More than Scars

by Brocious, Sarah

  Brianne’s blue eyes twinkled. “Can I tell him about Al?”

  I smiled. “Of course!”

  “Good cause I’m gonna marry him!”

  Amelia frowned. “Uh uh, me!”

  Brianne sighed. “Okay, we both can!”

  Mary and I shared a smile.

  “Go ahead and get yourself a bath Nerissa. I will get them in their pajamas.”

  My face must have registered relief because she waived me on. “We will cuddle on the couch and read,” I promised the girls as I headed out.

  I picked up my phone on my dresser and texted Al quickly that all was well. My phone buzzed in my hand and I jumped. The number was unfamiliar but I answered anyway. “Hello?”

  “Hello, friend.”

  “Ian.”

  “Sound a little less disappointed, please Nerissa.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  I smiled back at the phone. “You are keeping me from something.”

  “Pardon me.”

  “It’s okay,” I sighed. “So you heard?”

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said with sincerity.

  “I’m good. Liam was…upset, but he’s good. He didn’t fire me, so that is a good sign.”

  “You said Liam.”

  I smiled.

  He chuckled into the phone. “You could set the house on fire and he wouldn’t fire you. That is a true fact!”

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. “He said some really lovely things tonight. Don’t taint it Ian.”

  “I won’t. I am happy you are there, friend. You are good for our family! I am glad you are still around.”

  “I am too,” I said sincerely.

  “I will see you guys Saturday. Liam has me in meetings until four. I will be there around seven when it’s just getting dark. We will build the fire for the girls. It will be fun! Maybe I can get him to come? Yeah?”

  “That would be nice.” Never meant anything more. Liam needed more time out of his comfort zone. “Thank you Ian.”

  “Sure Rissa. You enjoy your evening!”

  Ian’s happy nature warmed me and I was smiling again. I ended the call and hurried to take my bath before I could be interrupted again.

  Curled up on the big couch in the girl’s room, one girl under each arm, and a Little House on the Prairie book in my hand…life could not have felt more right! We immersed ourselves in the story for some time before I realized the time.

  I hope there had been enough time between the sugar as I escorted them to their beds. Amelia hopped in happily. That girl never had issues sleeping. She accepted her kiss and hugged my neck. Brianne explained why she should be allowed to stay up but I shot down each idea gently. Sometimes she hated to go to sleep.

  “You okay?” I whispered to her, as I tucked her in.

  “Are you going to keep your door open?”

  “I always do,” I promised. “If you get scared, you come in and if I’m not awake, you wake me. Okay?” I kissed her forehead and she too hugged my neck.

  “Is Daddy coming to say good night?” she asked as I turned out her light beside her bed. A night light glowed in the corner.

  A soft knock sounded at the door. “That will be him now,” I said softly. “You two have sweet dreams.” I hurried out of the room and into my own.

  Well, tucking them in and trying to settle them had been useless because the instant their Dad came in they were fairly jumping out of their beds. They had to tell him about their day. And what an exciting day it had been.

  Liam was quiet giving a “Hmm” or and “Oh” now and then.

  “Nerissa brought her brother,” Brianne cut in. “He’s a policeman Daddy and he was there to watch over us! Nerissa said he watched over her when she was little and her Daddy couldn’t! He was so handsome Daddy…just as handsome as Nerissa is pretty! And he kept us safe! He held our hands…rode on the rides with us! He was very nice! He told us not to trust anyone unless You, Nerissa or Uncle Ian said we could!”

  “And he said damn,” Amelia interjected.

  I had to cover my mouth to stifle the laugh.

  Liam cleared him throat. “Well, he sounds pretty smart to me.”

  “We’re going to marry him,” Brianne continued.

  Liam chuckled at this. “You are now? Well, I suppose marrying a fine policeman wouldn’t be such a bad thing! He’d keep you safe!”

  Amelia was jumping on the bed…I heard the undeniable squeak. She did this when she was overly happy.

  “So you guys had fun today?”

  “Yes!” they squealed.

  “Maybe you’d like to do it again?”

  I sat up on my bed. I felt a glimmer of hope.

