by Dan McGirt
“Oh, that would be doing them a favor,” said Merc. “Two unescorted, attractive young women let loose in the lawless wilds of Brythalia. Better to leave them here.”
“We can't! We'll have to bring them to Raelna then.”
“Mistake,” said Merc. “Complete and utter—”
“Can you wake them?”
“Easily.”
“Then do it. We'll learn their tale and then decide.”
“Cosmo—”
“Just do it, Merc.”
With a sigh of exasperation, the wizard knelt beside me and placed his hand over the girl's face. He mumbled a few unintelligible magic words. Her big blue eyes fluttered open. They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Mmm-hmm,” she murmured.
“What's your name?”
“Sapphrina,” she said. “Sapphrina Corundum. Who are you?”
“My name is Jason Cosmo,” I said, losing all presence of mind and forgetting to use my alias.
Her face contorted in horror. She jerked away from my grasp, screaming. She scrambled across the floor until her back was to the wall. “May all The Gods preserve me!” she said, eyes wide with fear.
“Clearly, she doesn't want to come with us,” said Merc.
Sapphrina cast about desperately for a route of escape, but Mercury and I stood between her and all exits from the chamber. “Stay back, you vile inhuman fiend!” she said.
“Vile inhuman fiend? Me?”
Sapphrina laughed bitterly. “Do you toy with me? I know well the fate of any woman who falls into your grasp, monster!” She covered herself as best her immodest attire allowed. “I'll die before I submit to your degradations!”
Dumbfounded, I turned to Merc. “What is all this?”
“Did I fail to mention your evil reputation? Most people think you’re the bastard offspring of a Demon Lord, remember?”
“Yes, but...”
“Now you see the need for maintaining a low profile. Let’s be on our way before we frighten the poor girl any further.”
“Wait.” I held out my open hands. “Listen, Sapphrina, I'm not who you think I am. My father was a turnip farmer, not a Demon Lord. If you want to leave this place, I'll help you. I swear by all The Gods in alphabetical order that I will not harm you.” I flashed my most reassuring smile.
Eyes narrowing, she gave me another appraisal, warmer than the first. She said, in a soft and hopeful voice. “You aren't going to ravish me?”
“Certainly not!”
“Or rub me down with bacon grease and throw me into a pit full of rabid weasels?”
“Gods, no!”
“Or force me to wear go-go boots and dance the tarantella on a red hot iron platform suspended over a river of lava?”
“What’s a go-go boot?”
She relaxed a bit, but remained wary. “My sister Rubis and I are prisoners of that pig Birksnore. We planned to escape, but hadn't quite worked out the details yet.”
“You can escape now. We'll get you home, wherever that may be. I promise.”
“You came to rescue us?”
“Not exactly,” said Merc. “We were out enjoying a jolly ride in the country and thought, hey, while we're out and about we'll just correct all the injustices of the world.”
“Ignore him,” I said, shooting Mercury a dark look. “We were in the neighborhood. You looked like you needed help.”
“Isn't that what the guy with the beard just said?” asked Sapphrina.
“Well, yes, but it’s a question of tone.”
“Could we speed this up?” said Merc. “Natalia, remember?”
“I'll gather my things,” said the girl. Sapphrina went to the bed and shook her sleeping twin. “Rubis! Wake up!”
Mercury brushed her aside and repeated his incantation. Rubis awoke, saw Merc, and covered herself.
“Sapphrina! Who are these men?”
“They've come to rescue us! This is Jason Cosmo and some dour friend of his.”
“Jason Cosmo!” Rubis screamed and leapt from the bed. “Run, apphrina!”
“Again?” said Merc. “This is ridiculous.”
Sapphrina caught Rubis by the arm and shook her. “Sister! It's not what you think! He's not that Jason Cosmo.”
Overcoming her initial fright, Rubis regarded me carefully. “Well, he doesn't look like a vile, inhuman fiend.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“No cloven hooves, no fangs, none of the features you'd expect from the bastard offspring of a Demon Lord.”
“Absolutely not,” I said.
