by Chloe Walsh
Noah and Vaughn circled each other like lions, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Vaughn was the first one to attack and I swear to god I felt every blow Noah took as he tried mercilessly to put him away in the first round.
I screamed at the television, cheering Noah on when he blocked Vaughn’s right hook and began a counterattack. Noah’s fists were a blur, as he executed blow after deafening blow to Vaughn’s face.
“That’s it,” I hissed, when Noah hit him with a sidekick to the ribs. “Knock his fucking head off, Noah!”
Vaughn narrowly avoided a left hook, deflecting at the last minute and escaping from the corner of the cage he had been beaten into.
“Get up,” I screamed, when a nasty uppercut from Vaughn knocked Noah off his feet. Throwing the duvet off, I bobbed around on the couch, jabbing and jolting. “Get off that mat, Noah!”
When I noticed the blood trickling from Noah’s eyebrow, a wave of unease rippled through me. “Get your ass back up, Noah,” I screeched, frantic. “Come on, baby.”
I grinned when Vaughn climbed on top of Noah, clearly thinking he was going to capitalize on him because he was on his back.
What Vaughn obviously didn’t seem to understand was that Noah was a grappler – a backstreet fighter. He was brought up on street fighting. It had been drip fed into his bloodstream from infancy. Going hand-to-hand on the mat with Noah was suicide.
Proving me right, I watched with pride as Noah overpowered Vaughn, countering his arm bar and gaining the advantage. Tossing Vaughn onto his back, Noah let loose with a ground and pound, finishing him off with hammer fist after hammer fist into the head.
Curled up like a bitch on the mat, Vaughn tried to protect his head with his hands against Noah’s unforgiving blows until finally the ref called the fight, declaring Noah the winner.
I watched with a huge swell of pride and an even bigger smile as Noah climbed to his feet and the official raised his hand in victory. Seconds later, he was surrounded by his background team and a few stragglers as they all attempted to hug and congratulate him on his victory.
“Noah, you just defeated the number one contender for the heavyweight belt in under four minutes,” the official declared as he thrust a microphone into Noah’s face. “Tell us, how are you feeling right now at the prospect of fighting Cole in December for the belt?”
Noah, breathless, inhaled a few deep breaths before taking the microphone. “I’m ready,” he husked. “I’ve been ready since March. Cole knows I’m coming for his belt. I’d take it right fucking now if he was man enough to take me on….”
Noah paused mid-sentence when a woman walked straight up to him and stuck her tongue down his throat.
I watched in pure horror as Noah let that woman kiss him, and worse, he dropped the microphone on the mat and kissed her back. It was a good thing I was on my own right now, because tearing up over that big bastard was something I didn’t want anyone seeing me do.
“You’re my thorn, if you leave me I’ll bleed out.”
His voice played inside of my head as I watched him on my television mauling the large breasted blonde.
The crowd erupted in wolf whistles and cheers.
Meanwhile, a piece of my heart shriveled up and died inside of my chest.
Why was I torturing myself like this and letting him break my heart over and over again?
Watching that man parade around on my television brought to the surface all the pain, betrayal, and love I had spent so many years trying to block out.
If I were a stronger woman, I wouldn’t let him affect me like this. I wouldn’t spend every Friday night locked in the apartment with channel 401 on the television and my heart in my mouth. I wished I were a stronger woman – one who didn’t get fazed at the mention of her ex boyfriend. But I wasn’t a stronger woman. I was just me, Teagan Connolly – a fucking idiot.
Noah was like an echo inside of me; repeating over and over until I felt like I was broken inside and I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t let Noah make me feel like this.
I needed to move on from him.
I would move on from him, and I would do it tonight.
Leaping off my couch, I stalked into my bedroom and dressed my ass in the sexiest dress, which just so happened to be a red, sparkly, boob tube little number, before slipping into the highest pair of black stilettos I owned.
