by Lane Hart
At least shit seems to be going great for Ivan. I don’t regret helping him what little that I did when he needed me to have his back. To know that he loved me enough that he was ready and willing to turn himself in for Russo’s murder to save me, like I would do for him, is humbling since I’ve never had anyone willing to sacrifice so much for me. Not that I would have let him go through with it.
I messed up by not covering up my ink and that stupid mistake almost cost me, Ivan, and Cain our freedom.
Thank god Maylin’s dad, Liam, picked that moment to step up and take the heat off of us. To make it up to him, Ivan is probably gonna be Liam’s bitch with the Irish and Italians mafias for the rest of his life, but hey, Ivan got to marry the woman he loved in exchange, so it seems like a pretty fair trade to me. I don’t even feel that guilty about it either, because I’m pretty sure the old ginger was planning to con Ivan into the role from the moment he found out he was Russo’s son. That shit didn’t have much to do with me and my tats being identifiable by the police.
Speaking of the police, I’ve seen the same unmarked cruiser drive past Jade’s house twice a day, every day that my ass has been sitting here. The man inside looks right at me but never stops to ask what the fuck I’m doing, so maybe he’s not checking the place out because it’s Jade’s but because it’s just his normal street to patrol.
Either way, I feel a little better knowing that Jade and our baby have that extra safety in the neighborhood in case I’m not around and something happens.
And of course I’m not going to be around.
I have no doubt that I’ll only have a few minutes to talk to Jade before she blows me off for good, so I need to make it count. That’s why I’ve been sitting here almost the entire week thinking of what I’ll tell her, practicing it, and then scratching it all to start over because I know there’s not a damn thing I can say to convince her to give me another chance. She already gave me one, and I blew it. I don’t deserve another one, but fuck, if I don’t want it more than my next breath.
When a silver Altima pulls into the driveway, I have to momentarily close my eyes and open them again to make sure I’m not hallucinating. Nope, she’s really here. Finally!
I get to my feet and start slowly walking in the direction of her car despite how badly I want to run over and grab her to feel every inch of her and make sure she’s okay, especially the baby. If I do that, she’ll likely pull her gun on me, so I hang back.
“Jade! Jesus. Where have you been?” I exclaim when she climbs out of the car with her purse and small suitcase, unable to stop myself from sounding like a possessive asshole. I need to not only know that she’s okay, but I also want to know where the hell she was for seven days and nights. Were there any men there? Did any of them touch her? If so, can I kill them?
“What are you doing here?” Jade asks as she slams her door and looks around the neighborhood for possible witnesses. Witnesses of us together or witnesses of her shooting me; I’m not entirely sure which.
“I was worried about you. It’s been a week…” I start.
“You should be worried about yourself!” she mutters through clenched teeth. “And you really shouldn’t be here! It’s not safe, and I don’t want to get dragged even further into your shit!”
Reeling back in confusion, I say, “You haven’t heard?”
“Heard what?” she asks.
“Liam turned himself in. I’m no longer a wanted man. The video never went widespread through the media either.”
“Oh,” she says with her brow bunched in consideration of that unexpected information. Fuck, I hope it makes a difference… “Well, I’m sure you’ll remedy that soon by doing something else idiotic and getting arrested.”
Goddamn it.
“So that’s it? You’re not gonna give me another chance?”
Blowing out a breath, she says, “Knox, the problem is that I could give you a hundred chances, and you would probably use every single one of them up.”
“I don’t need a hundred chances! All I’m asking for is one. Just one more! Please!”
“No.” Her answer is swift, and her tone leaves no room for argument.
“No? You didn’t even think about it.”
“All I’ve thought about for seven days is you, and the answer is no, Knox.” Gesturing between us, she says, “I can’t deal with this, with you, right now. It’s too much.”
“Come on, Jade. I can be better for you. I know I can, and you do too or you wouldn’t have let me stay the other night,” I tell her as she starts to walk past me with her eyes down, digging in her purse for her keys. I try to remind her of how fucking amazing we were together, even if it was only a few hours. When she doesn’t stop or slow down, my fists clench tightly by my sides, and it takes all of the self-control I have not to reach for her.
“I already know all that I need to know about you. Goodbye, Knox,” she says before she unlocks the front door and disappears inside.
“FUCK!” I roar to the sky loud enough for the entire city block to hear.
…
Jade
I startle at the sound of Knox’s anguished scream from the front yard, hating how tortured it sounds and remembering the look on his face when I first pulled up. I’m not sure how long he’s been waiting outside my house; but if I had to guess, it’s probably been more than a few hours.
He’s stubborn, I’ll give him that, but my mind was made up before I even left Emerald Isle.
Or at least it was until Knox threw a curve ball at me.
Liam O’Donnell turned himself in, letting Knox and the other guys off the hook. That doesn’t really explain why the police gave up on the search for them as his accomplices unless Liam made some sort of plea deal. That must be it if Knox has been walking around in broad daylight for a week without getting arrested.
