by Lucy Monroe
“You mean like having children?”
“That was one thing. She didn’t want kids and I didn’t want to try to be a dad when my life was dominated by my job in the Rangers. I’d seen too many marriages split, leaving kids devastated.”
“You got married thinking you might get divorced?”
“The divorce rate in the Rangers is eighty percent. I had to consider the possibility.”
“Even so, that’s a pretty cynical attitude.”
“I was right.”
She couldn’t exactly argue with that. “What happened?”
“I came back from assignment and found my wife having sex on the coffee table with one of my Ranger buddies.”
“On the coffee table?” The image was mind-boggling.
“Yeah. They were going at it so hot and heavy, they didn’t even realize I’d come into the room until I dumped a bucket of ice water on them. I never got so lost in sex with Melody that I didn’t know what was going on around me. To tell you the truth, it pissed me off that he was getting something from her I hadn’t managed to find. Complete oblivion.”
She put the rest of his comments in the back of her mind to dissect later and focused on how he’d handled the situation. “You dumped ice water on them?”
“It beat taking my Ranger brother apart until there was nothing left.”
“Brother?”
“Brother. Being in the Special Forces is an intense way of life. If you can’t trust your buddies absolutely, you can’t do your job.” He sounded like he was reciting incontrovertible truth. “You believe they’ll cover your back no matter what it takes, and you’ll risk your life to cover theirs. You learn to trust them more than your own family.”
“And your brother betrayed you?”
“Yes.” Joshua’s expression hardened and she could almost feel sorry for the other man. “Melody’s betrayal hurt. I won’t pretend it didn’t. I was still a kid with illusions about love.”
And those illusions had been smashed to little bitty pieces, both by his ex-wife’s betrayal and his own less-than-consuming emotional reaction to it.
“But my buddy’s betrayal made me reevaluate my priorities, who I trusted, and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.”
“And you decided you’d rather be a soldier of fortune than an enlisted man.”
“I didn’t trust my buddy anymore. I wondered how many of the other Rangers would let me down in the right set of circumstances. It was a bad mental attitude. Dangerous. When it came time to re-up, I chose to go it on my own.”
“But you still wanted to be a soldier?” Amazing how she could carry on a conversation with her heart a dead weight within her.
“Yes, but I decided that if I couldn’t trust my companions, I might as well be in a situation where I knew that was the case than one in which I had a false sense of belief in their integrity.”
“You trust Hotwire and Nitro.” If he denied it, she’d call him a liar.
The bond between the three of them was extraordinary.
“We were buddies in the Rangers. They stuck it out for another tour, but they both had their own reasons for leaving and when they did, I talked them into joining me. I trust them because they’ve each proven themselves in numerous ways.”
“It goes both ways, though, doesn’t it? They trust you, too.”
“It’s more than any of us ended up having in the Rangers.”
“So, your marriage convinced you that you weren’t capable of romantic love?” she said, going back to the aspect of the conversation that concerned her most deeply.
The one that was tearing her apart on the inside.
“It convinced me that erotic love rarely lasts.”
Funny, she was pretty sure the love she felt for him would last for the rest of her life. There was a big dose of erotic love in there, but he got to her on a level that went much deeper, too. If she told him, he would probably deny it, but she knew that even if she never saw him again, she would not be able to forget him or stop loving him.
Clearly, he didn’t feel the same way toward her, and as much as she wanted to blame him, she couldn’t. He’d never once implied anything more on his part than physical desire. He’d said it was more than sex, but she now realized he was most likely talking about the friendship that had developed between them and his willingness to help her for Bella’s sake.
They had a family connection, but not a heart connection, and hers was bleeding to death because of it.
“I can’t believe you let one bad experience convince you of something so important.”
He let out an impatient breath. “It didn’t, not completely. I’ve been divorced for over a decade. I’ve had some very satisfying sexual relationships, but I’ve never found anything like what Jake and Bella have.”
Which told her in unequivocal terms just what his feelings for her were.
He could not have the same intense tenderness and need growing inside him toward her that she felt toward him and deny his ability to feel true love.
She turned her face away, her eyes closing on the tears she was not about to give in to. “I think I’ll take a nap.”
He reached out and brushed her temple.
She flinched, his touch hurting in a way that had nothing to do with the physical.
“Are you still in pain, Lise?” Concern deepened his voice and she fought the urge to latch onto it.
“Yes.” It was the truth, even if she wasn’t talking about her head.
He didn’t say anything else and eventually her body relaxed into sleep.
When she woke up they were flying directly toward the side of a mountain.
She sucked in her breath and then opened her mouth in a silent scream as Joshua tilted the plane on its side and they flew into the crevice of a ravine. The next few minutes were harrowing as he expertly guided the plane through twists and turns that made her stomach flip with each dip of the wings.
Then there was a landing strip in front of them and he was bringing the plane to a smooth stop.