Then I smeared on a generous dollop of lip-gloss and proceeded to grab the almost full bottle of Jack Daniels that Hope kept in the cupboard over the fridge for when her dad visited. Unscrewing the cap off the bottle, I swallowed a huge mouthful of whiskey, followed by another and another until I couldn’t feel my toes.
When the bottle was drained dry, I staggered out of my apartment and out onto the street in the direction of Reilly’s, our local pub, knowing full well he would be there on a Friday night.
DANCING IN THE DARK, with neon lights streaming above me, and the alcohol turning to liquid in my veins, I found myself forgetting all about Noah and his big-racked blonde.
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the atmosphere, but I was feeling incredibly drawn to the man dancing behind me with his hands clamped on my hips.
Usually I would shove Liam’s hands off, but tonight I didn’t.
Tonight, I let myself feel for the first time in years.
Tonight I was moving on from Noah.
Permanently.
Twisting around until we were chest to chest, I stretched up and wrapped my arms around Liam’s neck. “Kiss me,” I heard myself slur.
“You’re drunk,” Liam, who was equally as drunk but sobering quickly, told me.
“I don’t care.” Shaking my head, I tipped my chin up towards him. “Just kiss me.”
Closing the gap between our mouths, Liam did as I asked.
Pulling me closer, he pressed his lips to mine, gently at first, as if he was afraid I would break. But then he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked. A pool of heat settled in my lower belly and I was quickly reminded why I enjoyed his kisses so much when I was a teenager.
He released my lip with a loud pop before thrusting his tongue in my mouth. I fell into it, kissing him back, massaging his tongue with mine. His kiss didn’t set me on fire or make my toes curl like Noah always did, but it was sweet and gentle and familiar.
A niggling feeling of guilt fluttered in my chest when Liam gestured for us to leave, but I forced it away and followed him.
I had nothing to feel guilty about.
Sure, Liam wasn’t as tall or as physically muscular as Noah; but at six feet, with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and a washboard stomach, he was definitely a catch.
And yeah, kissing Liam wasn’t the same as kissing Noah, and holding Liam’s hand as we walked back to his apartment didn’t thrill me like it had when it was Noah’s wrapped around mine. But maybe I didn’t need to feel that excitement and chemistry with Liam.
Maybe I didn’t need to experience that crazy rush of love and lust; hate and passion mixing together that drove me to the brink of madness with want.
Maybe those feelings had never really existed at all.
“I don’t want this to be a one-time thing, Teagan,” Liam told me in husky voice when he let us into his apartment and switched on the light. “I was a fool when we were younger,” he added as he pulled me into his embrace and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Don’t think I’m letting you go again.”
“Don’t talk,” I mumbled, clawing at his trim waist. I didn’t want love and promises. I wanted to move on. I needed to. Liam was the safe choice – the wise option. Liam wouldn’t hurt me – not like he had.
My fingers found the button on his jeans and I quickly unzipped the fly. “Take me to bed, Liam,” I whispered, slipping my hand inside his boxers and squeezing his rock hard erection. “Now.”
MY DRESS WAS IN A BALL on his bedroom floor.
My underwear was cast aside with it.
His thigh was resting on my st
omach.
My head was on his pillow, pounding like a drum.
I felt like I’d been run over by a lorry, and all I wanted to do was get out of this apartment, climb into the shower, and scrub my skin raw.
Last night should have been perfect, but it wasn’t because all I had thought about the entire time Liam was inside of me was how it should have been Noah.
Even though I had no reason to, I felt dirty. Here I was, in bed with a really decent man, and all I felt was disgust and guilt.
Slowly edging out from underneath him, I rolled off the bed and tiptoed towards the bedroom door, grabbing my trail of clothes in the process.
“Morning, babe.”
Liam’s voice filled my ears, causing the bile in my stomach to churn and threaten to spill.
“Hi,” I managed to squeeze out as I stepped into my dress and pulled it up. Shame. I was feeling it by the bucket load as I searched the floor for my knickers. I hadn’t worn a bra last night – because, let’s face it, I didn’t have much to hold up – so at least I could cross that particular undergarment off the missing list.
