by Nhys Glover
"Gods' balls, Goddess, can't you ever do what you're told!" he exploded, swearing colourfully. "What do you think you can do that we can't? They're past healing, even if you could heal. All you'll do is get in the way. And you don't want to upset yourself because it'll only upset the babes!"
"Like you're doing right now?" I yelled back, also needing the release that anger brought to overtaxed nerves.
As if on cue, my babes left off feeding and burst into hysterical screaming. It hurt both our ears, and Rama swore some more and stomped off back the way he'd come.
I hoped it had been enough to help him. It had helped me a little. Enough so I could settle the babes again.
Did I really want to go down and see the carnage? Would I just be in the way? A wave of Knowing overtook me. I staggered over to the bench on the veranda before my legs gave way under me.
Gods, could it be true? How could it be true? And why had it taken this long for me to get this Knowing? In the next moment a fresh wave overtook me and I had my answers.
No! No! NO! It couldn't be!
The babes picked up on my distress and began to cry again. Bertil must have seen our hasty exit and had come to check on us. I thrust the infants at her, righted my gown and took off for the dormitories. If I was right. If the Knowing was right...
Gods, no! Such betrayal. How could I survive such betrayal?! How would any of us survive, if what I Knew to be the truth was real.
I saw my men and Flea stand up from where they had been bending over the bloody carcasses. The lads milled around in distress outside the fenced paddock. I couldn't hold back the cry of agony that the sight created in me. But it was nothing compared to the greater agony breaking me apart from the inside out.
My men turned as one in my direction. I knew my sudden upsurge of grief had opened my mind to them and they knew what I Knew. Flea probably read one of their minds. Calun's?
They all took off in the direction of the barn. I scrambled to follow, but my legs wouldn't co-operate. I tripped and fell to my knees, and couldn't bring myself to rise again. Huge wracking sobs were pouring out of me and it was beyond me to control them. All this time! All this time! I had thought Father's betrayal had cut me to the quick, but it was nothing compared to this.
Jaron was running towards me. He was the fastest on his feet. I didn't have to be able to read his mind to know the news.
"He's gone. His stuff is cleared out and his beastling gone. Likely last night. How did he keep it a secret? This is monstrous," he told me, amber eyes wide with the enormity of what had happened.
"Magic. Not his, but one of our half-brother's. It blocked my Knowing. I thought it was the babes doing it but, once he was gone, whatever was masking it was gone too. He's been using magic against the airlings. I don't know how, but he's been causing this. Or magic has."
"Why didn't we think of this before? Calun should have guessed. He's in their heads. How did he not know?" Jaron demanded furiously, though I knew his fury wasn't directed at Calun, or any of us. There was only one focus: Airshin, my twin. Airshin, the betrayer. Airshin, who had been planted here by our father to cause chaos, so we wouldn't have an airling army and wouldn't be able to defend ourselves against attack.
Gods, that would be next! He'd left to alert the Godslund army to our location and our state of disruption!
Flea ran up to us, tears pouring down her face. She kept repeating, "It's all my fault. It's all my fault!"
I turned my fear and frustration on her. "What are you yabbering about?"
"The feathers! I found the feathers. But I didn't know what they meant. I was trying to catch him out. I wanted him to do something so bad you'd kill him. That's why I came here. Because I knew he'd come and I could make him pay. But I didn't know what he was doing or even why he was here, I swear. If I'd known... If I'd known I could have got my way. You'd have killed him for me. But I didn't. And now this... All this is my fault!" She blubbered, making no sense at all.
Jaron grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard. "Calm down and explain. What in the gods' names have feathers to do with any of this?"
"Haven't you ever heard the rumours? About amulets and charms magical sons can make using simple things like pebbles, feathers and string? Things people would never notice. I bet it's some kind of disruption spell, or a love spell specially modified for airlings. No... No, all that would be needed would be hair from the airlings and from the riders, bound together with a magical feather and string. An invocation too, maybe? I don't know. But I bet if you look at the lad's tunics you'll find something on them. Hidden somewhere. The hems?"
Jaron looked down at his own tunic, his eyes wide with understanding.
"No, no! He'd have to get to your tunics and he couldn't. All our clothes are washed by Bertil and she's such a territorial old hag he couldn't have got close to them. It's why we've been able to continue working with the airlings without causing problems. But the lads' tunics. All he had to do was sneak in to the dorms and slip the spelled items into the hems."
"It's why he was claimed! He put one on himself too. Mayhap he went out there and caused that before he left!" I pointed at the carcasses lying abandoned and alone in the field. No one was going near them. The living airlings were huddled in the farthest reaches of the paddocks. I could feel their distress now. It had been drowned out by my own before this.
The rest of my men had arrived, panting hard, faces suffused with fury. "Get the lads tunics, all of them. Check the hems for feathers," I told them all.
Now we had something constructive to do I felt better, more in control. My brother, my twin, had betrayed me in the worst way possible, but he wouldn't be allowed to win. Now he was gone, I had my Knowing back, which was an advantage he probably didn't realise I had.
