My dancer friend would certainly know how to remedy aches and pains. I was hooked from the first bite. “I think you could give Luis a run for his money in the cooking department.”
Corey just shrugged away the compliment. “He was the cook of the relationship,” he said, almost sadly.
“Was?”
Corey met my shocked look with a bemused smile. “It didn’t work out,” he said. “But you should be used to hearing that from me by now.”
“Oh, Corey,” I said as I reached for his hand. I knew that he had fallen head over heels for the swarthy teddy bear that had become so much a part of both of our lives. “What happened?”
“He got offered a job in San Francisco. He had to move, I had to stay, and neither one of us were comfortable with a long-distance relationship. We already knew they don’t work out. So we parted on good terms, but I’m single again… and it sucks.”
“You’re still young,” I offered. “There’s still time to meet Mr. Right. If anything consider me a poster girl for what happens when you rush into something permanent.” Pilar’s criticisms from earlier repeated in my ear, and before I could stop myself I muttered, “I’m a poster girl for a lot of bad decisions these days.”
He set my bowl aside and took both my hands in his. Obviously he knew what I was referencing to, and he promptly had two cents to add. “Don’t let that barracuda steal any more from you,” he instructed firmly. “She doesn’t give a shit about overweight people. She’s in it to prove she’s better than everyone else, and making everyone else pay for the privilege of knowing it. It’s all an ego thing. Consider it a compliment she’s still trying to ride your coattails. You’re the comet, sweetie. She’s just hanging on for dear life like the blood-sucking tick she is.”
I had to laugh. Corey and I had shared a lot over the past few months. Once I was able to open up about what had happened between my mother, Shane, Eddie and Pilar, he was the strongest voice telling me these were abusive assholes who didn’t deserve one more iota of my time and attention. He would even scold me when I would accept Mother’s rare phone calls.
“My family kicked me out when I was 18,” he had said. “They told me that they couldn’t accept me being gay, and I told them I couldn’t accept them being bigots. Sometimes blood isn’t enough. Cut the cord.”
We were still laughing when Eddie arrived home twenty minutes later. He glared at my guest with obvious contempt, he didn’t even say hello as he dropped a grocery bag on the kitchen counter next to the canvas bag of food that Corey brought.
When he brought me the white bag of pills, his voice was low and angry. “They told you to rest, Jordi.”
“I am,” I said as I took the bag. “Corey just brought me some food and we were visiting, that’s all.”
He glared at Corey. “I’ve got it from here, Chief,” he said in dismissal. “She needs to rest if she wants to join the tour next week.”
Corey didn’t back down from the angry glare, but he didn’t challenge it either. “I was just going,” he offered merrily. He turned to me. “I’ll see you later. Love you, Jay.” He reached down for a hug and a kiss before he brushed past Eddie and headed out the door.
Eddie didn’t say anything as he stomped over to the kitchen and started packing away the food. I could hear the packages rattling – easy, pre-packaged foods that would be easy to open and eat… my favorites.
I turned back to my vegetarian dish, but it had grown tasteless under the oppressive air of Eddie’s return. I put it on the coffee table and tore open the bag of pills. I gulped all three in one swallow and then eased back up off the sofa.
“What are you doing?” Eddie snapped as he rounded the bar and rushed toward me. “I told you to ask for help.”
“Why do you care, Eddie?” I demanded.
“Why don’t you?” he snapped back. “You’re nineteen years old and you’ve been in the hospital twice in a little over six months. I got pummeled and beat down on every football field in southwest Iowa but never once did I end up in the hospital. You have to take care of your body if you want it to take care of you.”
“I know that,” I hissed. “I’ve been making tons of healthy changes. And you know damn well I’ve lost weight. It’s just not going to come off overnight, I’m sorry.”
