The Finish Line

by Leslie Scott

  “You too.” And I meant the words, it was good to see him. Slowly my spirits started to lift in the smoke-filled room with the clang of billiards and the pound of music.

  After several beers, I found myself wallowing in self-pity, no longer able to force a smile at Vic’s jokes or Hadley’s retorts. My spirits were sunk.

  None of it mattered, not when I could turn my head and watch a woman flirt with her boyfriend and wish it was Jordan and me. When I could be so easily reminded of what could have been.

  Everything I’d been through, all the mistakes I’d made, and I was still alive. That should really count for more than it did.

  I dolloped a dose of self-loathing in with the pity.

  “Looks like a lot’s going down in there.” Hunter’s long finger tapped the side of my head.

  I’d had enough beer that I was briefly curious if those fingers could make me feel as good as Jordan’s. I balked inwardly at the thought, knowing they never could.

  The music was so loud now that Hunter had leaned across the small round table on his forearms. The posture was intimate enough that I knew he would go there if I wanted to. If I did I’d ruin another really good friendship. Too bad, our friendship wasn’t something I was willing to forfeit, not after I’d lost so much.

  I let my face fall into my hands, the room spinning a little when I did. “Too much,” I muttered.

  “We all miss him.” He squeezed my arm and slid onto the stool across from me. “He was good people.”

  “Yeah.” I took a deep breath to steady myself, but the room started to spin. I couldn’t be sure if it was the emotional roller coaster I’d been riding for weeks or the beer. Probably the beer.

  “You need some air.” He slipped from the seat and said something to Vic and Hadley that I couldn’t hear through the buzzing in my head.

  I went ahead of him, choking a bit on the smoke-filled air of the bar. As soon as I stepped through the main door and took huge gulps of the fresh air outside, the world stopped spinning. The muted music from inside grew momentarily louder, signaling Hunter’s exit behind me.

  It was easy to walk with him to his truck. Hunter let the tailgate down with a thump and planted his hands at my waist to effortlessly lift me on to it. No sexual tension this time, just the closeness of friendship. The easy way between us was why I’d always been drawn to him, even when I was younger.

  And I’d never had to share Hunter with my brother or any of his friends.

  “I was surprised to see you here, not Aiden.” He leaned back on the lip of the tailgate.

  “Aiden? Really?” I snorted, surprised. Of anyone, my brother would be the last one I’d expect to see in a bar.

  “Yup.” He hopped onto the tailgate. “If we aren’t racing, he’s usually here.”

  “With Wendy?” I had a hard time envisioning Wendy at Felt.

  Hunter laughed outright. It was probably the first happy laugh I’d heard since before Devin had died. Something tugged at the corners of my mouth, urging them to agree with that sound. “Nah, I haven’t seen her with him for a while. I thought about asking you if he’d finally kicked her to the curb but figured it was none of my business.”

  “Yeah.” I stared down at my sneaker covered feet as they swung in midair. “Things aren’t going well in that area.”

  “I’d like to say I hate to hear that, but…”

  “Same here,” I agreed. “Wendy isn’t good for Aiden. Wendy isn’t good for anyone but Wendy. I understand why he’s there, for the kids and all. But, my heart hurts for him.”

  “How about you and Jordan?” With a practiced ease, Hunter ripped off the proverbial Band-Aid.

  I didn’t say anything at first. He was the second person that day to bring up Jordan. The subject was starting to rub me raw. With a hitch of my shoulders I told him what had hurt the most. “Jordan said we were a mistake.”

  “I saw the fight at the driver’s meeting,” Hunter said after a long minute. That wasn’t a surprising fact, considering he’d made it to that round too. Most of the people in our circle had probably seen the fight, seen the way Jordan went after Devin at the driver’s meeting. “There’s no way that guy thought anything about you was a mistake.”

  “It’s my fault,” I whispered as I looked out past the highway, afraid to face anything but the night around us.

  “How? You weren’t in the car with Devin.” There was no sarcasm, no hint of anything he could have been insinuating.

