by D. J. Manly
Janet stood by watching, laughing at Abbey's delight.
"He seems better," Mac said, glancing over at Drake as he chased the little girl around the table outside.
"He's trying," Tony said.
"It would be good for him to get back into the music. Has he touched the piano or guitar at all?"
Tony shook his head.
"Work on him."
"I...I'll try."
* * * * * *
Mac and Janet took Abbey home later that day. Pepi called after supper and Drake spoke to him for a few minutes. "I'm going for a walk," Drake told Tony around nine.
"Want me to come?"
"No. I need to be alone," he said. "Pepi will meet us at the notary tomorrow, along with anyone else Johnny left his estate to."
"Have you read his will?"
"No. I never asked him that, because I'm immature." He grinned. "I didn't want to think about it."
"You're gorgeous when you smile."
"Well, you flatterer you."
Tony laughed.
The phone rang shortly after Drake left. It was Angelo. For some reason the sound of his voice on the phone made him angry. "Oh, it's the prodigal son."
"I believe you called me that once."
"I call 'em as I see 'em."
"Aren't you the witty guy."
"What do you want, exactly? Is this your customary enquiry call?"
"Well, it's plain you don't want to speak to me, so put my Dad on."
"He's out walking."
"Ah. Well, tell him I called."
"I'm not a fucking messenger."
"What exactly is your problem, Newton?"
"It's Russo, and my problem is you, Smith!"
"And the reason this time is?"
"Well, you're off fucking around, I'm back here dealing with the shit."
"No one asked you to. Move out. Dad isn't keeping you prisoner, is he?"
"No, but someone has to look out for him."
"He's got another brother and Mac. Janet is there. She used to be his wife. I'm sure he'd survive without you, Tony. And while we're on the subject, I'm not off fucking around, I'm working. My contract is finished this week, so your burden will be lifted."
Tony clutched the phone. "You're coming home?"
"Yeah. Is that all right with you?"
"Angelo," he moaned, "I..."
"You what?"
"I need to tell you something."
"Wait until I get there." His voice softened. "Tony, there's something I need to tell you too. We'll talk okay?"
"Okay."
"I've got to go. Take care."
Tony put down the phone. He sat down in the chair and put his face in his hands. He was trembling, and he really didn't want to think about the reason why.
* * * * * *
The clock ticked away on the wall and Drake sat in a chair in his bedroom watching the second hand jerk away the seconds. It was twenty minutes to two. He laid his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, a half empty glass of whiskey in his hand.
The walk had helped some, stilled the restlessness in his limbs. Now, the house was quiet and dark and the pain was near. "Damn you, Johnny," he whispered.
He laid beside him that night in Cuba. Johnny complained of a headache. He knew he was feeling bad. He'd put cold compresses on his forehead, held his hand.
"It's okay, baby," Johnny had told him, as if it was him who needed comforting. "You'll be okay."
"What do you mean, I'll be okay? You're the one with the headache, remember?"
Johnny had reached up with his hand and touched his cheek. "You are so beautiful. You know, I used to curse your beauty."
"Don't be stupid," Drake had chastised him, slightly embarrassed.
"No, I did, because it practically drove me insane at times. Not even the cocaine killed the strength of this desire I have for you. Do you know how it hurts me that I don't have the strength to fuck you?"
"Johnny. It doesn't matter. You'll get stronger, and you know what?" He had snuggled down beside him into his arms. "We'll have a fucking marathon."
Johnny laughed. He could still hear that laugh in his head. "We've had those before," he'd said. "I miss you, Drake. I miss you so much. I'm scared."
"Don't be scared," Drake had told him, kissing his cheek. "I'm here. I won't leave you."
"Do you think it's cold...in the ground?"
Drake's head lowered, the liquor tipped onto the carpet, the glass fell out of his hand. He fought the tears.
A hand smoothed back his hair suddenly; soft lips kissed his forehead. Suddenly, he looked up to see Tony crouched in front of him. "It's all right," he said.
"It's all right, baby."
Tony held him close, kissed his cheek again, then sought out his mouth. Drake kissed him hard and deep. He rose from the chair and pressed him back across the floor. He looked at him standing there in front of the bed and he reached out and pulled Tony's T-shirt over his head. He clutched his face, kissed him again. Tony reached for his zipper and pushed his pants down over his hips. He slid down to his knees and took his cock into his mouth.
Drake let his head go back. He closed his eyes.
Do you think it's cold...in the ground?
He balled his hands into fists at his sides, clenched his jaw as his cock pumped into Tony's mouth. Tony stood up and took his hand. He pulled him down on the bed beside him.
Drake laid his head on Tony's shoulder, curled up beside him, and closed his eyes.
"Sleep," Tony said softly. "Sleep, Drake. It will be all right."
Johnny was stroking his hair. "I'm afraid to close my eyes."
"Why?" Drake had asked sleepily.
"I can't look at you anymore. It's what I will regret most, not being able to look at you. What if I close my eyes, and I never open them again?"
"You'll open them in the morning," Drake had told him, drifting off. And it was the last thing he said to him.
