by Annie Seaton
“Yes…we sleep in the same bedroom.”
“You know what I mean. Are you sleeping together?”
“Yes, I sleep and he sleeps.”
“Jeez, Jemmy! Do I have to spell it out?” Lucy’s eyes were sparkling with naughtiness. Give her a wine and she always got too personal. “Have you done the deed?”
“What?” Jemima burst out laughing. “You sound like you did when you were sixteen and first falling for Garth. But no—not that it’s any of your business—we haven’t ‘done the deed,’ as you so rudely ask.” She shook her head and sipped her wine as the kids’ voices drifted in from the spare bedroom where they were watching a movie. “And we won’t.”
“Why not? He’s a red-blooded man, and you have a need, don’t you?”
“Honestly, Lucy. You’re awful when you drink wine. I thought you were off it while you were breast feeding?”
“James is half on the bottle now, so I can have the occasional wine. I couldn’t keep up with him, hungry little man.” Lucy reached down and ran her fingers over the baby’s downy head.
“He’s certainly growing.” Jemima looked over at her chubby nephew lying on a colourful play mat.
“So?” Lucy tipped her head to the side.
“So what?”
“You have needs, don’t you?”
“Really, Lucy! Well, yes, of course I do. But that’s not part of the deal.”
“What would it hurt? Have you talked about it?”
“No, we haven’t mentioned it. Jeez, Lucy, I feel disloyal to Ned talking about this.”
“Why? He’s not your husband?”
“He is, legally.”
“But he’s not really your husband, especially if you’re not having sex. I don’t think you guys thought this through well enough.”
“Ssh. Keep your voice down.” Jemima swallowed. Not because she was embarrassed by Lucy’s suggestion but because she’d lain in the same bedroom as Ned last night, thinking the same thing. Lucy had just put her thoughts into words. “I don’t want Garth to hear.”
“He won’t hear. He’s absorbed in his cattle prices. How a man can sit there for hours and look at weights and figures, I’ll never know.”
“It’s your livelihood.” Jemima was pleased that Lucy had got off the subject of her sex life, but the relief was short-lived.
“So you’re skirting around it?”
“No, we haven’t even discussed it.” Jemima frowned. Lying in bed next to Ned with the pillow fence between them, wondering what it would be like to snuggle up against him—and more—didn’t count as discussion.
“Do you find him attractive?” Her cousin wasn’t going to drop it.
“Of course I do! He’s a fine looking man, and he’s a good man. I like him, and I respect him.”
“And you lust after him, too?” Lucy said with a giggle.
“Lucy!” Jemima looked around, but Garth wasn’t interested in their conversation. He was focused on his computer screen.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing to discuss.” Jemima put her wine glass on the coffee table and leaned back in the chair. “I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation.”
“It’s not natural, you know.”
“Lucy, for God’s sake. His wife died, and I’m looking after his kids. I’m the nanny or the governess, whatever tag suits the role. It’s not that sort of relationship. In fact, there’s no relationship. There was never going to be. It’s business, pure and simple. I’m helping Ned, and I’m proving that I am going to stay. He said he’ll give me a great reference at the end of the year. Even if I can’t get a job at the school, there are always plenty of governess’ positions advertised. I’ve looked in The Land.”
“Not the sort you want.” Lucy smiled over the rim of her wine glass.
“No more,” Jemima said, holding up her hand. “Can we talk about something else? The kids are occupied, and I was hoping for a bit of down time. Being a housekeeper, and nanny, and helping with homework, and learning to cook, and shop is heavy going. Not to mention, all the emotional stuff that goes with being part of a family household.”
Trying not to be affectionate with the kids was doing Jemima’s head in. She had to think every minute of the day.
“Not for much longer, sweetheart.”
“What’s not for much longer?”
“Your down time. Here comes the good-looking guy that you’re sleeping with but not sleeping with.” Lucy’s smile spoke volumes.
“Lucy,” Jemima hissed. “For goodness sake, keep your voice down, and get that secret smile off your face. That’s the last time I’m drinking wine with you. Now behave!”
Jemima jumped up, hurried across the living room, and opened the front door before Lucy could get out of her chair.
“Hi, Ned. Come in. Good meeting?” She glanced over at Lucy and shook her head as she mouthed to her, Be good.
Garth looked up from the computer through his open office door. “Ah, at last, Ned. You can save me from a chick-talk-slow-and-painful death.”
Jemima froze and glared at Lucy again as Ned chuckled and crossed the room to the door of Garth’s office.
“How did the meeting go, mate? Sorry I couldn’t make it tonight, but I’m way behind on my records.” Garth turned the screen off and stepped into the living room. “Can I offer you a beer?”
“No thanks, but I’d love a cuppa and some leftover pizza, if there’s any. Where are the kids?”
“I’m assuming they’re all asleep in the spare room,” Garth said with a glance at Lucy and Jemima. “Curled up in the king-size bed. They wore themselves out.”
Lucy nodded. “They gorged on pizza and then played with James. We haven’t heard a peep since we put Moana on.”
“I thought that might be the case. I parked near the front door.”