  “It was my fault they were fighting.” I finally forced myself to look at Hunter. His muscled form backlit from the orange lights of the parking lot. “I knew Devin had a thing for me, but I made a play at Jordan anyway.”

  Hunter laughed outright and slid from the tailgate to move rocks around with his feet. “Raelynn, babe, there’s no way you made a play at Jordan Slater that he didn’t see coming and steer himself right in the path of.”

  When I started to argue, he cut me off.

  “You were there that night he tried to fight me over you. Do you really think you had to make a play? We’ve all been watching the tug of war between the two of you for years.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that for Jordan—”

  He snorted. “The hell it wasn’t. Take him off the pedestal of self-righteousness you’ve put him on. He’s just a man, Raelynn. Why do you think I kept asking you out in high school? I couldn’t get the guy to fight me, I couldn’t get him to race, so I fucked with him the only way I knew how. Taking you out was the equivalent of poking the sleeping bear.”

  “Gee, thanks.” I rolled my eyes.

  “No, I mean, sure I liked you. You’re hot, you’re funny, and you like guy stuff. Hanging out with you wasn’t a chore.”

  “He would have never dated me if I’d left it alone.” My sneakers kicked against each other now as they swung right to left. “It doesn’t matter what you say, I saw him and talked to him. I know him, I know what he wants and that’s not to be reminded of what I caused and what I cost us both.”

  “He’s a grown ass man, Raelynn. He made his own choices, he knew full well what he was doing.”

  Exasperated, I tossed my hands in the air, palms up in defeat.

  “See!” He nudged my shoulder with his as he sat back down beside me. “We’ve all known you two would end up together, it was only a matter of you coming home and seeing that he felt the same way about you. Devin didn’t show any real interest until you came back. So where does that make him suddenly more important than what was between you and Jordan?”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I’d played the martyr since the moment I’d seen the agony on Jordan’s face. Hunter slid from the tailgate, as if he couldn’t sit still for more than a few seconds. Beneath all that muscle was a boundless energy.

  “The way I see it, Raelynn, it was always supposed to be you and Jordan. Devin dying, that was a rough hand we got dealt. Nobody wanted that, he took a piece of us with him. But you and Jordan, that’s something real. Even if you’d ended up with Devin or…” His grin was quick and sly. “Me…it wouldn’t be real.”

  “It was real,” I agreed. “It was always real. But at what cost? Too much, Hunter. Jordan loving me caused us all too much pain.”

  Hunter crossed his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels in a move that reminded me of Aiden. “Has it ever occurred to you he’s feeling pretty much the same way you are? That he has been from the get go. That he feels like he cost you too much?”

  “Yes.” It had. “That’s why I went to talk to him a few days ago. He told me to go, even when I begged him to let me stay, he wanted me to go. So, I left. It’s done. It’s over. He doesn’t want me, now I move on.”

  “That’s the way it is, huh?”

  “That’s the way it is, Hunter.” I slid from the tailgate of the truck, angry now. “I’ve known him nearly my entire life. I know how to read him. I know what he said to me. I know what Devin’s death has done to all of us!”

  “Really
? Are you sure you weren’t seeing what you wanted to see? That it wouldn’t be easier to take the blame, wallow in your own self-pity, and walk away? Easier to punish yourself, for some misplaced guilt. Because if he is stupid enough to let you get away? Then that’s on him, and he’s an idiot.”

  Though he was annoying me, this was the reason I’d always liked Hunter. “Hunter East, you are smarter than most people I know.” I didn’t want to admit that he was making sense, didn’t want to admit that realization dawned on me. It was a sickening, vile feeling, to realize that he could be right. “I need to go. I need to think. I want this all to go away.”

  I tried to shove past him and walk inside, deciding that beer wasn’t good enough anymore. This one called for something stronger.

  “Let me go, Hunter,” I growled when he stepped in front of me.

  “I will if you answer one question for me.” He wasn’t angry, in fact his face was kind. I stood still and gazed back at his kindness with defiance. “Do you love him?”

