Finding The Way

by Ng, Wayne;

  Prince Meng’s visits to the Archives became less frequent and when he did appear, he was not as he had been. He did not lose any of his fine manners or deference towards me, but he lacked the enthusiasm he had once possessed. One early morning on the eve of the lunar new year, I found him waiting for me in the garden hovering over some plants. He looked up and all around before whispering, “The natural world finds its own course, however contemptuous and ignorant others are towards it.”

  “Does your Highness speak of cultivation?”

  “There are natural laws, and the laws of man. Neither should be cast aside.”

  He noted that the stalks of the rhubarb would soon be ripe. “Yes, a product of nature with multiple dimensions. Bitterly tart if left alone, but heavenly when boiled with something sweet,” he said. He then changed the subject again.

  “I come with a specific purpose. Your colleague Confucius has made quite a place for himself. He is my brother’s favorite scholar, and either a bane or a beacon among many of the gentry. He has the Prince’s ear, and much say in the proposed reorganization of our bureaucracy. I trust you too find this objectionable?”

  It had been some time since Prince Meng had directly asked my opinion. I hesitated before replying. I wanted to freely join in his frequent denouncements of his brother and I wanted to speak of Prince Chao forcing himself on Mei. Instead, I responded as Prince Meng would have expected me to.

  “I foresee a sea of change disguising a mountain of mud. It is naïve to believe that anything as disingenuous a form as strict social expectations will either bind man or build him. Quite the opposite.”

  The Prince brushed some dirt off his shoes. “It is a strange world we inhabit, where hearts and souls matter less than rules and order.”

  It pleased me to hear the Prince speak with authority and maturity.

  “Your Highness, all things unnatural will find a natural conclusion. Perhaps not now, nor soon, but inevitably so. Until then, living the Way within what we can direct, can be our solace.”

  “Is that it? You accept the influence of Confucius with little protest. Moreover, is this just? Can you not spare more resolve to preserve all that you have taught? Surely you scholars have more fortitude than that.”

  It was an unexpected strike, both in tone and content. I could only muster a feeble response. “Your Highness, as the Royal Archivist I do not make policy. I am here to serve you and the Court as it pleases.”

  He smirked. “My dear Lao Tzu, has the Way ever enjoyed such favor? Has it ever been as close to the centre of the world as it is now? Will your Way ever again have such an opportunity to spread its influence? Once society becomes permanently locked into artificial divisions, can you co-exist with such a new social order?”

  “Your Highness, the path I follow works harmoniously according to its own course. When someone exerts their will against the world, they disrupt that harmony. The Way does not identify the person’s will as the root problem. Rather, it asserts that he must place his will in harmony with the natural universe.”

  “Yes, yes. Action without action, empty our minds of bodily awareness and thought and our minds shall be cleansed. How could I forget? While we sit in oblivion to all that unravels about us, others prepare for endless and repetitive conflict. Are you prepared to wait idly through this while my brother, Confucius and their sycophants reshape the world into disharmony?”

  “Your Highness, it is not my place to direct or advise on government policy. I only wish to serve…”

  Prince Meng abruptly cut me off. “I shall speak bluntly. I did not come here to discuss policy or the natural world. Master Scholar, you have done much for the court. Zhou’s place in the annals of the world is more secure than it was. And you have taught me a great deal. For this, I am grateful. But I feel I must warn you. Once the civil service examinations are done, my brother aims to create a new and powerful sub-Ministry, the Ministry of Scholars and Education. All scholars will answer to this post. Your Royal Archives, the civil service examinations and schools will fall under its command. I have little doubt this will be Confucius’ official new post.”

  I was dumbfounded to hear this and wondered why Yi Ban had not warned me.

  “There is more, Master Scholar. There are suspicions that treason emanates from within the Royal Archives. Your frequent trips into the country have been cast in a dubious light. You are thought to be a spy. Your Archives and your work will be cast aside and your staff executed or banished. All that you have done, all that you have created will be gutted.”

  I was speechless. Me a spy—the absolute absurdity. I knew I was no favorite of Prince Chao but I had no sense that my place had even been questioned, let alone placed in such danger.

  “Your Highness, I must ask the source of such allegations. Surely anyone who has had even the slightest encounter with me could not form suspicions. I beg your Highness to allow me to speak to those who might harbor such ill thoughts. Surely they will listen to reason and I can undo any misunderstanding.”

  “It matters little how such suspicions were cast or whether they are just,” Prince Meng responded. “The mere aura of doubt is enough to ruin you. But consider this, scholar. If Confucius benefits the most from your removal, you must deduce that he is behind this. It is a clever ruse he has constructed. You must know that I have been protecting you for some time. There will be limits now to how much I can shield you and the Archives. From this moment on, your fate is in your own hands. I realize you have a disdain for subterfuge. However, now is not a time for contemplation. It will be up to you to act, to divert such uncertainties before you are destroyed. I suspect they will start with members of your staff. They will be questioned. Before long they will be tortured to create a case against you.”

