“I’m alright, thank you.”
“I made Max tamales. Are you hungry?”
“You know I’ll never turn down those,” Max grinned at her.
“Y’all go sit down and I’ll grab it out of the oven.”
Pierce and Max headed to the table, Joselyn grabbing at Max’s nose. He laughed, pulling her hand away while she used her other to grab his hat again.
I watched Isa work around the kitchen, feeling a little out of place. She moved effortlessly around the room and looking like a million bucks while doing it. She wore a pair of black pants with a purple sleeveless shirt, showcasing her toned arms. Her hair was glossy, almost out-sparkling the diamonds in both ears.
“Can I help?” I asked, not sure what to do. Besides spaghetti, kitchens weren’t really my friend.
“Absolutely,” she smiled.
Joselyn squealed from the table and Isa went to take her from Max. Instead, he swirled her around.
“Jos wants to stay with me, right? Tell her. Say, ‘Max,’” he instructed the baby.
“Mwax!”
“Yes, that’s right. Max.”
I watched Max and the baby. He looked so natural, so perfect holding her.
It broke my heart.
“There really isn’t much to do,” Isa said, coming back into the kitchen. “I already put plates and utensils on the table. Do you want to get us drinks?”
“Sure. What would you like?” I asked.
“I’ll have water. Pierce will have a beer. There’s bottled water and Coronas in the fridge. We have tons of stuff, so just get whatever you and Max want. I sent Pierce to Costco yesterday and he came back with everything they had,” she laughed. “There are red plastic cups in the pantry if Max is still crazy about those.”
I laughed, grabbing the drinks. “So the plastic cups have been around for a while then?”
She nodded, pushing a set of gold bangles up her arm. “As long as I’ve known him. Pierce is the same way, unless it’s a Corona out of a bottle. I don’t get it, but it’s an easy way to make him happy, right?”
“Exactly. If I get an extra point for having those stupid cups around—good for me.”
Isa laughed as she took a pan out of the oven. “Men are simple creatures, really.”
“Is that recipe simple? Because that smells so good,” I noted, taking in the spicy goodness floating through the air.
She smiled wide. “It’s my grandmother’s recipe. One of those old-fashioned ones that you can’t find anymore. I’m so glad I was able to get it written down before she passed away. Her cookbook is one of the first things I’d grab if my house caught on fire.”
“Do you like to cook?”
“I do. But I make Pierce take me out to dinner once a week. Just because we’re married doesn’t mean he is gonna get out of wooing me,” she raised her eyebrows. “Gotta keep them working for it, you know what I mean?”
I laughed nervously. “Well, Max and I aren’t serious like that. But I see what you’re saying.”
She pulled back the foil, steam billowing out of the pan. “How long have you two been together?”
“Oh, a year or so, I guess.”
Isa leaned against the stove and looked at me. “That man of yours is one helluva guy. You better snatch that one up, let me tell you.” She shrugged her shoulders. “If you want him, that is. Someone will scoop him up if you don’t watch it.”
Her words scraped me to the core because they were true and I knew it. I couldn’t fathom seeing Max with someone else. The mere thought made me want to go wild or ‘ape-shit crazy’ as Cane would say.
“You know what? Forgive me. It’s none of my business. I have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Pierce says I have no filter,” she laughed. “Let’s take this stuff to the table.” She handed me a tray and I placed the drinks on it and followed her.
“Ah, Isa. That smells so good,” Max said as we got close. His hair was all rumpled from being under his hat and I just wanted to run my fingers through it. “You didn’t have to go outta your way to do this, ya know.”
She sat the pan on a mat and swatted Max’s shoulder. “Of course I did! I’ll put Jos in her high chair.” She reached for the baby but Jos buried her face in Max’s shoulder.
“Mwax!” she said, her voice muffled.
Isa laughed. “She’ll get it all over you. Just be warned—she’s trouble at the table.”
“She’s fine. You won’t ruin my shirt, right, Jos?”
