldn’t have to worry. They all didn’t understand that he’d worry no matter what. It was his right to do so. His life was the one that was irrevocably changed by the accident.
“There have been some improvements in the latest scans we did.”
Why didn’t he sound happy? His voice was as unemotional as always. Why wasn’t that something to celebrate? Any improvement was something he’d prayed for every time he came in for the doctor visits and the incessant testing. The bland sound of Dr. Sousa’s voice was unnerving. The palms of his hands were clammy—Mat wiped them on his pants and asked, “That’s good isn’t it?”
“Your tests are good.” Ren paused. “In fact, I expected to see more progress in your vision because they are positive. It concerns me that your vision hasn’t actually improved.”
Mat sat back and let Dr. Sousa’s words wash over him. He was supposed to be better... yet he wasn’t. What the fuck was he supposed to take from that? He was defective. Well, when he looked at it like that—yeah, he supposed he was. Doing everything the hard way was his go-to punch in life. It seemed like a good idea to climb up hill when he could have skated down easy. Maybe this was some stubborn way his body had of sticking it to him.
“What does that mean?”
He could hear the shuffle of papers, but other than that, nothing but silence greeted him. Dizziness overtook him and he swayed. He reached out and steadied himself on Ren’s desk. Cobwebs of uncertainty filled his mind. Would he always be like this? He’d healed, yet he hadn’t. What bit of bad news was Ren about to dump on him?
“Matt?” Claire asked, concern etched in her voice. “What’s going on.”
He shook his head. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look so good. This isn’t the time to hold anything back.”
Matt clenched the arm of his chair. He didn’t need this. “Claire, leave me alone with Ren. I need to talk to him in private.”
“I don’t...”
“Go,” he demanded, interrupting her from objecting. “Check back in a little while.”
“If you’re sure.” Her voice was wobbly. Her shoes shuffled across the floor, muffling her movements. Clair leaned over and rested her hand on his shoulder. She was stalling—possibly looking for a reason to stay. No amount of hesitation would change his mind. If he didn’t become harsh she’d find a way to remain, and he couldn’t have that.
“I am.” The muscles in his jaw hardened. “You’re not needed here.”
She bit back a gasp at his words. Claire’s chair scraped against the floor as she stood. “Ren, can you call me when you’re done? I need some fresh air.”
“Yes, of course,” Ren agreed. “We shouldn’t be too long.”
The heels of her shoes hit the floor with a soft thud as she walked away, but he didn’t even try to watch her leave. Apparently, it was a useless endeavor with his sight remaining elusive. This was who he was now, and it was time he started to finally accept it. Claire could move on, and out of his life. This was the one choice he had remaining to him.
“We’re alone now,” Ren began. “Want to tell me what is going on inside that head of yours?”
Where to begin? His life was shit. He didn’t have a clue what he was going to do with his life. Claire was the one woman he wanted, and he didn’t think he could have her. He had nothing to offer her. Oh, and blindness w
as more or less permanent.
“I want you to lay it on me straight. What are the chances of fixing what’s wrong with me?”
“You believe you will see a blur for the rest of your life, don’t you?” Ren asked calmly. “In my honest opinion, that’s what your problem is.”
What the hell did that mean? “I’m not following. What does one have to do with the other? It doesn’t add up?”
“To put things simply, there’s no medical reason for your continued blindness. All the tests show you’re healed and the swelling is down. You’re healthy, and so should be your eyes.”
What. The. Fuck? “Then please explain to me why my eyes are refusing to cooperate.”
Ren sighed. “I don’t know, but I believe it is psychological.”
Was the good doctor saying he was messed up in the head? After careful consideration he had to concede his point. “Spell it out to me. What do I need to do to see again? Is it even possible?”
“Yes, with therapy it should be.”
Matt took a deep breath. “You’re not talking physical therapy are you?”
