by Tonya Brooks
“Yeah. We thought it was the club, but I’m pretty damn sure now that it was you,” he accused and saw her shocked expression. “Girl, my boy is alive again for the first time in years and you did it.”
“Look, Alex, I know you’re only looking out for him, but you’re wrong,” Cyn assured him. “I can’t tell you what’s going on, because like you said, there’s shit you don’t need to know. But I can assure you that it’s not me. It’s all John and he’s the only one that can bring that passion inside of him to life.”
"Oh, he's bringing it to life right now, girl," he assured her angrily. "If you don't feel the pain that he's feeling, then you're the only one here who can't."
Chapter Eighteen
Wednesday, June 11
When John needed advice, he usually went to his older brothers. Hey, that's what they were for, right? He and Luke were the closest, but since he and Easy were still on their honeymoon, that was a no go. He couldn't go to Matt since Cyn and Harley were family and he didn't want to get his brother in the middle. That left Mark, the one most likely to understand where he was coming from any way.
That afternoon he left Cyn at the house with his father and the ladies and headed over to his brothers. John tracked him down in the study and made himself comfortable in a chair across from the desk. While Mark was on the phone, he took the time to look over the football memorabilia decorating the walls.
When the call ended, John asked, “Do you ever regret it,” and nodded at the wall of pictures and mementos from his brother’s brief career in professional football.
“Nope,” Mark denied as he looked up at photos of the fresh faced kid he had been back then. He’d wanted to play pro ball, and he had. He’d wanted to play in the super bowl, and he did that too. The fact that he had thrown the winning touchdown pass was just icing on the cake. “I fulfilled every dream I’d ever had. There’s nothing to regret.”
"Yeah," John said with a frown as he thought about fulfilling his own dream. He'd wanted this his whole life, but he'd never thought it would come with such a heavy price. "What if you had to choose between football and Desi?"
“Not even a choice," he denied without thinking about it. "If I lost her, life wouldn’t be worth living, no matter how successful I became. There's no way in hell I'd choose anything over Desi and the kids.”
"I feel like I'm being torn in half, bro." John admitted. "Maybe if I'd already been there, done that and had a gold album to show for it, the choice wouldn't be so hard.”
“What would you do with a gold album if you had it?” The elder brother asked and received a dirty look in response “Seriously. What would you do?”
“Hang it on the wall,” he shrugged.
“For what purpose?” Mark pressed.
“To look at it I guess.”
“And do what?”
“Hell, I don’t know. It’s an album. What the hell else could you do with it?” John asked and had no idea where his brother was going with this.
“Exactly,” Mark nodded. “You can’t eat it or wear it and it damn sure won’t keep you warm at night.”
“How much brandy have you had?” John asked suspiciously.
The older brother just gave him a look and replied, “My super bowl ring is just a sentimental reminder of the person I used to be. It’s a trophy and nothing more. But playing ball good enough to win it? That was the accomplishment. That was what I loved. Still do.”
“Hell, yeah. I get that.” John readily agreed. “Making music is my life.”
“Then make music,” he encouraged.
“If I sign the contract, I lose Cyn,” he said in exasperation. “Haven’t you heard anything I said?”
“Yeah, but have you?” He shot back. “If you love what you’re already doing, why the hell do you want to change it?”
“Ever heard of fame and fortune?”
“Oh, so it’s not about the music after all,” was deduced.
That was when it hit him. Mark was right. He’d been so focused on being a rock star that he had lost sight of the most important thing. The music. It was all about the music. Without Cyn he was headed down the same miserable path that Rex had been on and he hadn’t even realized it. “Holy shit,” he said in a stunned tone. “You’re right.”
“So what are you gonna do now?”
“What I do best,” John said as he rose to his feet. “I’m gonna make music with my band in my club, right here in my town. And I’m gonna keep my woman.”
“Do what you gotta do,” Mark encouraged.
~~~~~
"Cyn, it looks like you're going to be late for work," Claire said regretfully.
"What's wrong?" She asked in concern since Jed was supposed to drive her.
"Emma Jean Purvis is in her eighties and as blind as a bat, but she won't give up driving," she said in exasperation. "She rear ended Jed down at the bank and he's stuck there while Brett tries to sort things out."
"Is everyone alright?" Cyn asked hopefully.
"Oh, they're fine, but a crowd gathered to see what all the commotion was about. Emma Jean won't stop gossiping with everyone long enough for Brett to get a statement," she admitted and shook her head in amusement. "She owns the Tattler so I'm sure this will make the front page of this week's edition."
"Well, shoot." This just sucked. Cyn hated being dependent on anyone and now she was becoming a burden. This shit had to stop.
"I'd take you myself, but both of the babies are napping," Claire explained. "Harley's over at Desi's meeting with the contractor about the new addition. Maybe she can cut it short and..."
"No need for that, Claire," Cyn denied. "I'm perfectly capable of driving myself."
The older woman's expression showed her distress at that idea. "I don't think..."
"No, it's fine. Really," she hastened to assure her. "John is just being over protective."
"Now, Cyn, maybe you should wait for..."