“Where are you going?” Liam asked when I had finally found the missing panties and opened the bedroom door.
“Home,” I muttered, as I used the doorframe to balance myself so I could step into my underwear. “I’ll…uh…talk to you later, kay?”
I didn’t wait for his reply. Instead, I dashed out of the room, falling over one of my discarded high heels in the process.
Of course, Liam had the curtains drawn in the lounge, making my escape all the more difficult. Slipping on one heel, I fumbled around on the floor for the other. Did I have a purse with me? I couldn’t bloody remember…
“Here.” Handing me my other shoe, Liam walked over to the wall and flicked on the light.
“Thanks,” I muttered, red-faced.
“Teagan, what’s the problem here?” He stood with his hands on his hips and a look of hurt on his face. “I thought you wanted last night as much as I did.”
“I did,” I blurted out, making my way to the apartment door. “Last night. But now…It’s just…”
“You don’t?” he offered.
“Look, I’m sorry, Liam,” I offered, rubbing my temples. “But I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” he shot back. “Be with me?”
“Be with anyone,” I confirmed quietly before letting myself out.
TEAGAN MANAGED TO ESCAPE her house arrest tonight and I couldn’t keep my hands off her. We had only been parked for ten minutes and already; I had her naked and spread open in the back seat of my car.
“Noah, don’t leave me on my own…” Teagan whispered, as she clawed at my back. “Please, I know I’m a moody bitch sometimes and drive you crazy, but I’m putting it all on the line for you… don’t let me go…”
“Never,” I promised, as I pushed inside her. Her pussy sucked me in, pulling on my dick like a vice and I groaned loudly. Jesus Christ, she was so tight; I could hardly control the urge I had to pound into her. But I had to be gentle. She was all mine. Fresh and new and tender. I needed to take care of her.
“Say it,” she mewled, rolling her hips upwards, meeting me thrust for thrust. “Say you love me.”
“I’m in love with you, Thorn,” I whispered before claiming her lips with mine…
I woke in the middle of the night with a throbbing between my legs that wouldn’t fuck off. Her voice continued to haunt me, long after I opened my eyes – a constant reminder of just how good I had it when I was eighteen.
“You can go now,” I told the blonde who was lying on my hotel room bed.
Picking her scrap of a dress off the floor, I tossed it to her before heading into the bathroom for a shower.
I needed to wash the dirty feeling off my body.
The blonde had momentarily sated my needs, but now, I was aching again. No amount of sex from her would satisfy me.
It never did.
I couldn’t fucking get any satisfaction no matter how many times I fucked these women or how many different positions I did it.
I was fucking broken.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU, MESSINA?” Lucky demanded when I laid him on his ass for the third time in an hour.
“Nothing,” I growled. Reaching out a hand, I helped him to his feet before climbing out of the ring.
“Grateful as I am for the job and all, I didn’t expect to be your personal punching bag when I signed up for this,” he added, following me over to the bench at the far end of the gym. “Damn man.”
Lucky was released from prison a couple of months after me, and I had immediately hired him as a member of my team. I didn’t exactly have a position available for the guy, but I wasn’t going to let him roam the streets looking for work, find nothing, and fall in with the wrong people. Besides, he was as close to family as I had.
“Sorry,” I offered with a grunt before taking a deep swig of water. “I’m not usually this…cranky.”
“Did you forget I shared a cell with you for five years?” he laughed. “Who’re you trying to fool, man?”
“Noah!”
I turned around at the sound of my name being called. My face broke into a broad grin when Tommy Moyet stalked through the gym. “What’s up, T?” Tommy was my go-to guy. He had trained as a physiotherapist, but the minute I had signed for the MFA I had snatched him up. Since then, the guy pretty much organized what time I took a shit when I was working. I was lucky to have him on my team. Hell, I had a team because of him – because he had believed in me.
“What would you think about fighting Davy Bishop in Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day?” he asked when he reached us.