“You should be sorry,” he muttered as he helped me toward the bedroom. “Be sorry that you ever did this to yourself in the first place.” He eased me onto the bed, yanking the covers back over my legs. “You want to know why I can’t love you, Jordi? Because you don’t love yourself. And one of these days, Bionic Boy is going to come to the same conclusion. You see how easy it was for Shelby to fill your shoes on stage. What happens when she fills his arms next?”
He let that hang in the air as he departed. I took my phone out of my pocket, re-reading all the loving, concerned texts that Jace had sent me over the last day. “He loves me,” I kept saying to myself, clutching my phone, and fading once again into a painless, black oblivion.
It was dark by the time I awoke again. I checked my cell phone. It was nearly eleven o’clock. The house was dark and quiet, which meant that Eddie had probably gone to retrieve our houseguest.
I scrolled through text after text I had received while blissfully unconscious. Vanni, Andy, Graham, Maggie and of course, Corey and Jace, had all left messages to check in and give me encouragement. I was so lonely without all of them.
I had to join them on tour. I had to.
I eased back out from under the covers and out of bed.
I made the disheartening discovery that most of the food Eddie had brought in were packed full of preservatives and sugar. He had microwave meals – diet, but microwave nonetheless, he brought bags of snacks and crackers and cookies that all claimed to be low-calorie.
At least he was trying, I guessed. I still reached for the bag of trail mix that Corey had packed in his bag. A handful of yogurt covered raisins, chocolate-covered edamame, almonds, cashews, dried fruit and honey-sesame sticks sounded much better than a bag full of twelve, super-thin chocolate wafers.
I’d get more nutrients if I ate the bag.
I ate my snack, took my pills and was just settling back into bed when Shelby and Eddie made it home. They didn’t stay for the after-party since they didn’t want to leave me alone for that long. At least, that’s what Shelby told me after she came prancing into the bedroom, her arms full of flowers she wanted me to have.
“I was so nervous doing your song!” she confessed as she snuggled up to me on the other side of the bed. “But Jace was wonderful. He walked me through everything. He was so patient, even when I screwed up. I don’t have your voice, obviously, so we had to make some changes. But he would just have us do that part over until I was comfortable, and then we’d move on to the next part. I almost pissed myself when the number started, but he gave me a wink and a thumbs up, so I knew I could do anything. Then, when the night was over, he gave me these for a job well done,” she said as she caressed a silky rose petal between her fingers. “Isn’t he wonderful, Jordi?”
I nodded, but said nothing.
“We missed you, though,” she added with a pout. “When are you going to join us on the road?”
My wide eyes met hers. Had she heard something I hadn’t? “I just supposed I would go with you guys to Phoenix next week.”
Her brow knit with concern. “Are you sure you’re going to be on your feet? Eddie said you were unconscious all day.”
“That’s because of the pills,” I shrugged away. “I just won’t take them before I perform.”
“Won’t that be painful?” she probed.
I gave her a false smile of bravado – the one I had perfected my whole fucking life. “The show must go on.”
She just patted my hand. “Don’t rush yourself. Nothing is more important than your health. We got it covered either way.”
Eddie heated up a can of soup for me with some toast, and then thankfully left me alone for the rest of the nig
ht. Because of my condition, he took refuge on the couch, even though I wouldn’t have known he was beside me or not in the narcotic-induced coma I fell into just around twelve-thirty that morning.
I was on the phone with Maggie by eight o’clock. I wanted to resume the tour as soon as humanly possible, and only she – the one responsible for getting Graham mobile again after a traumatic spine injury – could make that happen.
“Well, tonight is out, obviously,” she informed me. “But extended bed rest is a bad idea. I’ll start you on PT Sunday morning. You can do it at Graham’s house. He still has a gym set up to maintain his recovery.”
“What about Phoenix?” I asked.
“I think it’s probably too soon to think about Phoenix,” she advised.
“Too soon? It’s less than a week away.”
“Baby steps, Jordi.”
It was the last thing I wanted to hear. I spent the rest of the day in a pissy, mopey, fuzzy haze thanks to the pills. When I reached for a snack, I didn’t even bother with the trail mix.