  “Yes!” they chorused again.

  “Maybe with Miss Meadows and Uncle Ian?”

  Someone clapped their hands…maybe it was both of them. “Yes!”

  “I will think about it,” he promised. “Amelia, stop jumping,” he chuckled, and she obeyed because the squeaking stopped.

  “Daddy are Rissa and Uncle Ian going to get married?” This came from Brianne.

  Liam was quiet.

  I wanted to shout “NO!” from my room but my mouth had gone dry.

  “What makes you ask that Bri?”

  “They laugh together,” she said softly. “Uncle Ian thinks she’s pretty.”

  “Uncle Ian said pissed,” Amelia announced.

  “Amie,” Liam growled.

  “Ooops,” she giggled.

  “They are friends,” Liam explained to Brianne. “Friends make each other happy.” His voice didn’t sound very convinced though. I felt like he wanted to ask more…he knew I was in the next room…of course he knew I would hear it all. He wasn’t going to ask anything more. I wouldn’t know the true nature of his thoughts.

  “Ian said…” Amelia began.

  “Amie,” Liam warned.

  “Not bad Daddy. He just told Rissa…You said Liam!”

  My cheeks flamed. I wanted to crawl under my blankets.

  “Liam? My name?”

  “Yes, she said, I talked to Liam,” Amelia said in a sing songy voice. “She said it was ugly. What was ugly Daddy?”

  He cleared his throat. “When someone say’s a talk was ugly…it usually means a fight,” he explained.

  “You fought with Rissa?” Brianne’s voice was indignant.

  “It’s all in the past,” he assured her. “We made up.”

  “Did you kiss and make up?” Brianne was teasing him.

  I still blushed.

  “Hmm, no…didn’t know that was an option,” he teased back.

  “Daddy…” Brianne’s voice lifted with uncertainty. “Will you marry Rissa?”

  I did gasp this time and slapped a hand over my mouth.

  “Bedtime,” he announced.

  “Daddy!”

  “No more questions tonight! You had a busy day and it’s time to get some sleep!”

  “Daddy! Just answer the one last question,” Brianne insisted. Her little voice was soft and pleading.

  I heard him sigh and the sag of the bed under his weight as he sat down. “Bri, look at me. What do you see?”

  “My Daddy.”

  He had to have smiled. I was smiling.

  “What do you see in my face?”

  “Brown eyes?”

  I almost hiccupped on a sob. Oh to be without guile like a child!

  “What do others see?”

  “Your mark?”

  “Not many can see past my mark.”

  “Rissa could,” she whispered. “I know she could Daddy. Rissa is good.”

  I folded my knees up to my chest to hold in any cries that wanted to escape me.

  “I don’t want her to have to look past me,” he said softly. “If…that is…if we…if she and I were…if it were that she and I…” He drew in a breath. “I don’t want anyone to ever have to get use to me. I don’t want anyone to have to just settle for me.”

  “Daddy!”

&nbs
p; “You will understand when you are older Bri,” he sighed.

  “I want to understand now.”

  I wanted to say the same thing! I wanted to understand as well! What if I wanted to choose to get use to him? Truth be told…I had never been drawn to anyone more than Liam Byrne. Maybe part of it was his mystique. He had a heart…and he had a voice that I couldn’t get enough of! That would be enough! It wouldn’t be settling if the man you wanted turned your knees to jelly just at the sound of his voice!

  “Good night my loves. Sweet dreams.”

  “Daddy what if the bad dreams come?”

  “I will be here,” he whispered. “Always.”

  I heard him move to Amelia’s bed and whisper words of love to her as well. He paused. I heard him sigh out a breath. “Sweet dreams Miss Meadows,” he whispered.

  “Sweet dreams,” I whispered back. I listened for his retreat, but he stood where he was for a moment as if deciding on an action and then he left, closing the girls door behind him.

  Chapter 9 That Night

  Saturday did arrive and along with it, the children’s excitement one hundred fold. They did love their Uncle Ian and any time spent with them was a good time. I spent the day gathering what we would need for the festivities. Went to the grocery store myself…even if Stewart insisted on sending someone and then the girls insisted on going! I made it out of my own and bought the goodies on my own.