* * * * * *
Drake was quiet in the notary's office. Pepi sat beside Tony, his hand on his forearm as the man read the will. His father had left a lot of money to charity.
Everything was spilt three ways between Drake, Pepi and himself.
He was rather stunned when his uncle Pepi told him outside, "You're a rich guy. You need to get a financial advisor."
Tony watched Drake walk out ahead of them. He didn't care about the money. It was Drake he was worried about.
Pepi insisted that Drake and Tony join him for dinner at his house. Tony noticed that Pepi was alone.
"Hey," Tony asked as his uncle prepared pasta in the kitchen, "what ever happened to that gorgeous woman you were with?"
"Gone."
"What happened?"
Pepi sighed. "I'm not good with relationships."
"It's this family."
He nodded.
"With all this focus on Drake, it must be... I mean, you must be feeling it too."
"Losing Johnny? Yeah. I lost a brother." He glanced out to the living room. "I still have one, but..."
"I'm sorry," Tony said. He knew what he was saying. With Johnny gone, it was natural that Drake and Pepi would grow closer but that hadn't happened.
"Dead or alive, Johnny is all he thinks about."
"You love Drake a lot."
"Yes. Too much. But then, everyone does." He looked at him.
"Yeah...well...of course I love him."
"Does Angelo know?"
"Does Angelo know...what?" Tony looked out the kitchen window.
"That you're sleeping with Drake."
"I'm not," he turned to look at him. He laughed uncomfortably. "I'm not..."
"It was inevitable, wasn't it?" Pepi stirred the sauce. "You don't have to worry. He won't hear from me. But I love Angelo. He's the one in this family who never made me feel like an outsider. He's been my friend as well as my nephew. I don't want to see you hurt him again, Tony."
"It only happened...once."
"And th
at makes it all right?"
"He's in pain."
"Yes. I know. And don't you think this just goes and complicates things for both of you. He's Angelo, and you're Johnny. It doesn't take a genius to see that. But in the light of day, my friend, you are both just a poor substitution. Drake is alone. Johnny is dead. He will find a way to survive this...or he won't. I can't predict the future. But Angelo is alive. He's real, Tony."
Tony nodded. "I know."
"He's coming home. What then? Don't you think he'll find out?"
"It will finish us," Tony whispered. "He'll never forgive me for this. Please, don't tell him."
Pepi placed a hand on Tony's shoulder. "I already told you, he won't hear it from me. He probably won't need to. Let's eat, okay?"
* * * * * *
Tony was unusually quiet on the way home. Drake drove cautiously, taking his time. The night was quiet, the sky filled with stars.
"Angelo is coming home," Tony said suddenly.
"When?"
"I don't know. This weekend, maybe. Drake?"
"Yeah?"
"You won't tell him, will you?"
"No." He clenched his jaw. "How can I tell him that? He's my son."
"He'll hate us, both of us."
Drake pulled into the driveway and hit the garage opening.
They walked into the house silently.
Drake turned off the alarm.
"We both know why it happened," Tony said.
Drake turned and looked at him. "Yeah. It was a pity fuck, for both of us."
"No," Tony said. "I wanted you."
"And I wanted your father."
"You didn't feel the one least bit of desire for me?"
Drake narrowed his eyes. Tony looked hurt now.
He regretted his words. But no, it wasn't Tony he desired. It had never been Tony. "Don't pretend that---"
"You're not your son, Drake. He may look like you. He may even feel like you, but you are two different men. When I was making love with you...it was you I was touching. It's you I want to touch right now."
Drake swallowed. "Tony. Stop this. You're hiding."
"Hiding?"
"Yeah, and I get it. Angelo is coming home, and now you believe that because of what's happened, he'll never forgive you. It's easier to make believe it's me you want. It will hurt less."
"What the fuck...you the great psychoanalyst all of a sudden? I know whose cock I want." He stripped off his shirt, undid his pants.
Drake's mouth opened. He was stunned. "Tony."
Tony walked over and grabbed him by the forearms. "Look, I'll show you."
Tony pressed him against the wall, his mouth smothering his, his hands ripping at his shirt. Drake finally realised that this had gone way too far. He couldn't feed Tony's pain, anymore than Tony could feed his. They'd done the deed. They were going to have to face the music and move on.
He found the strength to push Tony away. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Johnny is gone," he managed. "I can't bring him back to me like this. I need to..." He stopped. "Put your clothes on, Tony. I'm so sorry. God, I'm sorry."
He walked over to him and pulled him into his arms.
"I should be taking care of you. You're Johnny's son. You are my nephew, even if there is no blood between us. You're too young to be looking after me. You lost your father. Pepi lost his brother. And I lost..." He paused. "I still have you. I still have a brother." He stepped away. "He needs me. Now, Angelo is coming home. You need him. There's no reason he has to ever know about this. I won't tell him. And neither will you."
"Pepi knows."
"How?"
"I don't know. He said he wouldn't..." He paused, gathered up his clothes. "Maybe it would be best if I moved out, got my own place."
Drake nodded. "You can have either house. One is mine and one is your father's. You choose. I don't mind moving out."
Tony nodded and left the room.
