I was okay with that.
It was overwhelming to feel that way, my chest bursting with so much love.
I pushed on his back with my heels again, encouraging him to move. His smile broadened, his dimple flashing in his cheek, and I couldn’t help it. The one thing I’d been fighting forever won—love and sex bled together . . . and it was a beautiful thing.
“I love you, Max,” I whispered, watching him realize the epiphany I’d just had.
“Ah, Kari. I love you, too.”
KARI
I sat in the same parking spot I was in the day my world changed. The day my perspective on all things began to shift.
The day Max Quinn walked into my life.
The sun was bright, the air crisp, as I sat in the parking lot of Pinnacle Peak. There were few hikers out this time of day and I was glad for that.
Max and I had gone to the courthouse and secured our marriage license that morning. Maybe it was the fact that we were filing for a certificate to get married or maybe it was that I was just in a state of bliss I’d never felt before, but Max was more beautiful than I’d ever seen him. Before him, I’d never have used the term “beautiful” to describe a man. Max was rugged and hard and dark and a little dangerous looking, but knowing his heart, he was simply beautiful. There was no other word to describe him.
He had smiled like a loon as we applied at the courthouse, holding my hand and tracing the lines on my palm. We had discussed what tattoo I was going to get, where we’d go on our honeymoon, and if we’d wait for Jada to have the baby before we left. She was getting close to her due date and hadn’t been feeling great, even by her standards, not Cane’s. I wanted to make sure we were there for the event, so I had asked that we wait until after.
With the evening sunshine pouring into the cab of my car, I pulled out my phone and called my father.
“Hello?” he asked. I could tell he was working on something because he sounded distracted.
“Daddy? It’s Kari.”
“Hey, baby girl,” he said and I could hear him set down his pen. “How are you? Everything alright?”
“Yeah,” I said, watching the clouds float by. “I just . . .” For some reason, I felt like crying. A knot was lodged in my throat and the more I tried to will it away, the tighter it became. “I don’t know, Daddy. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Wanna come by and see me? Maybe we can go to dinner, just you and me?”
I smiled. “I’d like that, but I’m going for a hike. I’m sitting at Pinnacle Peak now. Max is working late because we went and got our marriage license this morning, so I think I’m going to run by a florist on my way home.”
“I know I don’t tell you this enough, but I’m so proud of you. And your mother . . .” His voice cracked and it made my resolve not to cry crack as well. Tears trickled down my face. “She’d be so proud of you, Kari. When she passed away, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to raise you girls.”
“You did good, Dad. Look at us—we are happy and healthy. I don’t think either of us would change a thing about where we are right now.”
“I have those boys of yours to thank for that. When Max asked me to marry you—”
“What?”
He chuckled into the phone. “He didn’t tell you that?”
“He really did?”
“He did,” he said. “I told him I appreciated him asking me, unlike Cane who basically called and said, ‘I’m marrying your daughter.’” Dad laughed into the phone. “Those two are a godsend for me. They’re both good guys and they take care of my girls. They’d take a bullet for you and I respect that.”
I couldn’t respond without sounding like a complete fool. I knew I’d start sobbing and I didn’t want that. Dad never knew how to react when we got all gooey and emotional, so I tried not to put him in that position.
I bit back my tears. “They would. But we knew how to pick them. We had you.”
“Ah, baby,” he sighed. “If you want to go to dinner, just come by. I’ll be here for a while. If not, I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Alright. Talk to you soon.”
I tossed my phone in my bag, grabbed my keys, and closed the car door behind me. I walked through the gravel, tugging my sweatshirt against my skin and started the trek up the mountain.
It was such a peaceful day and it really reflected my mood. I felt so at peace with everything. There was just one thing I wanted to do and I wanted to do it at the top.
I walked up and up, relishing every beautiful thing I passed. I felt calm, unhurried, like my soul was smiling. I laughed out loud at the thought, breaking through the quiet.
I reached the top and sat on the crushed granite, wincing a little as the hard rocks bit into my behind. I took a deep breath and fingered the orchid necklace around my neck. I’d never worn it before, never could bring myself to wear it. But that morning we had climbed into Max’s truck to go to the courthouse and I asked him to wait, just as he was turning the truck on. I jogged back in the house, dug out the box, and placed the necklace around my neck.
It just felt right. She always wore it as a reminder of me and I wanted a reminder of her as I started the next stage of my life.
“Hey, Mom,” I said into the air, wondering if she could hear me. I always felt like she could up there. She was a hiker, like me, and Pinnacle Peak was her favorite trail, too. Something about being on the same paths she hiked, seeing the same sights, yet different, made me feel close to her. “It’s been awhile since I talked to you, right?”
I watched a cloud billow by, thinking it looked like a giant marshmallow.
“Remember when you used to make us hot chocolate and fill half the cup with marshmallows?” I smiled, pointing to the sky. “That cloud looks like one.”
I laughed at my own actions and blew out a breath. “I just need to feel you today, Mom.” I choked up, fighting back tears, my voice breaking. “I got a marriage license today.” The tears overflowed my lids, stinging my cool cheeks with hot tears. “His name is Max and he’s so great, Mom.”