“Is that how you land your plane every time you come home?” she asked, her stomach roiling.
“Yes, but it’s nothing compared to landing in Hong Kong. There, you’re maneuvering between skyscrapers.”
She didn’t even want to imagine it and made a mental note never to fly into Hong Kong. “Whose bright idea was it to put the landing strip in a ravine?”
“Mine.” He grinned at her, the smile stopping the breath in her chest. “You wake up cranky.”
She certainly had today, anyway, both that morning and just now. “Not always,” she defended herself.
“No, not always.” And the look he gave her left no uncertainty about what he was remembering.
The way she woke up in his arms.
Cranky could not begin to describe her attitude then, but that wasn’t something she wanted to dwell on right now.
“Stop that,” she grumbled.
One dark brow arched. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Why did you choose such a dangerous landing strip?”
“It’s not dangerous if you know what you’re doing.”
“I think the people who die mountain climbing every year say the same thing.”
“You really are in a bad mood.” His brows drew together. “Are you feeling okay?”
She closed her eyes and sighed before opening them and forcing a smile that was a little ragged around the edges. “I’m fine, I just don’t get why you built your landing strip this way unless you like the testosterone rush it gives you pitting your skills against such a harrowing takeoff and landing.”
He searched her face as if trying to decide whether or not she was telling the truth about feeling okay. “Being in the ravine makes it virtually impossible to detect from the air. The locals don’t know it’s here because there’s a town at the base of the mountain on the other side with a municipal airport, so the jet noise doesn’t cause any suspicion.”
She frowned,
unbuckling her safety belt. “You’ve got a real thing for privacy.”
He was already moving into the main cabin. “In my line of work, it can mean the difference between life and death.”
Chilled at the reminder, she followed him.
In the main cabin, she grabbed the coat she’d bought after moving to Seattle and zipped herself into it. Even so, the frigid air outside about stole her breath when he released the plane’s door.
He heard her gasp and turned to face her. “That’s not going to do it.”
He went to the rear of the plane, lifted one of the seats on top of a storage compartment, and came back carrying a big black parka. He put it on her right over her own coat, pulled the hood up and hooked clasps that kept it snug to her face despite it being several sizes too big.
“Tuck your hands up into it. I’ll get the luggage.”
She didn’t argue, but followed him down the plane steps feeling like Nanook of the North.
They were standing on the tarmac, the only surface not covered in snow within sight, when she asked, “I presume there is a regular road to your home?”
There certainly wasn’t one anywhere around the landing strip that she could see.
“On the town side.”
“So, how do we get to your house now?”
They got there on the back of an oversized snowmobile, her clinging to him like a lifeline with her face buried against his back to avoid the cold sting of the wind and small snow flurries. Tucked inside the big parka, she was barely aware of the cold as the snowmobile carried them across the landscape.
About fifteen minutes later, he stopped the snowmobile, but did not turn it off.
She lifted her face from the security of his back and got her first look at Joshua’s home.
All natural wood and lots of windows, it reminded her of something straight out of Architectural Digest. It soared toward the sky like an eagle ready to take flight.
“Wow,” she breathed.
He didn’t answer. He probably hadn’t heard her over the high whine of the snowmobile.
She didn’t know what she had expected Joshua’s home to look like, but this incredible house on the side of a mountain was not it.
He guided the snowmobile into a large outbuilding she recognized as a garage when she saw an SUV and a black Jag, both parked inside the heated interior. It probably wasn’t much above forty, but compared to outside, it felt like a sauna.
Once the noisy vehicle had been switched off and her ears stopped ringing from the cold ride, she said, “Your house is beautiful.”
“Thanks.” Joshua grabbed her cases and his duffel bag off the back of the snowmobile. “Nitro designed it.”
“Nitro?” she asked, following Joshua around the back of the house to an entrance she hadn’t seen from the garage.
Joshua unlocked the door, but didn’t answer. He went inside and did a quick sequence on a keypad inside before turning to face her. “Yeah, you should see his house.”
“He’s got hidden depths.” Which was an understatement. With that man, pretty much everything was hidden.
“Don’t we all?”
She wasn’t touching that with asbestos gloves.
She shrugged off both the oversized parka and her own coat. “You live here alone?”
“As you pointed out, I like my privacy.” He hung the coats on hooks in the mudroom before leading her into the house proper.
“It’s awfully big for a single man.”
He shrugged. “It’s a fortress.”
She had a feeling he wasn’t kidding.
That feeling was justified when she got her first glimpse of his bedroom, which could have doubled for command central. Video screens, what looked like a map grid with LED displays, and other impressive hi-tech equipment took up one corner of the huge room.
However, there was no doubt that it was a bedroom. A king-size bed dominated the center of the space, its charcoal gray comforter sporting a painting of a realistic-looking lone wolf in the middle. The animal’s eyes were those of a predator used to traveling alone, like Joshua’s eyes when she’d met him the first time. She wondered who had painted the wolf.
