by Lei En Na
When she was looking at the drawings, Shang Guan Jing has paid close attention to a man who seems to be the leader of the early settlers. Feng Jin suspected that her ancestor probably left Nan Man to have a clean break with his cousin. No one will ever know the truth for something that has happened so long ago, but somehow, Shang Guan Jing buys the story.
This may be a controversial romance but it totally fits the character of Diao decedents, Shang Guan Jing privately thinks, gauging with her past interactions with other members from the Diao family. If the same thing happens to the current Feng Zhu for instance, she has full faith that he would toss other people’s opinion out of the window and would pester his love interest until the latter caves in. He will probably be like the twines of the southern forest that spiral around the trunks of ancient trees, seemingly soft but yet tenacious and unyielding. Both twine and tree can live together or die together, but not matter what happens, they will be together.
“San Shi Jie, you seem to matter a lot to that man that day. Who is he?”
Shang Guan Jing does not want to answer Su Xue Ying and Du Qing Qing turns her puppy eyes to her and begs her to reveal more about the mysterious man.
Su Xue Ying crosses her arms under her chest and says thoughtfully. “He was obviously angry at you but he did not try to harm you although he is more than able to do so. Having seen what he can do, I dare not think too much on what he does to people who cross him but he seems to have deflected his anger on himself. It is amazing that he let his body suffer in the end. He is truly a strange man.”
Du Qing Qing agrees. “San Shi Jie, perhaps what Shi Fu truly hoped for when she sent you to Nan Man is to find a good husband. Of course, it will be the great if you can seduce the person who can save us, who will then marry you… aiya San Shi Jie, your face is all red. Look Si Shi Jie, her face is red. I bet they must have some secret which San Shi Jie is not telling us! Please tell us more San Shi Jie.”
After a good deal of wheeling and arm shaking, Shang Guan Jing finally laughs and gives in. “Actually, I married him in Nan Man.”
The 2 younger ladies are stunned and Shang Guan Jing starts to get uncomfortable. “Why are both of you staring at me?”
Su Xue Ying is the first to recover her voice. “Why have you not chased after him?”
“Me? Should I? We, we actually… actually…”
Su Xue Ying counts her fingers. “He obviously cares about you and you obviously care about him or else you would never have married him. If so, what is holding you back?”
Shang Guan Jing does not want to admit that the starting point of their relationship was pity:- pity for his loneliness, for his suffering. But as she thinks back on the happenings of the last few months, she knows that pity is only the beginning and that she has developed other feelings over time. Feelings that are strong enough to agree to marry him. If her shi meis were to ask her when or how it became that way, she has no answer. Perhaps like Shi Fu said, this is fate.
Fate has brought them together and during their time together, he has moved into her heart and just perhaps, could it be the same case for him?
Her mind goes to the little wooden box which she found in her baggage. She recognizes the box as it is the same wooden box that he keeps in their bedroom which contains about 20 “Dragon’s Blood” pill.
In her mind, she sees once more that way he cast his magic in front of their sacred cave in blatant disregard for the full moon. He has looked so confidant and in control, as if all was just a stroll in the woods to him. But he has bleed and just as she was consoling herself that he can take Dragon’s Blood to relief his pain, there it was in her baggage, the whole box of pills! She has no idea when or how he has put it there without her knowing, but she knows that he has left it for her to help heal her internal injury.
Just what is he up too? Yes, Dragon’s Blood is an excellent medicine, but her slow recovery is mainly due to her emotional upheaval. And now that the willy man has been carried off into the sunset, bleeding and unconscious, without his behind, is he trying to make her sick while worrying over him?
“Since you still like him now and he likes you back, why should you be bothered about what has past? You should just hound him and stick to his side like glue.” Su Xue Ying speaks from experience. “You can train a man to chase after you but that is on the pretext that you left some the crumbs on your trail! Without some clues or indicators, how can you be sure that he can find you! The way I see it, he has followed you all the way from Nan Man to here and it must mean something. Furthermore, no matter how mad he is at you, he has no qualms putting himself at risk to save us and the more I think about it, the more he resemble an attention-seeking child. You should not take his actions at face value and just leave him alone.”