My chest bounced with the force of my sobs. “He’s kind and loyal and gorgeous. Dad says you’d like him. I’d give anything for you to meet him.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, sniffling. “I told Max’s mom to just plan the wedding. She’s really nice and she’s having a lot of fun with it. I know I should want to do that,” I said, the tears building up again, “but how can I do that without you?”
I buried my head in my heads and bawled. I cried for every memory I couldn’t remember anymore. I cried that I could barely remember the sound of her voice. I sobbed because I felt cheated in life by not having her to give me advice and tell me what to do.
“I’m getting married and all I want is for you to be there! I want to go pick out dresses with you. I want to fight over the number of my bridesmaids like in Steel Magnolias!” I said, referencing her favorite movie. “I just need you right now. . . .”
The clouds broke open and the sun peered through, allowing a beautiful stream of sunlight to land on the base of the mountain. I gazed up and smiled, feeling the warmth on my face and allowed it to dry my tears.
“I’ve mastered your spaghetti sauce,” I said, rubbing the charm dangling from my neck. “And Max got an orchid tattoo because I have one and he knows what it means to me . . .”
I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll try not to wait as long next time to get up here to talk to you. I just . . . I needed you today. Just watch over me, please, and try to keep me from messing up my life. I know you watch me, I can feel you. And I know that my baby is up there with you and you’re taking care of him or her.”
My heart clenched at the thought that I didn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl.
“Sing it that song you used to sing for me, about a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, okay? And let him or her know that I love them so much. I love you both.”
I struggled to stand, my vision blurr
y with tears. I blew two kisses towards the sky and started the descent to my car.
MAX
It was hard as hell concentrating on work with everyone out of the office and knowing that Kari was home. I just wanted to be with her all the damn time. I figured it was what everyone called the honeymoon stage, but damn it if I didn’t want to just be with her. Eating, sleeping, hiking, watching TV—didn’t matter. Just being with her is all I wanted.
Everyone had left a few hours before. The office was quiet, which used to help me work better, but something about the stillness was a little unsettling. The building, made out of split-faced block, settled a lot and when it did, it cracked and popped. The metal roof made all kinds of racket with the wind blowing and, for some reason, I was on edge.
“Ugh,” I groaned, trying my best to concentrate on a budget. Franklin, our project superintendent, was really losing it. He’d worked for Cane’s father for years and Cane couldn’t get rid of him. I was going to seriously have to talk with him about at least getting him out of a “making decisions” type of position.
The wind was picking up, slamming into the windows of my office. Everything shook and rattled and I found myself on alert.
What the hell is going on with me?
I shook my head and tried to block out the feeling that something wasn’t right.
It’s just my nerves wanting to go home. Buckle down and get this shit done and get the hell outta here.
My phone went off beside me, bouncing across my desk. I looked at the screen and saw Blaine’s number.
What the fuck?
I silenced it, not wanting to hear what he had to say. As if I didn’t have enough distractions before, Blaine would only add to them and what he had to say didn’t matter. Not a bit.
I had the girl.
Nothing else mattered.
I finished up the budget and took a look at a few invoices Norm had put on my desk. I was putting my papers away when I saw headlights pulling in. I stood up and pulled back the blinds and saw Kari’s car pulling under the awning outside my office. I started around my desk to let her in the side door when my phone rang again. I took a quick glance but didn’t know the number.
I answered it as I went through my office door and popped open the side door, smiling at Kari.
“Hello?” I asked, kissing a smiling Kari on the lips. She palmed my dick in her hand and I shot her a look, trying not to groan. She giggled.
“Max? Is that you?”
“Yes. Who is this?”
I let the door shut behind me and followed Kari into my office.
“This is Maggie West, Sam’s mother.” Her voice was crackly, a smoker’s voice for sure.
I paused in the doorway and motioned for Kari to grab a seat. She furrowed her brows, biting her bottom lip.
I turned away from her so I could concentrate. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m really sorry to bother you. I got your number off your company’s website. I hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah, what’s going on?”
Kari grabbed a seat at my desk and wiggled the mouse to my computer. She flashed me a mega-watt smile when she saw her picture saved as my home screen.
“My daughter moved back home with me a couple of days ago. She’s been holed up in her room, acting very strangely. She left earlier this evening and I just went in there to take some laundry and . . . Max, I’m a little nervous.”
“Why?” I asked, trying to figure out how this affected me.
She cleared her throat. “There was a notebook, maybe a scrapbook is a better word, open on her bed. I . . . I don’t know what to think about what she’s up to.”
I turned my back to Kari and placed one hand on the back of my neck. “What was in there, Mrs. West?”
Just cut to the fucking chase.
“She has lots of pictures of you and a lady—a pretty brunette. There are pictures, diagrams of houses. There are lists of things that look like a schedule of your daily movements and a girl named Kari. There’s contact information, stuff about a hospital in Scottsdale—”
“Mrs. West, I hate to cut you off,” I said, feeling my blood run cold, “but where is Sam now?”
