Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE: OVERCAST
CHAPTER TWO: THREE’S COMPANY
CHAPTER THREE: GREATEST WISH
CHAPTER FOUR: EXPECTIN’
CHAPTER FIVE: NAMIN’ NAMES
CHAPTER SIX: WASTED
CHAPTER SEVEN: SLEEP NOW
CHAPTER EIGHT: LUCK BE AN ANGEL
CHAPTER NINE: HOMECOMIN’ QUEEN
CHAPTER TEN: TWIN SATISFACTION
CHAPTER ELEVEN: WHAT’S GOOD
CHAPTER TWELVE: HAPPILY EVER AFTER
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: GOODBYE AGAIN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: TIME PASSES
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: SWEET RETREAT
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: LIFE MOVES
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: ANNIVERSARY
CHAPTER NINETEEN: TWIN TROUBLES
CHAPTER TWENTY: FAMILY MATTERS
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: WATCH OVER ME
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: GOTTA HAVE HOPE
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: LIVIN’ ARRANGEMENTS
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: MEMORIES
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: LIFE GOES ON
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: BROKEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: PROBLEMS AND PROPOSALS
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: LEAVIN’ HOME
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: GOODBYE
CHAPTER THIRTY: AGAIN
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: RE-LIGHT THE FIRE
EPILOGUE
BEACON
(Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #6)
Michelle Irwin
MICHELLE IRWIN
Thank you for reading. If you enjoy this book, please leave a review or connect with the author.
All rights reserved. Aside from brief quotations for media coverage and reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced or distributed in any form without the author’s permission. Thank you for supporting authors and a diverse, creative culture by purchasing this book and complying with copyright laws.
Copyright © 2017 by Michelle Irwin
Published by Michelle Irwin
Cover design by Pink Ink Designs
Interior design by Pronoun
Beta reading by J Corrine, Katie Burgess, Camille Bees, Megan Jonas, Tina Donovan, Janet Sylvester, and Karen Hrdlicka
Proofreading by R Shearer
Distribution by Pronoun
ISBN: 9781537869100
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter One: Overcast
Chapter Two: Three’s Company
Chapter Three: Greatest Wish
Chapter Four: Expectin’
Chapter Five: Namin’ names
Chapter Six: Wasted
Chapter Seven: Sleep Now
Chapter Eight: Luck Be an Angel
Chapter Nine: Homecomin’ Queen
Chapter Ten: Twin Satisfaction
Chapter Eleven: What’s Good
Chapter Twelve: Happily Ever After
Chapter Thirteen: Goodbye Again
Chapter Fourteen: Time Passes
Chapter Fifteen: Sweet Retreat
Chapter Sixteen: Life Moves
Chapter Seventeen: Unhappy Birthday
Chapter Eighteen: Anniversary
Chapter Nineteen: Twin Troubles
Chapter Twenty: Family Matters
Chapter Twenty-One: Watch over me
Chapter Twenty-Two: Gotta have Hope
Chapter Twenty-Three: Livin’ Arrangements
Chapter Twenty-Four: Memories
Chapter Twenty-Five: Life Goes On
Chapter Twenty-Six: Broken
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Problems and proposals
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Leavin’ Home
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Goodbye
Chapter Thirty: Again
Chapter Thirty-One: Re-light the Fire
Epilogue
More by Michelle Irwin
CHAPTER ONE: OVERCAST
THE DAY WAS gray and overcast; exactly what I woulda expected for a day like this. One where people came together to lay a loved one to rest. Storm clouds threatened above, castin’ long shadows over the ground and fillin’ the air with menacin’ shades of black and green. The possibility of a violent storm seemed almost fittin’ for what we were facin’.
The funeral procession was slow and far shorter than I woulda expected. Only two cars in addition to the hearse. It was hard to believe anyone coulda had such a minimal impact on the world. Even my foster sister, Abby, who’d been so isolated for so long before her death, had more guests at her memorial.
Sittin’ beside me in the car, lookin’ beautiful in black despite the tears stainin’ her face, was Angel. Sobs racked her body as she turned away from me. I wanted to wipe away her pain, and assure her things would be all right again eventually. That the sting of loss only lasted as long as it needed to, and that one day she’d be able to look back at the happy memories without the overwhelmin’ ache.