Shang Guan Jing knows that these are true but she feels oblige to point out. “He has deceived me and kept a lot of things from me. He played me like a fool before we got married.”
“Doesn’t he love you?” asks Qing Qing.
“I do not know.”
“Then all the more you should find out and decide from there.” Su Xue Ying holds Shang Guan Jing gently by the shoulders and declares firmly. “If he is only fooling around with you, I will grab my hubby and seek justice for you. Why, we can march from the Western Desert to Nan Man and make sure that we raise enough ruckus for him to be sleeping fretfully for at least a month!”
“You have nothing to lose and it beats seeing you so listless and unhappy day after day.”
Shang Guan Jing knows that Xue Ying is right. She needs an answer, or if not, a letter of divorce.
A few days later, Shang Guan Jing walks down a familiar path leading to a bamboo gate. As she passes the gate and the herb and vegetable garden beyond it, Yan Ying appears behind her. “Young Mistress, you are finally back.”
He is as monotonous and expressionless as ever, but somehow, Shang Guan Jin senses that he is smiling and happy to see her. “Yan Ying, are you smiling?”
He replied in an equally flat-tone. “Yes, I am.”
“Um, that’s good to know.”
“Good is the right word, Young Mistress. If you continue to stay away, there will come the day when Young Master finally sorted out his thoughts. And when that happens, he will use whatever…. methods to get you back, even if he has to drag, drug, and kidnap you home.”
Shang Guan Jing is very sure that there is an “underhand” somewhere in his sentence and takes a deep breath. “How is he?”
“He is not well. Young Mistress will need to be careful when dealing with him.”
He disappears into the shadows before she can ask more, just as Zhu Yu appears from around a corner. “Young Mistress, is that you?”
Seeing that it is indeed Shang Guan Jing, the maid runs up to her and jogs her arm excitedly. ““Young Mistress, oh Young Mistress! Why did you leave us for so long?” She starts sobbing. “Young Master has been in a foul mood for ages and he is so scary! He seldom talks and keeps making thunder roll all the time! Young Mistress, can you please stop ignoring him? If you do, we will all suffer.”
As she sobs in earnest, Young Mistress hugs her small frame and pats her back. “Zhu You, I have travelled a long way and am dusty and dirty. Can you prepare a bath for me?”
In a flash, Zhu Yu’s lights up, all tears gone. “Leave it to me!”
******
While she is bathing, Zhu Yu chatters none stop. She tells Shang Guan that all servants in the house are conjured from paper but only Niu Da and herself resembles real people because Feng Jin has dripped 3 drops of his blood on their paper when he was conjuring them. As she helps Shang Guan Jing puts on a fresh set of clothing, Zhu Yu hems and haws until she gathers sufficient courage. “Young Mistress, I think Young Master is serious about you. Although he can be an asshole , i think he likes you a lot. Can you find it in your heart to forgive him?”
The expletive is nearly inaudible but Zhu Yu looks around furtively nonetheless, least she is overheard.
Shang Guan Jing has her doubts but she says nothing as she fastens her robes and walks soundlessly towards the bedroom. There used to be a beautiful curtain of wooden beads hanging over the door but she remembered the day it was destroyed. Although the curtain is gone, Shang Guan Jing can almost hear the soothing sound of beads rising and falling as she walks pass the door. As she steps into the room, a hoarse voice calls out from behind the bed curtains. “Who is it?”
Feng Jin has never been this sick his whole life. Not only is his body in constant pain, he has been plagued by loneliness which is new to him. Though he has been living in isolation for a long time, he has never really felt lonely till now. And when he does manage to sleep, there is little respite to be found in the darkness as he often dreams of a woman who is forever just beyond his touch, no matter how hard he runs after her.