Maybe it was a good idea to see a shrink. The accident messed him up in a lot of ways. The nightmares plagued him every night. He didn’t want to talk to Claire about them, but a professional might be what he required to put it all behind him.
“No. I can recommend a psychiatrist for you to see. The accident put you through quite the ordeal. This will help you in more ways than one. Whatever is blocking you emotionally—she can help you get past them. After you heal in every way I believe your sight will return.”
Unease filled his gut. “You make it sound so easy.”
“Nothing about this will be easy. It’s not as simple as healing something ailing on your body. This is all mental, and you won’t heal until you’re ready. In some ways, it’s a lot harder than what I do. I have a lot of respect for those that have to deal with the complexities of personality, emotional overload, and every other psychological condition you can name. There isn’t an exact science to any of it.”
A part of him didn’t understand how any of what Ren said was possible. Why would he block himself from seeing? It was all he prayed for since he’d woken up in a hospital bed with bandages covering every inch of his head. If he had his sight back, he’d be able to reclaim his life—and possibly quit being a total ass to Claire. He hated being a jerk more than anything. She didn’t deserve to take the brunt of his frustrations. It was one of the reasons he wanted her to leave and find something other than him to focus on. But if his condition was psychological, perhaps he should start working on whatever blocked it. What part of him was so messed up as to make his vision remain a blurry mess of colorful blobs?
“So, your expert opinion is I’m one fucked up individual, and I’m beyond your capabilities at this point.”
“I can see why Dani likes you.” Ren laughed. “But yes. There’s not anything medically I can do for you. Do you want me to call Dr. Adams and schedule an appointment?”
Did he? A part of him wanted to run screaming in the other direction. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Keep going and never ever look back—it was the only thing he could do to see himself to the other side. It took everything inside of him to not give into the urge. The truth was he was more afraid of trying to make it on his own than of seeing a shrink. What would he do if he actually managed to find his way out of Ren’s office? He’d probably walk into the nearest wall and reinjure his already damaged brain. That didn’t leave him with many options. In fact, as far as he could tell, he had one left.
“Yeah. Make the call.”
Ren picked up the phone and scheduled the appointment. Matt sat and listened to him talk to Dr. Adam’s secretary. “Thanks, Christie. Tell Marlee to call me with any questions.”
“You’re all set.” Ren ripped the note he’d written from his pad. The sound of paper tearing filled Matt’s ears. “Do you want me to give this to Claire?”
“No.” He clenched his jaw tight. “Give it to me.”
Ren handed Matt the paper. After he clutched it in his hand he stuffed it into his pants pocket. “I want you to tell Claire I’m okay enough to not have a live-in babysitter.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I can’t have her in my house anymore.” Matt wanted her to leave him alone—not entirely true, but it was for the best. She deserved so much more than he could offer her. If he managed to get his sight back, maybe then... He wouldn’t think about it. Wishing wouldn’t make it happen, and it was best to move on the best he could. Without Claire. “I won’t be able to concentrate on what I need to do with her around. I have others that come, but I don’t want anyone in my house around the clock.”
Ren tapped on his desk with something. A pen perhaps? It clicked in a rhythm that was almost mesmerizing, filling the silence as he waited for the doctor to respond. Tap. Tap. Tap. Matt focused on the sound and reminded himself to be patient; not his strong suit, but necessary all the same. He hoped Ren would do as Matt wanted and help him to push Claire out of his life. After several seconds, Ren finally stopped the incessant tapping and responded, “I’ll agree to that on one condition.”
“Anything,” Matt agreed. He’d agree to sell his soul to achieve what he wanted. “Name it.”
“Call me if you need anything. I’ll feel better if you had someone come by at least once a day to check on you. And before you object, it doesn’t have to be Claire. Set up a schedule with Lana or Dani once she’s back on her feet. I don’t care who it is as long as you adhere to it. You’re not ready to be completely alone.”
