More than Scars

by Brocious, Sarah

  Summoning up my courage now, I threw the covers back. I had to face the day…and the girls…and Liam Byrnes chest. Wish I had to see him face to face…maybe one day!

  I pulled on a warm sweater and corduroys, twisted my hair into an easy ponytail and applied a little makeup. After making my bed, I headed down the stairs for my usual kitchen duty with Mary. I had been told many times I didn’t have to, but I would always want to. I don’t think I ever wanted anyone else making Liam’s coffee again…ever. I felt quite territorial over that mug of coffee!

  He always ate early. It was usually after he got back from his ride on Zosimo…after his workout…after his shower. Sundays he skipped his workout, but never his ride. I peered out the kitchen window, toward the stables. Maybe I would take a ride today! I’d have time before the girls were once again my responsibility! I would need time to clear my head before I figured a way to deal with Brianne today. There was so much I had not known about the little one…so much I had not known about Liam. The two of them had some deep hurt. Liam’s were very visual…Brianne’s had been more hidden under dark curls and blue eyes.

  “Good morning Nerissa!”

  Mary broke into my thoughts. I gave her a smile.

  “He’s already back,” she teased.

  “Wasn’t trying to catch him,” I growled, softening it with a smile. “If I was trying to sneak a peek…I have had a lot better opportunities than this!”

  Stewart chuckled from behind his newspaper. He knew that to be true.

  “What’s for breakfast?” I peered over her shoulder. I saw the evidence of waffles!

  “Mr. Byrne asked that we set breakfast in the dining room for him and the girls. He stopped in the kitchen on his way out this morning.” She looked pleased. He usually passed his words through Stewart, so a visit was a blessing. “I think he is planning on spending the day with them.”

  I bit my lip. I hadn’t been informed yet. I glanced over at Stewart, who was setting his newspaper aside.

  “Well, you know it was a rough night last night,” Stewart said softly.

  I nodded.

  “After nights like that…he usually spends the entire day with the girls. Brianne will need it.”

  I gave another nod. “That makes sense.” Liam’s ability to comfort her terror was miraculous! I still got chills thinking of his voice. “So what is my part in all of this?”

  Stewart stood to his feet and started arranging the silverware he would be taking to the dining room. “Get the girls ready for breakfast. I am sure I will hear more from Mr. Byrne.” His kind eyes lifted to mine. “Why don’t you make him a cup of coffee? I will take it to him now while he is in his office…before breakfast. You can go see to the girls and I will talk to him.”

  I smiled and reached for his cup, taking care to make it just right. I wanted to take it myself but I knew I would never survive the nerves. I wasn’t so sure he would want to see me either.

  I looked over my shoulder at Mary as I held the coffee out to Stewart.

  “Go dress the girls,” she insisted. “I have managed all these years to make breakfast without you.” Her tone was gruff with teasing. “Don’t worry…Sundays are mine.” She always did Sunday duty alone. The other girls got it off…since Liam’s only meal request was breakfast for this day. The remainder we made food like the rest of the World. He gave most of the staff Sundays off…it was his way.

  I patted her shoulder as I hurried past and up to wake the girls.

  Amelia leapt from the bed ready to take on the day. She was easy to bed and easy to wake…always. Brianne was her opposite. And after the night before…even more so. I sat down and gently sat the six year old up.

  “You will miss out on Mary’s waffles,” I said softly. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

  Brianne sighed. “Rissa you can have mine,” she mumbled.

  I laughed and rubbed her back. “But you get to have breakfast in the dining room with your Daddy,” I announced. “You don’t want to miss that!”

  Amelia began dancing around the room, removing her pajamas. She gave me a smile and twirled. “Breakfast with Daddy?”

  “Yes Amelia Bedelia! Now put those clothes on I set out…right there on your chair. Do you need help?”

  Amelia nodded, tossing more clothes off. She certainly had no problem losing the clothes! I smiled and started to get up, but Brianne held fast to my waist. I looked down on her and saw her little face. It melted me.

