by Chloe Walsh
“Teagan,” Noah growled in annoyance, spitting out his mouth guard. “Get the hell out of here.”
“Teagan?” The blonde guy announced, taking a step back from us. His face broke out in a wide grin and he shook his head in amusement. “Now I get it.”
“No, you don’t,” Noah warned him as he ripped off his gloves and tossed them on the mat before turning his attention back to me. “Leave. Now.”
“Not until you tell me what you meant when you said that?” I repeated. I trailed my tongue over my bottom lip, panicked and flustered by this magnificent male in front of me. I itched to run my fingers all over his abs and feel those ridges and grooves, his tattooed covered skin, the dust of hair beneath his navel that was cut off from sight by the waistband of his sweatpants.
Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I raised my glove-covered fists in front of my face, fell into stance, and jabbed.
He blocked immediately, catching my fist in the process. “I’m not having this conversation here,” he hissed, pulling me closer. The smell of man and soap and sweat flooded my senses and I almost groaned in approval.
“Seven years, Noah,” I whispered, letting my vulnerability spill out. “I’ve spent seven years in hell because of you.” Breaking out of his grasp, I bounced back on my heels before attacking once more, striking him in the midsection. “You do that with me and you walk out? And now you won’t even talk to me – you won’t explain.” I hit him with all my strength but I was the one who grunted from the impact. “Have you any idea how that makes me feel?” How could he do this; walk back into my world and automatically become the most important person in it?
“I’ve already explained, Thorn, and you won’t fucking hear it!” Stalking towards me, he leaned over me, forcing me up against the ropes. “And I walked out because I didn’t want to fight with you.” He pressed his forehead against mine, and glared down at me, causing the atmosphere in the room to intensify. “Not because I didn’t want you,” he told me heatedly, eyes flashing with anger.
The air around us thickened and I could feel my body come to life.
Adrenalin spiked through me.
He was so close to me, there was barely an inch between our mouths, and it took every ounce of self-control I had inside of my body not to lean forward and press my lips to his.
“God, I hate you,” I hissed through clenched teeth, not meaning it one bit. I hated the way Noah made me feel, and the way he made me doubt everything about myself, but I didn’t hate him.
That was the problem.
“Of course you do,” he sneered. “Now are you done?” he asked before taking a step back. “Because I need to train and you’re in my way. I’ll call you later – when you’re stable.”
He turned around, dismissing me, and it infuriated me even further. “You don’t get to do this to me, Noah,” I called out shakily, moving around him so that we were chest to chest once more. Slapping my fists against his chest, I shoved him hard. “You don’t get to walk back into my life, screw everything up and walk back out again.”
When he didn’t respond, I shoved him again and then again until I was full out hitting his chest. As for Noah, well he didn’t even flinch at my touch. He just stood there, his face void of emotion, letting me hit him over and over.
“Don’t you dare turn your back on me,” I demanded. “I’m not one of your fan girls.” Noah was blowing up my world and I was losing control. He was back in my life less than a day and I was a total wreck. “You don’t get to treat me like I’m a cheap fuck.” I knew I looked demented. Hell, I knew I was acting demented, but I couldn’t get a grip on myself. I was completely taken over by emotions – by him.
“What do you want from me, Teagan?” Noah demanded, livid. “Jesus fucking Christ.” Grabbing my arms, he shook me like a rag doll. “What. Do. You. Want?”
“I want you to apologize to me and mean it,” I admitted brokenly. “I want you to tell me that you’re sorry for ruining everything we had.” Sniffling, I forced myself to look him in the eye, even though I knew I looked and sounded insane. “But most of all, I want you to tell me what she gave you that I couldn’t.”
I felt him tense up and for a brief moment I feared he was about to explode, but then he turned to the blonde man who standing uncomfortably in the far corner of the ring.
“Keep her away from me, Lucky,” he told him in a flat tone before climbing out of the ring.
“I loved you,” I called out, voice breaking, as I watched him walk away from me, knocking over every piece of equipment he passed.
“You didn’t love me enough!” he roared, slamming both his hands against the door before he walked out.
“You should go home, Teagan.” I felt a warm hand clamp down my shoulder and squeeze gently. “Noah’s hurting right now. He needs to deal and he can’t do that with you here.”
“Don’t,” I warned the man Noah had called Lucky as I roughly shoved his hand away. “Don’t you dare.”
“Keep pushing him and he’ll crack,” he warned me in a calm tone of voice, holding his hands up in front of his chest. “Trust me.”
“Not a chance,” I hissed before climbing out of the ring and chasing after Noah.
I COULDN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.
I couldn’t.
I was done this time and I meant it.
No one was worth this fucking agony.
Not even her.
Stalking into the empty changing room, I shed my clothes and stepped into a shower stall. Slamming the palm of my hand against the round chrome nozzle, I flinched when the frigid water hit my skin. Good. I needed to cool down because I was two seconds away from losing it.
“Get your hands off me!”
Teagan’s voice echoed through the room and my whole frame tensed up. Goddammit, why couldn’t she just go away and let me calm down? It was obvious I wasn’t in a clear frame of mind to talk to her, and contrary to Teagan’s beliefs, I didn’t want to hurt her.
