“I need to do this,” she said with a heavy sigh and began where she had left off. “I opened up my parents’ door to find my father standing silently in the middle of the bedroom, holding a knife coated in blood. There was blood everywhere. So much blood.” She paused, sucking in a shaky breath as the memory tore through her. David led her to the couch and she sank back into the black leather. She rested her elbows on her knees and dropped her face into her hands, trying to find the inner strength to continue.
After a few minutes, she lifted her face and continued. “Once I realized what he had in his hand, I had frantically looked around the room for my mother, finally spotting her leg poking out from the other side of the bed. Blood was streaked down her leg and I screamed and ran towards my bedroom, certain I was next. I had locked my door and barricaded myself in my closet, covering my face with my hands as I hummed my favorite song, and waited to die.” She looked up at him, his features dark and eyes strained as he took in all the details. “But instead of my father breaking down the door, the cops came and rescued me. Evidently he had called them and told them what he’d done. I guess if he did anything right in my childhood that is the only thing I can think of.”
David squeezed her hand tighter; the pain that was etched on his face almost matched the pain in her heart. Finally he spoke. “Ky, I don’t know what to say. It’s a horrible thing to have to go through. I wish I knew how to help you or what I can say to ease a little bit of the pain.”
She looked down at his hand that swallowed hers. Her tear soaked eyes flitted back up to his, and as one tear escaped and coasted down her cheek, she said, “I don’t want you to say anything because there’s nothing you can say. I just needed to tell you so you know where I come from, why I am who I am. I want you to know everything about me. I want you to really know who I am. The only person I’ve ever talked to about this was my therapist, but I was young and it’s hard to feel safe talking to a stranger who barely knows you. I needed to let someone else in and I wanted it to be you. You give me strength, David.”
He nodded slightly, his hand gripping hers tighter, almost as if he were trying to squeeze all the pain from her and transfer it into him. His other hand reached out and pulled her close. He secured his arms around her body, giving her comfort that she felt down to her soul, and she hugged him tighter.
He pulled away and looked into her eyes. “You are such a strong woman, Ky. Not many people could go through what you’ve gone through and come out ahead like you. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
Her smile waivered and then barely formed, erasing a little of the torment that had embedded itself onto her soft face as she thought about his choice of words. She had never felt strong. “I’m a lucky woman to have you in my life,” she finally said, bringing her knees up to her chest as she leaned back against the plush cushions of the couch.
David leaned back with her, taking her in his arms. She relaxed into the warmth of his body until the tears finally ceased and the memories began to fade.
Chapter 21
Decisions
“So, what do you plan on doing about that letter from your father?” David asked as he brought a mug of black coffee to his lips.
It was only six a.m., but because of her nightmare, they’d been awake for hours talking. Kyleigh twirled her straw around her glass of orange juice, contemplating her answer. She didn’t know. She’d gotten through what she considered was her first step, which was openly talking about it to David and letting him into her past, but she had yet to make the decision to actually forgive her father.
“I don’t know. My aunt says he’s not really a bad person deep down, that it was the alcohol and drugs that made him act the way he did. She also says that I need to forgive in order to move on in life. I mean, part of me wants to forgive him, because he’s my father and I want to stop carrying this anger around inside me, and I know my mom would want me to move on. I just don’t know if I can do it.” Kyleigh said, thinking back to the dream.
She set her drink down on the coffee table before she had the urge to throw it against the wall. Opening up to David made her feel so much closer to him, and she was glad she had finally done it, but talking about her father still stressed her out.
“Well,” David began, “It’s a hard decision to make, but you need to be ready to forgive. You can’t just do it because you know you need to, or your aunt says you should, you need to do it because deep down, with your whole heart, you really do forgive that person.” He leaned over and squeezed her knee. “Have you thought about just paying him a visit first, getting to know the person he is now, and then deciding from there if or when you can forgive him? I mean, no one says you have to do it all now,” David said.
Kyleigh’s face tightened at his suggestion. She was utterly terrified of facing her father in prison and didn’t know if she could ever do it. She pictured him giving her that same look he had always given her as a child, the one where one eyebrow arched a mile high onto his forehead and the other one angled in, making her feel as though she was the one doing something wrong. She knew she had to be sincere, because she didn’t think she had the nerve to face him and tell him something that wasn’t the whole truth.
“No, I haven’t considered that yet. But I did write him a letter, telling him how I feel about him and everything that had happened. It did help some but I just don’t know how to let it all go and move forward, David,” she said in a low voice, her fingers playing with the edge of her shirt.
“Well, that’s good to put your feelings down on paper for him, but you’ll know when you’re ready. No one else can tell you how or when to let all that go, but you know you need to and that’s a good start.” David said as he slid his hand into hers.