He dropped her suitcase and computer case on a large black leather recliner beside a standing lamp.
Apparently he expected her to share his room and that big bed under the lone wolf comforter. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
He’d made no promises of love before making love to her in her own apartment and she had been okay with it. So, why did knowing he definitely did not love her make her feel odd about continuing their intimate relationship?
Hoping it wasn’t something she’d have to deal with right away, she took in the odd characteristics of the room besides the command center. There were no windows, but the room was filled with natural light and, looking up, she saw why. A skylight the size of a plate-glass window took up a large portion of the ceiling.
“Is it made of bulletproof glass?” she asked, nodding toward his window in the ceiling.
“You know me well. Yes.”
Skies as gray as any she’d experienced in Seattle made up the uninspiring view. She wondered how he kept the snow off the skylight, or the roof, for that matter. It hadn’t really struck her until now, but the roof of the house had been free of snow as well.
When she asked him about it, Joshua shook his head. “I’ve worked with independent agents who aren’t as aware of their surroundings as you are.” His smile was one of approval. “The roof is heated with water-radiant heat. We don’t get as much snow as some areas in the country, but we get enough that I built the house with that in mind.”
“It must cost a great deal to heat the water.”
He shook his head. “It’s fed by natural hot springs that run underground. A section of the lower level of the house is built over one of the exposed pools.”
“Is that how you keep the landing strip de-iced, too?”
“Yes. It prevents me from having to have domestic help to keep the walkways, landing strip, and roof free of snow.”
“Ah, the privacy issue again.”
He shrugged and she walked over to the bed, stopping to run her finger along the outline of the wolf. “How fitting.”
Looking up, she found Joshua watching her.
The expression in his eyes filled her with conflicting emotions, none of which she wanted to deal with right now.
“What’s with all the surveillance equipment?”
“I like to know what’s happening in my environment.”
“Your house is under video surveillance?”
“The entryways and passages between the rooms, yes.”
“What’s that thing?” She pointed to the grid map.
“No one comes up the road from town or within five hundred feet of my house without me knowing about it.”
He pointed to a small yellow light on the grid. “This lights up when a car crosses my motion sensor halfway down the mountain.” His finger moved to the red light next to it. “This one lights up when the car passes the turnoff for the forestry station. These others are indicators for weight sensors set in a random pattern in a circle around my house.”
“With a radius of five hundred feet?” It was unbelievable. The characters in her books were never that thorough.
“The entire approach up the drive is under video surveillance as well.”
“Remarkable.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“You’re safe here, Lise.”
She didn’t doubt it. No wonder he was so confident of setting the trap for Nemesis here.
“Thank you.”
Joshua came over to where she stood by the bed and cupped her nape. “I mean it. I won’t let Nemesis get to you.”
“I believe you.” She stepped back from his touch and ran into the bed. She had to grab his arm to steady herself, but then she scooted sideways, out of his reach. “I really appreciate all you’re doing for me, Joshua.”
“I know. The lone wolf who doesn’t need anybody, not even their honest gratitude.” She hadn’t meant to sound bitter, but the sound of her own voice echoing in her ears was enough to make her cringe in embarrassment.
Joshua didn’t look angry, though; he just looked concerned. “What’s the matter?”
Besides the fact that he didn’t love her, “Absolutely nothing.”
“Do you want to rest for a while? You’re probably drained from the flight,” he said, coming up with his own excuse for her inexplicable behavior. She usually stepped into his touch, not away from it. “CO poisoning takes time to wear off.”
“I napped on the plane.” Even as she said it, she realized he probably wanted a break from her.
Not only was she being unreasonably irritable, but they’d spent a lot of time together over the last few days. He was most likely going stir-crazy for some time alone.
“Why don’t you lie down and see?” he asked, confirming her suspicions.
“I’m not tired, but you don’t need to feel responsible for entertaining me. Really, you don’t. I’ll work on my book while you do whatever it is you normally do when you get home after a long absence.”
He had said he’d been out of the country before coming to her apartment in Seattle and he hadn’t left her side since. He probably had a lot of real life to catch up on and she was in the way.
“I’m not looking for an excuse to get rid of you. I probably should have left you in the hospital at least one more day, but I didn’t want to risk Nemesis doing something that could hurt you, or the people around you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”
He let out an exasperated breath and frowned at her. “I would feel a lot better if you’d at least try to rest. You were still in pain on the flight over here.”
“Joshua, you’ve got the wrong build to be anyone’s mother, so stop trying to mollycoddle me, okay? If I say I’m up to writing, then that’s what I mean.” Cryin’ out loud, couldn’t she even try for diplomatic?
But then, the sublety of a Mack truck might be lost on this man.
“You’re damn stubborn.”