Turning around slowly, I watched through hooded eyes as she stalked into the shower area and headed straight for me. My mouth ran dry at the sight of her, my pulse skyrocketed, and my fucking dick was hard in an instant.
“Walk away, Thorn,” I warned her as I knocked the water off and tried to step around her. “Before I do something I regret.”
“I didn’t love you enough?” she screamed, ignoring my warning, blocking me from leaving. She drew her hand back and hissed, “I loved you too much!” before lashing out at me.
The sound of the slap as her hand connected with my cheek reverberated through the room, taking with it what little self-control I had left.
And in that momentary loss of control, I picked Thorn up and dumped her on the floor of the shower before turning the cold water on her.
Wiping the blood off my cheek from where her nail had caught my skin, I glared down at her as she sat on the cubicle floor. “You’re a bad fucking woman for me,” I snarled, shutting off the water before backing away from her. Grabbing a towel out of my locker, I tossed one at her, before taking out another and drying myself down. “You mess with my head, you fuck with my performance, and you drive me batshit crazy.”
“I d-don’t know why I d-did that,” she said, teeth chattering, as she crawled out of the stall to retrieve the towel I’d thrown for her. Shivering and with her drenched hair plastered to her face, she whispered, “I d-didn’t m-mean to m-make you b-bleed.”
Guilt churned inside of me at the sight of her on the floor. Smothering a groan, I moved towards her, a fucking glutton for punishment. Crouching down in front of her, I reached for the towel and wrapped it around her small shoulders. “You’ve been making me bleed for years,” I told her hoarsely, angry with myself for the amount of emotion in my voice. “What’s another scratch to the list?”
“You said she took advantage of you,” Teagan said. “How?”
Rolling my eyes, I suppressed the urge to roar. “You’re like a broken record.” Straightening up, I tur
ned around and walked over to my locker. “Just go home, Teagan.”
“What did you mean, Noah?” she repeated, not letting it go. “I need to know what you meant.”
“You really wanna to do this?” I demanded, slipping on my boxers and then a pair of black sweats. “Here?” I gestured at her soaking frame. “Like this?”
“I need you to tell me,” she replied stubbornly.
So we were doing this.
Thorn was finally ready to hear my version of events.
Fine.
“That night at the quarry, after I freed you from the car and told you to run, the cops picked me up and took me to the station before charging me.” Shrugging on a clean shirt, I slipped my feet into my Nikes before turning around to face her. Keeping my face void of emotion, I folded my arms across my chest as I spoke. “Kyle bailed me out and brought me back to Thirteenth Street on house arrest… He ended up giving Reese a ride back from the station too.”
“I hid in the back seat of Kyle’s car.” Guilt consumed her features when she whispered; “I shouldn’t have left you there.” She walked over to the bench opposite me and sank down – fucking collapsed.
“I told you to go,” I said in a gruff tone, feeling a hole piercing through the defensive armor around my heart. I watched as a lone tear trickled down her cheek and I itched to wipe it away. “I needed you safe from them.” The thought of JD getting his hands on Thorn had been the driving force behind my decision to get her out of there. I had no regrets about it. JD drove us off the road that night and I was under no illusion of what would have happened if he had gotten his hands on her. He would have made me pay for my defection with her blood.
Teagan roughly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and inhaled shakily. “But I should have stayed, Noah.”
“Doesn’t matter now,” I shot back, dismissing her regret and the burning pain in my chest. “I was in a bad fucking way after the crash, Thorn,” I said, continuing quickly. “My ribs were all fucked up and I had a concussion so when Reese handed me a shitload of painkillers I didn’t think twice about taking them – before telling her to go.”
Teagan’s face contorted in actual pain, but I didn’t let that stop me. I was getting this off my chest once and for all, regardless of the painful memories it was resurfacing.
“And then, when I was out of it and too fucking drowsy to know who was there,” I snarled, chest heaving with anger and pain. “Reese Tanner climbed on top of me and raped me.”
“No.” Teagan voice was laced with desperation and anger as she shook her head, fervently denying what I had told her – like I knew she would.
“Yes,” I shot back, just as passionately. “You wanted the truth, Thorn, well there it is.”
“She didn’t… She couldn’t have. I saw you with her,” she rambled, voice rising hysterically. “You were enjoying it, Noah.”
“Because I thought it was you,” I roared back hoarsely.
“This makes no sense,” she muttered, arguing with herself. “I know what I saw.” Throwing off the towel she had around her shoulders, she leapt up and paced the floor. “Why didn’t you report it?”
“I did, Teagan, and they didn’t believe me either – laughed in my goddamn face,” I added, running a hand through my hair and laughing harshly. My body was trembling, but I forced myself to continue and lay everything out there. “When I came to and saw you leaving, I lost my goddamn mind and went after you – ”
“You followed me?” she whispered, covering her mouth with her hand. She took a step towards me before taking two steps back.
“Damn fuckin straight I followed you,” I shot back, chest heaving. “You were my whole life. I wasn’t about to sit back and watch you leave me.”