“I don’t know,” she said simply. “But I’m worried. When she came by and asked to move back in, she wasn’t herself and she’s been more removed from reality than I’ve seen her in a long time.” She let out a deep breath, the exhaustion and worry thick. “She’s not well, Max. I’ve been worried about her for a few months now. She’s been erratic and like she was before . . .”
“Before what?”
“This is all my fault.”
The tree outside my window was blowing hard, whipping its branches against the glass, while Kari clicked away on my computer. Everything seemed completely ordinary . . . but it wasn’t. I felt it.
“What’s your fault?”
“I should have been better to her. I knew she needed help. I should’ve done right by her . . .” She sighed into the phone. “I think Sam might be looking for you. I keep a revolver around here for protection—always have. And it’s gone. There’s this letter on top of her scrapbook, well, maybe it isn’t a letter, but a rant about how you and she are meant to be together. I just . . . I can’t stop worrying and I really think you need to know this. To keep an eye out for her. I just think she’s snapped.”
“Thanks for the call. If she comes home, please call me. And call the police, okay?”
“I already called them but they said there isn’t much they can do at this point. She needs help, Max. We have to get her help.”
“Thanks for calling me, Mrs. West.”
I ended the call and turned to look at Kari.
“What’s that about?” she asked curiously.
“That was Sam’s mom. Apparently Sam’s gone off the deep end.”
She snorted. “I think she already did that.”
“No. For real this time. Let’s get out of here. I’m going to follow you home—go straight there.”
Kari nodded and stood up. I opened the door to my office and then stopped dead in my tracks.
MAX
The barrel of the revolver caught the light from the security bulb overhead. It shook a little, the movement causing the steel to glimmer just enough to be visible.
I put both hands behind me and shoved Kari backwards.
“What the hell?” she asked defiantly, my little firecracker not happy with getting pushed.
“Yeah, what the hell?” Sam asked in front of me, stepping out of the shadows and pulling her hood off her head. “I came here so we could talk alone. Of course she’s here!”
Her tone was erratic, calm and then touching hysteria. Her hair was a mess, her eyes looked like she hadn’t slept in awhile.
“Well, I didn’t know you were coming.” I flashed her a smile, hoping to keep her calm. “You should’ve called and let me know.”
Sam’s laugh bounced around the office, the gun bouncing right along with it. I felt Kari’s hands on my back and I shook my head slightly, trying to get her to move back and away from the doorway.
“What’s going on, Sam?”
Her eyes were devoid of any feeling. A bead of sweat glistened across her forehead, her hair matted together in thick blonde chunks.
“Sam?” Kari asked from behind me and I stuck both hands out, grabbing each side of the door frame, preventing her from coming forward. “What’s going on?”
I kept my focus steady on Samantha. Her pupils were wide. She had such a sad, forlorn look on her face.
“Put the gun down, Samantha,” I said with an emphasis on “gun” so Kari would get what was happening. I didn’t want to talk to Kari directly; I knew that would only set Sam off further. I needed to focus, figure a way out of this.
“Can’t,” she said, taking one step towards me and then stopping, leaving a little too much space for me to cover to get the gun away.
“You can,” I said softly, trying to encourage her to do t
he right thing. “This isn’t like you. What are you doing?”
She sniffled, bringing one arm to her nose and wiping it with her sleeve. “I can’t make you listen to me, Max. I need you to listen to me.”
“I’m listening, Sammy. I’m all ears.”
She smiled faintly at the nickname I had given her as a child.
“It’s hard to listen to anything with a gun in your face. Put that down and we’ll go in the break room, make some coffee, and talk about whatever you want.”
“You don’t like coffee,” she said without emotion. “I know everything about you. You’d rather have tea or a Corona.”
I tried to laugh and make it sound genuine, but it was hard. I wanted to blast forward, grab the gun, and grab her around the neck. My heart was racing, my mind going just as fast.
I have to stay calm.
I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “That’s right, but I doubt there’s Corona in the break room.”
She watched me blankly. I started to take a step towards her and she shook her head and adjusted her hands on the gun.
“Kari, come here and let’s talk,” Sam said, her voice even, the barrel of the gun bobbing up and down a little bit with her words.
“You know I’m not going to let her come out here,” I said, standing still.
Sam’s eyes snapped to life, the void filling with a volatile mix of energy. “Why? Because you love her?”
“Yes,” I said smoothly. “And I love you, too, and don’t want you to do anything stupid.” I tried to take a step forward again but she took two backwards. “How did you get in here?”
“You gave me your keys. I made copies,” she smiled hauntingly. “You remember that.”
I’m a godforsaken fool.
The building squeaked again with the wind, the sound of the metal banging on the roof and echoing through the office. Samantha jumped at the sound.
“Stay calm,” I said putting both hands out in front of me. “It’s just the wind.”
A shaky smile ghosted her lips and she began to sing the words to a song about the wind beneath your wings. Her voice was hollow.
The Perception Page 29