by London Casey
Evan walked to the coffeemaker and poured us each a cup. He took out a bag of sugar and opened the fridge to get the milk and some coffee creamer.
He turned, still without wearing a shirt, holding the coffee mug in his hand.
I just stared. I never needed coffee again to wake up if this was the sight I could have in the morning.
“Sorry about this place,” he said.
“No, it’s fine.”
“It’s a shit hole, Dena.”
“No, it’s not. It’s cozy.”
“In other words, small.”
“Evan, I can’t tell you how happy I am to not be in that house right now.”
He nodded. “Right.”
“So… what was your plan for last night?”
He shrugged his shoulders. The way they flexed… holyshit…
I felt my bottom lip quiver and thought I was going to start drooling like a patient leaving the dentist after getting a needle to be numbed.
Evan stepped forward and threw the shirt over his shoulder. “Well, I figured we could eat and have a few drinks. Talk about whatever came to mind. Now that you say about not wanting to be at the house, I’m glad I came here. That’s what I was figuring.”
“Oh, get me drunk and take advantage of me?” I asked.
“Dena, did you need to be drunk for that to happen?” Evan asked so boldly.
My face burned red. “Good point.”
“I thought, you know, going back to where all this shit began. Show you what I’ve always wanted.”
“You really mean that, Evan? You always wanted…”
He grinned. “Of course, Dena. I’m not sure I can ever explain everything. Or at least explain it in a way that you want to hear. Because the truth will always sound like a cheap excuse.”
“Meaning what?” I asked.
“Meaning look around you. Look where I am. Look what I am. What kind of life is that for you to have, Dena? You were supposed to go off and open that business. And be successful. I guess in my heart I thought if I could keep the bullshit at bay, it was my offering to you. My own version of saving you without getting close enough so that the fires of hell that rage inside didn’t burn you.”
My throat felt like it was going to squeeze shut. I reached with a hand and planted it right at Evan’s bare chest. Right over his heart. I wanted to cry. Not because what he said was maybe the sweetest thing a person had ever said to me. But because he just didn’t get it. He didn’t get that it was him I wanted, not a life. Not an image. It was always about him.
“I figure that’s all bullshit now though,” Evan said. “Considering everything that happened.”
I couldn’t take my hand away from him. “Evan…”
I heard a beeping sound.
“Shit,” he whispered. “That’s Uncle Davey. What time is it?”
“I don’t know. Close to nine.”
“Damn.”
“What?”
Evan winked. “I was supposed to be at the shop at eight.”
He broke away from me and walked to the door of the apartment. That’s where he had thrown his keys and apparently his phone. He grabbed the phone and took the call.
“Don’t worry, I’m alive.” Evan turned and looked at me. “Oh, believe me, she’s worth it. And, yes, I know her name.” Evan moved the phone away. “Hey, sweetheart, what’s your name again?” he called out to me with a big smile.
I rolled my eyes and turned to get my coffee.
“I’ve got everything with me,” Evan said. “Don’t worry, old man. You should see my office over here. I’m all ready for whatever we’ve got to do.”
I poured some creamer and glanced over my shoulder. Evan’s office was half of his dining room table. He reached for some papers and put them on the table and flipped through them.
“Hey, are you questioning me here?” he asked. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I work for you. You can’t even use a computer, Uncle Davey. You worry about your end of things. I’ll be there in a few. Let me have a coffee and try to get this woman out of my apartment.”
I laughed.
I opened the drawer in front of me and grabbed a spoon.
I stirred the coffee, watching it change from black to tan. The spoon dinging off the edges as I stirred.
Then I felt Evan’s hands touch my waist.
I stiffened and gasped.
“Sweetheart, I’ve gotta get to the shop soon,” he whispered.
“I heard.”
“That means I either leave you here for the day or take you home.”
I put my head back against his chest. I groaned. Why did he have to be so comfortable? So dreamy? Why did he have to leave?
“I probably should get home,” I whispered. “I have a lot of stuff to do. Stuff to go through. Stuff to figure out.”
Evan slipped a hand around to my stomach and kept me tight to him. “I need to see you again, sweetheart. Really fucking soon, too. I’m not waiting days and weeks. I want now.”
I shut my eyes for a few seconds to breathe it all in.
It hurt me that Evan thought he was helping me by keeping his distance. Of course the attention went to Anna because she was crazy enough to jump off a bridge if enough people weren’t looking at her. I would have jumped off a building to get Evan’s attention.
He took his hands away from me and I felt cold. He walked back to the table, picking up his coffee mug and grabbed for some papers. I finally had the chance to drink my coffee. I stood there and watched him.
I’m not waiting days and weeks. I want now.
I smiled and felt my cheeks burn hot again.
Evan wanted now, I wanted forever.
Chapter Thirty-Three
(The Stay Away Deal)
YEARS AGO
(Evan)
All I wanted was some damn coffee. I woke up on Scott’s couch and had to get the hell out of there before his mother found me. She hated me. She thought I was a bad influence on her baby boy when in reality he was the most well known dealer in town. If you wanted to get high, you saw Scott. He’d ask what kind of high you wanted. Feel loose? Feel good? Fly in the clouds? See purple elephants?