  “Last night was scary huh?”

  She nodded, closing her eyes and burying her head against me.

  “I’m just glad you stayed,” she whispered.

  I blinked in surprise. “Why would I leave Bri?”

  She swallowed hard. “Cause I am a big baby.”

  My heart broke for her. “You are not a baby. I have cried just like you some nights,” I whispered. “Many nights.”

  “Daddy said I wasn’t to tell you. He said you lost your Daddy like I lost my Mommy.”

  I shivered. I knew he had meant well, but what a secret to force a child to keep! “I already knew you had lost your Mommy,” I admitted. “And yes, I did lose my Daddy from someone very bad. But you never have to keep a secret like that from me ever! I think your Daddy knows that now. He was trying to be nice to me by having you not say. But I am a big girl and I can handle it. I didn’t know you had witnessed it though.” I sat back and tilted her face. There were tears in the blue eyes and it almost did me in. “I went through what you went through too Bri. We can help each other.” I pushed the curls from her eyes. “Whenever you are sad and missing your Mommy you just have to ask for a hug. We will talk about it. And when I miss my Daddy…”

  “You can give my Daddy a hug,” Amelia cut in. She was smiling ear to ear and nodding as if she were a genius.

  I laughed and reached and arm for her, so I now held the both of them. “No, I think I will just hug you two instead!” I squeezed them tight.

  “My Daddy gives good hugs,” Amelia argued.

  Oh, I knew!

  “Let’s get dressed, okay?”

  “You are staying?” Brianne asked softly, still holding me.

  “You couldn’t chase me away,” I assured her. “Now come on, your Daddy has a time planned with you guys!”

  “I want to spend the day with you Nerissa,” Brianne whispered.

  “Maybe this evening. I think it is important you spend some time with him. You guys have to talk about last night. There are things I don’t yet know and I think it should be up to your Dad to tell me.”

  Brianne nodded.

  “Can we go on the wagon tonight?” Amelia was falling over trying to pull her pants on. I went to her rescue.

  “That is up to your Dad.”

  I dressed them, brushed their hair and got them into their shoes and socks. I was just ushering them out the door when we ran into Stewart. I gave him a nervous smile.

  “Girls, your Dad is in the dining room waiting for you. Go meet him there.” He gave them both a smile. “And no running,” he threw after them as they stumbled over one another to be the first to get there.

  Stewart turned back to me and smiled.

  “So…”

  “You have today off Miss Nerissa. Mr. Byrne is spending the entire day with the girls and he said you are free to do as you choose as long as you are back by this evening.”

  I felt a little disappointed that I would not be involved at all but the prospect of a day to myself sounded pretty good to me. “Is he okay? Did he say anything about last night?” I knew my cheeks were on fire.

  Stewart cleared his throat. “Miss, there is very little that he hides from me but he trusts me with unfailing trust. This is because I do not share what is said behind closed doors…not what is important! He did tell me what transpired between the two of you.”

  My head lowered and my heart tripped a bit.

  “Do not be surprised if he distances himself from you for a while Nerissa but do
not take it personally. It’s self-preservation,” he said softly. He began to chuckle. “The ability to distance himself may be limited by those girls though. They love you…and they love you and him together even more!” His hand touched my shoulder. “Use that time to allow him to soften to the idea of you. He needs you.”

  I shook my head. “I am not trying to weasel my way in with him.”

  Stewart squeezed my shoulder now. “He needs you Nerissa…so weasel,” he chuckled softly. “I have this feeling you sort of need him too.”

  My tummy did a twirl…much like Amelia had been doing earlier. I wanted him…did that equal need too?

  “Are you coming to the kitchen for breakfast?”

  I shook my head. I needed time for myself.

  “I will bring something up,” Stewart said kindly.

  I protested, but he quickly cut me off. “You need to eat.” And with that he was gone and back again with a lovely breakfast tray. I felt bad that I could not eat much but my heart really was not into it.