“Actually,” said Rubis. “He's quite handsome.”
“I noticed,” said Sapphrina.
I blushed, unaccustomed to such bold praise from such lovely women.
“Listen,” said Merc. “We're in a bit of a rush, ladies, so you can flirt and coo later. Get dressed. Pack light. We’ll find you horses and be on our way within the hour. Sooner would be better. I want to be long gone before Natalia is up and about.”
“Too late,” said the warrior woman, striding into the room with a throwing knife in each hand. “I didn't recognize you with the beard, Boltblaster. You look better without it. You'd look better still without your head.”
Mercury raised his hands in a placating gesture. “You're not still sore over that little misunderstanding in Xornos are you?”
Natalia sneered. “Do you mean when you left me buried under several tons of Ganthian wheat flour in the cargo hold of a sinking ship?”
“Yes, that,” said Merc.
“It had completely slipped my mind.”
“I knew you'd survive. You always do.”
“True.” Natalia raised a knife. “But will you?”
Chapter 6
“Natalia, be reasonable,” said Merc.
In response, the adventuress hurled a knife at him. Mercury snatched the blade from the air with his right hand. She threw the second knife. He caught it in his left hand with equal sureness.
Natalia Slash laughed. “Return them, wizard.”
“What's the point?” asked Merc.
“Do it.”
The wizard threw both knives at once. Natalia caught them with ease. “You could have let Yezgar finish me, Boltblaster. You didn't. I appreciate that, so I'll forget about our last encounter. No ill will.”
“Fine by me,” said Merc, visibly relieved.
“My sword?” said Natalia.
“Still in the ogre. Who is now in the river.”
Natalia’s face darkened. “That blade has been in my family for twenty generations. In the hands of my ancestors it slew Greatmaw the Dragon, Slissturul the Troll King, and the Wacky Wraith Warriors of Woe who haunt the Jade Tombs of Jadipoor.”
“I’m sure it will turn up,” said Merc.
Natalia glowered. “And Zaran?”
“Zaran did a triple gainer with a full twist off the other balcony. You should find him in a broken heap on the ground below. But you know how slippery such villains are.”
“He can't have gone far,” said Natalia. “He'll rejoin his followers nearby and I'll take them all at once.” She flexed her armored hands. “Still running from the Society?”
Mercury shrugged. “I like to travel.”
“And who is this?” Her steely grey eyes met mine. I felt suddenly small and vulnerable, like a rabbit facing an eagle. Mercury shot me a warning glance, but I didn't need the hint.
“I'm Burlo Stumproot, milady.” I bowed.
Sapphrina and Rubis opened their mouths to protest, but caught on quickly. Mercury moved to my side and clapped me on the back. “Burlo here is my new squire. He handles provisions, baggage, cooking, and the like. Good man.”
“If you say so,” said Natalia, obviously not convinced. She probed and measured me with her eyes. I gave her what I hoped was a suitably servile smile. She pursed her lips and returned her attention to Merc. “Once I have Zaran's head on my trophy wall,
I must fulfill a contract for the Theocrat of Stive.”
“Swamp trolls?”
She nodded. “Raiding in force again, eating villagers, the usual. It will take a few weeks to clean them out. Next on my list is a commission from our mutual friend Isogoras the Xornite. You can guess its nature.” She speared me with her gaze once more and strode from the room.
“I don't think she bought the Burlo Stumproot dodge,” I said.
“She didn't.”
“You don't look like a Burlo,” said Sapphrina, stuffing clothes into a pack.
“She is suspicious of you,” said Merc. “But more because you are in my company than anything else. Anyway, she will dispose of Zaran and the swamp trolls posthaste. We have less time to reach Raelna than I thought.”
“If she's working for Isogoras—”
“It means he finally realized that the Black Bolts are useless. Hiring Natalia is the first intelligent thing he’s done in years.”
“You really dislike this Xornite.”