“But you said you were on house arrest.” Her brows furrowed. “And you totaled your car at the quarry the night before, so how did you even follow me…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes widened as the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place in her mind. “Oh Noah,” she croaked out. “What did you do?”
“I broke into your uncle’s house, swiped your car keys, and stole your car,” I tossed out without shame or remorse. “I wrecked that too, in case you were wondering.” I laughed harshly. “Your uncle loved that. Fucker threw me under the bus for it.”
“He pressed charges on you?” she demanded, appalled, as she closed the gap between us.
“Of course he did,” I hissed, throwing my head back in a fucked up mix of pain and agitation. “He wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to keep you away from me for an extra year or two.”
“I can’t get my head around this,” she whispered, pressing her fingers against her temples. “I can’t…”
“Can’t or don’t want to?” I shot back in disgust.
She blanched. “What do you mean?”
“You wanted an explanation, and I gave you one. You needed an outlet for your anger and I let you use my body as a punching bag.” Reaching out, I caught her chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look me in the eyes and fucking hear me. “But if you’re waiting on me to apologize for something I didn’t do, then you’ll be waiting until hell freezes over.”
“You’re not perfect in this either, Noah,” she screamed, pressing her small hands against my chest, putting space between our bodies. “You lied to me too,” she rambled, clutching at straws. “You were supposed to get on that plane with me. But you didn’t. You left me.”
“That was different,” I replied flatly, leaning against the lockers behind me.
“How?” she demanded, getting up in my face once again. “How is you leaving me any different?”
“Because I left you to save your goddamn life,” I roared, cupping the back of her neck and dragging her closer to me. “They knew you were my weakness and if I didn’t fight that night they would have gone after you. They would have used you against me – hurt you to hurt me. I was always coming back for you, but I couldn’t put your life in danger.”
Pressing my forehead against hers, I inhaled short fast breaths as I struggled to remain in control of myself. “Admit you were wrong, Thorn,” I hissed, eyes locked on hers. “Just say it and we can move on.”
She shook her head as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I can’t.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded, releasing her roughly. “Why can’t you just swallow that damn pride of yours?”
“How can I believe you?” she whispered almost franticly as she clawed at her hair. “How can I be sure you’re not making this up? You walk back into my life after all these years and expect me to believe this…crap?”
“Because I’ve never lied to you,” I roared, furious and hurt. “Not fucking once. And somewhere deep down in that frozen fucking heart of yours, you know it.”
“This is too much.” Dropping her head, she let out a harsh sob. “It hurts too much.”
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I said wearily, feeling the last glimmer of hope inside of me shrivel up and die. Shaking my head, I turned around and grabbed my bag out of my locker before throwing it over my shoulder. “Believe what you want, Thorn. I’m done.”
She swung around and gaped at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean it’s over, Teagan,” I told her. “I’m done.”
“Why?”
“Why?” One word that caused the rage inside of me to explode violently. “Why?” I repeated again, unable to believe my fucking ears. “Are you actually asking me that?”
“Yes why,” she choked out, rushing around me to block the doorway. “Why did you come back for me? Why did you sleep with me and tell me all this if you’re done?”
“Because I wanted to prove a point,” I roared in her face. “I wanted to see if I could still get you on your back with your legs spread open, and it turns out I can.” I was an asshole – being unnecessarily cruel to her, and I knew I should stop, but I was fucking wounded. She didn’t believe me. She doubted me like every other motherfucker and I couldn’t get
past it. “You were an itch I needed to scratch Teagan. That’s all.”
“Fine,” she screamed. “Walk away. Leave me.”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I turned my back on her and stormed out of the changing room.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Those were the first words Lucky said to me when I walked through the doors of the gym.
I shook my head.
“Just get me the hell out of here, man.”
“I’m on it.” He fell into step with me as I stalked up the back stairwell of the gym and out into the street.
Cameras flashed in my face the second I stepped out the front entrance and into the heavy shower of rain.
People called out my name, looking for a picture and an autograph but I couldn’t do it.
Not today.
Not with the fucking blonde fruitcake from my past and that look of disbelief in her eyes. Goddammit, fighting was my sanctuary and in the ring I was king. I couldn’t afford to lose focus. I had to stay in control. Teagan was blowing everything I had spent the last eighteen months working for to pieces.
“Noah, wait!” Teagan called out when I reached the rental car, and I threw my head back and cursed loudly.
Ignoring every ounce of common sense I had inside of me that was demanding I ignore her and walk the fuck away for once and for all, I turned around.
FEAR OF LOSING HIM PERMANENTLY propelled me as I scrambled through the crowd that had formed outside the entrance of the gym, calling out his name at the top of my lungs. “So that’s what this was all about for you – to prove a point?” I asked, breathless when I reached his side. “Why would you do that to me?”
My eyes landed on the cut on his cheekbone and I cringed. I shouldn’t have put my hands on him. Violence was never the answer. I knew this, but when I was around him, my brain checked out and my heart did the thinking. And right now my heart was hurt, angry, and confused. I was losing it. Everything I had worked for was crumbling down around me. I was falling in love with him all over again and it was overwhelming me.