Not long after Joe and Roger had reunited with Jack McIntyre at 106 Squadron, they determined they should apply for commissions. Joe had wondered then which of them would live to realize it. Jack had been killed in September. Roger and Joe had applied in October, and they seem to have progressed at a similar rate. Roger was recommended by his squadron leader and wing commander in October, he passed his medical exam in November, and was finally recommended by his group captain. No doubt both Roger and Joe had pursued the matter with the RCAF officers who visited Coningsby the day before Roger went missing. Joe, by his own account, had been interviewed by his group captain on 3 January, and had passed his medical exam three weeks later. All having gone well, he wrote to Dan that
The Commission will be through in about two to four weeks depending on how long they take to mail my notification. Can’t rush these boys you know. Don’t say anything to anybody until I actually receive it.
As soon as it comes through I will hop up to your place and buy a uniform if you think I can get a better buy from your tailor than a strange one in London. I would just as well get a ready-made uniform if possible as it would be quicker. However, we will discuss those details when it comes through whence we will get together and surprise one and all. I think though that your man is probably the best bet, but I only get a week off to get fitted out so he will have to step on it. …
(JJL 23 January 1942)
RAF commissions could not be put into effect without the final approval of Britain’s Air Ministry, where delays were often encountered. Somewhere between Coningsby and the Air Ministry, the process seems to have got stuck, and nothing more was heard by Joe, his family, or by Roger’s family.7 Was it simply the wartime press of other duties on overworked staff, or a reluctance at higher levels to commission air observers? Joe’s former pilot also applied for commission while at Coningsby, but was later told the papers had disappeared, and he had to reapply at his next station. However, the record also shows that of the approximately eighty sergeant air observers taken on by 106 Squadron since May, no more than one or two were commissioned by the following February.
Joe returned to his squadron on the 23rd to find that he had been promoted to flight sergeant, with a raise in pay.8 He also learned that his previous pilot, Gerry Roberts,
who has finished his time on ops and who did most of my trips with me has been awarded the Distinguished Flying Medal – so I thump myself heartily on the back as do one and all for there is only one key man in the crew who holds the fate of the successful operation in his claw – yep the good old observer. … (JJL 23 January 1942)
The prospect of a commission, but above all his visit with Monty, restored Joe’s confidence and sense of balance. Surrounded by his remaining close pals on base, he could more easily put the events of the last week out of mind.
Returned – 2 crews missing.9 11 letters for me – Monk & Don Henderson missing10 – Dave & I living together – very satisfactory with books – victrola – food – convenience – thought of an idea for a play – Monty & my reactions, exper. & development since war – also future hopes. (JJD 24 January 1942)
He wrote his family:
You probably know by now that Roger is missing from a trip last week. I gave Savard a good story on Roger and I believe it will be printed in the French papers back home. Mrs. Lettice of course feels badly and is now quite lonely since we were all moved from our billets back to camp yesterday. Dave and I now bunk together and have a room resplendent with good books and good music – cigars, cigarettes, tobacco and food. He has an anthology of Shaw’s plays – we have stuff by Darwin, Paine, Stalin, Marx – Vici Baum, Sinclair Lewis, Streit, Belfrage, etc. etc. so I have high hopes of getting some reading done if I can ever catch up with my mail.
Don Henderson who was at our place – a Winnipeg boy is also missing so a few of the old gang have run into some tough luck – heard nothing about Moe yet but it is still a little early to know definitely – the same goes for Roger – since Roger was on a low level attack his chances are considerably diminished.11
… We saw Dave Legett who is a captain – looks well – sends his regards along – also Bob Forester – Rod McGinnen – all officers in the newspaper field from back home – Monty and I are really well connected with the big shots around Air Ministry – we have also met H. W. Smart the representative of Howard Smith Paper Mills in England. He is a big shot over here – he came up to Monty and myself in Blackfriars famous pub and started chatting with us – he is a pal of Crabtree’s – we know Roy the son real well from College. We spent three hours in the pub – got Smart as merry as a lark – made a valuable and important friend – saw his offices – talked politics, business and everything else with him and learnt a lot of valuable facts and figures and picked up some good information. (JJL 23 January 1942)
Percy, for his part, sent news from the home front:
We are preparing here for a long war and the whole population will be mobilized for war within two months. No more autos to be built after March … manufacture of steel products (including quite a few of our own lines) drastically cut. Price ceiling on all commodities. Canada is awake. (PJL 3 January 1942)
He also began responding to Joe’s newfound political convictions:
Never lose sight of the fact that the object of living is to live fully … you do not live for an institution, a form. For the moment you are fighting for the things that make life worth living when the fight is over you must be sure that you make that life which you are risking well worth the living. If you don’t live fully from the inside out … you will not be much use to others. … (PJL 3 January 1942)
The problem will be how to destroy the rotten portions without bringing down the whole structure. There is a whole lot of good in democracy a lot worth preserving. Well that is the problem for you youngsters to tackle … even if it cannot be completely solved. But tackled it must be and with the head and, if the errors of the Russian revolution are to be avoided, with the heart as well. Whatever the system it must be remembered that we are fighting for people’s rights and not to glorify and worship an institution. Please keep this in mind Joe that institutions or governments if you like to call them are made for the people and not the people for the institution. It must be a human system and not a mechanical one. No robots. After all that is what we are fighting for. I am willing to go with you a long way as long as you bear these facts in mind … the little man must have his day whether he belongs to a party or not … I don’t think the little man has had his day yet … certainly not in communistic Russia … and no one denies there are good things … many good things there but one of the bad ones is the glorifying of the party … no more aristocracy please whether communistic or fascist. Some day when you have marshaled your facts let us hear from you … (PJL 18 January 1942)
Twenty-Nine
28 January 1942
The weather in Lincolnshire was terrible the last week of January, and the squadron had been unable to fly since the 22nd. After several days of snow, Coningsby aerodrome’s grass runways were waterlogged and unserviceable. Joe lamented to Mrs. Lettice that he had done no flying for a month, and was anxious to get off the ground. In the meantime, he had plenty of time to write. He started work on a play in three acts about squadron life, getting the outline and some bits of dialogue down in one of his notebooks.