“With good reason. We were both apprenticed to the great wizard Pencader. Isogoras was an arrogant and willful student, ever lusting for power beyond his means. In secret, he studied dark magic and made bargains with demons. When Pencader found him out and rebuked him sternly, Isogoras opened a gateway to the Assorted Hells in an attempt to murder our master.”
“What happened?”
“I came to my master's aid. Isogoras lost control of the spell, falling through his own hellpit. Trapped in the Deepest Pit of Hell, he learned more about demons than he wanted to know.”
“No doubt.”
“Many years passed before he returned to the mortal plane, horribly disfigured and driven insane by his time below. Somehow he blames me for all that. He is now a leader of the Dark Magic Society, charged with recruiting me and other wizards into their ranks. But he'd rather kill me.”
“And vice versa.”
“Exactly. But Natalia is the greater threat. To reach Raelna before she comes after us we must travel light and fast.” He nodded toward the girls. “If you bring them, you not only endanger our lives, but theirs.”
The sisters, having followed our conversation with interest as they gathered their belongings, turned to me with pleading eyes.
“They come with us,” I said firmly.
“Then you take care of them.”
“I will.” Sapphrina and Rubis beamed. “Besides, how can Natalia catch Zaran, deliver him to Caratha, go fight trolls in Stive, and still hope to catch us before we reach Raelna?”
At that moment, the purple dragon I saw earlier wheeled past the keep with a great beating of its mighty wings. Natalia rode on its back. The dragon roared, a sound that shook the tower.
“Golan of the Heights, Natalia’s dragon steed,” said Mercury.
“She rides a dragon?”
“Obviously. She can be in Stive by nightfall if she wishes. That is why anything that slows us down could be fatal.”
With a last disapproving glance at the twins, Mercury strode from the room.
“What is his problem?” asked Sapphrina, slipping out of her wispy garment without the slightest hint of embarrassment. I turned my back just in time to prevent my eyes from bulging out of their sockets. My face glowed a hot red. Darnkite women most certainly did not disrobe before men not their husbands. And they looked nothing like Sapphrina Corundum in any respect.
“He's in a permanent bad mood,” I said. “So, ah, how did the two of you come to be prisoners of the Lord Governor?”
“Bad luck,” said Rubis. Her discarded garment landed on my shoulder. “We went to a party in Caratha.”
“The wine was drugged,” added Sapphrina.
“We were abducted and sold as slaves in Rumular.”
“Sold? Slaves? Are you serious?”
Slavery was alien to Darnk—and unlawful. In a land where everyone was poor and miserable anyway, there was little point in having slaves about. I knew that slaveholding was common elsewhere in the Eleven Kingdoms, but to me the very idea of one person owning another was wrong. Considering how hard the Mighty Champion fought to free all the peoples of Arden from their enslavement to the Evil Empire, it was shameful that any kingdom would bring that vile practice back into the world.
“Sold. As slaves. Seriously,” said Sapphrina. “And in Rumular of all places! The Brythalian market is fine for stocking tin mines and lumber camps, but we fetched nothing close to a decent price. Forty brythals for the both of us! What an insult!”
“To be sold?”
“To be sold so cheaply!” said Rubis. “We're easily worth a hundred times that! A thousand times even! We're of noble blood, young, bright, and easy on the eyes.”
“Healthy, good conversationalists, and pleasant company,” added Sapphrina.
“We play several instruments,” said Rubis. “I excel at the flute.”
“And I the lyre,” said Sapphrina. “Most of all, we're Zastrian.”
“Zastrian women are the most beautiful in the world,” said Rubis. “Everyone says so.”
“Pearls before swine,” said Sapphrina.
“Let me get this straight,” I said. “You're upset not because you were drugged, kidnapped, dragged to Brythalia, and sold into slavery—but because someone didn't pay enough for you?”
“That fat dumpling of a Darnkite got the bargain of the ages, believe you me!” said Rubis.
“Have you heard of the Corundum Trading Company?” asked Sapphrina.
“I haven't. Sorry. Not a lot of trade here.”
“It's only the largest and most successful shipping business in Zastria,” said Rubis. “Our father owns it.”