  “Yes,” I spat through clenched jaws.

  “The Rae I know would fight for love.” He moved past me and shut the tailgate.

  “I wish you’d all stop saying that!” I shouted to the sky and at no one in particular. I was done fighting, hadn’t I fought enough already? Wasn’t it time Jordan started fighting for me?

  I stalked away from Hunter. I’d come here tonight with Hadley to drown my sorrows, to mourn the loss of Devin and in a way Jordan, too. Instead, I was left with more feelings than I could handle and a whole new batch of guilt.

  On a frustrated huff, I pushed open the door and braced for the onslaught of smoke that would fill my lungs.

  Inside a large, familiar body turned toward me from the bar. I froze and looked past him for an exit, my heart beating so hard in my chest I couldn’t breathe. All I could think was he wasn’t supposed to be there.

  Yet, there he was.

  In nothing but a black tee and jeans, Jordan Slater took my breath away.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I hadn’t expected to see him and most certainly never anticipated the surge of lust that accompanied the surprise. I swallowed it down and let the unease creep slowly in. Being here with Jordan, in the middle of all these people, wasn’t appealing. Especially not after the last time I’d seen him. This wasn’t exactly the place a guy like Jordan would say any of the things I needed him to say.

  And there was the simple fact, that I just wasn’t ready to see him yet. I wasn’t strong enough.

  Felt grew smaller and smaller by the second, the walls closing in on me.

  Hadley stood at the swinging door that separated the pool room from the rest of the bar. She was staring at me with fearful hope. My brother, who stood next to Jordan, wouldn’t look at me at all.

  The two of them, Hadley and Aiden, had set us up.

  Jordan’s eyes narrowed as the door swung shut behind me. I didn’t have to look to know Hunter had walked in. The beat of my heart increased with anxiety.

  I doubted Hunter would have wanted Jordan to find him walking in behind me. Not when he’d spent so much time with me in the parking lot pushing me toward Jordan.

  For one long, painful second Hunter and Jordan stared each other down. I was, not for the first time, caught in the middle of these two large, testosterone packed guys. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary. The first time, I had no doubt one or both would back down when I stood between them. Now, something different crackled in the air.

  Nobody was backing down.

  Jordan’s face hardened in what I could only assume was a mask of jealousy and rage. He downed the shot in front of him.

  Hunter didn’t move, he stood his ground directly behind me. Positioned to take the shot for me, whether it be verbal or physical.

  I was frozen to the spot. Time stood still as Jordan crossed the bar to where we stood. The music that had once been loud and throbbing was now dulled to barely a hum. I trembled as the bartender watched us carefully, her hand under the bar to reach for something I didn’t want to think about.

  The air grew so thick and palpable I choked on it, unable to breathe as the two giants sized each other up.

  Hunter straightened behind me, pushing me gently to the side with a nudge on my shoulder. Fear or pain, I couldn’t tell which, claimed me. I was looking right at Jordan, but he was looking past me.

  I no longer mattered, he had an outlet for his anger now.

  “Take it outside, guys!” The bartender shouted from behind us. Jordan’s head cocked sideways and a slow sneer stretched across his face.

  I understood that sneer, I’d seen it before. Hunter understood it too. He gave an ironic laugh and shook his head. It was apparent Jordan thought Hunter was poaching me like he had been that first race back. He wasn’t though, I tried to find the words to say that, but Hunter silenced me by stepping around me. He put himself squarely between Jordan and me, giving no sign that he would back down.

  Hunter knew what we’d talked about, what he’d tried to fix, and it no longer mattered. The sleeping bear he’d spent so much time poking had finally woken up.

  Men would always be stupid.

  “Poking the bear?” I whispered, my mouth tight.

  “Something like that.” Hunter grinned as he kicked the door open behind him and slid out. Jordan followed, without so much as a word to me.

  I hadn’t realized that many people were there until the mass exodus from the building. A fight was a fight. In a small town like this, if there wasn’t a race, a fight was the best form of entertainment.