Drake stood there for a long time after Tony left.
What a fucking mess this was. It was totally his fault.
He could have said no. While he'd been wallowing, everything had gone to shit. He felt the car keys in his pocket. A few minutes later, he was back on the freeway.
* * * * * *
Tony watched Drake's Corvette leave the garage and disappear down the road. He moved away from the window and sank down on the side of the bed. "Dad, I tried. I think I did the wrong thing, and it wasn't for unselfish reasons. I feel so close to you now. And I'm confused."
He shivered, a gust of air blowing the curtains out from the window.
"Dad?"
He felt the warm air on his check like a kiss. "I miss you," he said. "Maybe loving Drake made me feel close to you." A single tear rolled down his face. "I don't know anything anymore."
* * * * * *
Pepi was surprised when he opened the door and Drake stood there. "Didn't I just see you?"
"Yeah," Drake smiled faintly at him. "Can I come in...again?"
"Sure." Pepi stood aside.
Drake looked around as if he'd never been there before. "This is a nice house, simple, not empty and hollow like mine."
"You act like you've never been here before."
Drake looked at him. "Do you remember that time we talked in front of the school?"
"I remember."
"I told you I loved you."
"Yes."
"Even though I've been a bad brother, I---"
"You haven't been a bad brother, Drake."
"Okay. I've been a neglectful brother. I've focused all my attention on Johnny. Sometimes you were just there. It's not right that I come to you now like this."
"What...what do you mean?"
"I need you, Pepi, probably more than I've ever needed anyone in my life. I want to make up for...everything. I want us to be close. I want us to be the brothers that..." He stopped, held out his hands.
"Help me here."
Pepi managed a shaky smile. "You can't ask for something you've always had."
Drake came over and hugged him hard. "I've made terrible mistakes in my life...I've done...you know about Tony?" He stepped back.
Pepi nodded.
Drake paced a few times. He ran a hand through his hair. "Angelo will never forgive me. He'll turn his back on me. I couldn't bear for that to happen, not after losing Johnny."
"You were at your lowest. Both of you are sad. I understand why it happened. I don't know if Angelo will."
"What should I do? I've told Tony to take one of the houses. We shouldn't be alone together. For me, it was all about Johnny, but Pep, I'm not sure what it was for him. I don't want to hurt him. I also don't want him to believe there can ever be an us. There can't be. I don't feel...it doesn't feel right to me. I'm not in love with Tony. I love him like a...son..."
Pepi threw an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, Drake, I'll make you a drink. You'll sleep here tonight."
He nodded, bent his head and kissed his brother's forehead.
* * * * * *
Pepi swore when the phone rang around ten the next morning. Drake had fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room and he didn't want the phone to wake him. He raced in from outside to answer it. "Hello," he said in a hushed voice.
"Uncle Pepi?"
"Angelo...oh...hey, man. Where you at?"
"I'm on the L.A. Freeway. I tried to get hold of Dad, but there's no answer."
"He's here."
"Oh. What about Tony?"
"He's, ah...maybe he was in the pool."
"Okay. I think I'll head over there. Tell Dad I'm home."
"When he wakes up."
"Is he okay?"
"He's a Russo. We're a hearty bunch. No worries. Tell Tony he's with me okay?"
"Ah, sure. Doesn't he know?"
"Maybe not. See you soon," Pepi said and hung up.
"Angelo is home," Drake commented, rubbing his eyes as he stumbled up off the sofa.
"He will be i
n about twenty minutes. Maybe you should hide out here awhile."
Drake sighed. "Good idea. Got coffee, little brother?"
"Sure. Let's go in the kitchen."
"My God, you're becoming just like Mama," he said. "She would never allow anyone to drink or eat in the living room."
"Shut up."
* * * * * *
Tony stood there with his mouth wide open when he saw him standing in the hallway.
"Hello," Angelo said, putting his bag down.
"You're home."
"You don't seem pleased. Would you like me to go back outside?"
"No, I...I just didn't expect you, that's all. Your father isn't here."
"I know. He's at Uncle Pepi's."
"So that's where he went."
"Didn't he tell you?"
"No." Tony disappeared into the living room.
Angelo's eyes widened. What the fuck was this?
He followed him. Tony was sitting on the sofa in sweatpants and an old sweatshirt, his feet tucked under him. His hair was uncombed, he was unshaven. "You look like shit."
"Thanks."
Angelo folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall. "What's wrong?"
Tony looked at him. "Everything."
"Oh. Okay."
"Are you here for good?"
"I'm here for a while, yes, until I decide what my next step will be."
Tony looked at him. "You're so beautiful. You break my heart."
"You've broken mine too, so guess we're equal. Do we have to start off like this?"
Tony lowered his head.
"Okay," Angelo said. "I can't really do this now. I'm tired. Can we postpone round one until later?"
"You can be so glib."
"I guess not," he muttered under his breath. Why in the hell couldn't he just cut this guy lose, carve him right out of his heart? Life would be so easy. He'd be able to love someone else for real. "Tony, I love you," he said softly. "I can't stop, so I guess we need to make some decisions."
Tears streamed down Tony's face.