At least, that’d been true for me with my foster mama, Mabel, and Abby. It’d been less true with some other losses—like the one Phoebe and I had shared after she’d miscarried our baby.
“How’re ya holdin’ up, sweetness?” I asked Angel instead of voicin’ those thoughts.
She turned to look at me and sobbed again. “I just can’t believe she’s gone.”
“I know. It ain’t ever easy to lose someone.”
She sobbed again as she nodded to acknowledge my words.
“Hey, my Angel, we know it’s hard, but we’re here for you,” Phoebe said from our shared seat on the other side of Angel. “Always.”
They were words we’d said before, and would probably say again, but they needed to be issued at that moment. Angel needed our support. She was our best friend and our priority.
If it wasn’t for Phoebe’s parents, Phoebe, and me supporting Angel, it was possible there wouldn’t a been anyone at the funeral. Not too many people would miss Lydia. The only person whose life she’d had an impact on was her daughter’s and that hadn’t always been a positive one.
Both Phoebe and I faced Angel, supporting her. We each held one of her hands, and she had pulled both of them into her lap, so all of our hands were in a comfortin’ jumble.
My fingertips brushed across the rings on Phoebe’s finger, and I lifted my gaze to meet her eyes. We were two weeks off celebratin’ our three-year anniversary when we heard the news about Angel’s mama. Dead at just forty-six. Her body had finally given up after so many years of self-inflicted abuse. Her liver mainly, but that had caused her other organs to fail in a chain reaction.
No one even knew she was ill until Lydia stopped answerin’ Angel’s calls.
Although Phoebe hadn’t said anythin’ to Angel or me, it was evident Lydia’s death had put her own mortality back on her radar. How could it not?
For a li’l over three years, we’d been dancin’ around Phoebe’s health. She’d had good days and bad ones. She was still managin’ it all with diet and medication, but her doctors were talkin’ more seriously about dialysis every day.
As Angel’s sobs grew, I wondered whether her tears weren’t only for her mama. Whether maybe her thoughts were the same ones runnin’ through me—Phoebe’s sickness.
Angel shifted back into her position of leanin’ against Phoebe’s shoulder, lettin’ the dark of the day settle over her emerald irises as she stared out the front of the car.
“I don’t know how I’d get through this without you guys.” She sniffed. “I know I probably shouldn’t be so upset, but—”
Phoebe lifted her hand away from the jumble to stroke Angel’s hair. “You don’t have to explain it to us. No one expects this to be easy. She
’s your mother. It doesn’t matter what she did. She meant something to you. You love her.”
“I just keep thinking that maybe I could have changed things if I’d been different. If I wasn’t—”
“No.” Phoebe’s voice was firm as she cut Angel off. “Don’t ever apologize for being you. Everyone else loves who you are, just the way you are. She was the one who couldn’t accept that, but that doesn’t mean she was right. It also doesn’t mean that she didn’t love you. It definitely doesn’t mean that any of this is your fault.”
“I haven’t seen her enough lately. She didn’t even have anyone with her when she died. If I hadn’t called when I did, how long would it have been before someone found her?”
When it became apparent Angel wasn’t willin’ to be consoled, Phoebe just held her close and listened to Angel’s words of sorrow.
I wished there was more I could do for the two women I cared about most in the world. The women I loved. All I could do was rub my hand over Angel’s back while she cried out her grief in Phoebe’s arms.
When the driver pulled the car to a stop at the cemetery, I climbed out first before offerin’ my hand to help Angel. She slid across the seat and placed her hand in mine so I could guide her out of the car. She leaned her weight against me and then Phoebe took her place on Angel’s other side.
The car with Declan and Alyssa inside pulled up behind ours. The rest of the family was staying at home because they didn’t need to be involved in this. Declan helped Alyssa from the car before they came to Angel’s side. She was the focus of the day for all of us; the one everyone gravitated around. The one who was important in it all. None of us was sad Lydia was gone. At least, not for any other reason than that it hurt our Angel.