  I called my Mom. I needed some time with Mom.

  On my way out I heard a very lovely sound coming from the music room. It was the piano and it was most certainly not one of the girls playing. My curiosity won out and I snuck to the room’s entrance. They were all three there at the piano. Their backs were to me. Liam sat in the middle a little one was on each side. He was playing a beautiful piece and one I recognized. It was Pachebel’s Canon in D! It was lovely…it was one of my favorites and it made chills go up and down my spine. I was used to hearing it in weddings or romantic affairs, so hearing it outside of that was different but did not fail to bring to mind all things romantic. I wonder if that had been the composer’s intention when he wrote this song!

  I watched Liam’s shoulders and arms move as he played and his head as it bowed over the keys. Each child’s face was turned to his, watching him. I wondered at the expression that was there. The music that flowed from his fingertips was effortless and flawless. You can tell the difference between someone who knew how to play and someone who truly loved to play. He loved this. Tears stung my eyes and I leaned against the door and listened until he played the very last note. It reverberated throughout the room and was followed by a hallowed silence as if everyone held their breath. I know I was holding mine.

  “Play it again Daddy,” Amelia said softly and reverently.

  Yes please! I wanted to shout from behind them, but I bit my tongue.

  He chuckled, touched her face, and to my joy did her bidding.

  Halfway through the encore, I realized I was an interloper. I was invading their time and I had no right! I wanted so much to be seated with them…to be included! This was not my time though and I would not steal! I forced myself away from the scene…but not before I reached in my purse to draw out my camera. I made sure the flash and shutter sound was off and snapped a picture. I would save this forever! I sneaked off to go find my car.

  My Mom’s house smelled like coffee and cinnamon rolls. “Mom I said I already ate,” I complained, as I made my way down the hall and into the kitchen. The moment I entered the small kitchen, I was grabbed from behind! I yelped and quickly through my elbow into the attackers ribs and my heel into his instep getting instant gratification from a groan and the freedom of my body.

  “Damn Nerissa!”

  I swung around ready to fight and relaxed immediately after meeting my brother’s green glare. He was rubbing his injured ribs and hopping on one foot.

  “Someone taught me well,” I laughed.

  He grinned and crashed down in one of Mom’s kitchen chairs. “I sure did! But man, didn’t you think I might be here to test you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Baby!” I went to give Mom a hug. “I thought we were going to get to visit on our own,” I complained.

  Al mimicked me from his perch, now rubbing his injured foot.

  “Al was here when you called. He wanted to…test you,” she teased. “You sounded upset on the phone. “Something happen?”

  “It’s not Byrne is it?” Al was alert and on the defense. “It better not have anything to do with the lunch out!”

  I shook my head and dropped my coat on the back of a chair. I went for a fresh cup of coffee. “He was upset at first over it but then he understood. He was actually really cool over the whole thing. No, I found out something else the two of you have been withholding,” I growled, and slumped down in my seat with my cup.

  Al looked worried. “You mean about the little one?”

  I nodded, sipping my drink.

  My Mom sat next to me and patted my hand. “Brianne’s situation was so similar. We thought it might bring up old memories. Plus, I spoke to Liam about it and he agreed…”

  “Neither you or Liam thought me knowing this might actually help Brianne? I know what that girl is going through! Al, you know what being a young person and witnessing a murder can do on someone…and how it can help to have someone there who has been through a similar situation! Brianne has been on her own! All these weeks I have been lost to why she is afraid to go to sleep…terrified of the dark…so attached to her dad! So afraid for him! Now I know and I can help her so much more!” I shook my head. “Do me a favor and just be honest with me from now on instead of trying to protect me all the time! I am a big girl now!”

  Al sighed. “Rissa…”

  “Don’t Rissa me!”

  “It’s a hard habit to kick when I’ve been doing it for so long,” he argued.

