by Rena Olsen
Kate’s shoulders slumped. “I’ve missed you, too.”
I stepped forward, relieved by her response. “This is going to be so great, Kate. I know once you get to know Bryce . . .”
She held up a hand to stop me. “I don’t want you to think that because I’m here it means I approve of this.”
It was like a bucket of ice water had been splashed over my entire body. “What do you mean?”
Kate looked behind me, lowering her voice though we were the only ones around. “What do you really know about him, Jules? You’ve been dating, what, a couple months?”
“Three and a half.”
“And you think you’re ready to commit to marrying him? You’re still in the honeymoon period!”
If Kate had deigned to actually have a conversation with me over the past few months, she would have realized just how much Bryce and I knew about each other, just how strong our connection was. But instead she had separated herself from us, put up a wall that was impossible to break through, communicated only enough to be considered polite.
“I’m more than ready,” I said. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Kate said. “Other than his job and his church, what do you really know about him? Where are his parents? Why are that pastor and his wife always hanging around? What’s that church all about, even?”
My anger rose as she spoke. I ignored the discomfort that I didn’t know the answer to the questions about his past, which was easy because it was quickly eclipsed by anger over her accusations against the church and the people who had been nothing but warm and welcoming to me since my first visit.
“I know that I love him and he loves me and he would do anything to make me happy,” I said, spitting the words at her.
“He doesn’t love you,” Kate said. “He controls you.”
“How dare you?” My gut tightened and my heart raced. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“You’re a different person since you met him, Julia. You can’t see it, and maybe everyone else is too relieved that you finally met someone to care. Everything you say and do revolves around that man. You don’t take a shit without asking him for permission.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s true!” Kate threw her hands in the air. “It’s like I’m screaming at a brick wall. There’s something wrong with him, Julia. He looks at you like he owns you.”
“He does own me,” I said. “He owns my heart, he owns all of me, and I own all of him. That’s what a relationship is.”
“That’s a really messed-up way to look at a relationship.”
I reached the end of my temper. “He loves me, Kate. Just because you ended up with someone you hate and are completely miserable with doesn’t mean that you can sabotage my life to keep me as miserable as you.”
Kate stared at me, and I wanted to take the words back immediately. She had said some terrible things, but I knew what things were like with Eddie. “Kate,” I began, but at that moment Kate’s eyes widened and Bryce called out from behind me.
“There you are, my love!” The happiness in his voice brought me back to the reality of the moment, and my anger rose again. Not at Bryce, but at Kate for ruining what should have been a perfect night. We continued to stare at each other until Bryce reached us and threw an arm over my shoulder. “Are you coming back to the party?”
Taking a deep breath, I mustered a smile for my fiancé. “Yes, of course.”
He looked at Kate. “Kate? You coming?”
Kate didn’t say a word, just looked at me for a beat longer, then turned and walked into the night. I watched until she disappeared into darkness and then turned my back on her, allowing Bryce to lead me back to the lights and laughter of the party. Before we joined everyone again, he turned and pulled me into his embrace.
“We’re in this for the long haul now, right? Together forever?” There was a vulnerability in his question that was foreign to his usual tone.
I placed a hand on his cheek and looked deeply into his eyes.
“Till death do us part.”
Chapter 13
The next morning, Bryce and I were surrounded as soon as we entered the church building. Word had spread fast about our engagement, and it seemed the entire congregation was eager to extend their congratulations and well-wishes. The music was already starting by the time we slipped into our row near the front of the sanctuary. Stacy squeezed my hand as we sat, and I squeezed back. I didn’t fully connect with Stacy still, but she had always been nice to me, and I knew she was close with Bryce. I vowed to do a better job of cultivating that friendship, for Bryce’s sake if for no other reason. I’d asked Bryce about his friendship with Stacy once, and he’d admitted that they had considered dating a few years back, but the Reverend had foreseen that it would not be a good match. Within a few weeks, Stacy had met the man she would end up marrying, though she remained close with Bryce. I couldn’t imagine remaining so close with a man I’d had strong feelings for, but my only experience was with Jake, so I was perhaps not the best judge of those sorts of relationships. Still, there were times when their history and close friendship brought up feelings of jealousy in me, which fueled my desire to become closer with Stacy.
I’d also learned that Bryce wasn’t a huge fan of Jenny and the rest of my Bible study, but he was friendly to them because they were important to me. He didn’t give much of an explanation for why he didn’t like them, only mentioning that it was a large church and not everyone’s beliefs meshed as well as they would like. He followed it up by stressing the importance of allowing many different people to worship together, but I still felt that tension whenever I spoke about the group, even though he made an effort to ask questions and was always polite when he retrieved me from the café after his weekly meeting. I thought it was a great testament to our relationship that we were both making such an effort to blend into each other’s life. We were a unit now.
As always, the music carried me away from my stray thoughts and straight into worship, and by the time the Reverend took the stage, I was leaning forward, eager to hear what he had to say this week. I was startled when he turned and spoke directly to me.