“He founded it,” added Sapphrina.
“Built it up from nothing,” said Rubis.
“Someday it will all be ours,” they said in unison.
“After they change Zastrian law so that women can own property,” said Sapphrina.
“Women can't own property there?” I asked.
“No. They can only be property,” said Sapphrina. “Which isn’t quite the same thing.” She giggled. “You can turn around now.”
The twins wore tunics so tight they might have been painted on, along with matching hose and soft leather boots. Sapphrina was dressed in brilliant blue and Rubis in startling red. Their hems were daringly high, their necklines astonishingly low. What held their garments up in the absence of shoulder straps, I could only guess. More clothing magic, perhaps.
“We look awful, don't we?” said Rubis.
“Not the word that came to mind,” I said. My eyes searched unsuccessfully for a safe harbor.
“Oh?” said Sapphrina, arching her eyebrows. “What did come to mind?”
“Beautiful. You're the most beautiful women I've ever seen,” I blurted.
“I told you,” said Rubis. “Zastrian. Accept no substitute.”
“You're sweet,” said Sapphrina. She threw her arms around me and kissed my cheek. Women back in Lower Hicksnittle were not so forward or affectionate. I blushed crimson.
“So what are we going to do with that pig Birksnore?” asked Rubis as she combed her hair.
“You should notify the king,” I said. “He will see that the Lord Governor is properly punished. Slaveholding is against Darnkish law.”
Sapphrina laughed. “Complain to the king! You're a card, Jason!”
“An utter scream,” agreed Rubis. “But, truly, truly, what shall we do to him?”
“I know just the thing,” said Sapphrina, clapping her hands. “Jason, we’ll need your help.”
Under Merc's impatient eye, I helped the twins drag Lord Birksnore's corpulent corpus down to the plaza. We left him there chained naked to the fountain. He would be humiliated when the DormaDose wore off and his subjects found him there. This was less punishment than he deserved—but I had refused to let the twins roll him off the balcony to see if he would bounce or merely burst when he hit the hard ground below.
We departed Offal soon
thereafter, leaving the city to its slumber. I was newly armed with a sword and shield and rusty chainmail stripped from our fallen foes.
The road was an unmaintained dirt track that followed the River Longwash, running first to the south before bending slowly westward toward the Brythalian frontier. The region between the kingdoms was all hills and rough scrub and stubby trees, unclaimed and almost uninhabited. Brythalia had no interest in expanding toward Darnk, while Darnk already had more rough scrub and stubby trees than it needed. It would take us several days to cross this no man's land.
Riding with a punctured posterior was painful, but the vivacious twins distracted me from my discomfort. When the road permitted, they rode to either side of me, plying me with questions. Mercury took the lead, looking dour and doing his best to ignore us.
“So you are not the get of a Demon Lord?” asked Rubis.
“No,” I said. “My father was a woodcutter.”
“Not Death's first cousin?” asked Sapphrina.
“I'm a humble woodcutter and turnip farmer, no more.”
“A peasant then?” said Rubis. “A vital and virile son of the soil?” She pursed her pillowy lips as if contemplating a favorite dessert.
“I’ve never heard it put quite like that, but, yes. We're all peasants in Darnk. Except the king, who is a king. We also have a lord or two, but we pay them little heed. Most of our nobles were killed a few generations back in the Great Turnip Tax Rebellion of 923.”
“How exciting,” said Sapphrina. “The common folk did much the same to our ancestors when Zastria became a republic. Many noble families were massacred. The survivors were stripped of lands and titles. Rubis and I are of noble lineage. But, strictly speaking, we're commoners just like you.”
“So no need for you to be intimidated by us,” said Rubis. “We're women of the people, willing to freely associate with almost anyone.”
“No doubt,” snorted Merc.
“What was that, Merc?”
“Nothing,” said the wizard.
“So how came you into the company of this sourpuss?” asked Sapphrina.
I related my tale from the beginning, leaving nothing out. The twins listened attentively, with few interruptions. “And here we are,” I concluded. “But tell me more of yourselves.”