She lunged for the silverware as I took my seat across from him.
“Who all have ya seen so far?” Max asked as we got settled in and began spooning the food onto our plates.
“My parents and my brother. A couple of guys from college.” Pierce lifted his fork to his mouth. “Your mama brought by a casserole this afternoon. She looks good.”
“Yeah, she’s doin’ real good. Dad’s retired now, so they just go around on their golf cart and they’re all into taking cruises these days.”
Isa unscrewed her water bottle. “Your mama is just a sweet thing. And Brielle, too. She’s supposed to be by tonight, actually.” She glanced at the large wrought iron clock on the wall.
Brielle, Max’s younger sister, was the feminine, younger version of Max with long, shiny dark hair and wide eyes. Max was very protective of her. I could tell he wanted me to get to know Bri, but she had an invisible wall built around her. She very clearly did not want to get to know me. I got the feeling she didn’t like me much and I wasn’t sure why, but we didn’t see each other often so it really didn’t matter.
“She doing okay?” Pierce asked, taking a drink of his beer.
“Yeah. She’s doing well. She’s been working for a dentist for a while now. She lollygagged around long enough and Dad finally had to tell her he was gonna stop paying her bills. That straightened her up pretty quick.”
“Is she still hanging around Samantha?” Pierce asked, smiling.
“Yeah,” Max laughed. “Those two are as inseparable now as they’ve always been.”
“Samantha? Is she the one that came to our wedding with Brielle?” Isa sat down her fork and patted her lips with a napkin. “That girl rubs me wrong. I know, I shouldn’t rush to judge and I was really busy when they were there, so I didn’t really get to know her. But there’s something about her that strikes me wrong. I just don’t know what it is.”
“Ah, Isa, she’s harmless,” Pierce laughed. “Settle down.”
She flashed him a look. “I’m not unsettled. I’m just saying. Do you know her, Kari?”
I nodded, thinking back to Brielle’s blonde, leggy friend. “I do, but not well. I just see her at Max’s family events and things sometimes. Brielle’s brought her to Max’s a couple of times when I’ve been there. She’s alright. Kind of annoying,” I said, looking at Max out of the corner of my eye. Jos reached over his shoulder and grabbed his hat off the back of the chair and tossed it into the middle of his plate.
“Ah, Jos,” Max pouted, sticking out his bottom lip. She grabbed ahold of it and squealed.
“I warned you,” Isa laughed. “I know trouble when I see it.”
The doorbell rang and Pierce excused himself to go answer it. Isa got up, too, to grab more napkins from the kitchen.
I sat quietly and watched Max play with Joselyn. He was such a natural, tossing her in the air, blowing raspberries on her cheek, making her shake with laughter. She was clearly smitten with him . . . and him with her.
“Look who’s here,” Pierce said a few moments later, leading Bri into the room. I looked up to see her making a beeline for Isa and her friend standing still behind her. Sam’s eyes were trained on Max.
She was wearing tight brown pants, making her legs look like they went on forever, and a cream-colored knit shirt. Her long blonde curls were perfectly cast across her shoulders, her blue heels making her eyes pop. I never would’ve thought that outfit would work, but it looked seamless on her.
She cast a small sm
ile at Max, watching him as he turned to face her.
“Hey, Sam,” he said, bouncing Jos up and down on one knee. “How are ya?”
“Good, Maxie. How are you?” Her gaze stayed on him, acting like the rest of us didn’t exist.
“Good. Busy with work.”
Her grin grew wider. “Well, work is what you do. I’m not surprised there.”
The familiarity between the two irritated; it always did. I understood she was a family friend, but it annoyed me to no avail that she seemed to pop up everywhere. And the way she looked at Max and the ease in which he looked back at her, like she was special to him in some way, drove me insane.
I looked at Pierce and he was watching me with a smirk. He tossed me a wink, a dimple just like Max’s sinking into his cheek. “Isa, let’s eat!” he said loudly, standing up. He pulled a chair out across the table from Max. “Sam, why don’t you sit over here?”