He may not have blacked out since the day at Yu Ling peak but his physical condition has not improved much. At this rate, even he has to question if he will recover. And now, he has to deal with whoever-is-the-person who has managed to sneak past Yan Ying and get into his room. “Who is it?!”
His eyes are cold with warning but when the bed curtains parted, he is unprepared to see a beautiful woman illuminated by the moonlight. She is wearing a loose robe for sleeping and she looks fresh from bath, with her hair slightly damp at the tendrils. “You…you…you…”
“I am back.” she says simply and sits down beside him.
She is unprepared to see how haggard and sick he looks. The fiery patches on his face stand in stark contrast against his pale skin and his eyes are sunken. His breathing came in short, shallow spurts as if the simple act of breathing is an arduous task, she reaches out to take his pulse. True enough, his qi is in a mess and there seems to be several ailments with his body. When he has gotten over his shock, he pulls out his hand out from under hers.
“I remember someone saying that Nan Man is far, far away and that she is not coming back. Since that is the case, why have you returned?”
“I have no choice actually.”
Her bland tone and distance manner triggers his alarm bells. He fears the reason she has appeared and bites out forcefully. “If you are hoping for me to give you a divorce letter, I have 2 words for you. No. Way!”
“Why not?” She takes off her shoes calmly and places them neatly on the floor. She swings her legs onto the bed and lowers the bed curtains.
“What do…do you mean…mean… by ‘why not?’” Feng Jin stares at her fair toes peeking out from the blanket and glowers at them.
“I am so mad at you, do you know that?”
Tonight may not have a full moon but Feng Jin can feel the blood pooling at the base of his throat and a familiar pressure building up behind his eyes, ears and nose. He knows he is not far from bleeding again turns his face away to hide his condition. However, he has barely moved a muscle when a shadow falls over his face and he is pinned to the bed. Her face looms up in close when he breathes in the same air that she exhales, he lost whatever is remaining of his strength. What is she doing?!
“I hate you. Hate you. Really, really hate you.”
Feng Jin can feel the blood roaring behind his ears but he stares transfixed at her bright eyes, just a hand’s distance away. He feels a drop of fluid on his face, followed by another drop, then another and realizes belatedly that she is crying.
“Jing….” He wants to say something to comfort her but she shuts him up by kissing him. It is a forceful kiss with no room for negotiations and he has no clue what her action means. But no matter what, her much-awaited scent calls to him like a siren that it wasn’t long before he is kissing her back in earnest.
Unfortunately, if he thinks he can have any form of control tonight, he is in for disappointment. He is physically weak to begin with and she has too much pent-up frustrations. Shang Guan Jing has no intention of making things easy for him and runs her hands over him unceremoniously. When he tries to move, she would quickly suppress him and when it happens a few times, he slowly realize what she wants and stills.
“You are definitely the person I hated most in my life.” She is still crying but it does not stop her from grinding her lips against his in a bruising manner. Thinking of the lies that has spring from these lips, she bites at them. Hard. Her nose trails down his neck and when she reaches its base, she buries her head in the nock and bites on his shoulder too for good measure.
His lips singe, his shoulder stings and pretty soon, he is tingling all over as an angry woman nips at whichever part of his antimony she fancies. He did not move a muscle as he is stripped bare and unleashes her anger on him. Does he hurt? Yes. Is he protesting? Hell no. He is only relieved that she has finally found an outlet for her anger and even if she wants his life at this instant, he would not have hesitated giving it to her. His only insistence is that she does not leave him but beyond that, she can do anything she wants.
After a long time, Shang Guan Jing looks at the slightly bloodied body beneath hers and feels a fresh wave of anger. This man is poison and unfortunately for her, she has drunk this poison before knowing that there is no cure. She is still angry and wonders if she crying harder will make her feel better, but she doubts it. Staring at him, she try for some answers. “When you married me, do you truly mean for me to be your wife?”