But if he was blocking it, surely he must have known about it? Not necessarily. It might have been a dampening spell. One that worked to limit all magic in its vicinity. Mayhap that was the cause of my depleted energy when he lived up at the big house. His presence so close to me agitated my magic, bottled it, so I was near breaking from the pent power. As soon as he moved down to the dormitories the intensity of the block eased off a little, though never completely. Otherwise I would have Known what was happening.
It must have taken an amazing amount of energy for my Knowing to get through when I was birthing my childlings. But he was well away from the homestead when that happened. If he'd been in the house my magic would never have been able to help us. My son might have died if he'd been in the house.
My fury surged afresh. It was one thing to put my Centre and husbands at risk, but my babes? I suddenly knew what they meant when they said a mother's protective instinct was savage. If my brother had been here in this moment I would have killed him myself.
But why hadn't I felt the Knowing come back when I ran away in the blizzard? Had he put something on Bay? That would make sense, as he knew I flew often. He might not be aware of my Knowing, but he knew about my air magic. And now I understood why holding the storm off, even for those few minutes while Jaron set up our make-shift shelter, had taken so much out of me. Sexual pleasure had recharged me, but I had still felt badly depleted the next morning. So much so that I'd struggled to shift a little snow out of the way of the airlings.
All the times I had blamed my pregnancy for my tiredness and irritability, it had probably been Airshin. Gods! I'd kill him myself.
I continued to sit where I had fallen, my thoughts flying around me as I contemplated all the ways Airshin had betrayed us. Me.
Jaron came running back first, and I let him help me to my feet. "Flea was right. A little feather and a few hairs bound together with fine thread. No one would ever have noticed them. He held one out for me to see. I studied the tiny thing, wondering at its power.
In blind fury, I tore it into pieces and stomped it beneath my shoe. I wished I could do the same to my brother's head!
Chapter Twenty-Three
AIRSHA
&n
bsp; By the time the tunics had all been cleared of their lethal passengers, the dead airlings buried and the rest calmed down enough to begin roaming around the paddocks again, unpinned and together once more, I was back at the house and finished feeding my overwrought babes.
Bertil didn't help me settle, though, as she kept grumbling about how she'd known what a roach Airshin was, but nobody would believe her. Now look what had happened.
By the time my men and Flea had come back up to the homestead, I had the babes back in bed. We all headed for the study and closed the door behind us. I couldn't help remembering the last time we met like this. Had I just let go of my defensiveness and jealousy back then mayhap things wouldn't be as bad as they now were. I had blindly clung to my brother when everything, and everybody, told me I was wrong.
Calun rushed into my mind immediately, assuring me that none of us had known. They had simply thought he was upsetting me and wanted him gone. If anyone had seriously thought him a traitor, they would have acted, despite me.
Which brought me to Flea. I hadn't really been listening to her blubbering about it all being her fault. But now I wanted to know what she was talking about. She'd said something about the reason she'd come had been to make him pay. But that didn't make any sense at all.
"We have to know where he is. Whether he's made contact with the Godslunders yet. If our position here is compromised," Darkin was saying. "That's why Calun has sent up our airlings to scout. They're the only ones who aren't traumatised right now."
I nodded, glad that Darkin had been thinking things through. I should have done that. But aside from sending them out for the feathers, I'd done nothing beyond torture myself over the extent of my brother's betrayal. This was one of those times when having a harem helped make up for my deficiencies.
"We have to assume they're close. There had to be a reason why he chose last night to make his escape."
"It was the full moon. That would've made travelling easier," Jaron pointed out, sitting down next to me and taking up my hand. When I looked up at him he smiled. "Not perfect, Sweetling. But neither are we. We all let this thing happen, not just you."
"It's my fault," Flea moaned, burying her face in her hands. She had been strangely silent since explaining about the magic in the feathers. Now it was time to know more.
"Tell us everything," I told her, my voice hard. Jaron cautiously squeezed my fingers. I knew he was warning me not to take out my fury on Flea.
Stark hazel eyes looked my way and, biting her lip hard enough to make it bleed, Flea nodded in agreement.
"Most of what I told you was a lie. I read your minds and told you what you wanted to hear. That's what people like me do. I'm a conster. My mother was a conster. We con people out of their money. We play them for fools." Her voice was bleak.
I was not the only one shocked, if the indrawn breaths were any indication. Calun visibly paled and I could read his sense of betrayal. So much betrayal. Would it ever stop?
"My Mam had been a conster before she met my Dah, who was a fisherman. That part was true. We left our village when he died and she was in danger of being caught thieving. For a few suns we worked cons together. Me as the pretty little daughter in need of a father. Usually our marks were men who liked pretty little girls like me. She never let it go far though.
"Then one of our marks found out what we were doing and killed her. I ran away. After that I tried working my own version of the cons by myself. My mother had died and I had no way to get back to the rest of my family. Could they lend me the cost of a carriage ticket to Godslund capital? Always say you come from where your mark is from. It helps them identify with you. When I was thirteen, almost fourteen − though I looked much younger − I met some Godslund soldiers and worked my con on them. Soldiers were always easy marks, especially the older ones who had families of their own.