Yet I was the bad influence because of my upbringing.
So I had to bolt out of the house before sunrise. I had to lay low so the cops didn’t find me wandering the streets. I felt like a reverse vampire or something. Hiding in the dark and emerging in the light.
I emerged with two empty pockets. Which meant to get coffee, I only had one choice.
To take what I wanted.
It wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to live but I had to survive. At least at school I would get something to eat. As much as I hated that place, I got breakfast and lunch. Before that though, I needed some caffeine.
Now, I could have walked into the corner store and stolen a coffee. I could have taken food, drinks, whatever I wanted. But I wanted to try and take something that resembled the higher road. That road presented itself when I opened the door and smelled the coffee. I knew the old man – Mr. Hendricks… but now we called him Harry – made coffee in the back and he drank it all day long. When I entered the store, I saw Harry was next to the window, organizing the newspapers. I never understood why he kept so many in stock. Nobody read the fucking newspaper in this town.
But whatever, it wasn’t my business.
I spotted the coffee mug on the counter. So I made a quick move and grabbed it. It was full. It was hot. It smelled half decent. I made a straight line for the back of the store as though I was going to use the restroom. Except I skipped the bathroom and went to the back supply area and right out the back door.
Coffee mug in hand.
I walked to the station wagon that I had gotten busted for stealing and climbed up on the hood.
I sat there in the glory of a new morning and sipped the stolen coffee.
And it tasted damn good.
I managed to get three sips and four breaths before a cop car came pulling into the back lot
of the store.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I whispered.
I wasn’t going to try and run. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t steal any product from the store. So whatever. If Dick was going to arrest me for swiping a cup of coffee, so be it.
Dick climbed out of his cruiser, leaving the door open. He approached me with his hands at his belt, like he always did. Trying to be the big, tough cop. He didn’t need to do that. It wasn’t going to impress me. Plus, he had a fucking gun. That meant he already had the loudest voice.
“What are you doing out here, Evan?” Dick asked.
“Sipping my coffee,” I said. I lifted the mug and nodded.
“That your coffee?”
“Sure is.”
“You’re a fucking moron, you know that?”
“Why?”
Dick pointed to the mug. Then he said, “World’s best Grandpa…?”
I looked at the other side of the mug and sure enough that’s what it said.
“Oh,” I said. “That.”
“You stole coffee from an old man?” Dick asked.
“Could be worse,” I said. I patted the hood of the car. “Remember when I stole his car?”
“You know, you were lucky he didn’t want to pursue charges against you then.”
“Luckiest guy in the world,” I said. I sipped the coffee.
Dick curled his lip. “I’m not here to break your balls over coffee.”
“Well, look at that. I just got luckier.”
“Evan, listen to me. Were you with Anna last night?”
“Anna? No. Why?”
“We found her sleeping on a park bench a few hours ago. She was really messed up.”
I slid off the hood of the car. “Seriously?”
“Yeah,” Dick said. “Had to take her to the hospital to get checked. Wasn’t sure if you were with her. Tell us what she had taken.”
“She wasn’t drunk?”
“Not only drunk,” Dick said.
“Dammit,” I said. “No. I didn’t see her last night. I was over at Scott’s.”
“Scott’s, huh? Surprised you don’t have the munchies right now.”
“Did you really just say munchies?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Hey, keep an eye on Anna, huh? It’s the least you could do for everyone.”
“Keep an eye on her?” I asked. “She’s not my girlfriend or anything.”
“I don’t give a shit about that. Just keep an eye on her. It’s not fair to her aunt and her sister.”
“Adena?”
“Yeah. Her sister, right?”
“Yeah. Adena. That’s her name. I don’t really care about Anna…”
Dick laughed. “Don’t even try and tell me you have a thing for Adena. Please, Evan, don’t waste your time.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. You don’t even have a place to sleep. You have to steal a mug of coffee from an old man. A mug that his grandkids got him. What the fuck kind of life are you living? And you think it’s smart to drag Adena into that? She’s got a chance at life, Evan. I hope you realize that.”
“What are you, her father?” I asked.
“No. Her father is dead. So is her mother. She’s gone through enough. Now she’s got that mess up of a sister always causing problems.”
“I know all that,” I said.
“So stay away from her. Okay? Do it for me. I’ve given you plenty of breaks. Keep an eye on Anna. Please. If she gets herself into a jam, call for help. Poor Beth couldn’t stomach losing Anna.”
“Right.”
“I mean, look at right now. They’re at the hospital. Woken up at fucking four in the morning because Anna was half dead on a park bench.”
“So it’s my job to make sure she doesn’t do that again?”
“If you really care about Adena and actually want to do something for her that matters… yeah. Do that. Let Adena have a good life. She deserves it. Don’t read too much into fucking fairy tales and cheap romance movies, Evan. A scumbag like you would only ruin the parts of her life that her parents and sister haven’t touched yet.”
