by April Fire
“You look so good like that,” he murmured softly, and it was an almost intimate moment – the sound of his voice wasn’t rash and rasping, the way mine was, but almost melancholic, like he had missed this side of our relationship as much as I had. I couldn’t much focus on what that meant, though, as I could feel something building inside me, my pussy clenching and tightening around his cock with every thrust. He seemed to realize how close I was, and slowed down, fucking me deep and hard and as though he wanted this to last all night long.
“Harder,” I demanded, opening my eyes and slipping my fingers between my legs so I could play with my clit and put myself over the edge. And just like that, any kind of emotion that had been in his face vanished. A dirty great smile spread out over his lips, and I could see that he had every intention of making me come, and every intention of making me wait, too. That was how he’d always liked to play it – making it intense, pushing me to the edge and then holding back. But I was less naive than I was when we’d been hooking up before, and I wasn’t going to wait to get what I wanted. He flicked his tongue out over his lips, stilling entirely inside me, and forcing me to grind back hard against him to get anything out of this. I built up a pace, tossing my head back, and pressed my fingers flat against my clit the way I liked it. Fuck, he felt good. He had to have one of the most perfect cocks I’d ever come across in my entire life, and I intended to make the most of it before my good sense returned and I realized that fucking him was the stupidest thing I’d done all year.
He gripped my hips, guiding me back and forth on his cock, and I groaned as he finally began to move once more.
“You close?” he asked, toying with me, and all I could manage was a fevered nod in response. He pushed himself deep inside of me, leaning back so he could watch me. His eyes moved up and over my body, and it felt as though my skin was heating under his gaze; finally, he reached my face, a smile curling out and over his lips once more as our eyes locked.
And that was it. That was all I needed. After waiting so long for this, after convincing myself that hooking up with him would be the biggest mistake I would ever make, I came around his cock, my pussy clenching hard as the orgasm tore through me. I clenched my teeth to keep in the cry of pleasure, my face contorting bizarrely in front of me as he fucked me in long, slow strokes, the feeling of it pulsing through my pussy and up over my skin, weakening my knees, ripping my legs out from under me. He hooked an arm around my waist to keep me upright as he continued to fuck me, my body going limp in his arms as he thrust himself inside me one last time and came inside me, his head tipped back and his jaw clenched tight.
He held himself there for a moment, and I knew precisely why – because if he pulled out of me, we would have to accept that the fun part was over and now the two of us had to face up to whatever our relationship was now that we had hooked up again. Eventually, he pulled himself out, rolling the condom off and disposing of it in a nearby trashcan before dressing himself again and then setting about getting out of the harness that he still had on. I pulled on my panties and my shorts and stepped over to help him, working to undo the clips, zips and buttons as quickly as I could, as I knew these things could get heavy and uncomfortable quickly after they’d been on for a long time. Being close to him again, after what we’d just done, was a curious feeling; at once, I felt attracted to him in some profound and physical way, and repulsed as though I should have been standing on the other side of the room attempting to put as much space between us as I could. The repulsion came from that logical part of my brain, the one that had convinced me a long time ago that letting this man back into my life after what he’d done would only end in bad news for me.
And I knew that part of me was right. I knew that it was just trying to protect me, because his leaving me before had practically torn out my heart and left me with nothing to fall back on. As the physical chemistry between us dissipated, I could think with a clear head once more. And my newly-clear head was telling me one thing and one thing only – and that was that I should get the hell out of there and not give him a chance to work his magic on me once more.
He held his safety gear close to his chest, as though it was protecting him in some way, as though he knew what was coming. I took a deep breath. I wasn’t going to lead him on and then abandon him. He needed to know the truth straight-up, the same truth he should have shared with me all those years ago.
“I can’t do this again.” I looked him in the eye, and I could see something give. I could see something in him sag and release with despair as I spoke the words, and for a moment I wanted to take them back, to assure him that no, I wanted him, and that we could make this work despite what he had done to me the first time we had been together. I pressed my lips together to stop the words getting out. I couldn’t let it happen again. I had spent so much of my life moving on from what he had done to me, and to give up and backtrack on that now would have been a betrayal of everything I had worked so hard for all that time. I looked away, averting my gaze to the floor, and headed for the door.
“Tennessee, wait.” Dominic tried to step in front of me, but I brushed him aside as firmly as I could. He needed to know this wasn’t going to happen. Once and for all. I owed him the truth. I pulled open the door and stepped outside, avoiding the gazes of anyone who might have caught wind of what had just happened in the trailer, and tilted my head back to the sky, ignoring the tears that were plaguing my eyes. It was done. For good. No going back this time.
Chapter Nine
Dominic
It hurt.