He looked at me and grinned. I returned the smile, feeling like I finally had a friend in the Quinn family.
Once everyone had settled down at the table, Pierce cleared his throat. “So, Kari. Max tells me you’re a nurse. Beauty and brains, huh?”
“You’re a nurse? That’s fantastic,” Isa exclaimed. “Now I know who to call with questions instead of using those websites. They’ll make you think you’re dying of some super rare disease. Every. Time.”
“They really will,” I agreed.
Max turned to me, melting me in my chair with his sexy smile. “Nah, Pierce. She’s more than beauty and brains. Kari is the whole package.”
KARI
I pulled Max’s favorite red lingerie set out of my drawer. We made a quick stop at my house after leaving Pierce’s.
Dinner had been nice. Pierce was easy to like, a slightly more mischievous version of his cousin. Isa was kind and generous and funny, telling me stories about her family back in Texas. After dinner, she had put Joselyn to bed and Brielle and Sam had left. We sat around and drank wine. She promised to teach me how to play Euchre, a Quinn family favorite card game that I didn’t know.
“That little shit got sauce all over my shirt,” Max said, brushing himself off as he walked out of my bathroom. “Think this will come out?”
He was grinning and I knew he didn’t care one way or the other. That was one of the best things about Max—he didn’t sweat the small stuff.
“Probably. That’s one of the perils of babyhood, I think. They ruin everything. Hope Jada’s ready for that,” I laughed, closing the drawer with my hip.
“Jada will be fine. Babies don’t ruin everything. As a matter of fact, I think they make everything even better.”
I sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation. “Yeah, maybe.”
Max stuck his hands in his pockets and watched me. His gaze was heavy and I was unable to move. Time stood still as I waited for the next words to come out of his mouth. Somehow, I knew what he was going to say and if I could have stopped it, I would have.
3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .
“Do you want kids, Kari?”
The room started to spin. The conversation I had evaded for months was staring me in the face. He finally flat-out asked the one question I had managed to avoid.
This wasn’t a yes-or-no question. This was the question that would end it all. I wasn’t ready to wake up without Max’s sleepy smiles. I wasn’t ready to reach into my pocket and not find a sticky note when I got in the car to go to work. I wasn’t ready to complain that he ran faster than me and I couldn’t keep up when we took early morning jogs.
I. Wasn’t. Ready. For. It. To. End.
“After seeing Joselyn ruin your shirt and picking up Titus’s accidents, I can only imagine the joy of having a little human,” I deflected.
“So that’s a ‘no’? Or a ‘not right now’?”
I took a deep breath and decided how to answer the question. Even after months of going over the question in my head, I still hadn’t decided how to answer it. I stood and walked quickly to my closet, needing some distance.
“Kari?” he asked again, his voice soft but curious.
There was no way out of the conversation this time. I could hear it in his voice. There was nowhere to run, no jokes to make, nothing on his mind that I could bring back up to take it off of this.
“I don’t think I’ll ever have a baby, Max,” I whispered honestly. I placed my hand on the wall, bracing myself. The room seemed to shrink, the walls forcing everything closer, suffocating me. I squeezed my eyes shut, terrified of his response.
“Well . . .” Max began, apparently not sure what to say. That was fine by me because I sure as hell didn’t know how to respond, either. I gave him a vanilla answer to a chocolate fudge sundae question, but it was honest and the best one I could give him.
“Look,” I said, forcing a swallow. “I know that’s important to you. I do and I never would want to rob you of that experience and I’ve known this conversation was coming around and I’m so sorry, Max, but I don’t know what to do and I . . .”
He was across the room to me in a second flat. “Hush,” he whispered, grasping my chin in his hand. He tilted my face up until I looked him in the eye. “Breathe, sweetheart.”
My chest shook as it rose and fell. I fought back tears.
I don’t cry. I don’t cry. I don’t cry.