  I nodded. “Start practicing. My job is protecting these girls now…even Liam.”

  “Who is protecting you?” my Mom asked softly.

  “Me,” I answered, lifting my chin stubbornly.

  Al chuckled. “I will stop hiding everything from you Rissa…but you are still under my protection…Mom’s protection. You got that?”

  I rolled my eyes and reached for a cinnamon roll.

  Al reached for one too, making a face back at me.

  “So what else are you hiding?”

  “Nothing!” My Mom said quickly…too quickly.

  “You spoke to Liam,” I spoke around a bite. I sipped my coffee to wash it down. “He told you about Brianne. There has to be more to the story than what he told me!”

  “Nerissa…that is all he told me…Brianne saw it all. He wanted me to keep hush over that.”

  I eyed Al.

  He blew out a breath. “Don’t make me air his dirty laundry Riss! Wouldn’t you rather he open up to you about the details? You have the outline of the story.”

  “I barely have the opening line.” I scoffed.

  Al tossed his roll unto his plate. “The Byrnes were attacked on their own property by a crazy man. Jade Byrne died…Liam nearly died saving her…Brianne witnessed it. The killer was captured and is serving a sentence. There is your outline!”

  “On the property?” Chills ran up my spine.

  Al gave a short nod. “Near the stables. It was early evening…” he hesitated. “Rissa, its very close…”

  “Spill it Al.”

  “It was getting dark. They had just gotten back from a ride. Amelia was at the house…someone had been watching her so it was just Liam, Jade and Brianne. Liam had sent the stable hand off duty…since he could handle the horses himself…apparently he’s apt…”

  “He loves to,” I agreed.

  “They were heading to the house when the attacker came out of the shadows…”

  “But the stable is viewable from the house…”

  “It was a Sunday.”

  I bit my lip. Low staff on Sunday…even now a days…probably more so then…when he could trust. “Oh,” I whispered softly.

  “It happened quickly…Liam was able to identify his attacker when he eventually came around and an arrest was made.” Al reached across and patted my hand. “Did you know it was Ian who found them?”

  I covered my mouth and shook my head. Another reason the brothers were so bonded and that Brianne was so attached to her Uncle. He was
her savior too! “Al why didn’t you tell me these things?”

  Al drew in a breath. “If you could see your face each time we talk about dad..” he paused. “That…even now…your face pales. It may have been forever ago but you have not dealt with it fully. Maybe I should have and just let you deal with the shock of it…get it over with, but I hate that look!” He looked down at his cup.

  I worried my lip. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to deal with it as easily…”

  “Easily?” His gaze swung back up. “You think I dealt with it easily?” I may have been eighteen…and I may not have been witness to it, but it was anything but easy for me Nerissa..God! I can’t believe you said that.” He looked physically shaken. “He was my Dad too.”

  My breath was lost somewhere between my stomach and my throat. “I’m sorry,” I whispered…I didn’t mean it to sound like that. “I just meant…You’ve always been so strong about it…I just always fall apart.”

  His face softened. “I fell apart too sis. I just hid it better.” He reached across. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean anything by it.” He squeezed my hand.

  My Mom who had been watching us tensely, relaxed and blew out a breath. She hated if we fought. “Let’s just enjoy some time together okay?”

  We did enjoy the rest of the morning catching up before Al had to head off to work.

  I promised my Mom lunch the following week and then did some shopping on Liam Byrne’s dime. I got new sweaters, new boots, and a winter coat…all for the job of course. It wouldn’t even dent the available balance on the card. On my way out of the last store, my tummy told me it was time for lunch. I loaded my new things in my trunk and hopped in the car, juggling my keys my purse and a now ringing phone. I smiled at the caller i.d.

  “Hello Ian.”

  “I heard about last night,” he sighed.

  I dropped my purse in the passenger’s seat and sighed back. “It was a little rough.”

  “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

  “Me too.” In the background, I swore I heard a piano.

  “Where are you?”