That’s a relief certainly since I didn’t want Knox to get arrested for a murder he didn’t commit. And I do believe Ivan when he said he’s the one who pulled the trigger. But does that mean that I’m ready to forget that Knox was part of a murder even though he didn’t get caught?
No.
At least, I don’t think so.
For a split-second outside when he told me he was home free, I had a moment of hesitation regarding my decision to sever ties with Knox, at least until the baby is here. My main reason was that the stress surrounding him was at least partially responsible, if not totally, for putting our daughter at risk of preterm labor. Thinking of losing her now that I’ve grown so attached is scary. I can’t take the chance that Knox will dig himself into more trouble and send me right back to the hospital.
After she’s born, then I’ll let him see her for supervised visits. But for now, that’s all I can offer him until I can see improvements in his lifestyle, which means no more strippers, no more illegal fights, no more mafia dealings, and definitely no more murder charges.
The fact that I still want him in my bed just isn’t enough of a reason for me to keep seeing him.
So for now, I’ll keep my distance.
At least as far as he knows.
Chapter Twenty-One
Knox
I tilt up the bottle of vodka, letting the final drop sit on my tongue to savor what will be my very last taste.
I’m so fucking done, not just with getting shitfaced but with everything.
Jade doesn’t want me, and she never will. It was stupid to think for even one second that I could figure out how to be a halfway decent boyfriend or father.
No one has ever wanted me, and no one is ever going to.
The guys are moving on with their lives that I don’t really fit into. Ivan’s staying with Maylin at her house now that they’re married and he’s running the business for her dad, and Cain and Gabby just got their own apartment. I’ve been totally and completely alone here for three, long, boring weeks. I can’t take the loneliness anymore. The emptiness that I was born with has consumed all of me.
The walls of
my bedroom that I’ve refused to leave other than to puke, piss, or buy more liquor have been closing in on me, and the Smith & Wesson revolver Jade let me borrow has been calling to me a little more each day. I’ve been holding it in my left hand and the liquor bottle in my right for hours, waiting until I drink it all down so that I can switch hands. The metal is no longer cool after being warmed by my palm for so long, and I swear the damn thing has gotten lighter too, making it easier to lift to my temple when hours ago I couldn’t get it higher than my chest. That must mean I’m ready to do this even if the tears streaming down my face make me feel like a fucking pussy.
I rest my finger on the trigger, count to three, hold my breath, and then pull it back…
Other than a small pop, nothing fucking happens.
All the air rushes out of my lungs, along with a sob. My heart is beating ten times faster than normal as I lower the gun to my lap and open the barrel.
Goddamn it.
There’s not a single bullet inside.
What the hell? I know it was loaded just this morning. Or was that yesterday morning when I crammed the bullets into it?
I climb off the bed and stumble over to my closet where I keep the box of bullets on a shelf, but they’re gone too. Shit.
An annoying chirping that I eventually recognize is my cell phone sounds from somewhere on the floor. I start to ignore it and go back to what I was doing; but since I can’t find a single fucking bullet in my room, I collapse down on the floor beside it, dropping the gun to answer. I know it’s stupid, but I still get my hopes up that it’s Jade.
It’s not.
“Yeah?” I answer after I see Ivan’s name.
“Hey, man, sorry to bother you. Are you busy?” he asks.
A bark of laughter escapes my lips. “You have horrible fucking timing,” I tell him with a sniffle.
“What’s up? You okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, awesome. What do you need?”
“That obvious, huh? Well everything at Escapades is going to shit. The cops busted us last night for prostitution, arrested six of the girls and several customers, then threatened to shut us down!”
“No shit?” I ask, unable to help but wonder if Jade was behind the bust.
“Liam is mad as hell and blaming this on me. I would go down there and straighten things out myself, but Maylin would probably never let me in the house again…”
Sighing in understanding, I scrub a still shaking hand down my face and ask, “You want me to watch over the strippers, keep them off drugs and dicks for you?”
“I’ll pay you.”
“You don’t have to pay me to be a bouncer,” I grumble.
“No, not a bouncer. I need you to manage the place and help run things until I can hire someone dependable.”
“Great, manager.”
“Seriously, I’ll pay you a grand a night. You need to save up for the baby anyway, right?”
“The baby, right,” I say before clearing the emotion from my throat. I haven’t had the balls to tell Ivan and Cain that Jade’s kicked my ass to the curb for good.
“Thanks. Can you start tonight?”
“What else do I have to do?” I ask as I eye the worthless gun that’s lying on the floor beside me.
“Aren’t you training for a fight? You’re supposed to be the last one on the card.”
“Right, training. I’m ready,” I lie since I can’t remember the last time I went to the gym. Without Ivan and Cain there, it’s just not the same.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound…off tonight,” Ivan says.
“Fucking amazing. Never better,” I lie.
“You sure? I’m sorry things have been so busy. We’ll hang out soon, okay?”
“Yeah, sounds good. And don’t worry. I’ll whip those sluts into shape for you.”
“Thanks, man. I owe you.”
“No problem. Go spend some time with your wife and stop worrying about strippers.”
“I will,” he replies with a chuckle. “See ya.”