Silent tears strolled down her cheeks as if on a secret mission to keep reminding her how much she hurt. Brushing them away, she said, “I’ll have to give this a lot more thought. Facing my father and forgiving him will be very hard. In my mind I’m still this scared little girl who’s terrified of her abusive, alcoholic father, even if he’s not the same man anymore. Do you think I’m crazy for wanting to make amends with him after he killed my mom?” she asked.
He slowly brought the coffee mug to his lips, giving him a moment to think about his answer. As he set his coffee down on the table, he said, “No, Ky, I don’t think you’re crazy. He’s your father and you want to have a relationship with him, there’s nothing wrong with that. He made a huge mistake, made a lot of bad choices in his life, but he’s trying to fix what he can by getting in contact with you and apologizing. No one is perfect, some people just make bigger mistakes than others, but he’s trying to be a better man now and own up to them.”
They sat there in silence for a moment before David said, “I’ll go with you to the prison, if you want me to, when you decide you’re ready.”
Her red-rimmed eyes flew to his, taking in the offer. “You would?” she asked in a weak voice. She was almost on the verge of giving up, not sure if she would be able to do it all alone.
“Of course, Ky. Do you think I’d make you do this all by yourself? I’m always here for you,” David said, as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.
She let her eyes drift shut, taking in the comfort of his touch. “I would really like that,” she finally said.
“Good, then it’s a done deal,” he said, getting up and heading into the kitchen.
Her eyes widened in panic as she jumped to her feet and followed after him. “I didn’t say for sure, David,” she yelled, her feet stomping against the floor as she hurried to catch up to him.
A small laugh echoed in the kitchen as he poured another cup of coffee. “Yeah, but you will eventually, you just need some more time. But, I’ll be ready to jump in the car and head to that prison as soon as you say the word.”
“You’re a sweetheart, David. Thanks for being so supportive,” she said as she slid her arms around his waist.
“Well, there’s no need for yo
u to be alone in this anymore. When you’re ready, I’ll be ready. Anytime, day or night,” he said as his arms squeezed her tight.
The steady rhythm of his beating heart was a reminder of how real he was. She didn’t feel as though she deserved him, but he was here, not showing any signs of leaving.
She felt him pull away from her, and as she looked up, she saw a change in his body language, a stiffness rising in his demeanor. “What’s wrong?” she asked, wondering what the sudden change was.
He shoved his hand through his hair and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms as his face hardened. “We need to figure out what we’re going to do about Brad.”
Kyleigh looked away, her fear taking another turn. If it wasn’t fear of her father, it was fear of Brad. She’d been with him a couple of years, and avoiding him was always the best route, but that didn’t seem to be working now, and after the other night, she knew something needed to be done. “So many decisions,” she said with a sigh.
“Yeah, but this one needs to be made now because I’m not going to let go of what he did to you the other night. I dealt with turning a blind eye to his continuous phone calls in the beginning, but drugging you and then raping you is a whole different issue. If you don’t handle it, then I’ll take care of him,” he said.
Kyleigh flinched at his choice of words. Raped. She had never thought to call it that, but she assumed that’s what it was. She watched his hands clench and unclench, wondering what he thought he was going to do. “I know; I just don’t know what to do about it. I mean, I doubt I can prove what happened now, it’s probably too late,” she said.
“Probably, but we know what happened and he knows what happened and that’s all that matters. You can start by getting a restraining order against him and see if that makes a difference,” he said.
David’s words slid down her core, and the notion of standing up to Brad trickled through her mind, making her back stiffen with fear. But she knew something had to be done. He was still calling, still leaving her messages, and she didn’t know for sure, but she assumed he was still checking up on her. Her throat constricted with a sudden dryness that seemed to swallow her voice. “You’re probably right. If I don’t, it’s hard telling how long this will drag on,” she finally said, her words cracking mid-sentence.
“Maybe you should stay with me for a while, until things with him smooth over?” David asked, his eyes giving off a hint of apprehension.
She hoped it wasn’t going to get that bad, but she didn’t want to have to worry about being home alone at night. When did things get so out of control?
Giving him a nod, she said, “Okay, that’s probably the best idea. I can stop by the police station before work and issue a restraining order. I just hope this doesn’t spur him to do something even more stupid.”
His eyebrows inched tighter as he said, “And if he does, at least you’ll be here with me.”
The small smile she found buried beneath her worries was the only answer she could give. Making the decision to fight back against Brad filled her with almost as much dread as walking into the prison alone to face her father.
***
Jiggling her keys in her hands, she stood staring at the faded red brick building, the black letters across the front of the building not giving her a sense of security. Agreeing to this decision early this morning with David felt like a mistake now that she was standing in front of the building. The knot tightening around her stomach caused her apprehension to build and she turned back to her car. David had wanted to come with her, but she’d told him she could handle this part by herself. Now, even though she wished he was here with her, she knew she couldn’t rely on him to help her with every decision.
She took a deep breath, letting the tension release with each puff of air, and told herself this was the only option right now. She couldn’t keep dealing with him alone, and after twenty missed calls last night from him, and five threatening messages, it was obvious he wasn’t letting up anytime soon.