"Claire, I'll be okay," the younger woman said confidently and kissed her cheek. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll call you when I get there. Okay?"
"Well..."
"See ya!" Cyn said cheerfully and headed out the front door before the older woman could try and change her mind. She jogged across the driveway to where her Jeep had been parked for days, slid behind the wheel and fired up the engine. Huh, how about that. She actually missed the sound of loud pipes. Maybe she'd have Matt install a set for her.
~~~~~
John stared around the room at the faces of his band as they looked back at him expectantly. These guys were his brothers just as much as Matt, Mark and Luke were. In some ways they were even closer. His band mates had been with him through the good times and the bad. Hell, they'd lived together in a Chevy van for two years on the road. Dudes couldn't get much closer than that.
Not to mention that Alex had been his best friend since the first day of kindergarten and there wasn't much that the two of them hadn't shared. Sometimes John thought the man knew him better than he knew himself. The worried look on Alex's face assured him that he was right. His drummer knew what was coming.
This was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. It was the one thing that he had sworn he would never do again. He was letting his band down and destroying their dream. It was a completely selfish move and the last thing that they deserved, but he just didn't have a choice. If he lost Cyn he lost everything worth having.
He just hoped like hell that they understood.
“I started this band because I love music, and I lost track of what was important along the way," John admitted heavily. "Being a rock star would be fuckin’ awesome, but with or without a contract we can still do what we love and that’s making music.”
“So what are you saying?” Jason frowned. “You want to turn down the contract?”
“Yeah, he does,” Alex deduced and he knew why. John was gonna throw away the chance to make their dream a reality for a woman. Man, this shit sucked.
“Ther
e’s nothing I’d rather do than make music with you guys.” John assured them. “But Cyn is my muse. She put the fire back in my soul. I just can’t walk away from that. Losing her is not an option.”
There was a minute of stunned silence while the four men let that sink in. Cyn was the reason that John had gotten his fire back. If he lost her, he lost it. If he lost the fire again then the Bad Boys could kiss their contract goodbye. Yeah, they were good. Damn good. But John's fire was what made them rock star good. They were screwed without it.
"I know I'm letting you guys down. Know this is a shitty thing to do, but I don't have a choice." John confessed. "Without her I'd be as miserable and alone as Rex was. I can't go down that path again. I wouldn't make it this time."
And that sealed the deal. No way in hell were they risking John falling back into his old habits again. They'd come too close to losing him the first time. The hell with the recording deal. They could stay right here in Lakeside and light the place up in John's club every weekend just like they had planned.
“Hey, man, we’re with ya, whatever you decide,” Jason confirmed.
“I feel ya, B. Bad,” Steve assured him.
"We got your back, bro,” Ricky agreed.
“Dude, I hope she appreciates the sacrifice you’re making,” Alex said seriously and was more worried than ever about his boy.
John just hoped Cyn saw the action for what it was. The ultimate sacrifice to gain her trust and prove that she could count on him to be there for her, no matter what.
~~~~~
“I’m turning it down,” John announced when Cyn joined him in his office after the band left.
“You’re what?” She asked in shock and felt a wave of relief wash over her so strong that her knees went weak.
“You heard me,” he said as he walked to her and slid his arms around her waist. “I made a choice and you were it. I’m not leaving you, Cyn. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, so get used to it.”
Her foolish heart did a tap dance and she wanted to believe him. God she wanted it so bad it hurt. But Cyn knew that there was no way in hell that she could let him give up his dream for her. He may not realize it now, but in time he would grow to resent her for making him choose. “John, don't do this just to prove a point,” she pleaded.
“Darlin', I’m willing to do anything to earn your trust,” he assured her.
“I don't want you to give up your dream for me," she insisted and pulled free from his hold.
“Without you there is no dream," he countered. "I love you more than music.”
The door opened behind him and Cyn looked up to see Alex standing in the doorway. The look of absolute disgust that he gave her assured Cyn that he knew she was to blame. "Sign the contract, John. I'm a lost cause," she said quietly and walked out of the office.
“Dance lessons start in ten, dude,” the drummer informed him.
“Whatever,” John groused and gave in to the urge to punch the wall. Goddammit! Now he had bruised knuckles. Wasn’t that just the cherry on top of the shit sundae that his life was becoming?
“What the hell?” Alex asked in surprise.
John flexed his aching hand and said, “She won’t take me serious, bro.”
“You told her about the contract?”
“Yeah, and she still won’t give us a chance.” John sighed wearily. “I don’t know what else to do.”
“Maybe it’s time to let her go,” he suggested.
John laughed bitterly at that. “I can’t do it, Alex,” he admitted and shook his head. “Ya know, I finally understand why Rex did it.”
“Dude, what the fuck?” Alex barked in shock and could not believe that his boy had just said that. "If you even think about pulling that kind of shit, I'll..."
“Ah, hell, chill dude. I’m not going off the deep end,” he denied. “I’m just saying I understand what motivated him. And it hurts like hell.”
Shit was getting deep and headed downhill fast. Alex didn’t like it a bit and fully intended to straighten his boy out before it got any worse. Refusing to sign the contract was the stupidest thing he'd ever done. They were gonna have an intervention before John completely lost it over this chick.