  “Your Highness, my staff and I have been nothing but completely loyal to Zhou. I personally selected and trained each of them myself. I would just as soon cast myself into a raging river than engage in disloyal…”

  “Venerable teacher, you needn’t prove yourself to me. I am the rightful heir,” Prince Meng said with a thinly guarded trace of bitterness. “I can restore a harmonious order and balance. You have been more than loyal. We both know this. But you must deflect the accusations before they become unstoppable.”

  “Your Highness…I do not understand what you are saying.”

  “I am saying that if you fail to take some initiative now, all will be lost.”

  I could not accept the incredulity of his words and looked away.

  “Lao Tzu, in order to save yourself and all you have done, you must discredit Confucius. He must be humiliated. He must be neutralized. The allegations against you will then crumble. And perhaps then my father may poke his head out of his shell and come to his senses.”

  Neutralize Confucius. I felt like I’d awakened from an uneasy dream into an even darker world. The elder Prince was asking me to become a full and complicit member in the rot and decay against which I had so often declaimed.

  “But your Highness, how could I possibly do this? I would not even know how to begin.”

  My words were barely audible, as though I did not want them uttered or heard.

  The Prince looked around then drew me closer. “You will denounce Confucius.”

  I paused while my mind raced. I was at a complete loss for words.

  “There must be another option, your Highness?”

  The Prince shook his head. “I would have preferred it if this had not come to pass. I have contemplated other options, but there are none. You must denounce him.”

  I stared into the pond, tracking the movements of one of the newer fish. “But how?”

  “I have learned that one of the King’s consorts is pregnant. He will be furious. His women are nothing more than an illusion of manhood for the world. He has not been able to make seed in years. You will get that woman to denounce Confuciu
s as having forced himself upon the King’s property.”

  “Your Highness, can this be true? Who is she?” I thought of Mei and my heart sank.

  “I have seen you conversing with her. She is the one my father calls his white peony. Her name is Mei.”

  “But this is false. Mei was forced upon by…” I barely stopped myself from making an accusation against a member of the Royal Family.

  “What do you know of this?” Prince Meng eyed me carefully.

  I skirted a complete response. “Your Highness, I am aware that the woman you named was violated. But I am certain it was not Confucius. He would not be so vile.”

  “How can you know this of him, as well as her?”

  I paused, hating the half truth I had to utter. “I had heard she has grown. I felt there could have been no other explanation. Try as I might your Highness, even I cannot close my ears to the sounds of scandal. However, I heard no mention of Confucius.”

  “Yet are you certain he is not part of those accusing you? For I am not. Once he is gone, there will be less compunction to slander you, I am certain of this. Furthermore the King will be disinclined to denounce and condemn someone who has stood up for him.”

  I quietly ruminated. The Prince filled in our silence.

  “I implore you, do not be deceived by his supposed virtue and disposition towards women. Regardless, it matters not who planted the seed. For all I care it was likely one of the guards or a bureaucrat unaccustomed to keeping his member under control. She was one of the King’s favorites. You will speak to her and convince her to accuse Confucius. You must convince her. It is the only way she can save herself and her family. I will arrange an eyewitness, one above reproach who will corroborate her. The time to act is now while both Prince Chao and Confucius are on a diplomatic mission to Qin. They cannot muster a defense until it is too late. There will not be another opportunity.”

  “Your Highness, it is not in my character to act in such a way. I must consider this further.”

  He stood with hands on his hips, looking more warrior-like than I had ever seen him.

  “You have little time to toy with, scholar. But I understand this is a grave decision. I will allow until tomorrow to ponder this, but no longer. I shall meet you again here at midday.”

  After the Prince left, I was able to re-consider all that had just been said. It occurred to me that even were Prince Chao present, he would not quash any accusation against Confucius because his scholar could conveniently provide him with a scapegoat for Mei’s pregnancy. If I were to help Prince Meng, I would be responsible for Prince Chao escaping all consequences of his actions against Mei and the King. Yet these were not the only issues at hand. I felt naïve and betrayed. Could there possibly be a spy working under me? How could I stand idly by while my reputation and all I had worked for came crumbling down? And then there was Mei. I felt obligated to her. Like myself, she was an outsider who had learned to survive and thrive here. I knew her, felt somewhat akin to her. She was a victim and a pawn. I would make her even more so in asking her to bear false witness and protect her real attacker from justice.

  I walked through the Archives, discreetly examining each staff member as they worked. No one appeared to act differently, no one appeared tense or suspicious. That is, except for myself. Once I realized this, I left the Archives, telling my staff that I felt unwell. I made my way to my quarters located just outside of the Palace. Along the way, I cast suspicious looks at other travelers, imagining that they were potential spies, and carried hidden weapons at the ready. By the time I arrived at my quarters I was doused with perspiration. My thoughts flitted everywhere. I remembered my academy burning down years before—the sense of guilt associated with the death of my colleagues and students had never left me, the helplessness and hopelessness nearly consumed me. Was I prepared to be passive again? Could I live with myself if Mei and my staff paid with their lives while I dithered?