“I don’t know why you’re scared shitless about this topic, but I know you are. I’ve known it for a lot longer than you realize. And you know what?”
He actually waited for a response, but that was entirely beyond my ability.
“I don’t care. I love you,” he said simply, his eyes searching mine. “Whatever made you so scared, whatever else is going on in there . . . I wish you’d let go. I wish you’d tell me your secrets. You don’t have to be strong and keep shit to yourself. Let me help.”
I took in a shaky breath. He let go of my chin and chuckled, confusing me.
“You . . . you’re laughing at me?” I didn’t know how to process that. Of all the responses I thought might happen, laughing at me wasn’t one of them.
He chuckled louder and smiled. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at your reaction. It was like you thought I’d just go off half-cocked and walk out the door.”
“Well, I did,” I gulped.
“I should be offended by that.”
“I’m sorry. I just . . . I know that sooner or later that will be the cause of things ending between us. That’s a deal breaker to people and I can’t blame you for that.”
“Sweetheart, you and me—we’re permanent. You’ll see one of these days. I’m just waitin’ on you to come around.”
Without knowing what I was doing or how it happened, I ended up in his arms, my head buried in his chest. He smoothed out my hair and held me close, quelling my anxiety one stroke at a time.
I loved this man more than I’d ever loved anyone. And because of that, even with his reaction, I still knew right from wrong.
“I won’t do that to you,” I whispered into his shirt, wondering if he even heard me.
“Is this why you pull away from me all the damn time?” The words were soft coming out of his mouth, but with an irritated edge. “You think because you don’t want kids right now that I’ll leave you? Damn it, Kar . . .”
I blew out a breath.
Just let him think that.
“Something like that. You ready to go?” I pulled back and looked up at him hovering over me. He smirked.
“Marry me,” he asked, a half-grin gracing his lips.
I shook my head, partially amused and partially heartbroken. I wished on a million stars that things were different and he could ask me that, for real, and I could answer him with every fiber of my being.
But the stars weren’t in the business of granting wishes.
I rolled my eyes, playing it off, and gave him the answer I always gave him. A reply that wasn’t a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’
“Not today.”
>
MAX
“I’m going to fucking kill him!” Cane bellowed, slamming his fist on the top of his desk. “You better handle this shit because we’ll have a lawsuit if I do.”
“Settle down. I’m in just the mood to take care of this,” I said.
Kari had been quiet the evening before. I had given her space, let her work her shit out in her mind. She got into these funks sometimes, just really introverted. I didn’t know what to do or what caused it to happen, so I did nothing except let her know I was there if she needed me.
We went to bed late and got little sleep because she had a nightmare, which happened every-so-often. She woke up in the middle of the night, tears falling down her cheeks. I hated seeing her so upset, especially not knowing why, but it was in those moments that she let herself need me.
If only I can make her see that she needs me in the daylight, too.
I wished, more than anything, that I knew what the cause of it all was so I could fix it. I wanted to make her troubles go away. I wanted to protect her from the world, to keep a smile on her face, and that would be easier if I could get to the root of the problem.
“He didn’t have the fucking bid bond with the bid? Who the fuck does that? He just cost us a five million dollar job!” Cane roared.
“I’m fixin’ to fire him when he gets here. Hilah is getting his check ready now.”
“Where is he?”
“Dan is picking up plans and specs for another job this morning. Just let me handle this. You flyin’ off the handle isn’t going to help anything.”
“We needed that job, Max. We had that fucking job, that’s the worst part about it.”
“I know and they aren’t going to let us just send the bond now. We’re fucked. But there’s a job next week in Chandler that I have an ‘in’ on. It’ll probably end up being 5 or 6 million before it’s over. I’ll work on that today.”
“After you fire Dan.”
“Yeah.”
A knock sounded through the office. “Mr. Alexander?” Lucy popped her head around the corner. “Oh, Mr. Quinn! I’m sorry to interrupt.” She smiled and looked to the floor before looking back up to Cane.
The Perception Page 4