The words were honest, cruel, and I had to stand there and take them.
Dick then grabbed the coffee mug out of my hand. “I’ll give this back.”
“I just wanted a cup of coffee before school,” I said.
Rolling his eyes, Dick reached into his pocket. He handed me a ten dollar bill.
“Go get a real coffee. Get a real breakfast. Go to school, Evan. Stay away from Adena.”
Dick turned and walked toward the back of the store. I heard his voice booming with laughter as he said he found the coffee mug outside on the hood of the station wagon.
I stared at the ten dollar bill in my hand. I made a fist and crunched up the money.
What I should have done was bought Adena flowers and tell her I would protect her from everything evil in the world.
But my stomach roared with hunger. And my heart ached with a stinging pain.
So I bought a coffee, some breakfast, and walked to school.
Adena wasn’t there that day because of Anna being in the hospital.
I stared at her empty seat in all the classes we had together.
Everything Dick said was right. I would just end up ruining the rest of her life.
But keeping away from her would only ruin the rest of mine.
Chapter Thirty-Four
(The Old Man & the Books)
NOW
(Evan)
I grabbed the last strap that would hold the beautiful steel frame of what would be a kick ass motorcycle. I cranked the latch on the strap to tighten it as I stared at the frame. It amazed me how someone was able to take this metal outline and turn it into a functioning vehicle.
“You keep staring at it, makes me think you want it.”
“No way, Jimmy,” I said. “This is all yours.”
I pulled at the strap. It was tight. This thing wasn’t going anywhere.
I met Jimmy at the back of his flatbed and we shook hands.
“What’s the big plan for it?” I asked.
“Looking black with neon green flames,” Jimmy said. “I have a guy who does these paint jobs where the color changes in the sun. Not like some fucking kid toy or something but the way the reflection is… I don’t know how to explain it. They’ll be neon green flames but as the sun hits it, it’ll look like the flames are moving and changing.”
“Nice,” I said.
“Hey, what about you? When are you going to keep one of these for yourself?”
“Not anytime soon,” I said. “I’m good keeping busy right here like I am.”
“You know, I would have never guessed this kind of work would come from a dump like this.”
“I take offense to that,” I said.
“Take offense to this,” Jimmy said. He pulled out a check.
The number on the check made me smile.
“I’m referring some more business your way,” Jimmy said.
“Thank you.”
“Hey, how about some custom sculptures and shit?”
“What about?”
“Grab some old metal. Weld it up. Twist it. Think you can do that?”
“I guess,” I said. “Why?”
“I got a friend you should talk to. He’s an artist type. Strange guy. But he’s loaded. He loves working with this stuff. He doesn’t like welding and all that shit. But he likes to design. He likes to… decorate? I guess that’s the word. I don’t know. He’ll tell you what he wants. You make it. He has his guys come pick it up.”
“Interesting,” I said.
“I’ll middleman it for you, Evan.”
“Thanks, Jimmy. Drive safe.”
We shook hands again. “Hey, where’s the old man at?”
“Sitting in a chair, listening to a baseball game on the radio. Counting his breaths, waiting for one to be his last.”
Jimmy laughed. “I
guess that’s the only way he’s going to give up this place, huh?”
I shook my head. “Seems that way.”
“And then you have the other one…”
I turned my head and saw Winston walking along the front of the building. Tall, still wide with old muscle, but he favored his right leg way too much. He should have walked with a cane but he refused to do so because he was so goddamn stubborn.
“This is my life,” I said.
Jimmy suddenly clamped a hand on my shoulder. “Hey. You know I’ve got a few shops around. As far out as Vegas. I know this is a family thing, Evan, but if you ever wanted to get out of this…”
“Jesus, Jimmy,” I said. “I don’t want to hear that right now.”
“Right, forget it. I’ll just give you more business.”
Jimmy climbed into his truck and fired up the angry diesel engine. He drove away as I walked back to the dump of a building. Winston stood there, smoking a cigarette.
“Another one gone, eh?” he asked.
“Another one gone,” I said.
Winston took the cigarette out of his mouth and pointed his fingers at me, the cigarette between his fingers.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you fools were talking about out there,” Winston said. “You really think you want this life?”
“What life is that, Winston?”
“This life,” he said. “You want this shop? This building? The headaches?”
“Who do you think runs this place now?” I asked. “Huh? And I never asked for anything. This is all the family I’ve got, Winston.”
“Ah, horse shit on family,” he said. “I don’t know where your generation gets all this family stuff from. Too much TV.”
Winston put his fingers to his head and I swore he was going to burn what little hair he had left with his cigarette.
“You know Jimmy just offered me a job,” I said.
“So take it.”
“This place would collapse in a month.”
“So what? Fuck it. We’re old. We’re going to die eventually.”
“What the hell is this, Winston?”
He took a deep drag of his cigarette and then started talking. “I’m going to tell you something.” Smoke puffed from his mouth as he spoke. “Your uncle almost lost this place a few times. This is all he has left in life. Those that left. Those that died. He trusted someone one time to help around here and you know what? That motherfucker took all the money.”