  It was serendipitous that Kao Shin who shared my quarters, had earlier requested leave of several days. I did not wish for any contact with anyone. So when he appeared that evening with head bowed and face strained, I was startled but also wary. He said he had finished attending to his business sooner than expected. He attempted to smile and nod but I could see his movements were a struggle.

  “Kao Shin, what has happened?”

  He looked away. “Nothing, Master. May I prepare you some dinner?”

  I agreed, though I was not at all hungry. As he bent down to light a fire, he could not conceal the pain he was obviously in. I looked closely at his tunic. It had been torn and I could see bruising on his stomach.

  “Kao Shin, stop what you are doing at once. What has happened?”

  He tried to deny any pain and discomfort. I took him by the arm and he put up a feeble struggle before he collapsed into my arms.

  “They came for me, Master,” he whispered into my ear. “They took me into the Palace. They asked many questions about you. Then they said you were a spy. They even accused me of helping you spy.”

  “Who? Who said this to you?”

  “Soldiers. They said shielding a spy would cost me my head. But I explained that you were no spy. They wouldn’t listen and they beat me. They said I could live but only by watching you and reporting back to them. Master, you must run. I will not be spared, but perhaps I can convince them that you have disappeared. You might still have a chance. Go, Master.”

  Kao Shin shook and heaved. I prepared a wet cloth for him and wiped him down. Regardless of what happened to me, I knew his admission to me would cost him his life. He was ready to sacrifice himself for me. I looked at him and felt shame for not having his courage and conviction.

  “Kao Shin,” I said stroking his back, “I have done nothing treasonous. The accusations are completely false. If that was not the case I would not be here now, would you not agree?”

  He looked at me and half-nodded.

  “There is nothing further to fear. I shall speak to Prince Meng. He will see that this misunderstanding is corrected. Please think no more of this.”

  With that he seemed to calm down. But I instructed him to remain inside until I sorted the matter out.

  ******

  The following midday Prince Meng appeared in the Archives garden. “Master Scholar appears worn, tired. Have you eaten?”

  “Your Highness honors me with his concern for his humble servant. But it is the welfare of another that concerns me. One of my staff was detained yesterday. He was beaten and questioned about me and my activities.”

  The Prince shook his head. “It is as I feared. It has begun. I suspect the perpetrators were Royal Guardsmen under Prince Chao’s control. We have little time. Have you made a decision?”

  “What will become of Confucius should he be accused?”

  “The King will be enraged. He will likely have Confucius tortured and executed.”

  “Your Highness, I cannot remain passive. However I will not have a colleague’s blood on my hand, regardless of how deceitful he is.”

  “You are forever a gentleman and a scholar Lao Tzu, showing concern for the welfare of all others, including your enemy. Very well, I will persuade my Heavenly Father to banish Confucius, and to have his name and teachings expunged. I too have no desire for blood. So, you will act?”

  Once again I contemplated the complexity of the situation. How could I stand idly by while my reputation and all I had worked for came crumbling down?

  “Yes….yes your Highness, I shall act as you prescribed.”

  “Excellent. I suggest you begin at once by engaging Mei.”

  From the shy, indifferent dreamer I had met when I arrived, Prince Meng had become a decisive and calculating thinker, and quite possibly the next King. Prince Chao might have more of a struggle for the throne than he realized.

  ******

  I did as Prince
Meng directed and risked an opportunity to speak privately with Mei. Through a message from a trusted staff member, I asked her to meet with me in a quiet tea house just south of the Sheji Temple.

  I carefully locked the door and shuttered the window. Kao Shin was ordered to remain at our residence where he would be safe while he healed. My mind could no longer attend to matters at the Archives except to carefully watch each of my staff with a distrustful eye that I never knew I possessed. It was startling how quickly and easily I was able to get myself to act with such willfulness. I slept little that night.

  The next afternoon I arrived at the tea house much earlier than necessary. I played with my food while carefully watching each and every patron. Finally Mei arrived in simple forest green trousers and a plain but matching tunic, easily the most humble attire I had seen her wear in some time. She stood tall and stoic, yet her eyes avoided mine. I asked her how she was. She thanked me for my concern and replied that she was well, though her tone was not convincing.

  “I have heard you are with child,” I said in a quiet tone.

  She did not so much as blink. “There are neither safe secrets nor trustworthy people in the Palace or anywhere else,” she replied.

  “This is not entirely true. For my part I have respected your place, admired your loyalty to your parents, and fretted about your safety.”

  Her eyes met mine and she nodded.

  “I assume the Son of Heaven has not yet learned of your condition?” I asked.

  Again she nodded. “It is but a matter of time.”

  “And what will you do?”