“He would think that it’s a huge comedown,” Lucky interjected with a tone of pure disgust. “Bishop’s in the middleweight division. Noah’s the number one contender for the heavyweight title.”
“Not anymore,” Tommy added with a smirk, turning his attention to me. “Bishop’s coming up,” he told me. “And he’s making a big splash about it – saying he deserves a title shot before you. All talk that guy. Full of bull crap.” Tommy grinned. “How about you put that punk in his place on his home turf ?”
“I’m in,” I replied immediately. “Tell Bishop to name the time and place, and I’ll be there.”
“Whoa, Noah,” Lucky said. “You sure about this?” Shaking his head, Lucky let out a string of cuss words. “That’s just over ten weeks away, man.”
“It’s done, Lucky,” I told him. Turning to Tommy, I nodded once and said, “Make it happen, T,” before resuming my training.
I was sold the minute Tommy revealed the location.
Ireland.
Present day
“YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN,” I announced, as I stood in the doorway of Hope’s bedroom with a stack of papers in one hand, and a yellow highlighting pen in the other.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Hope replied, lying through her teeth, as she continued to tap furiously on the keyboard of her laptop.
She knew exactly what I meant, and she also knew I wasn’t leaving this doorway until she answered me.
After a minute of me glaring at the side of her face, Hope let out a loud huff, placed her hands on her lap, and leaned back in her chair, reluctantly giving me her full attention.
“I’ve read ten chapters, Hope,” I explained calmly, shaking the papers in my hand to emphasize the huge favor I was doing her. “And I’ve had to replace the hero’s name in every single one.” This morning alone, I had made fifty-eight name changes to the document, and I swear to god, if I had to change the name Jordan to Chad one more time I was going to lose it.
When she didn’t respond, I decided to use tough love to get a reaction.
“Hope,” I started. “It has been seven years – almost a bloody decade – and you’re still moping around the place like a pigeon shat on your head.”
“One word, Teegs,” Hope shot back coolly, swinging from side to side in her chair
. “Noah.”
Ouch…
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say his name in my presence,” I replied in a shaky voice before slamming the stack of paper and the pen down on her desk. Hope’s comment cut deep, and I had to take a few minutes before I could trust my voice again to sound level and calm. “Your mom called again,” I told her. “She wants to know if you got anything unusual in the mail.”
“No,” Hope muttered, shoving the invitation I knew she was hiding further underneath her keyboard. “Nothing new.”
I rolled my eyes at my friend. She was such a little liar. “Hope, I know about your parents’ anniversary party tomorrow night,” I told her before swinging around and heading back for the hallway. “I got an invite too.” There was no way in hell I would step foot on Coloradan soil, but I appreciated Lee’s offer all the same.
Hope needed to go though. She needed to start building bridges with her family. She was never going to move on with her life if she didn’t face her hometown at some stage. I figured she should do it sooner rather than later.
Stopping at the door, I decided to try a gentler tactic. “Lee knows you’re still hurting over him. She wants to help you, Hope. Maybe you should talk to her about how you’re feeling. Call the woman back.”
“I know you think I shouldn’t still think about him,” I heard Hope whisper before adding, “I know I shouldn’t, but it just won’t fade, Teegs. He’s in my head constantly and I hate it.”
“You’re preaching to the converted here, Hope,” I replied with a heavy sigh. “Just do what I do and remind yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong. Jordan, like he-who-shall-not-be-named, happens to be a man – and therefore a stupid, heinous, inconsiderate bastard.” Shrugging, I added, “I’m telling you, Hope, they’re all the same…” My voice trailed off when I caught a glimpse of my watch. Ten thirty. Shit. “I’m late for work,” I muttered. “We’ll finish the man-bitching session when I get home, okay?”
I wanted to stay and help my friend through her crisis, but I wanted to not go bankrupt that little bit more. Opening on St. Patrick’s Day was Liam’s latest attempt at saving the gym. Personally, I thought it was pointless. Everyone would be out watching the parade and enjoying themselves, but I didn’t bother protesting. I was in the doghouse as it stood.