What drives me crazy is the way my life is completely divided into two compartments. On the one hand family man and successful citizen, on the other hand a frequenter of gay hangouts hunting for hit-and-run sex with strangers. It seems to me that I ought to be able to have genuine homosexual relationships built on love and trust, but I cannot bring myself to seek out such a relationship. It also seems to me that, loving my wife as I do, it ought to be possible for me to share this aspect of my life with her as I share all the rest of it. But I am sure that it would destroy her to know the truth about me.
In my fantasies I imagine living a fully integrated bisexual life. In which my wife and I would participate in group sex encounters with me, etc. Yet knowing my wife as I do I know this would be impossible. I suppose I could leave her and find the sort of woman for whom such a way of living would be natural and desirable, but how can I leave her when she is the woman I love? And my love for her is real . . . At times I wonder if perhaps I do not secretly prefer to keep my two lives separate, and want my wife to be interested in this sort of sex because I am secure in the knowledge that it will never happen . . .
Well, one more nutty case history for your no doubt bulging files. Just hope I haven’t wasted too much of your time . . . Keep up the good work. People have to find ways to open up their minds and discover what is lurking inside. I see young people today and envy them; they are so much more open to new experience and new ways of thinking than we were at their age. Yet I agree that the Sexual Revolution is bridging the Generation Gap. We, too, are growing up and out—it’s just so much harder for us all!
Tom
I’ve written to Tom and hope to be hearing more from him. I had to cut a great deal of his letter because of space requirements. He is, as you can see, quite good at self-analysis, and further observations and reports on his experiences should be of more than usual interest. I have a book in the planning stage on male bisexuality, and with luck it will include his case history at considerably greater length. I’ll also be interested to find out how his life style evolves in the future—and will pass along to you people out there anything of note.
Dear Mr. Wells,
This is in response to your book Women Who Swing Both Ways. I read this book with great interest and had my wife read it, and she too found it fascinating . . .
I have always found lesbianism exciting, though the closest I have come to personal experience is in looking at photographs of two women together. Occasionally in the past I would talk about lesbianism with my wife, and it often helped to put us both in the mood and increased our sexual pleasure we found with each other. Since reading your book this practice has greatly increased. Gloria now admits to being very excited at the idea of making love with another woman. I have offered to help arrange this through correspondence via underground newspapers, etc., but she will have none of this at the present time. She keeps saying she may do this someday but is not yet ready for it.
I am so occupied with the idea of her making love to another woman I can hardly think of anything else. It is not the selfish desire to watch, although I would of course dearly desire to watch and participate, but would be thrilled merely to have her make love to another woman in private for I know the experience would be wonderful for her . . . When I began to write this letter I had it in mind to ask you how to convince her to go through with it, but I already know the answer and that is that it must be her decision. I think it will come about, sooner or later, as she seems to be inclining more and more in that direction.
She has asked me jokingly how I would feel about a threesome with another man. Now this is something that does not appeal to me at all. Nor do I think she would really go for it, as I am sure she suggested it knowing my reaction. Yet if it would get her started in the direction I would like for her to go I would be willing to go through with it. Of course my ultimate dream would be a permanent threesome of myself and my wife and another woman living together permanently, but this will not come about overnight.
Sincerely,
Kevin
A woman writes on the same theme. She’s a little further evolved in her orientation than Kevin’s wife and explains—
. . . For some time my husband and I have entertained the idea that a third party added to our sex life occasionally for fun and games would be most intriguing, intensifying and enriching, and being in our early fifties, very much in love and enjoying a very active sex life, we feel that an experience of this nature should be soon.
We have come to the conclusion that another woman would be best suited to complete the triangle and most preferably a bisexual as I have no desire for another man and realize that another female would arouse my husband more. He thinks that I should have another woman perform oral sex on me as I have never had such an experience and this would also “turn him on.”
We must use much discretion, and are not interested in a permanent arrangement. Does this sound unusual, or are we one of many with such ideas?
Whether it sounds unusual depends, I guess, on who hears it. But the couple is unquestionably “one of many with such ideas.”
• • •
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS:
“Do you print letters in your column exactly as you receive them?”
Yeah, for the most part. I change all names, leave out most geographical locations, and that sort of thing. I correct spelling errors but otherwise leave the text pretty much alone on the theory that how a person says something is often as revealing as what he says. I only make grammatical changes when the meaning is otherwise unclear or ambivalent. And of course I cut letters for space reasons. When you see three or four dots strung together, that means something was cut out.
“How can I get copies of your books?”
Check wherever fine ebooks are sold. Search for John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior.
“How can I get in touch with So-and-So, who wrote you the letter in the January issue?”
You can’t.
“How can I get copies of your columns that I missed?”
They’ll be published in book form one of these days, probably this fall. Rest assured that I’ll let you know about it when the book comes out. No one on earth plugs his own stuff as resolutely as old J.W.W.