That was the only thing I could think as I prepared to head on to set the day it happened. That it hurt.
Not any of the work I’d done in the last few days, even though I had been throwing myself head-first into everything that I’d promised myself I wouldn’t anymore – most of the stunts I’d taken on should have been stuff left to the younger kids, to the kind of people who could take that kind of punishment. Even at just a few years older than them, I could feel bones creaking and muscles crying out for a little bit of care and attention that didn’t involve, say, diving off the top of fifteen-foot platform and on to a pathetically thin mat below. But it was keeping my mind off Tennessee, and that was all that mattered to me.
I couldn’t believe it had finally happened between us. I had been so sure that was it. That finally, she had accepted that we were meant to be together, that whatever was between us needed exploring. After that kiss on set, we had had some of the best sex I’d had with anyone in years. It had been so long since we’d been together that way, and it was better than I’d ever remembered it being. Maybe we’d just had more practice since the last time, or maybe it was because we’d had to wait so long to give in to those feelings for each other, but it had been beyond anything I could even have imagined. I had fucked her in that trailer, watched her face contort and give in, watched her body shudder as she took me, and had been sure that we were back together. And then… she had just walked out. Before I had so much as a chance to make a case for why she should have given me an opportunity to make things up to her. To show how I had changed. Would I always be making up for what I had done? I had changed so much since then, but she wasn’t interested in giving me a chance to show it. I understood why, but it was killing me knowing that I had hurt her so much that she would truly never give me a chance to fix what I had broken.
“Dom, you ready?”
The voice came from outside, snapping me out of my stupid little head-space and back to reality once more.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” I headed outside to start my shoot for the day. It was early in the morning, the sun having just risen, and it felt like a chance at a new start. Nothing bad happened this early in the morning. At least, that’s what I told myself.
It was going to be a tough take. I knew that. That’s why I wanted to do it; the only way I could force Tennessee out of my head for the time being was to fill it with the fear and adrenalin and excitement that came with doi
ng a stunt this difficult. I would be diving from the top of a building, the kind of stunt that usually wouldn’t be actually that dangerous, but they needed a good few seconds of footage to apply some voice-over too. I had offered to go from the top of the set without a harness on, to make it look a little more realistic. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.
I headed down to the set, and found the assistant director tapping her foot and waiting for me with an irritated look on her face. Her boss was out of town for the moment, schmoozing up a distributor with the stars, and I could tell that stepping up to take control of everything was getting to her. The crew was getting angsty with the not-knowing where this movie was going to end up. I knew how they felt. I felt as though there were bugs beneath my skin, like I couldn’t sit still or something I didn’t want to would catch up with me.
Tennessee wasn’t on set today. She had been avoiding me pointedly since we’d hooked up a few days before and I had missed the hell out of her. Couldn’t we just be friends? I had gone over and over it in my head, the ways I could keep her in my life and make it so she didn’t feel pressured to be with me romantically. But I knew there was no way I could do that. Because I would always want more from her, I would always want something she couldn’t give me. I couldn’t ask her to overlook that, to pretend that I still didn’t feel as strongly for her as I ever did.
If I could just turn back time. As I stepped up onto set those thoughts punched into my head once more. I couldn’t shake them. If I could go back, I would have caught myself while she was sleeping and I was about to get out that door, and told myself to turn the hell back around and go back to the woman lying in my bed. Because that job that I was leaving to, that career that I had carved out for myself, none of it was anything compared to what I had with her.
“You need help over there?” One of the stunt coordinators stepped towards me, and I shook my head. I was the only person I trusted right now.
“I’m good,” I replied, turning my back on him. I didn’t want help from him. I didn’t want it from anyone. I just wanted Tennessee. Her name was pulsing around my head over and over again, the only thing I could think of, the only thing that mattered. And she hated me, and she would never give me another chance, and this shoot would be done soon and I would never have a chance to see her again. She would be done with me for good. And that would be it.
I scaled the scaffolding that had been set up, and tipped my head back and looked at the ceiling of the set; this place usually felt so big and full of possibility. But now, when I was high up and so close to the top of this enormous place, it felt small. Restrictive. I took a deep breath, and looked down; it was a long way to fall, even with the thick mats laid out below. There was even an EMT standing by, just in case something went wrong. Though if it did, I’d be in a hell of a lot of trouble.