  “Hunter, really?” My brother growled as he pulled me out the door behind them. “You know we worked our asses off to get you both here tonight and you sneak off with Hunter like you were sixteen again? Jesus, Rae!”

  “Whoa!” I jerked my arm from Aiden’s grasp and shoved him hard in the chest. “Before you get all stupid like your friend, Hunter and I were outside talking about Jordan. Hell, Hunter was team Jordan. And maybe, just maybe, you might have saved us all some trouble if you had told us what was going on?”

  Behind him, Hadley ducked her head and rushed in between us. “I’m sorry, this is all my fault. It was my idea.”

  Aiden opened his mouth, then seeming to read the expression on my face shut it again.

  I glanced at the parking lot, bleakly lit and covered in gravel. On busy nights, it would have been full of cars, but now it was filling up with a crowd of people to watch the action.

  “Then I suggest you both fix this.” I spun on my heel and made my way quickly through the crowd.

  I was late for the party, the fight had already started. I never saw who landed the first punch. The two guys, both bigger than most, were exchanging blows at a rate that belied their size. I was surprised, really, that Hunter was taking Jordan’s shots with such ease.

  It was obvious almost immediately that Hunter was having fun. With each punch thrown, his smile seemed to grow. Hunter enjoyed this crap more than Aiden or his friends.

  I shot an angry look to Aiden and he met my eyes without remorse. I wished then I had Breanna’s piercing two finger whistle or even her height. I had neither, so I dove headlong in.

  I would never advise rushing into an all-out brawl with two men over six feet tall, who regularly lifted weights. I, however, trusted one of the two implicitly. I trusted Jordan with every breath I took, every part of my being, even if he wouldn’t so much as look at me.

  Jordan took a shot across the face from Hunter before grabbing him around his middle and laying him out in a hit that would make any football coach proud. While the crowd shouted its approval, I screamed his name. “Jordan!”

  He clocked Hunter once, sending blood splattering across the gravel before he jumped up and backed away, letting Hunter roll over and push onto his feet.

  Jordan heard me. I could tell by the tension in his shoulders and the pointed way he refused to look at me, that he’d known I was calling his name.

  I r
an to him, slipping in the gravel in my haste. Jordan reached out as I flailed and caught me in one strong hand. His breathing was heavy, his lip swollen, and his dark eyes looked past me to Hunter.

  “Stop,” I whispered so quietly that only he could hear me.

  “What, don’t want me pounding the crap out of your…friend?” He cocked his head to one side and a slow hateful grin spread across his face. “I guess Devin was right then, wasn’t he?”

  Hurt blossomed in my heart and biting tears stung at my eyes as I jerked away from him. I no longer cared if he and Hunter beat each other stupid. Jordan had wielded the verbal straw that broke the camel’s back.

  Nothing mattered anymore.

  “You—” My voice wavered as behind me Hunter stood, bloody but otherwise okay. “I—” I caught my breath. I’d thought the distance he’d put between us was the worst way he could have hurt me. I never imagined words from Jordan Slater’s mouth would rip me to shreds so completely.

  I flinched back a step and turned to Hunter, knowing Jordan could hear what I said. “Do you still think I should try to make it work with him? Do you?”

  “Raelynn…” Hunter reached for me and looked past me to Jordan, this time with real scorn in his eyes.

  I shook my head and lost myself in the crowd. Aiden reached me in the throng of people, confusion and concern on his face.

  The fight had stopped and all eyes were on me, but my brother’s were laser focused on my face. “Raelynn?”

  I shook my head and eyed the tunnel the crowd had made. Jordan stood, chest heaving, at the other end of it. Apparent regret creased his brow and darkened his eyes.

  I opened my mouth once, and the tears ran hot down my face. “I’m done.”

  I walked away, the crowd parting for me. It had hurt when Devin had called me a whore, it had reminded me of the things Caleb had told me. But then Jordan, the one man I never thought would hurt me, did. In that moment he was no better than Caleb had been, not really. Even still, I loved him. As I walked away I wished for him to chase after me, to apologize, to make this all go away.

  He didn’t.