“Jemmy, why don’t you leave them here for the night? Shame to wake them up. Go home with Ned, and you can get the kids tomorrow,” Lucy said brightly.
Jemima gritted her teeth and tried to glare at her cousin, but Ned was blocking her view. “I could sleep here, too, on the foldout lounge, if the kids stay,” she said.
Ned walked across to the kitchen with Garth. “That’s a good idea, Lucy. I’d appreciate it.”
Jemima felt as though her eyes were on stalks like those cartoon characters that Ryan was always watching, but her surprise eased as Ned kept talking. “Because I could use an extra hand in the morning cutting those cattle out. If the kids stay here, you could help.”
Jemima flashed a triumphant look at Lucy. See! Sex is the last thing on Ned’s mind.
Although it did hurt a little bit in a place she kept hidden away from the world. She’d discovered that men merely viewed her as a conquest. Knowing she was simply a trophy on someone’s arm had put a huge dent in her self-confidence.
Okay, so I was lucky enough to be born with good looks. No one ever wanted to get to know the real Jemima Smythe. And Ned was no different. He wasn’t attracted to her at all. If he had been, surely she would have picked up some sort of vibe, sharing a bed with him over the past few months? No, she was purely and simply someone to look after his kids. Even though she’d agreed to the arrangement, she’d been relegated to about fifteenth place in his priorities.
And it hurt. Just a little bit, and it didn’t do a lot for her self-esteem.
Where did she sit in the scheme of things?
After the kids, of course. That she understood. He was their dad, and they’d always come first. Heck, she was just the nanny, and she loved the three of them. Even though she couldn’t hug them.
Which was so hard.
Jemima pushed away the thought of leaving Kelsey, Gwennie, and Ryan at the end of the year.
After the cattle. Well, okay, that was his livelihood and the whole point of their deal. If it wasn’t for the farm, he wouldn’t have needed the bank loan, and he wouldn’t have needed her.
&nbs
p; After the wheat fields he’d just sown. That had been her suggestion. And one that Ned had really appreciated. That was the night he’d lifted her up and swung her around as the kids cheered. Go, Dad!
And she probably came after the new litter of kittens in the hay shed, too.
Oh for goodness sake, stop feeling so sorry for yourself.
“You could always do something about it.” Lucy’s words buzzed around Jemima’s head as she sat there listening to Ned fill Garth in on the alliance meeting.
…
Ned stood in Lucy’s kitchen sipping his tea and looked over at Jemima. Her hair was loose—he loved it when she wore it out, and that wasn’t often enough. She was wearing some sort of casual floaty pants, and her legs were tucked up beneath her, and a glass of wine dangled from her fingers. Her breasts were accentuated by the fitted T-shirt, and he found it hard to look away. She’d put something around her eyes and her lips tonight, and she was even more stunning than usual.
Which was stunning enough without any enhancements.
Ned cleared his throat as she lifted a languid gaze to his, and for a moment, he could have sworn he saw his need reflected in her expression. But it was gone before he could blink. Of course, she wanted to come home and have a good night’s sleep. The last few weeks, the shadows had deepened beneath Jemima’s eyes, and he was worried she was working too hard. What if it became too much for her and she realised she wanted to go back to the city? He’d be caught between a rock and a hard place if that happened.
With the kids not there tonight, there was no need to keep up appearances. He could sleep in Ryan’s bed, and Jemima could get a good night’s sleep. God knew, he needed one. Lying next to her in that king-size bed every night was torture. A couple of nights ago, he’d finally gone to sleep with his fingers clenching the sheet so he didn’t reach over and hold her. He tried not to think about it.
What man wouldn’t be the same with a woman as beautiful as Jemima in bed next to him?
It didn’t mean anything.
Lucy yawned and broke into Ned’s thoughts. “I’m going to bed. Jemmy, if you do decide to sleep on the cane lounge, there’s a spare blanket in the cupboard in the hallway. If you’re going home, I’ll feed the kids in the morning.”
“Have you got Weetbix?” Ned and Jemima spoke together, and he looked at her and laughed.
“Yes, I do. Now get off home,” Lucy said. “I’m going to bed before James wakes up for his next feed.”
Lucy padded softly down the hallway.
“Well?” Ned raised his eyebrows. “Coming or staying?”
His mouth dried as she pushed herself to her feet. Almost six foot of a perfect figure unwound sinuously as she stood. She stretched, and that damned T-shirt clung even tighter.
“I’ll come home,” she said, “and help with the cattle.”
He hid the smile that tugged at his lips, unsure of why he felt so pleased that she wanted to come home with him. Or maybe it was simply because she called it home.
It wasn’t just the help she would give him with the cattle work. The thought of going home to an empty house hadn’t appealed.
But on the other hand, the thought of going home with Jemima, and no children, appealed way too much.
“Night, Garth.”
“See you tomorrow.”
Garth’s eyebrows rose as Jemima turned to the door, and damn if he didn’t wink at Ned.
Ned frowned and shrugged as though he didn’t understand and followed Jemima to the door. He held open the car door for Jemima as she climbed up into the ute. When he was in the driver’s seat and had started the car, she yawned again.