It was time for chocolate.
That night, Eddie came home without Shelby, and was quite put out about it. She had to stay for the after-party, to handle all the press inquiries about her stepping into my role while I was out of commission. Because of their scrutiny, he couldn’t tag along. He had to come home like a good husband, which was the first real time he’d been inconvenienced by the title.
Normally his claim to fame got him into parties. Now he’d be considered a first-class ass if he stayed.
While part of me thought that served him right, part of me was definitely not OK with the fact that Shelby would likely be at Jace’s side for all the interviews. My Jace was a white knight if ever there was one, and he would not leave her to the wolves.
He was even kind enough to drop her off at our house later around two o’clock in the morning. She was a little tipsy from the free-flowing champagne at the party, so she had to lean on his strong arms to walk through the door.
I was watching a movie with Eddie in the living room, where we both waited for the other bird for our coop to come home. The minute I saw Jace powerfully fill the door frame of my house, I felt renewed. Just being near him healed me.
“You missed some shindig,” Shelby said as she stumbled my direction, holding out a covered paper plate. “There was a cake almost as high as the ceiling.”
“Thanks,” I murmured as I opened up the plate and found a huge chunk of frosted bliss with my name written all over it.
“How are you feeling, Jordi?” Jace asked, his voice laced with his concern.
“Yeah, how are you feeling, sis?” Shelby asked as she sat on the couch next to me. She had taken to calling me “sis” over the last day or so, telling me that we were sisters of choice, which made the bond that much stronger.
I shrugged. “I’ve been asleep a lot. I want to be well enough for Phoenix.”
Eddie glared at me. “We haven’t made any real decision on whether or not Jordi will rejoin the tour.”
“I have to join the tour,” I told him coolly. “Otherwise we won’t be able to afford our hip little beach house and we’ll get sent packing back to Iowa.”
Eddie’s jaw clenched with anger but he didn’t say anything else. He picked up my tray of food from the coffee table and carried it off toward the kitchen.
“Well,” Jace said, as he turned back to me, “if you need my help, just call.”
“She’s got all the help she needs, Chief,” Eddie informed him coldly. “It’s late. If you really want to help her, you’ll let her get some rest.”
The two men squared off by the sofa where I sat, my feet propped up on some pillows. Shelby must have felt the tension because she hopped to her feet and stepped in between them, taking Jace by the arm to lead him away. “I’ll walk you to your motorcycle, Jace.”
Jace sent me an inquisitive look, to make sure I would be OK if he left. I tilted my head in an imperceptible nod. “Goodnight then,” he offered before allowing her to lead him outside.
The minute the door closed, Eddie reached down to circle my waist with one strong arm. “You have PT in the morning. Let’s get you to bed.”
I struggled momentarily, but it sent a shaft of pain right down my left side. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”
“Because I’m your loving husband,” he gritted through clenched teeth. “You belong to me, remember?”
He dragged me all the way to the bedroom, where he deposited me unceremoniously onto the bed.
“Why are you mad at me? I didn’t invite him over. Go yell at Shelby.”
“I would but she’s just as stupid as you are. You keep thinking this guy is so special just because he lost a leg. His dick swings just like the rest of us. Now that you’re out of commission, he’s moving on to someone else. And she’s too naïve to see it.”
“As naïve as not knowing what you’re doing every time you open your mouth? You’re no saint. You’re trying to get into her pants and you’re a married man.” I figured I could throw that in his face, considering it was never my idea to get married in the first place. “She’s never going to sleep with you.”
“She will once she realizes her precious ‘sis’ is sleeping with her man behind her back,” he promised, his face hovering over mine. “All I have to do is show her that tape. She’ll see what a two-faced liar you are and she’ll have nothing but sympathy for me. I’m just laying the groundwork is all.”