It often felt like the Reverend was speaking to me in his sermons. They were always surprisingly relevant, and he was the sort of speaker who would make eye contact with you and hold it for several beats instead of skipping over to the next person, but this time he was actually speaking to me, and to Bryce.
“Bryce and Julia, I know we didn’t talk about this ahead of time, but the Lord was speaking to me last night, and I thought it would be prudent to listen to the Creator of the world.” The congregation laughed at this. “He told me that this sermon is for you, and I rewrote everything I had planned, so if you could come on up here, we’ll have some chairs brought out.”
My entire body was on fire as I stood and made my way to the aisle, followed closely by Bryce. “Don’t worry,” he whispered in my ear. “He mentioned it briefly to me this morning. I told him it was fine.”
Why hadn’t Bryce run it by me? I supposed it had happened too quickly, and there wasn’t time to check in. Still, I wasn’t happy to be in front of a thousand people with no sense of what was going to happen next. As we climbed the stairs to the stage, the Reverend looked at me and smiled.
“No need to be worried, Julia,” he said, his voice taking on the calming tone I was familiar with. “We’re just going to have a conversation.”
My fingers shook as the Reverend reached out to lead me to one of the stools that had materialized from backstage. His thumbs rubbed over the backs of my hands, soothing my nerves. I climbed up on one of the stools, and Bryce took the one next to me, quickly claiming my hand.
“Isn’t that sweet, folks?” the Reverend said, and there were murmurs of agreement all through the cong
regation. “Now, for those who weren’t aware”—he paused for a chuckle to spread through the room, because who wouldn’t know what he was about to say—“this man up here is Bryce Covington, a son to me in every way that matters.”
Bryce raised his free hand in a small wave, acknowledging the smattering of applause he received for being himself. He didn’t seem the least bit nervous, and I concentrated on where our hands were joined to draw strength from him.
“And this lovely lady here is Julia Hawthorne. Julia just started coming to our little church”—another pause for laughter—“a few months ago, but already she has become an integral part of our community . . . as well as an integral part of our family.” I tried my own version of Bryce’s jaunty wave, though I was certain my face was ten shades of red.
“Last night,” the Reverend continued, “Bryce asked Julia to be his wife.” The Reverend looked over at Bryce, who grinned and raised our clasped hands, where my engagement ring winked brilliantly in the stage lights.
“She said yes!” he called before the Reverend could announce it.
It took a full two minutes before the applause died down. The entire congregation stood in support, and Bryce pulled me to my feet. We stood waving at the people as if we were celebrities, and I felt both ridiculous and empowered as I looked over the crowd. They knew very little about me, but I had the approval of Bryce and, more importantly, the Reverend, and that was all it took for them to accept me. It was a strange and heady phenomenon, and though I still wasn’t fully comfortable in front of so many people, I didn’t hate the feeling that came over me as we stood there.
Finally the congregation calmed down and we all sat again, Bryce and me still in our spots on the stage.
“In case you didn’t catch that,” the Reverend said. “Congratulations.”
My cheeks hurt from smiling so wide, and Bryce’s expression matched my own.
“The Word the Lord brought to me last night comes from the New Testament,” the Reverend said, slipping smoothly from proud father to magnanimous leader. “The Bible talks about marriage several times, but for today we’re going to focus on Ephesians. A verse often quoted, but little understood . . .”
Forty-five minutes later, the Reverend wrapped up his sermon and motioned for us to follow him backstage instead of heading to our seats as the band came back on to lead the final songs. My heart was back to its normal speed, though I hadn’t released Bryce’s hand since we sat down. During the sermon I was as entranced as ever, especially as it applied to me in more ways than usual. In my few months of study, I hadn’t paid much attention to verses about marriage, and now I was both anxious and eager to learn more.
Once we were clear and the Reverend had removed his microphone, he turned to us. “I’m sorry for springing that on you, but I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice.” He raised his eyes heavenward and I wondered what it would be like to hear the voice of God so clearly. Bryce said he had heard it the day we met, and Nancy, once she warmed up to me, told me that God had spoken to her about me as well. The women in my Bible study talked about God speaking to them, but it was more symbolic, in the words of friends or dreams. Not these very vivid instances of hearing the voice of God. I longed for that experience.
“It’s fine, Reverend,” Bryce said. “It was such a good message. Thank you for sharing it with us.”
“Yes,” I said, smiling. “I’m honored to have inspired such passionate teaching.”
“Well, God inspired it,” the Reverend corrected. “It was just prompted by your engagement.”
“Of course,” I said, embarrassed to have spoken out of turn.
“Bryce,” the Reverend said. “Would you mind letting everyone know that the Gathering will start a bit late? I wish to speak to Julia.”
