by April Fire
“Hi, Dina?” I heard a familiar voice down the line – it was Caroline, the woman with the connections who had landed me that job with Will in the first place. She had been the one to put them in touch with me after I worked alongside her on the movie that caught their attention. I had forgotten to call her since I’d been back, and instantly prepared myself for a well-deserved passive-aggressive “but I hadn’t heard from you in so long, I was getting worried!”.
“Hey, Caroline,” I picked up my coffee and took a sip. “How are things going? Sorry I haven’t been in touch-”
“No, it’s not about that,” she cut across me, and I could picture her waving her hand to dismiss me. “I just got a call from that movie you worked on? They’re trying to get a hold of you.”
“Why?” I furrowed my brow. “Is something wrong?”
“I think you got nominated for something,” she dropped in casually, and I slammed my hand down on the counter to keep myself upright. Holy shit!
“Really?” I gaped in shock. “Are you sure?”
“No, I haven’t got a clue, really,” she replied brusquely, in her way. “But it sounded like good news. You need to get hold of them. And stop making me have to relay messages!”
“I will, I will,” I promised. “Can you give me the number?”
She read out the digits to me and hung up, and I paced back and forth around the apartment for a minute or two until I got the nerve to actually pick up the phone and call them. I was too excited. What if it was actually an award? I had never been nominated before. Not for anything.
I couldn’t imagine why my work on Will’s movie was going to turn many heads, but I wasn’t going to complain if it had. Finally, I dialed the number and held the phone to my ear, listening to the monotone buzz long enough that it lulled me into an almost hypnotic state. When someone did answer, my head jerked back in surprise.
“Oh, hi,” I greeted them awkwardly. “It’s…Dina? I got a call from a friend saying that you were trying to get hold of me-”
“Yeah, we didn’t have your phone number on record,” The woman at the other end of the line confirmed, sounding bored. “Thanks for getting back to us so soon.”
“Uh, no problem,” I tried to sound as cool as she did and failed. “So, uh, what’s this about?”
“Your work has been getting some awards buzz and the directors want you to come in and meet with them again, talk about how they can make this work for the movie,” She explained. “Can I give you a time and address?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course,” I agreed at once. “Please do.”
She gave me the time and the place and hung up the phone, leaving me staring at the blank screen with a grin on my face that looked fit to split me in half. What the fuck! No-one had so much as seriously looked at my work before Will had, and now there was awards buzz about it? How many people had seen it? Did they have a distributor yet? I would be seeing them in a couple of days’ time, and all my questions would be answered then. And then it hit me – I’d be seeing Will again.
I stared at my phone even harder, the reflection of my face registering the realization that he’d be back in my life again, however briefly. Well, maybe not him – maybe I’d just be meeting with Derrick? But the woman on the end of the phone had specifically said “directors”, which sounded to me like they were both going to be there…
I was glad I had a few jobs lined up over the next couple of days, because if I hadn’t I could have seen myself all too easily slipping into obsessing over seeing Will for the first time since our encounter back in that dressing room. What had it been, six weeks? And he hadn’t bothered to reach out to me again? I guessed he was doing the right thing from his point of view, considering that I had shut him down over and over again. As far as he was concerned, I had made my stance on us clear and he was just respecting that.
But how could I convey to him that I felt differently now without completely shooting myself in the foot? What was I meant to say, to do, now that I knew I was seeing him again? All of it felt so painfully, intensely unfair – all this time he’d been pursuing me and I’d been knocking him back, and now that I finally decided I actually wanted him in my life, he shrugged his shoulders and walked away and left me to pick up the slack. Well, that’s what I got for taking so long to figure my own damn self out.
I woke up early on the day of the meeting, hours before I needed to leave, and drank three cups of coffee in quick succession. I was buzzed with energy even without the caffeine, and carefully made myself up, pulling my hair back and up off my face and slicking on some subtle make-up that displayed my skills well enough to remind everyone what I was nominated for.
My heart was skipping around in my chest, my brain trying to make sense of the surges of emotion that were pulsing through it. Excited, nervous, stone-cold terrified and a little turned on at the memory of what we’d got up to all those weeks ago – I was a mess, and I had to put on a decent game face already.
I arrived at the office space rented to cover the business side of the movie, and was nodded through by the same receptionist who had been on the phone to me earlier. I took a deep breath and briefly shut my eyes as I headed through to the meeting room, wondering what the fuck I was going to be faced with once I got inside.
I paused with my hand on the door, lingering for a split second in the promise of what I didn’t yet know. If I didn’t open this door, then none of it was real. If this door stayed shut, then I could make like Will was in there and that we could figure things out and that he had waited for me all this time. I could pretend I’d been nominated for a dozen awards and was the front runner to pick up each and every one. I could make like everything was perfect, even just for a minute. But then, with a swell of resolve, I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“Hi, Dina,” Derrick got to his feet and greeted me, holding out his hand. I took it, but my eyes had been drawn to the man sitting behind him – Will.