Turning to face the large, brick building, she gathered her courage and slowly inched towards it. It was time things changed, and nothing could change when everything stayed the same.
Wrapping her fingers around the metal handle, she paused for a brief second before she let herself pull the door open. She was met with ringing phones, the tapping of keyboards, and the shuffling of feet as people seemed to hustle every which way. Her eyes fell to the white linoleum as uncertainty invaded her thoughts. Could she handle this? She had to, there was no other choice.
“Can I help you, ma’am?” a gentle voice miraculously carried over the noise.
Kyleigh’s eyes shot up, seeing a small brunette sitting at the front desk, a friendly smile looking at home despite her hardened features. She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth and then took a step towards the woman. “Um, yes, I need to file a restraining order on my ex,” Kyleigh said in a rush, almost as if she expected Brad to hear her somehow.
“Okay, well, I have an emergency protective order form here that I need you to fill out, and then once this is put in our system, you’ll be notified when your hearing is.”
Kyleigh watched the woman duck beneath her desk, her long ponytail swaying with her movements, and then slap a few forms onto the desk.
“Here you go. You can have a seat over there and fill them out,” the woman said as she handed Kyleigh a pen and clipboard.
“Thanks,” Kyleigh whispered, slowly taking the handout. Doing this felt awkward to her. She never thought she’d have to do something like this in her life. She always thought she would make better choices in life, but here she was, filling out a pathetic piece of paper that was supposed to grant her safety from a psycho ex. She couldn’t see Brad following it, but having proof that he needed to stay away from her did make her feel a little safer.
The questions were easy and in no time she had completed everything on each form. Sliding her purse up onto her shoulder, she walked back to the brunette and set her clipboard down on the desk. “I got everything filled out,” she said.
She watched the brunette scan the documents looking for missing information and she began to shuffle from foot to foot, eagerness to leave taking hold.
“Okay, I’ll just need to see your driver’s license and then you’ll be free to leave.”
Kyleigh dug into her purse and retrieved her license, and as she handed it to the woman asked, “So, this takes effect immediately?”
The brunette looked up from her scanner, sympathy pooling in her light colored eyes as she said, “It takes about twenty-four to forty-eight hours to take effect and for him to be notified.”
Nodding, Kyleigh took her copy of the form and shoved her driver’s license back into her purse. “Thanks,” she said as she turned and headed out the door.
The warm sun made the cold feeling that lingered inside her disappear, and she looked down at the paper clutched in her hand, nodding to herself at the fact that Brad would not be allowed to legally contact her. That was supposed to make her feel good, but something deep down told her he wouldn’t let things go that easily.
Chapter 22
Epiphany
Rain splattered against her front windshield as she headed towards work and dread pooled in her stomach at the thought of Brad receiving the restraining order papers. She knew he’d be furious.
She felt her phone buzz beside her and she reached for it without taking her eyes off the rain slicked road. “Hello.”
“Ky, how’d things go with getting the restraining order?” David’s voice came out low and muffled from the sudden downpour of rain and she reached over to turn her radio down so she could hear him better.
“It went okay, I guess. The lady said it will take effect in twenty-four to forty-eight hours,” Kyleigh said as she leaned forward and peered through the mass of rain covering her windshield, making everything in front of her look like it was running together. Vision was minimal, even with her wipers on high.
As the rain finally began to die down, she leaned back against her seat, letting her tense muscles relax some. “Yes, that’s my plan. I get off work at eight tonight. It won’t take me long to stop by my place to grab my stuff, so I should be back at your place by nine or so,” Kyleigh said.
“All right, well, call me when you’re on your way. Gotta go though, I need to get the rest of these bikes finished before a few guys decide to beat it out of me,” David said with a laugh.
“That’s not funny, David. Get your ass in gear so that doesn’t happen,” Kyleigh chastised, as she turned into the parking garage of the hospital. Ignoring the deep laugh on the other end, she said, “I have to go too, I’m at work now. Love you and see you tonight.”
“Love you, Ky,” she heard him say before hanging up.
Swinging the doors to her floor open, she spotted Brooke standing at the nurse’s desk. Her head was angled down as she looked over some papers and her long, dirty blonde hair was pulled back in a pony tail that hung across one shoulder.
Sliding in beside her, Kyleigh said, “Hey, girl, what’s up?”
The light blue eye shadow that she had dusted on this morning brightened her eyes, but Kyleigh still noticed a touch of sadness that make-up couldn’t cover up. Looking up, her red lips broke into a smile as she said, “Hey, how are you?”
Leaning against the desk, Kyleigh said, “I’m all right. A rough night, but that seems to be normal for me lately. What’s up with you, you seem a little down?”
Shaking her head, she said, “No, tell me first how things went with Brad yesterday, that’s more important, you were supposed to call us and let us know. I texted you last night but you never responded, like usual,” Brooke teased as she nudged Kyleigh’s arm.
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