“Listen, bro, me and you are gonna talk about some serious emo shit tonight. But right now I've got to get the ladies started so get your shit together,” he insisted with a worried frown.
John flexed his hand again. “I'm good.”
“Take the edge off while I'm gone,” he said and handed over a joint before he thought better of it and snatched it back out of his boy's hand. "On second thought, stay the hell away from this shit." The last thing he needed was for John to fall back into his old habits again.
"Not touchin' your homegrown again, Alex," he denied and then complained, "Don't know what the hell you're dusting it with, but that shit fucked me up last weekend."
"The fuck?" Alex asked in confusion and alarm. John had been clean since they'd come back from Cali. The dude drank like a fish but he never used drugs. Never.
"Cyn found your stash in the music room, so we fired one up," he shrugged as if it were no big deal. "Shit had me spilling my guts like a chick."
That explained how Cyn knew about Rex, but not why. "No dust, dude," he denied seriously. "Whatever you said is all on you."
Alex left the office and went straight to the sound booth, got the music cued up and tore into Cyn when she brought him a drink. “Girl, you need to get your shit together and stop messin’ with my boy's head,” he accused. “When Rex died it broke him, but losing you will destroy him. And I don’t think he’ll be able to survive this time.”
“What about me, Alex?” She demanded angrily and was tired of being the bad guy. “How the hell am I supposed to survive when he walks away?”
He stared at her as if she were batshit crazy. “Cyn, you’re his fuckin' muse. You gave him back his fire,” he insisted. “There's no way in hell that John would ever walk away from the woman who put the music back in his soul. Girl, he loves you like crazy.”
“No, he doesn’t,” she insisted doggedly and fought the tears that sprang to her eyes. God, she couldn't take much more of this.
“He gave up his goddamn dream for you. If that’s not love then I don’t know what the hell you’re looking for,” he snapped as she stalked out of the booth.
Cyn saw John leaving his office and since he was the last person that she needed to be near right then, she headed out the front door to try and compose herself. She walked right into someone and barely spared them a glance as she muttered, "Excuse me."
"Are you alright, Cyn?"
The hair rose on the back of her neck because she knew that voice. Looking up into familiar brown eyes, she stared into his handsome face and noticed the changes. His long brown hair was now short and blonde. The beard had been shaved and the glasses were missing, but it was the same man. "Chip?" She asked in surprise at seeing her former neighbor.
"You finally recognized me," he said and the pleasure was evident in his tone as he offered her a dimpled smile.
"You're Cathy's boyfriend?" Cyn asked with a frown as she tried to put the pieces together. She had seen him with the other waitress for weeks now, but had never gotten close enough to really get a good look at him. The fact that he had arrived about the same time as her stalker did not go unnoticed. A chill of apprehension danced down her spine.
"No," he hastily denied and looked a little flustered. "We're just, uh, hanging out."
Which meant he'd been using Cathy as a reason to spend so much time at the club without being too obvious. He was smart, but then she'd already known that. Chip was some kind of computer whiz with a genius level IQ. Over the last year, they had hung out together on a regular basis and become good friends. Hell, she'd even left him a note explaining that she'd left town so he wouldn't worry about her.
"Wow, this is a surprise," she said and forced a smile to her lips. Cyn's brain was working overtime as she sought the best
avenue to follow now that she had come face to face with the man who had been stalking her. Playing up to his ego wouldn't hurt. "I like the new look. The blonde hair had me completely fooled."
"I took your advice," he admitted with a sheepish grin.
"My advice?"
"When we did that all night movie marathon, you said I'd look like a super smart Chris Pine if I changed my hair and shaved." Chip prompted.
Holy effin shit. That had been the night that she had found the dead kitten. Chip had been so sweet and he'd held her while she'd cried. He'd even stayed up all night watching movies with her because she was afraid to be alone. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. She had played right into his fantasy without suspecting a thing.
Her analysis had been wrong. Yes, Chip had killed the kitten because he was jealous of it, but that had not been his ultimate goal. He had also known that she would be upset and he'd engineered the entire situation so that he could step in and offer her the comfort and safety she needed. He had played her like a master strategist and she'd never seen it coming.
"It's great," Cyn replied absently as her mind processed the new information. Playing to his vanity in trying to please her could only help her right now, though she also needed to reassure him that she had liked the way he looked before. "Though the glasses were hot."
"I've still got them," he quickly assured her. "The contacts make my eyes itch."
"I'm so glad you're here," Cyn said and went with her gut, stepping forward to give him a quick hug like she normally would have done. "I've missed you."
Chip's arms closed around her and held on. "Have you missed me, Cyn?" He asked as his eyes bored into hers and his face darkened with jealousy. "I don't know how that's possible when your boyfriend never leaves your side."
Oh, shit. This was so not good and exactly what she had been afraid would happen. "Didn't you hear the news?" She asked and forced a laugh. Cyn laid her hands against his chest and pressed lightly, but his hold on her didn't give an inch. "He's going off to be a big rock star and I'll probably never see him again."