He had grown out his stubble a little, and looked tired, as though he spent many of the nights we’d been apart up late trying to make things happen for the movie. He was studiously staring at his hands, and my eyes followed his – I felt a jolt of excitement when I remembered how good they’d felt all over me, how hot it had been when he’d slipped them between my legs to cup my pussy.
Derrick paused and half-turned over his shoulder, obviously waiting for Will to do the same. After a second of silence, Will got to his feet and took my hand.
“Good to see you again,” he managed, sounding almost genuine. This must have sucked for him. Here he was, sure that he had gotten rid of me for good – and then I came swanning back into his life because I’d had some potentially major success. It was about the worst way you could see an ex again – though I wasn’t sure if that was an accurate term for what was between us.
“So, as I’m sure you know, your work has been getting some awards buzz…” Derrick launched into a spiel, and I did my best to listen. It wasn’t hard, considering that they were basically talking about how good my work was. I couldn’t believe it, but they’d sent out the rough cut to a few festivals and studios, and had received back a handful of awards that it was under consideration for already. I’d been nominated by three different festivals for my work. I had to repeat that to myself a couple of times in my head, because it just seemed to make so little sense – me, getting picked for rewards for my work, three times?
Derrick was keen on laying out how we would go about campaigning for this and the other awards the film had been nominated for; I listened as best I could, but I found my gaze drifting off to Will as he spoke. Will had said very little since I had arrived, only really speaking when Derrick turned to him to get some back-up or confirmation on what he was saying. Every time he spoke, it was like someone had jabbed me with a bare wire, my body jumping in reaction to the sound of his voice. How could I ever have denied what there was between us? How could I ever have turned him down? It seemed so ridiculous in retrospec
t, but I knew it had seemed deadly serious at the time.
Derrick got to his feet, stretched, and turned to me.
“I’m going for a glass of water; can I get you anything?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“No,” I replied. “But thanks.”
“Catch you in a minute,” he nodded as he left the room, leaving just Will and I in there alone. I took a deep breath. Now. I needed to talk now if I was ever to have a chance of making this man part of my life again.
“Will, I-”
“Look, if you think I just got you back here because I was trying to see you again, I didn’t,” he cut across my bluntly.
“No, I never thought that,” I furrowed my brow. His face softened and he slumped a few inches down in his chair.
“I just can’t seem to get a read on you, can I?” He raised his eyebrows ruefully
“Will, I need to tell you something,” I dived in, glancing over my shoulder to make sure that Derrick wasn’t about to bust back in on us in the middle of what he was saying. “What happened in the dressing room, I- it overwhelmed me. It took me by surprise. I didn’t have a good answer for you when you asked if I wanted to be with you, so I just told you to go.”
“And I did,” he eyed me suspiciously, as though not sure if he liked where this was going.
“I was wrong,” I implored him. “I know I’ve got no right to come in here and ask for another chance, but I was so scared of everything I thought you were, and now-”
Derrick walked back in, making me jump. He paused for a moment and looked between us, as though he could practically taste the atmosphere that had emerged in his absence.
“Everything alright?” He asked, and we both nodded stoically, not making eye contact. The meeting picked up where it had left off, but I couldn’t shake the conversation from my brain. Could I have phrased it better? Was he mad at me for bringing this up when we were meant to be having a professional business meeting?
Had I missed my shot with him in the first place? I kept on shooting looks in his direction, hoping I would get a read on what was going through his mind, but I came up blank. His expression was studiously neutral, the years of acting experience coming in handy to throw me off the scent of what was actually going on.
“So, we’ll be happy to cover some of your expenses to come out to the festivals if you’d be willing to do some rep for the movie,” Derrick finished up, glancing over at Will who nodded robotically. “Does that sound like something you could manage?”
“I don’t see why not,” I nodded. “The sooner you can give me the dates, the better, so I can clear my work schedule.”
“We’ll have them to you by the end of the week,” he promised, and got to his feet. Will did the same, and I felt a shock of panic lance through me – this was it. The meeting was almost over.
“Great to see you again, and congratulations,” Derrick smiled warmly as he shook my head. He wandered out of the meeting room as Will stepped forward to do the same, and I realized that this was my last chance to say what needed to be said.
“I know I walked out on you before, and the time before that,” I admitted. “I know you’ve got every reason to think that I’m bullshitting you or that this isn’t real. But please, listen to me – I want you.”
“You’re going to need to do better than that,” Will replied, and I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes that was borne from all the times that I’d left him with no explanation. I felt a stab of guilt, took a deep breath, and went on.
“I was so scared of being with someone like you,” I explained. “Someone…fuck, you must know what your reputation is like, Will. The way people see you, I didn’t want to risk becoming just another one of those women you used and then tossed aside. And then when you seemed to get more into me the more I turned you down…”
I trailed off, and he glanced out the window beside us before he replied, gathering his thoughts.
“I get that,” he admitted. “But it’s always felt different with you, Dina. And I can’t promise that we’re going to be together forever or some shit, but I’m not dumping you as soon as you stop running. I -- I need you, I think.”