  Liam had made himself scarce the last few days. He was busy preparing for the upcoming masquerade…not so much the party planning as the personal relations portion of it. I had a feeling he was avoiding me. That night had been awkward…and surprisingly intimate. He had to have felt as vulnerable as I had. Other than his good night to the girls and his spoken goodnight to me…it had been two days since I had “seen” him. Well, one and a half. Thursday evening was a long time ago. Hearing his voice was wonderful…I just hadn’t realize how much it meant just seeing his presence…sensing it…even just his scent. I was in far too deep.

  I took a trip to the stables with the girls to visit the horses. I needed to see Zosimo and to apologize to Baxter. He was in the forgiving mood and accepted my piece of apple as a peace offering.

  Each girl found their favorites and began distributing apples. I found it amazing that the little ones were so unafraid of the big animals. Of course…I had been Brianne’s age when my father started taking me to the stables.

  I sauntered over to Zosimo who greedily accepted his apples. I didn’t stay long with him, since the girls couldn’t come around him and I wanted to keep my eye on them. He was not happy with me for my lack of staying power.

  Jack was happy to see us too. “Mr. Byrne said I should get the ring out for you all tonight! I have plenty of firewood! He also said you’ll be taking the hayride tonight.”

  I felt surprised at this. “He hadn’t said when, but I guess after we have some bonfire time, it will be fun! Do you need any help?”

  “No Miss, got this!” He smiled brightly and waved us off as he continued with his work.

  Things were falling nicely into place! So, since there was nothing left to plan, we took a walk. The fall leaves were beyond gorgeous right now and gathering them was too much to resist.

  “We should rake them up and jump in them,” I laughed. “That is part of fall! Tell me you guys have done that!”

  They both looked at me with curious eyes and I had to groan. I pulled out my phone. Uncle Ian fail…these girls have never jumped in a pile of leaves? I quickly texted.

  What? I am the worst of uncles!

  No worries…I’ve got this…Rissa to the rescue!

  You are the best…Tonight, friend!

  I laughed and shoved the phone in my pocket. We finished our leisurely walk and hurried back to the house with our collection of colorful leaves for soup and then some hot cocoa to warm up.

  I asked Stewart for a rake and he gave me an odd look.

  “To make a pile of leaves,” I laughed. “I can’t believe all of those gorgeous leaves lying out there and these girls don’t have piles to leap in.”

  Stewart’s kind eyes softened. “Well, I am not having you rake them Miss. Let me get one of the garners. We have a pile ready in no time. Give me an hour?”

  I gave him a smile and a kiss on the cheek. He honored me with a flush of the cheeks.

  Upstairs I braided the girl’s hair and bundled them in turtle necks, sweaters and jeans. You didn’t jump in leaves in your coats! I also made sure I gathered up my camera so I could document.

  We were outside and ready for the fun in no time. I couldn’t wait to watch them experience this! It was a travesty they hadn’t before! Stewart had not disappointed. There was a pile of leaves to rival all piles of leaves! The gardener had made quick work.

  “Have at it,” I laughed when they stood just staring. “Jump in!”

  They didn’t have to be told twice. They lit out to jump in. I had my camera out flashing pictures to capture the moments. I would want to share these with Liam…and of course with the “Worst Uncle in the World”! I smiled…just imagining his face as he got the text.

  The same moment I smiled, I also frowned. Was that why Brianne had the wrong idea? Why Liam felt it necessary to caution me against dating Ian? Did I like him too much? I considered this for a moment. And while I certainly liked Ian Byrne…he had never made my heart skip a beat, or ever made me hold my breath. Not like…his brother. I smiled and took a few more photos.

  I was surprised when a little while later, Stewart joined us outside. His elderly face was filled with amusement, watching the girls throw leaves at each other, and then burrow beneath the pile.

  “This was a good idea,” he chuckled. “I’m sorry I hadn’t thought of it.”