“I’d be happy to,” Bryce said, squeezing my hand once more before extricating his fingers from mine and walking down the hallway. I looked around the backstage area. I’d never actually been back here, as many times as I had been in this building over the past several months. The offices, where I helped with graphic design projects, were housed in another part of the building, and the Bible study met in homes where the women lived. This was where Bryce always disappeared to after church, for the “Gathering” that was held every week after the service. He never spoke of it, or who else attended. I was never invited, and I didn’t ask questions. I’d learned that the one area regarding his faith that Bryce didn’t talk about was these Gatherings. The one time I did ask, Bryce reacted more negatively than when I’d asked about his family. It was clearly a closed topic.
“Come this way, please, Julia,” the Reverend said, leading the way down a hallway, away from all the sound equipment and extra instruments stored in the area where we’d been standing. The hum of backstage and the echoes of the music still going on in the sanctuary faded as we crossed into a carpeted area, much more dimly lit. It was like crossing a portal into the sacred, and I felt the urge to whisper and make as little noise as possible.
The Reverend opened one of the thick wooden doors and gestured for me to precede him into the room. Inside, the lighting was muted, giving the entire room a serene atmosphere. Two chairs and a couch were grouped around a coffee table. All it was missing was a TV and it could have been my living room growing up. Landscape pictures dotted the walls, each embellished with a quote or a Bible verse. Some of the quotes seemed to be attributed to the Reverend, but I didn’t get a chance to look too closely before the man himself spoke again. “Please, sit, Julia. Let’s talk.”
My anxiety spiked. I was usually pretty calm with the Reverend, but after this morning, I was already on edge, and this sounded serious. I’d never had a conversation with the Reverend without Bryce. It felt odd. Not wrong, just . . . different.
I took a seat in one of the chairs, crossing my legs and folding my hands and trying not to look as if I were ready to jump up and run for the door. While I was still nervous, I also recognized that being brought to this part of the church was an honor, and I wanted to be respectful of the gesture as well.
“This is nice,” I said, motioning around the room. “Very homey.”
The Reverend followed my gaze, taking in the room as if seeing it with new eyes, and nodded. “That’s good to hear. We do try to make things as comfortable as possible.” He studied me for a moment, and I sat up straighter. “I wanted to have a chance to sit down with you, Julia, because I know you’re new to our church, and to the faith in general. Because of this, I’m not certain you know the way of things yet, and I want to make sure you’re on the right track to be the best wife for Bryce and the best addition to our church family.”
My brow wrinkled. I was new to the church, yes, but I wasn’t sure how that would hinder my ability to be a good wife. The best wife. And Bryce hadn’t said anything about rules regarding marriage. Although, when I thought about it, though we had both seemed to know the direction we were headed, we never explicitly discussed marriage until the proposal. On my part, I didn’t want to ruin it, especially by talking about it too early. And the old-fashioned part of me wanted him to bring it up first. Which he had. By proposing.
“I’m not sure I understand, Reverend,” I said. “I’m sure whatever I need to learn, Bryce can help me with. Or Nancy, or even my Bible study.” I knew the Reverend had good intentions, and was trying to help, but part of me wasn’t sure this topic was one I wanted to discuss with him on my own. While he knew a great deal about me, I didn’t know much about him, and though I was sure he had a lot of great advice for a successful marriage, I was proud of how Bryce and I had been finding our own way to this point. Anything I wasn’t comfortable discussing with Bryce, I couldn’t imagine I’d be more comfortable talking about with the Reverend, at least not without Bryce there.
It was the Reverend’s turn to frown, a foreign expression on his face. He always looked calm and peaceful, or joyous. When he was passio
nate about something, or discussing the evils of the world, he got this intense look on his face that could be interpreted as anger, but it was so animated that I would have hated to taint it with that label. This expression was more concerned than sad or angry.
“You’ve been attending the study Jenny Peters runs, is that correct?”
“Yes, sir. They’ve been so nice and welcoming. Usually I sit with them while Bryce is at the Gathering after service. They invited me to join the first week I visited, and I’ve learned so much from them.”
“Yes, I see,” the Reverend said, the corners of his eyes wrinkling just slightly. “I’m very glad to hear my parishioners are so friendly.” He paused. “But I wonder if that’s the best group for you to be in.”
“Why?” The question came out before I could wonder if it was rude. I was genuinely curious about why the Reverend would have a problem with Jenny’s group, though I suspected his answer would mirror Bryce’s feelings on the matter.
He smiled indulgently. “You see, Julia, that group, while a wonderful example of how welcoming our church is, is not the sort of group you should be associating with as Bryce’s wife.”
Confusion with a hint of irritation flared in my gut, and I spoke again before thinking. “Are you saying that group isn’t good enough?”
The Reverend held up his hands. “No, no, of course not. That’s preposterous. I’m simply saying that as Bryce’s wife, you will be part of the Gathering, and your duties will expand to the point that an extra group such as Jenny’s would not be fulfilling to your mission with the church.”
There were more questions I had about that, because it didn’t sound quite right, but I was stuck on something else. “I’m going to become part of the Gathering?” The secretive group that met after service every week. Where Bryce and Nancy and Stacy all went, leaving me behind each week. It would certainly help in my vow to become closer with Stacy. And would be one less thing I had to avoid bringing up with Bryce.