The words hung in the air between us, and I stared at him. I knew exactly how he felt, because it mirrored almost word-for-word what I thought when I looked at him. That I had no idea how this was going to go, but that I had to find out for myself. I had to know first-hand what we would make of each other, once and for all.
“So, what happens now?” I asked, my heart beating hard in my chest as my gaze flicked down briefly to his lips.
“I think we…date,” he grinned, raising his eyebrows cockily in that way he had. I smiled back, and we both laughed.
“Have you ever dated anyone before?” I asked, cocking my head at him, and he shrugged.
“Well, depends what you call dating,” he shot back. “I’ve had some, uh, very short relationships in my time…”
“Shut up,” I teased, and Will wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me taught against his chest. Every thought in my head stopped as he moved his mouth to cover mine, my skin prickling with excitement as he stroked his hand up my back and down again.
“Here?” I asked softly, cocking an eyebrow at him. I wasn’t complaining, but I didn’t know if this was really the time or the place.
“Here,” he confirmed. “I’ve wanted to have you on this table since the moment you walked in this room.”
And with that, he scooped me up and placed me down on the polished wood of the table where I’d spent the last hour discussing my future. I glanced to the door; there was a small window inset into the wood, just big enough that people could see in. For some reason, that just turned me on more, and I found myself half-hoping that we might catch a scandalized look from someone passing by. But my thoughts were soon pulled from that concept as Will leaned down to press a kiss to my neck. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I tightened my grip on him; he knew exactly how to touch me, as though he’d gone over something like this happening a hundred times in his head and was only just getting the chance to act it out with me now.
“You smell so good,” he murmured against my skin, and I closed my eyes and lost myself to the feeling of his body so close to mine. I knew we shouldn’t be doing this, knew that now we had all the time in the word to fuck in places where we weren’t going to get caught – but I had waited long enough and I didn’t want to hold back any longer. I needed him. It was more than just desire – it was the knowledge that if this didn’t happen, we were still unsealed, still not quite legitimate yet.
I was wearing a skirt, perhaps in some kind of subconscious preparation for what was happening right now, and Will slipped his hand over my bare thigh and caressed the crook of my leg, just where panties met my skin. I let out a ragged moan, one that seemed to come and go and come again. He grinned against my neck, enjoying my helpless response to him, and I decided to take some initiative, grabbing him by the chin and pulling him up so I could kiss him once more.
Kissing him now felt so different than it had previously, none of the guilt or shame or panic lingering at the back of my head. Yes, this was a risk, and yes, I had no idea how it was going to turn out, but as long as we were in it together then none of that fucking mattered. We could make it work. I had every faith in the world.
Our tongues met, and Will leaned into me so that I could feel every inch of his dazzlingly perfect body up against mine. I pressed my hands to his chest briefly, feeling his taut muscle beneath the fabric, before my fingers fumblingly undid his shirt and I kissed down from his throat to his stomach. He groaned and held my head, raking his fingers through my hair and sending tingles all across my scalp. I wanted to fuck him, but I also wanted to savor every second of this, wanted to taste him and touch him and feel him before we went anywhere past kissing.
It wasn’t like the fuck we had in that dressing room, which had been so desperate and hungry and hot – this was slower, more considered, our
chance to actually get to know each other’s bodies beyond the carnal heat that we had shared from the first moment we’d laid eyes on each other.
Will pushed me back on the table, pulling my legs down so that they hung over the edge of the desk. He spread them, leaned in, and kissed my pussy through my panties, the heat from his mouth drawing another ragged moan out from between my lips.
“I’ve wanted to taste you ever since that night in my trailer,” he groaned against me, and the thought of him, lying awake in bed and craving me, sent a shock of desire through my system. I knew I couldn’t wait any longer.
“I need you to fuck me,” I panted, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him on top of me, paying no mind to the fact that the table was creaking with the weight of us both on it. “Please, Will. Now.”
He kissed me hard as he pulled a condom out from his pocket – I pulled down my panties and kicked them off over my shoes. He parted my legs and placed himself just at my entrance, the pressure of his cock making me squirm with delight. He looked into my eyes – really deep into them, like he was trying to stare through me and see my soul – and pushed himself into me.
The simultaneous groan of pleasure we both let out as he entered me seemed to echo off the walls of the room around us, and I forgot entirely about being worried about someone overhearing us as I had been earlier. Nothing mattered now but the feeling of him in me, the way his cock felt as he eased himself all the way inside of me. He kissed me slowly, almost chastely, as he began to fuck me, sliding his hands up and down my legs as I lifted them to wrap around his back.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” I murmured into his ear as he moved down to kiss my neck, brushing his lips across the sensitive skin of my throat and flicking his tongue against my collarbone. With anyone else, it would have felt odd, but I knew exactly where he was coming from – he wanted to taste every inch of me. He wanted to know me in a way no-one had before, and I loved it.