“I’ll set something up.” Matt didn’t like it but he’d rather it be a medical professional than Claire. “The occupational therapist comes three days a week already. Lana comes twice. I have the weekends open.”
“Dani and I can stop in on Sundays. Find someone else for Saturday and you’re good.”
Matt smiled. “Thanks, Ren. How is Dani doing?”
“She’s fine. A bit stubborn, cantankerous, and bossy as hell.”
“And you love her.” The corner of Matt’s mouth twitched. He was jealous, but happy for his best friend.
“I love her. I’ve always loved her,” Ren agreed. “I know she’d like to see how you’re doing herself, so she’ll be happy to know we’re stopping in to see you in a couple days.”
“I miss her. Tell her not to do too much.” He laughed. “I know that’s easier said than done. I know how ridiculously bull-headed she can be.”
Matt had met Dani in college and they became the best of friends. They went on to law school together and then opened their practice in his hometown. Ren had been her high school best friend and the one man who’d always owned her heart. She’d thought she missed her chance with him and moved on the best she could. Life had other plans in mind for her and made sure they found their way back to each other. Now they were blissfully in love and planning to live the rest of their lives together.
“That she is. Do you want me to call Claire now?”
His smile fell from his face. Claire was going to be pissed at him. She hadn’t wanted to leave him alone with Ren, but he’d had no choice. It was the one way to ensure she wouldn’t step in when he’d asked Ren to support his decision to be alone.
“Yes, text her. She’ll probably respond faster that way,” he said. He had to face the music. “I’m ready to go home.”
And explain to Claire why she had to let him go and live her own life. He wasn’t stupid. He knew she loved him as much as he loved her. This was the only way though. She’d see it in time.
CHAPTER SIX
Claire stared down at her phone. The minutes had ticked by in a slow pace that made it feel like she’d been standing outside Ren’s office for hours rather than a mere twenty minutes. Why had Matt demanded she leave? It hurt more than she wanted to admit for him to dismiss her. She’d been by his side through it all, yet he made it seem like she was inconsequen
tial. Sometimes she wondered why she bothered. Nothing she did made him happy.
At first she’d been able to brush it aside. He was hurt, scared, and tired. Everyone acted out when they went through something that stressful. She couldn’t very well blame him for it. Oh, but she wanted to. She blew out a breath and leaned against the wall. Pacing back and forth hadn’t helped, and she didn’t see the point of continuing the futile exercise.
“Claire, what are you doing here?”
She jerked her head around at the sound of her name. Damn it. It had to be him. “Hello, Nolan.” Her stupid, cheating, no-good ex and all around douchebag. She glanced around and then looked back at him. “Chasing ambulances again? Need some new clients?”
“That’s not even remotely hilarious.” He lifted his nose into the air. “I work for a very reputable firm, as you well know. We do not have to seek out our clientele. They come to us.”
Claire was aware of the firm’s reputation he worked at. That law office had been the first place she’d applied to when she graduated from college. It was a good firm. If not for her disastrous relationship with Nolan she’d probably still be there. Of course, then she’d never have gone to work with Matt and Dani. Some things happened for a reason.
She glanced over her shoulder at the still-closed door. What was taking so long? This little impromptu meeting with Nolan was not to her taste. The sooner she could leave the better. She glanced at her phone again—Ren had texted her Matt was done. What was taking so damn long? Why was he still inside?
“Waiting to see Dr. Sousa?” Nolan asked. “I hear he’s engaged. You should probably find another man to stalk.”
Claire rolled her eyes. “Yes, in fact, he’s engaged to my boss. Want to start a pool on who’s not getting an invite to their wedding?” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Here’s a clue. Their name starts with an N, and oh yeah ends with one too.” She stared down at her fingernails, acting as nonchalant as possible. “Too bad really. It’s going to be the social event of the season. Dani being the lost Brady—think of all those lost opportunities to schmooze you’re not going to have.” She sighed. “Such a shame.”