Maybe that’s what I wanted. Maybe it would have been for the best. I looked down at the crew below, at the assistant director sitting behind a monitor and looking as though she hadn’t managed to catch a rest in days. I knew how she felt. I had been lying awake at night a lot, staring at the wall and going through in my head all the things I could have done to change what was going on between us. I had started to feel a little spaced-out during the day, such was the amount of sleep I was getting. I stared down at the assistant director, waiting for her to give me the go ahead, my brain only half-engaged. I just wanted to get this done and then retreat back to my apartment and get some sleep. I tapped my foot on the edge of the building facade and waited for the sign to jump. How many times had I been here, about to do something crazy-dangerous in the hopes of getting hired the next time around, or making the shot a little touch more realistic, or hell, just finding some way to feel alive for a split second? I couldn’t keep doing this forever, couldn’t constantly use this as an excuse to run from the things I needed to face up to.
Grow up? Maybe. Finally. But not this time. The director gave me the hand signal to go for it, and I waited for a second to make sure the camera was rolling before I jumped. And then, blinking a couple of times and ignoring the familiar surge of fear in my chest that bubbled up whenever I took on a stunt this dangerous, I tipped myself over the edge and started falling.
Chapter Ten
Tennessee
“Where the fuck is he?”
“The hospital, on the edge of town.” Natalie waved her hand, apparently oblivious to the panic that was pulsing through my veins at what I’d just heard.
“You need to let me get out there,” I demanded, wriggling out from underneath her as she struggled to close a clasp around my waist.
“You only just got here,” she protested, but I guess she could tell from the look in my eyes that I wasn’t going to back down over this because she held her hands up and stepped aside. Like she knew she was never going to stop me.
“Go, go,” she waved her hand. “If it’s that important to you.”
I could hear the incredulity in her voice. I knew why it was there. After all, ever since I’d started here, I had been pointedly clear that there was nothing going on between Dominic and I, actively distancing myself from him whenever I got the chance. But now, as fear surged in my brain, I knew I couldn’t play that game any longer. I didn’t want to. All I needed was to be at his side.
I knew there had been an accident on set the day before but I had no idea it had involved him, or that it had put him in hospital. If I had, I would have already been there, at his side. I knew that what I was feeling was uncalled for, that there was no goddamn reason on Earth why I should have given a damn where he was or what his status was, but I couldn’t fight the feeling in my chest, like some irresistible attraction drawing me to his side. I threw off my gear, letting it hit the floor, and grabbed for my jacket so I could call a cab.
“Do you know what happened?” I asked, realizing that my hands were shaking as I dialed the number and lifted the phone to my ear. Natalie shook her head.
“Not a clue,” she shrugged. “I think something to do with not wearing a harness. That’s what I heard, anyway.”
“Oh, Jesus,” I breathed. If he landed wrong after going for such a high jump…
The cab company answered and promised to dispatch me out a car as soon as they could. I ignored everyone around me as I strode to the entrance gate of the lot, waiting for the cab to arrive. My thoughts were racing so fast that I was having trouble keeping them straight. Why was I doing this? He didn’t need me to rush to his side like this, didn’t need anyone but his doctors to make sure that everything was in hand. Why did I give a damn what had happened to him? Why was I putting my job in jeopardy for this? Why couldn’t I shake him? Why had he been on my mind since we had had sex a few days before, even though I’d been the one to turn him down? Was there still time to turn around on that?
The cab arrived and I ordered it straight up to the hospital. The driver seemed to sense my urgency and put his foot down, and we sped through the quiet streets – everyone was at work, doing what they were meant to, while here I was blowing everything off so I could run to the side of a guy I had sworn only a few days earlier I would never allow into my life again. My heart was thumping. How bad was it? Would he work again? Because I knew that this job was everything to him. He had given up so much – he had given up on me, on us for it. And if that was taken away…
We arrived, and I paid the driver and rolled out of the car and into the hospital. Heading for the desk, I looked around, as though I could sense where he was and go to him right away; he was in here somewhere, in some unthinkable state. He had never ended up in the hospital, not if he had any say in it. And that meant…
I hurried through reception, getting his name and room number from the receptionist and heading quickly through to the room he was being held in. When I got there, I froze at the door.
I had never seen him like that before in my life. He looked so – fuck, so broken, so vulnerable. His face was covered in bruises and his arm was strapped across his chest,
and one of his legs was propped up in a thick white cast that I had been sure before that moment had only existed in cartoons. His eyes were closed as I stood there in the door staring at him, but they fluttered open after a few seconds and focused in on me.
“Tennessee?” he asked, and his voice was so small that I felt this punch to my gut as I realized how bad these injuries were. I nodded, moving towards him, trying to figure out once more exactly what I was doing here. We weren’t together any more, and yet for some reason I’d come running when he got hurt. He looked as surprised to see me there as I felt to be there. I placed my hands tentatively on the side on his bed and looked down at him; only a day or two before, he had been the strongest man I’d ever met, completely untouchable and invincible. But now, lying here in front of me, he looked so malleable, as though I could have broken him with just one touch.