If Ivan needs me, I’ll pull my shit together and sober up, but only for him.
A voice inside my head also says I should do it for my son or daughter, and that I’m giving up too easily.
I’m that baby’s father whether Jade likes it or not. That means I have the right to see him or her, and she can’t just take that away from me. If I have to go to court and get visitation, then, by God, I’ll do it.
Why didn’t I think about that shit sooner?
Thank fuck that gun didn’t have any bullets in it.
…
Jade
“I fucking hate this shithole,” I grumble to Rodriquez, my partner in the stakeout of Escapades tonight. “Why can’t they shut this place down for good? We arrested six girls for whoring themselves out last week!”
“What crawled up your ass tonight?” Rodriquez asks.
“Nothing.”
“Sure,” he drawls. “Man trouble?”
“Of course not. Why would you think that?” I huff.
“I don’t know, maybe because of that big ass belly you’re sporting without a ring on your finger.”
“Whatever.”
Grabbing the binoculars, I zoom in on the sedan that just pulled up in the parking lot and wait for the owner to step out. “Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.”
I’d recognize Knox anywhere by the blue streaks in his hair and by his muscular frame. I just never expected to see him so dressed up in a freaking suit.
“What? Who is it?” Rodriquez asks when he jerks the binoculars out of my hands.
“No one.”
“Oh, yeah, I recognize him. Been here every night this week.”
“Are you kidding me?” I scoff.
“Could he be a new mafioso player.”
“No way,” I reply. Jesus, why am I still defending him? It’s like an automatic response I have no control over.
“Judging by the suits he always wears, and how long he stays inside, it looks like he could be.”
“He’s not part of that.”
“How can you be so sure?” Rodriguez asks.
Instead of explaining, I tell him, “I’m going in. Stay here.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“I’m your boss, and I say it is,” I grumble as I open the door and climb out.
On the way to the front door, I debate flashing my badge and emptying the place out; but since I’m only supposed to just be on a stakeout tonight, I decide to play it cool and pay the cover charge. Inside the main room where a topless blonde is wrapped around a pole, I look for Knox but don’t see him, so I go up and ask one of the bouncers.
“Do you know where I can find Knox?”
“Mr. Engle is in his office,” he tells me.
“His office?” I repeat in confusion. “Show me.”
The big goon meanders down a short hallway, and then I’m looking in the same office I arrested Mario Guerra in just months ago. But instead of Guerra occupying it, Knox is sitting behind the desk in that sexy, dark suit rather than his normal jeans and t-shirt, with a girl in nothing but her black bra and panties sitting on the desk right in front of him. Her legs are spread wide in offering, one bare foot inching up the top of his thigh.
“Wow,” I mutter aloud without thought. The word is loud enough to catch Knox’s attention. He glances over at the doorway, and then his neck nearly snaps when he does a double take.
“Jade? What are you doing here?” he asks as he shoves the rolling chair backward and jumps to his feet. And I hate to admit even to myself that he looks damn good dressed up for the role of slut manager.
“You’re obviously moving up in the world of crime. Just don’t forget that the last three men who sat in that seat are all in prison. How long will it be before you join them? At least you’ll have some fun until then…”
“It’s not like that.”
“Right, of course not. Oh, and I guess you forgot to tell me that y
our buddy, Ivan, is now the man controlling not only the Italian mafia but the Irish as well.”
“He didn’t have a choice,” he replies in a rush.
“Just like you didn’t have one when you took a job working here?”
“Ivan needed my help. It’s temporary, and I’m earning good money while trying to keep the girls straight.”
“And getting all the ass you want is a nice benefit too, right?” I reply with a nod in the direction of the whore, who is still perched on top of his desk watching our conversation with amusement on her made-up face.
Knox looks behind him as if he had forgotten his half-naked companion.
“Get out, Jasmine,” he orders, and she finally slides her thong-covered ass off the wood and then struts past me in her heels out the door.
“I don’t want her or any of the other girls,” Knox says as soon as she’s gone. “I want you, but you shut me out of your life. What the hell are you even doing here, Jade?”
“I’m here for work. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
“No shit. The world wouldn’t care if I live or die, so I know it doesn’t revolve around me. But deny it all you want, you came in here looking for me tonight.”
“Just…just stay away from me,” I tell him.
“Hey, you’re the one stalking me!” he declares as I turn to leave. “Jade, wait! At least tell me how the baby’s doing.”
“She’s fine,” I throw over my shoulder before thinking about my choice of words.
“She? You found out for sure?”
“Yeah, thankfully there was no penis on the ultrasound, so they’re pretty sure it’s a girl.”
“You saw her?”
With a sigh, I turn around and tell him, “I had an ultrasound a few weeks ago when I was having contractions…”
“You had contractions?!” he exclaims as he comes closer. “When? Is everything okay?”
“No, the doctor said that all the stress in my life wasn’t good for her. That’s why I took that week of vacation.”
Scrubbing a hand down his face, Knox says, “Oh, God, Jade. I’m so sorry. I wish you had told me…”