Received a superb letter from Pop – discussing destiny – we have now reached a firm, solid understanding & appreciation of one another – developed from the narrow scope of father to that of friend – went to the Leagate – with Dick Bird, Hodge – Sid – Popeye – Hammatt – talk on cynicism with embittered proprietess –1 (JJD 26 January 1942)
He replied to Percy that day, deeply appreciative of his letter. Depth of feeling and understanding, Joe remarked, seemed to grow with distance. He then elaborated on his discussions with Monty about what he characterized as “Destiny,” and two factors he saw affecting their future efforts:
One
is the effect upon me of those friends I have lost – about three quarters – the other of those I have. In the first case the result has not been what might have been expected – I have not been disillusioned embittered – angered or frightened – Naturally I have been saddened but that does not last long as there are too many exciting, pulsating and thrilling occurrences plus too many new friends to step in to allow for more than a fleeting sense of loss at odd times. But it has made me determined – determined to do what I can to do what my missing friends wanted to do – could do and would have done – that is a tall order but knowing them as I do and what they were worth – anything I do with that trust as an inspiration should at least be something in the right direction.
Now for the living. Amongst practically all my friends without exception – even the most capable – there is that one dominating all important and vital thought “what am I going to do after the war.” With some it is purely a question of not wanting to give up the zestful joy of life in the air force for one of routine and aimlessness. For others like Monty and Dave and myself it is that and more – it is an instinctive feeling that we have all the elements in the world to make life worth living – not only for ourselves alone but for others as well – knowing and appreciating many of the difficulties to even starting in the right direction without getting bogged down – we are trying to puzzle out where and how to begin. The materials are there amongst most of us – to get it directed into the right channels is the problem – despite the uncertainty of everything I still have a profound optimism, hope and confidence – thus the second result.
Now for the third – whilst puzzling all these things out an idea sprouted. These thoughts affect nearly everyone to a greater or lesser degree – they are human – they are fundamental – when reviewing my past activities experiences and development it suddenly dawned upon me that what has been happening to me would make a bloody good play. There are a dozen angles that could be expanded to strike home to everyone – for example
1. Father and son relationship with our lives as background
2. Monty and I would certainly be typical of two young men facing the realities of life together and preparing and wondering about the future.
3. Mother – a magnificent story could be based around the way she handles every situation – a son overseas, evacuees – two grown daughters – her husband etc. etc.
4. Youth and war
5. Youth and peace –
The latter two based on the Pony Club’s reaction and activities plus many of my pals, [the last] would be based on the present and looking to the future.
… what is happening to us is so engrossing as well as indicative of the time and age we are living in that I feel it should be expressed in writing. …
He suggested to Percy that he, as an accomplished playwright, would be best suited to putting their ideas down effectively.
My wireless operator and air gunner have applied to go to Canada and have a good chance of landing up there. Both are capable men – Sid Harding is one Hodgkinson is the other – Hodge is a capable lad – something like Monty – make sure you have plenty of beer etc at home. If you don’t have the time of your life getting Hodge to tell you about some of our humorous trips together (after the appropriate number of drinks of course) I miss my bet – he will keep you young all night with some of our finer efforts as he has been on nearly all my trips with me and he will also tell you about Dave, Pop, Robby, Roger and the gang – they are really looking forward to going and no doubt you will see that they are toasted and feted long and pleasantly and put up, accommodated, pampered and spoilt as they well deserve to be – pump Hodge and you can find out a good bit as we go around together quite a bit and know and like one another well – in fact he is on a par with Dave and Roger which puts him well up. But remember that a few judicious drinks will really do the trick. …
Also my future plans have been changed as I am going on a conversion course to fly in our biggest bombers so I guess the fighter pilot stuff is shelved for the time being – unfortunately. … (JJL 26 January 1942)
He wrote Monty that day, scolding him for not addressing him in his new status as flight sergeant, and commending him on the idea of the play. He hoped he would get another pass to visit on 7 or 8 February, after which he was to start flying in Manchesters.