"There was a newly appointed officer. He was one of the Godling's sons, not much over sixteen, and already unpopular with the men." Flea paused to draw in a few deep breaths. I had a feeling I knew who this officer might be. I was afraid of what I was about to hear next.
"I never knew his name. He was just called the Young Lieutenant. But I thought he'd make a good mark. I knew what he looked like, so I caught him when he was alone and pleaded my case. He raped me and left me in an alley."
My stomach sank and I shivered. My brother truly was a monster. Was he his father's son, or was it the indoctrination he received once he left the harem that made him what he was? I hoped it was just the latter. If not, my babes might end up like their grandfather and uncle. Rama had been so sure he was the bad seed, when it turned out that I might be the carrier of that bad seed.
Rama was the one to comfort Flea. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. Of all of them, he would have been the least likely to do such a thing not long ago. But he'd softened since the birth. Healed. Though he would never be a peaceful man.
"That was when I started dressing as a boy. I was terrified it might happen again. I'd underestimated the danger because Mam had always protected me. And I'd been lucky, or maybe my ability had kept me out of trouble. I don't know. But with that young officer I got overconfident and paid for it. For a long time afterwards I kept to myself, breaking into houses to put food in my mouth. I moved around a lot, too, so I didn't get caught.
"I always had a sense of what people were feeling, even when I was little. People might smile, but I'd know they were mad or sneaky or sad. But it wasn't until my first blood that my mind-reading started properly. I didn't understand what I was hearing at first, but eventually I did, and then I started using it."
"I was in Bordertun when I heard a voice in my head I never thought to hear again. It was the man who raped me. But he wasn't a soldier anymore. He was wearing civilian clothes, though good quality ones. I heard him talking about his sister and airling training. He was looking for his sister. I'd heard from rebel thoughts about an airling army the rebels were putting together. That the Goddess' Chosen One was creating an airling army that would defeat the Godling.
"I lost track of him after those brief thoughts. I didn't know if he was looking for his sister for the Godling, or for himself because he'd lost his place in the Godling's army. But I knew that if I wanted to find him again all I had to do was go to his sister. All I had to do was wait and he'd come to me. And I would find a way to kill him. So I listened to more rebel thoughts and quickly found out how to find you here. And I came." She paused again, looking chagrined.
"I thought you were like your brother," she admitted, meeting my gaze. "You looked so much like him it hurt. That's why I was so horrible to you at first. And... And because of Calun. But I quickly came to realise you were nothing like your brother.
"But I had a job to do. I was determined he'd never get away with what he did to me. But I knew I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to kill him on my own. I needed you to do it for me. So I had to convince you he was the enemy. I could've lied, but by then I liked you all and I didn't want to lie anymore. So I tried to find real evidence that he was a traitor. But whatever magic he was using must have blocked my abilities too, because all I ever got was stuff anyone would think, stuff he'd already said aloud. Occasionally I'd get a hint... but not enough to convince anyone.
"I noticed he was hiding out, doing something. I found the feathers in the lean-to behind the barn. I couldn't see them as being important. I decided he was probably just... pleasuring himself. I wish I'd told someone. But I knew I needed real evidence this time. I couldn't make a mistake a second time." She was crying now, and I felt partially to blame for her situation. If I'd just believed her the first time, she wouldn't have kept quiet about the feathers. But would any of us have thought the feathers were important? Probably not.
"Why didn't you just tell us what he'd done to you?" Rama demanded, his usual steel back in his tone. His hand had left her shoulder as soon as she confessed lying to us.
"I didn't trust anybody. I hadn't
trusted anybody since Mam... And even she could lie to my face if it suited her. I've even started wondering where my magic came from. Dah didn't have any. What if she'd been a whore, and a magical son had got her with child. She might have convinced Dah I was his. I look like Mam, though her hair wasn't so red. Dah had blonde hair.
"Anyway... that doesn't matter. What matters is that I didn't trust anyone, especially not the family of the man who raped me. By the time I knew you were different, I'd lied my way in here. I knew you'd never forgive me. I'm sorry. I am so sorry for everything."
She started to cry in earnest then, and I knew it wasn't a con or an act to win our sympathy. Calun did too, and after checking with me, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She checked with me too, before giving in to her need for comfort.
For a time we all sat listening to Flea cry, each entangled in our own fears and recriminations.
"I understand why you did what you did, Flea. And I blame myself for making it so much harder for you to tell us about Airshin. I was blind where he was concerned. I guess I always was. Mother knew what he was like. She told me he was weak and I was strong, and that making myself less than what I was wouldn't serve him. But I didn't believe her. It was easier to blame myself than to blame him."
Flea smiled a watery smile at me that almost broke my heart.
"But now we know how well you lie, how can we trust you again?"
Her smiled faded away. "You can't. I know that. Like I couldn't trust Mam, even though I loved her. I'll leave. Or... no, I can't leave or you'll think I'm with the Godslund army too. Tell me what I can do. I'll do anything," she pleaded. "I'll even give up Spot."
"We need every airling rider we can get," I said. "Because of Airshin, an army may well be riding down on us as we speak. You must stay. But know that you will have to win our trust back again. And it will not be as easy the second time."