“How can you write about sex while the world trembles on the brink of war/ecological disaster/depression (choose one)?”
Oh, the same way you can have dinner while they’re starving in India. You can’t feed India by missing a meal, and I can’t do anything concrete about the problems of the world. How come you’re writing dumb letters while the world is trembling on the brink?
“Have you any idea of the effect your writings have on the moral climate of this great nation?”
Yeah. About as much effect as the weather report has on whether or not it snows tomorrow. Jimmie Walker once said no woman was ever ruined by a book. I don’t suppose anyone was ever saved by one, either. I like to think I’m opening people’s heads up in certain ways, but in sober moments I know better. Which is one reason I try to have as few sober moments as possible.
• • •
THINGS WORTH READING:
Death Wish, by Brian Garfield, just published by McKay. A tight little chiller about a man whose wife and daughter are done in by a gang of prowlers. So he gets himself a gun and starts cleaning the streets. If you’ve been wondering what New York is like, this’ll tell you better than anything I’ve read. And when you finish it, you’ll know enough to stay where you are . . . I think I mentioned Blue Alice once before, but it’s the wildest and most hysterically obscene political satire ever, so the hell with it, I hereby mention it again. A Dell paperback by Jackson Short . . . Worth reading or not, two new books of mine will be on the stands by the time you read this. Come Fly With Us is a sequel to Sex and the Stewardess. I ran a brief excerpt in a recent column, an ex-stew’s rundown on how to score with her colleagues. Beyond Group Sex is an anthology of some unusual sexual life styles—a female
voyeur, a swinging minister, a brother and sister married to each other, a compulsive whore-chaser, and a few other interesting types.
Chapter Ten
Before we dip into the July mailbag, I want to thank you one and all. You’ve certainly been keeping those cards and letters coming. I’ve got eyestrain and my mailman has a hernia, but I thank you all the same.
I know a lot of copies of Swank sell to men in the armed forces. Here are a pair of letters from servicemen, the first concerning a dilemma which is probably close to a lot of hearts:
Dear Mr. Wells,
First of all I want you to know that you are read all around the world. I’m in the armed forces here and hope your books will soon reach the P.X. I’m 21 and so is my wife. We’ve been married for two years but are now separated due to my being stationed here. My wife and I are both swingers. We began swinging before I came into the service and will probably continue to swing after I get out of this green machine. I’m curious to find out something so tell me what you think. I have been here three months and will be here another nine months and I want to know if a woman can hold out that long. I’ve been true to my wife so far and will continue for the rest of my hitch. Do you think I can do this, and that we can both be true to one another?
In case you’re wondering, I was drafted—that’s why I’m in now for two years. And in case you’re wondering, why we are such young swingers, that’s because we never had much experience with sex before we were married and we wanted to learn how to really satisfy each other and so we found swinging quite enjoyable and both learned so much. I have another problem. I’m definitely what you could call an introvert. I’m like a wallflower. When I used to go swinging, I would end up screwing maybe one or two women the whole night. I’m very afraid of being turned down by a woman. I worry that when I reach out for her she’ll say no to me. How can I gain confidence in myself? I’m 6’2” and weigh 195 and I guess I’m average looking. I wouldn’t consider myself ugly. I’m also shy, would you believe it?
I really dig swinging, but while we’re apart my wife and I have put a freeze to it. My wife has this girlfriend who is divorced. She has talked to her girlfriend about swinging but has not mentioned that we are swingers. The girlfriend has never tried it.
Now my wife has asked me if I mind her going to stag movies while I am overseas. I said I didn’t mind as long as she goes with a bunch of girlfriends, but did I do right by letting her go? I know it will make her even hornier than she already is—that’s why I don’t go to those movies.
Do you think she’ll ever go out on me? We have friends who are swingers, and she has visited the home of one couple we swung with. I’m almost sure she hasn’t messed around with them because I believe her very much and I trust her. But can she hold off for so long and be true to me? I’m not that experienced with women and would be interested to know your answer.
I know she is hornier than ever and so am I. I know I could go for two days of straight screwing if I was home. I just hope she doesn’t screw anybody. When we were together, before the service came around, we decided that, if we were ever horny for somebody, we would bring that couple home with us if they also had the desire for us. We have promised to tell each other in letters everything we do . . .
Introverted Swinger
Naturally, I can’t tell Introverted Swinger how he ought to feel about things. It seems to me, though, that rather than worry over his wife’s behavior, he would be better off realizing that it’s not all that important whether or not he and his wife are faithful to each other while they’re apart. As swingers in civilian life, they have both learned that it is possible to have relations with others without lessening their love for each other. The same principle should hold true while they are apart.
As far as stag movies are concerned, while they might make the wife hornier than ever, they might also help her to sublimate her desires. In any case, I don’t see the point in telling her not to go. It would probably be best to encourage her to do what she wants to do, so that she won’t wind up feeling guilty and keeping her acts a secret.