My eyebrow arched. “So what are you waiting for? Show her the tape now. You guys can fuck like bunnies in the loft upstairs. It’d be perfect because all this would all be over. No more games. No more pretending. Just you and the new star of the tour.”
It was a bluff, granted. I’d never encourage her to sleep with the likes of Eddie. If she found out about Jace and me, sure she’d be hurt. Hopefully she could understand and we’d move past it without having to sign away her soul to the devil by sleeping with Eddie. But if the thought of her conquest could force Eddie’s hand, I wasn’t above playing it.
“She will see the tape,” he promised. “But not tonight. Let her think her precious Jace is her sweet prince charming. The more invested she gets, the more comfort she’ll need.”
“You’re disgusting,” I spat.
“I told you before. I’m a realist. There are always opportunities to seize what you want. You just have to be aware enough to grab them when they pass by. Now get some sleep,” he instructed. “You have physical therapy first thing in the morning.”
“Worried your work horse may have to be put down?” I sneered as he headed for the door.
He just chuckled. “No, I actually have no doubt at all that you’ll get well, Jordi. There’s no way you’re going to let Shelby steal your thunder for long. Like it or not, Mrs. Nix, you’re just like me. You’re going to go after what you want, no matter who you hurt in the process – including your precious ‘sis.’ I’m just the slap-happy asshole on the other end of that who gets to cash the check.”
He shut the door behind him, leaving me in the darkened room. I tried to fight off the pills until I heard her return to the house, but I was sucked under water with the power of the strong narcotics. I finally caved, but my dreams were already tarnished by my growing envy of my closest girlfriend. I could clearly see Shelby and Jace walking along the beach, hand in hand.
When she reached for a kiss, he didn’t turn away.
I awoke in a start, feeling as empty as I ever had. Thanks to my sadistic subconscious, I knew now what it felt like for it to be truly over. I had a full-color preview of what it would be like when Jace was finally done and I, once again… and as always… was left alone.
I didn’t sleep another wink the rest of the night.
CHAPTER FIVE
Malibu, CA
January 29, 2012
I arrived at Graham’s Malibu mansion by eight o’clock sharp that Sunday morning. I was ready to do whatever it took to be back up on that stage by Frid
ay, and I knew Maggie Fowler was the woman who could make that happen.
She led me into the stark white monstrosity of a mansion, which could have neatly housed a dozen of my little beach houses. There were colorful flowers on almost every table, with throws of every color tossed over the pristine white furniture. It was as though they were fighting off the sterile, cold décor. I somehow got the idea that Maggie was responsible for all the cheerful splatters of color everywhere.
She led me into the kitchen, where Graham sat at the table, reading the paper on his tablet device while he drank a cup of coffee. He had an immediate smile for me. “Jordi!” He stood and walked around the table to take me into a hug. “I’m so glad to see you on your feet. Is Eddie with you?”
I shook my head. After our argument the night before, we were pretty much avoiding each other. He didn’t even argue that I called a cab to take me to Graham’s. He had more groundwork to lay with Shelby, apparently, because they were going to spend the day sightseeing.
“You’re in capable hands,” Eddie had said with a smile.
I was so relieved to be away from him I didn’t even question it. I was out the door as quickly as my hobbled back could get me.
“That’s OK,” Maggie said. “We have another volunteer.”
I glanced back toward her and saw Jace standing next to her in the kitchen doorway. He gave me a winning smile that made my heart jump, even though I still felt so down about the dream from the night before.
“What are you doing here?”
“I always work out with Maggie when I’m in town,” he informed me as he walked further into the room. “She’s the best.”
Graham approached the lovely redhead with a sated smile. “Indeed she is.” He planted a loving kiss onto her lips, which was so deceptively intimate I had to turn away. “I will let you all get started,” he announced as he grabbed his jacket. “I’m off to the store.”
I was shocked that he would do his own shopping, but then again after being rendered handicapped for as long as he was, it probably is a major victory whenever he could conquer the mundane. It gave me hope of what Maggie could do for me.
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