“Sorry. I should know better than to drink wine. But don’t worry, I only had two glasses. I was keeping an eye on the kids. I checked on them just before you came in. The three of them were sound asleep in the king bed. And Ryan took his teddy, so he’s happy.”
“It’s okay, Jemmy. You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re entitled to have some down time. You work too hard.”
He flicked a sideways glance at her. For once, he wished he could find the courage to say what he really wanted instead of being polite and keeping a distance between them. To tell her that not only was he happy with the way she looked after his kids, the way she kept the house, and looked after everything to free him up for the farm work, and the way she was learning to cook for them. He’d like to be able to be honest, for once. He liked having her in the house just because of who she was.
He liked her. Too much.
But he couldn’t tell Jemima the truth. If he told her how bloody hard it was lying so close to her in that bed every night and how he dreamed of running his fingers over her soft skin, it would ruin everything. They had a business relationship, and he liked to think they were slowly developing a friendship, and trust was too big a part of that for him to blow it by telling her what he was thinking most nights.
Besides, it would only be sex. There was no future. He wasn’t looking for a real marriage. He wasn’t going to risk his heart again. And despite what she said, he still couldn’t believe that she really wanted to stay out here in the Outback when the year was up.
Chapter Sixteen
As they walked into the house, Ned flicked the living room light on.
“There’s no need to get up at the crack of dawn. If we can get out in the paddock by eight, that’ll give us plenty of time before we pick up the kids.”
“And an opportunity to sleep in without having to worry about Ryan getting into the cereal and milk before we wake up.” As Jemima spoke, a soft pink blush stained her cheeks. The way she’d said “before we wake up” sounded intimate, and it obviously bothered her.
She put her bag down on the coffee table and headed towards the hall. “I’m going to have a shower.”
Five minutes later, Ned shut the door to his office and flopped into the chair. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom down the hall, so he turned the computer on, but trying to focus on cattle weights and calf numbers, rather than thinking of Jemima in the bathroom under the shower, didn’t work, so he gave up.
With a groan, he turned the computer off and dropped his head in his hands.
What the hell is the matter with me? What am I doing?
Jemima would be gone at the end of the year. He didn’t need her in his life past that. He didn’t want her in his life. He didn’t. He’d sworn to himself he’d never get married again—he’d never replace Cath. He couldn’t go through that grief again. He and the kids had been sort of happy before Jemima came. She was there mainly to take over the house chores and the day-to-day kid stuff. And not to forget the main reason: to provide the security for the loan that had let him hire Billy. The property was already well and truly getting in the black, and he was able to spend much more time with his kids.
And Jemima.
In the first quarter, he’d paid almost half of the loan back. Cattle prices were high, and he’d have it sorted by the end of the year.
Being attracted to Jemima was natural. Two adults living in close proximity—they should have realised it would happen. When she left, this need that consumed him would disappear.
…
Jemima switched the shower off and reached for the towel, and as she wiped her face, she took a deep breath.
Why had she come home with Ned?
It had been stupid, and if it hadn’t been for the wine, she would have thought rationally.
For a moment, she let herself dream that he had an ulterior motive—that he’d wanted her here without the kids—and then she let out a bitter laugh.
That was her dream.
To Ned, she was the nanny, the housekeeper, and the occasional farmhand.
And the security for his loan. Nothing more, nothing less. If he knew that she was fighting falling for him with every fibre of her being, he’d have her out of his house like a shot, and she couldn’t bear that. How she was going leave at the end of the year was something she couldn�
�t even think about. She was devising her own “exit plan,” thinking about her future when she left the McCormacks. It would be wise to go back to Sydney, as much as she didn’t want to. She’d have a much better chance of getting a job in the many schools there, compared to Spring Downs where the local school was the only one for about one hundred kilometres. Yep, that’s what she’d do: see the contract out, look after the kids, and try to keep her heart whole.
As she opened the bathroom, a sliver of light shone under the office door. Jemima closed the bathroom door soundlessly and tiptoed down the hall wrapped in a towel. All of her clothes were in the master bedroom, and she’d been so caught up in her thoughts she hadn’t collected them before she’d gone to the kids’ bathroom.
She opened the door quietly and walked across to the walk-in wardrobe that she shared with Ned. She shook her head. There was no way that the kids would slip up and tell anyone about the marriage being a fake. The only thing that didn’t make it a true marriage was what Lucy had been talking about. Sex.
Jemima stood on her toes, and as she reached to the top shelf for her PJs, the towel slipped off. In the same instant, the door to the ensuite opened, and the wardrobe was bathed in bright light. She screamed and grabbed for the towel on the floor. Ned stood there, and he looked as shocked as she felt. As she bent down for her towel, she realised he was as naked as she was.
“Oh God, sorry.” Ned reached behind for what she assumed was a towel as she held hers in front of her. Jemima didn’t know where to look, so she focused on the light above the door.
“I thought you were in the study,” she said.
“I couldn’t concentrate.” Ned’s voice sounded funny, and he wouldn’t meet her eyes, even though they were both decent now—or as decent as you could be with only a towel around you.