As far as Introverted Swinger’s other problem is concerned, all I can say is he sure knows how to make a fella feel old. I really don’t think he’s warranted to feel like a wallflower because he only balls one or two girls a night. But I guess I might have felt that way when I was twenty-one. Except, far as I can remember, when I was twenty-one I was just learning how to tie my shoes . . . I’m sure some of you out there have had similar problems, separated from wife or girlfriend by the iron hand of the military. How do you feel about that kind of scene, and how have you managed to contend with it? I’d like to get some letters on this point as I suspect it’s of prime concern to a great number of our readers.
Dear Mr. Wells,
I’m here in the army in Korea and an avid reader of Swank. I believe it’s one of the best magazines being published.
What I would like to know is, would you print a few lines from a lonely GI in your column who would like to correspond with a female pen pal. Not much mail is received over here.
It’s always been policy not to print names and addresses and not to serve as a clearing house for pen pals. But I can’t get past the fact that being stationed in Korea can’t be a hell of a lot of fun. So why don’t some of you nice ladies sit right down and write Mr. Javurek a letter? Right about now, when we’re in the gradual process of extricating ourselves from one rotten war and hopefully not finding another to take its place, is a particularly good time not to forget the guys who find themselves stuck in some godforsaken corner of the world.
Got a pair of letters this month from people looking for a way to improve on nature. Let’s take them both at once:
Dear Mr. Wells,
I just finished reading your article in the February issue of Swank and enjoyed it very much. I found it very enlightening.
I have one thing to ask of you or your readers. I’ve read in some of the underground papers where there is some device or process for enlarging the penis. Is there truly a way or is this just a prank? In that department I’ve always felt normal, having bestowed upon me six and a half inches by natural measurement. But I’ve read quite a bit where guys are really hung, with eight or nine inches. I’d like to improve if possible.
If you know nothing of this and this reaches print you have my permission to print my name and address. Maybe one of your readers can wise me up.
Everett
As far as I know, those advertisements promising penis enlargement are about as realistic as the ones that tell you how to make a fortune growing ginseng in your backyard. I do seem to remember reading somewhere that hormone treatment can ensure adequate or better than adequate development of the penis in adolescence, but know of no method for enlarging the penis of the adult male.
But I never claimed to know everything. If any of you good folks out there have any knowledge or experience on the subject, do get in touch; I’ll pass your comments on to Everett.
Everett’s correct, incidentally, in feeling adequate as things stand. A recent study in the English magazine Forum based upon a poll of over a hundred correspondents, reveal that the average penis is 6.3 inches long, with a maximum circumference of 5.2 inches at its thickest part. The shortest entry in the survey was 4.75 inches, the longest 9.5 inches.
The most important thing to remember is that penis size has blessed little to do with sexual performance. The vagina is a highly adaptable organ (let’s hear it for the vagina, guys!) and can accommodate itself almost instantly to a penis of almost any dimensions, with no greater response to a larger organ. Some women think they respond more intensely to large ones, but Masters and Johnson’s experiments suggest it’s all in their minds.
Anyway, you know what the tobacco people say. It’s not how long you make it, it’s how you make it long . . .
Dear Sir,
I have two problems and I was wondering if you could help me with them.
First I would like
to know where I could buy my girlfriend a bikini. I want it to be the smallest available that is still legal. Either plain or with ruffles, and I prefer the type that buckles or ties between the cups and on the sides of the briefs. She takes a size 5 bikini and her measurements are 34-24-35. That’s my other problem. Is there a way my girl or I can help her breasts get bigger, and in a way that it wouldn’t affect her health? Is there an exercise she can do, or is there a pill that I could give to her without her knowing about it? She wants to have 36 or 38 B’s or C’s or D’s.
Arnold
I hope it’s not really all that important to Arnold. Because it’s a whole lot easier to shrink his own expectations than to enlarge his girlfriend’s breasts. The women’s magazines are overflowing with ads for breast enlargement, ranging from pills and creams to exercise devices, and the one thing all these gimmicks seem to have in common is that they don’t work. Again, it’s quite possible that some hormone treatments might be of value immediately after puberty to facilitate normal breast development, but no known treatment for a mature woman is going to turn Twiggy into Lainie Kazan.
And as a general principle, I wouldn’t be inclined to give anyone any pill without their knowledge.
Silicone works, of course. The implantation of silicone in breasts was devised for some topless dancers a few years back, and since then some women have had silicone implants for cosmetic purposes. I guess there are men who would rather have a girl with large plastic tits than the small ones God gave her, but I can’t imagine why—especially since the long-term effects of these implants are not yet known.
I’d say Arnold and his girl should learn to be happy with what she’s got. He might console himself with the thought that small breasts are generally more sensitive to stimulation than large ones; the nerve endings are closer together. And everyone knows that anything over a mouthful is wasted.
Doing It! - Going Beyond the Sexual Revolution (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 13) Page 15