Going on to [two words cut out by censor] after my next leave – so I guess I will get a taste of flying in the [words cut out by censor] before I am thru. (JJL 27 January 1942)
On the 28th, he wrote a letter to Roger’s brother Réal in Montreal:
Your one dominant thought is naturally what chance had Roger of getting out of the plane. Without trying to dash all hopes I say not much but there still is that possibility. Anything can happen in this game – even a long shot like that. We keep in constant touch with the German news via our wireless and will be the first to receive any good news that may come thru.
Roger and I did all our training in Canada together – all our time in England together – living together here and doing about the same number of operational trips. I think I am about the closest friend that Roger ever had so it is with a great deal of pride altho a good deal of sadness that I write this letter to you as we both agreed to do should one of us be missing.
Firstly, Roger had just been promoted to the rank of F/Sgt as have I backdated to Oct., 1941.
Secondly he had been recommended for a commission by the squadron – it had been passed and was due thru by the middle of February when I will get mine. He particularly wanted you to know this because it had been done entirely on his own merits and his own record on this squadron, where he was looked upon and considered by officers and men as an astounding navigator competent, daring and resolute. He rejected the idea of using either your influence or that of your father to get him his commission. He got it the hard way – he might never wear his new uniform but he earned and won it which is the most satisfying part.
After all he was perfectly happy and satisfied as a F/Sgt – his main object in desiring a commission was that it would cause you – the one he was fondest of and his father no little pride.
Since flying is rather hazardous at best and we get accustomed to seeing one another come and go – most fellows are so absorbed and involved that few take the trouble to tell the family of one of their missing pals exactly what their pal and the families dear one was like while they knew him.
Roger was about the best liked man on the squadron – also the best known because of his ready smile – outspoken manner, clean cut appearance and general good humour and high spirits.
Our pals all over the country have expressed their regret concerning Roger’s bad luck – unusual over here – all members of the squadron and myself in particular feel a genuine loss.
As a Montrealer in close association with French Canadians I can honestly say that Roger during his eighteen months in the Air Force has done more to bring about an understanding between French Canadians and all other English speaking countries, including Canada, New Zealand – England, America etc. – than ninety per cent of the French Canadian writers, politicians, etc, have so far. That might sound exaggerated but we come in contact with so many people and so many born prejudices that a personality such as Roger’s was able, unconsciously perhaps, to shatter then conquer all he came in contact with.
You happen to be Roger’s brother – I feel and look upon him as one too, so I can only say whilst there is still a scrap of hope – all is not yet lost …2 (JJL 28 January 1942)
Joe then summarized his thoughts on recent discussions in one of his notebooks, first with Monty during their leave, and then:
Discussion at the Leagate [26 Jan.] with Dickie Bird – Hodge and the proprietors –
Cynicism and hypocrisy
Dicky a corporal actually runs this squadron – he is in the orderly room – personally handles everything for dim sqdn ldrs and dimmer G.C. He has done much for individual aircrew – rec’d no thanks fro
m them – People are nice to him only until they get what they want then they ignore him – he puts thru all commissions, awards, postings transfers, etc. – He is quiet, intelligent pleasant, young and inexperienced – he has been hurt altho he doesn’t show it – is getting cynical because of human ingratitude, stupidity
I should say he has been disillusioned more than anything else –
The woman encouraged him was a real cynic – had probably being stepped on having lived in Malaya for years. My outlook and point brought out was –
1. You don’t get what you deserve – you don’t get what you don’t fight for as a rule – So shout – or talk people into things or see that you get what you think you deserve and there is no need for cynicism – accept the fact that humans aren’t perfect and rewards seldom chase after you and your whole outlook changes – you get a kick of seeing that what you think you deserve takes place – perhaps subtly perhaps not so subtly – you also get the odd thrill of the advantages of the reward.
One of the first keys to happiness is an understanding of human virtues and weaknesses. Thus you rationalize away the wrongs done to you or determine to fight or counteract them – but you are not embittered or disillusioned as a result – only angry and sore which is a lot healthier –
Thus the great philosopher retires until further topics pop up.
(JJN 28 January 1942)
106 Squadron had seen little activity since the Hamburg raid in the middle of January. Six aircraft had been sent to Bremen on the 21st, while Joe was on leave. It was another inauspicious raid. Three crews returned early because of heating system failures. One was Selfe’s, with Joe replaced by one of the most experienced observers still remaining in the squadron. Joe would thus not have had another operation to his credit even if he had been on board. Only two crews found the target; one failed to return. Overall, only half of the aircraft Bomber Command dispatched that night claimed to have bombed Bremen.
Joey Jacobson's War Page 35