“What about you? Who do you truly care for in your heart? Your teacher? Shi Jie, Shi Mei, or your dratted Er Shi Ge?”
His petulant tone makes her smile a little. “Feng Jin, I like you and married you in good faith. But I really, really feel like throttling you right now. No one else has made me care so much for him until I cannot leave his side. When I was with Er Shi Ge, life was sweet and safe. When he broke off with me, I was in agony because I do not like him just as a man; he was also my brother and family. But when he betrayed our sect and Teacher, he has crossed the line and I can never, ever forgive him for what he did. I promised myself that I will never care for him again and I have fulfilled that promise to myself.”
“But you are different. You have deceived me, kept things from me and played me like a fool. How can you do this to me when I like you enough to have married you? Why did you toy with my feelings? If you are only pulling a prank, why did you not stop before we marry and bond us for life?”
Feng Jin listens intently as Shang Guan Jing continues. “And do you know what? My intentions are still true. I can be your ‘medicine’ – that is one reason that you hit on me, right? To heal you? And looking at your current state, I think you are seriously in need of medicine.”
She did not wait for him to respond before she starts eating him although it is supposed to be the other way around. Feng Jin wants to tell her that he is alright but it is difficult to think, much less talk, when he is restrained and her sweet movement is stirring up an inferno in his blood.
So from feeble struggle, to passive submission and total surrender, Feng Jin was force-fed his medicine as he is scratched, bruised and bitten all over. So long as she is with him; so long as she is no longer angry with him, he does not mind being her ‘medicine’ too
******
When Feng Jin wakes up, it is already evening time the next day.
For the first time in weeks, he can breathe normally, which means that yesterday is not a figment of his imagination. Shang Guan Jing has indeed returned and she is still his most-effective medicine.
But she is not in the room and the bedding besides him is neatly folded away, as if no one has slept on them. Has he only dream of her afterall? He checks his hands and when he sees that his skin is unmarked, he knows for sure that he has indeed taken his ‘medicine’ last night. But where is she? He dons on some cloths hastily and dashes out of the room.
None of his servants can tell him where she is, until he sees Zhu Yu, who tells him that Shang Guan Jing has left for the village since morning. She mentioned that she has been away for too long and needs to check the progress of her students.
Her answer does not make Fen
g Jin any less anxious and he has a bad feeling that his happiness is slipping away. He needs to holds on to her tightly and he was about to make his way to the village when Yan Ying appears and informs him that Shang Guan Jing has left the village and is now near the swamp in the forest. Feng Jin changes direction and is gone before Yan Ying can complete his sentence.
******
The moment he stops into the forest, he stretches out his hands and senses. All is tranquil and he can sense no disturbance. He hurries towards the direction of the swamp but when he finally sees Shang Guan Jing, his eyes turns cold. Shang Guan Jing is squatting on the ground and a muddy, dirty creature is clinging to her hand. At the sound of his footsteps, she looks up and he can see the tears in her eyes.
Feng Jin realizes that he is more than happy if she is crying over him, but if she is crying over someone else, his mood will sour very quickly. Like now. “You. Come over.”
Shang Guan Jing ignores him and tries to dab away her tears. “I came here to look at the place where the fight took place but I have not expected to find her. Feng Jin, my eyes are not playing tricks on me is it? I found my Shi Jie, she is still alive.” She looks at the messy, dirty woman clinging on to her and tries to smile, although it does not make her look any happier. “But Feng Jin, she seems to have lost her memory. She doesn’t recognize me and when I took her pulse, I realize that she has lost her martial arts. The only saving grace is that she still remembers one person….”
Li Yun Yi looks up at her hopefully through her dirt-streak face. “Have you seen Bo Lan Zhou? He said that he will marry me and make me his bride. Can you bring me to him?”
Feng Jin can feel his blood starting to boil and he has to step on it least his internal organs get fried. He marches up to his wife and grabs her hand. “Get up!”