  I smiled at him. “My dad used to do this for Al and me every year. He would clean up our big yard and we would ruin it every time. He would patiently rake it up all over again.” I shrugged. “One of the best things I remember from my childhood!”

  He nodded. “I told Liam what was going on. He’s very pleased.” His eyes danced. “Very pleased with you Miss.”

  My snort had him smiling.

  “Okay, the other day he was livid! But you brought the children home safely and you gave them a beautiful memory! He couldn’t stay angry with you!”

  My eyes wandered back to the happy children. “Are you angry with me Stewart?”

  “No Miss…no I’m not.” He cleared his throat. “I have known Liam since he was a child. He is stubborn…good…but stubborn. It is how he became who he is. It is how he has survived but…forgive me…it is how he has remained stuck! You shook him up. He needed it.”

  Shock made me to snap my gaze back to him.

  He gave a sharp nod. “Yes Miss…he needed it.” He turned, and headed toward the house without another word. I turned back to my photography with a smile playing at my lips.

  We were more than ready for the night’s festivities, though Brianne did get nervous over the dark. She clung to my hand as we headed to the back yard. Amelia ran ahead, completely unafraid. Ian would already be at the fire waiting. He had loaded up a wheelbarrow with the food goodies and the pokers for roasting marshmallows and hot dogs. There had been blankets to tote for around the fire to be laid on the chairs.

  The hay wagon was nearby, loaded with blankets. Jack would hitch the horses when the time drew nearer. I was very much looking forward to that time. It meant time with Liam. Yes, I was being selfish. I wanted to hurry through the bonfire and jump in the wagon.

  “Slow down Amelia Bedelia,” I called out. “There is a fire ahead and we do not run near a fire!” She obeyed right away and even stopped to wait for me and Brianne to catch up.

  She smiled sweetly. “I like when you call me that,” she giggled. I stroked her dark hair and tugged her into my side as we walked.

  Brianne seemed to calm once she saw the fires light. I didn’t like to see her fear.

  “Hey girls,” Ian greeted. “Let�
��s get this party started!” He patted a chair on either side of him and the girls went quickly to him, hugging him tightly. They each sat to his left and right, as I set out to make their hot dogs.

  The chatter soon filled the fall evening. We stuffed ourselves on hotdogs and s’mores. This had been an excellent idea…and I would be sure to take credit for it!

  We were soon scooting closer to the fire as the evening cooled and Ian got into telling a scary story. I soon had Amelia in my lap and had to quickly change the story into a princess one.

  Ian pantomimed as though he were hanging himself and it was all that I could do to get through my happily ever after story.

  “When are we going on our ride?” I finally asked when neither Jack nor Liam had made an appearance.

  Ian cleared his throat. “Yeah that…” he shrugged.

  I shook my head.

  “Liam has a night issue.”

  I furrowed my brow, and then thought of Brianne. Had she inherited that from her father? “He is the one that suggested the ride.”

  “Not tonight.” Ian held up his phone. “I got a text half hour ago. We were having so much fun…I didn’t want to bring it up…”

  The girls griped.

  “We can still go,” Ian said with a shrug.

  I wanted to protest. This was supposed to have been something we did with Liam!

  “Not without Daddy,” Brianne whimpered suddenly. She looked over her shoulder and pulled her blanket closer.

  I looked to her with concern.

  “Rissa we have to wait for Daddy. We can’t go riding without him!”

  Ian reached for her hand. “We won’t sweetheart. We will wait for him!”

  “We will wait,” I agreed.

  He gave me a small smile. “Let’s just enjoy the rest of our bonfire.”

  I nodded, cuddling Amelia’s warm body. She was getting sleepy anyway. I pushed aside my disappointment and filled it instead with my concern for Brianne and for Amelia’s comfort. “Does anyone know any campfire songs?”

  The girls clapped and Ian groaned.

  But as it turned out…we had a pretty good time singing off key.

  I heard the scream, but thought it couldn’t be reality. It had to be a part of my dream. I hadn’t been dreaming anything scary! No, that wasn’t my scream. So often I had dreamt of that night with my father and I’d awake crying out, or sobbing. Never screaming!. No, it wasn’t me.