My first meeting with the vile woman who’d raised Angel had been branded across my mind since it had happened. It likely would be forever. Lydia’s wide, blood-shot eyes, patchy skin, and wild hair as she stood over her daughter. Angel cowerin’ on the floor beneath Lydia’s raised hand with tears rollin’ down her cheeks. Even now, years later, I couldn’t say what had possessed me to enter the house without an invite, but Angel’s cries and Lydia’s hateful screams had been a big part of it.
It was there, at that moment, that I’d sworn to myself to protect Angel. To do everything I could to keep her happy, not just because she was Phoebe’s friend. I wanted every happiness for her. For them both. Angel was important to me, and not just because she was important to Phoebe.
Angel was a light who was at risk of bein’ dimmed by prejudice and hatred, and I didn’t ever wanna see her snuffed out. She’d been the one who’d helped me out when Phoebe had been missin’. She’d given me support and friendship when almost none of Phoebe’s loved ones had. She’d been the first one to welcome me to Australia, and the biggest cheerleader when it came to Phoebe and me gettin’ back together.
Phoebe, Declan, Alyssa, and I all stuck by Angel’s side as she said goodbye to her mama.
When it was over, we waited while Angel said her private goodbyes. Then we all walked away knowin’ for certain it was unlikely any of us would return. For all her grief, even Angel wasn’t likely to return, because her mama’s hold on her was one of guilt and love. I had no doubt that hold would move into the past once the shock and grief wore off. As callous as it mighta sounded, I was glad it would. Angel would finally be able to move on and heal.
Declan and Alyssa invited us back to their house for an informal wake, but when Angel said she wasn’t feelin’ up to it, my mind was made up, and so was Phoebe’s.
“Thank you for coming today,” Angel said as she bid them both farewell.
“You’re family, Angel,” Declan said. “There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you.”
Alyssa nodded her agreement before hugging Angel, Phoebe, and me in turn.
The two of them left, and Angel, Phoebe, and I all climbed into the back of the car and let the driver take us home.
“You don’t mind if I stay for a few days, do you?” Angel asked as we walked in the door.
“Of course not,” Phoebe said. “Our home is your home. Always. You know that.”
Angel had stayed with us on and off over the last three years. When we’d returned from our weddin’ trip to Georgia, Angel had stayed with us for four months before things got a li’l complicated and she’d decided to move out for a while.
Since then, she’d kept her own apartment but stayed with us at least once every couple of weeks and spoke to Phoebe and me at least once a day. It was almost as if she worried that the day she didn’t talk to us would be the day somethin’ would happen to Phoebe.
“Thank you.”
“D’ya want somethin’ to eat?”
Angel shook her head.
“How ’bout some Fireball.”
She chuckle-sobbed. “Now that sounds like a good idea.”
“Anythin’ for you, darlin’?”
Phoebe closed the distance between us and then kissed my cheek. “No, thank you. I’m just going to take a shower.”
I laid a glass of Fireball in front of Angel while Phoebe went off to shower.
“She looks better. How is she?” Angel asked.
Instead of meetin’ her eyes, I stared at the amber liquid. “It’s hard to know. She don’t let on when she’s havin’ a bad day.”
Angel scoffed. “Don’t I know it? I’ve tried asking her, but each time she just tells me the same thing.”
There was no need to ask what Phoebe had told Angel. I had no doubt it was the same thing she’d been tellin’ me. “She ain’t gettin’ any worse.”
“Exactly. She won’t say anything more than that,” Angel confirmed.
“How are you feelin’?”
She tossed back the drink. “Honestly, I don’t know anymore. Now that it’s over, I feel . . . numb. Does that make sense? God, I feel like a bitch even saying that. Shouldn’t I still be torn up? I only buried Mum a few hours ago.”
Despite her words, I could see the tears burning in her eyes.
“It’s okay to be sad,” I said, offerin’ her my hand, “and it’s okay not to be.”
“Is it okay to want to be in a flood of tears one second, fine the next, and then ready to cry again an instant later?” Even as she said the words, her lips wobbled.
“It’s all natural. When Mabel passed, I went through so many feelin’s. Guilt was a big ’un.”
“I feel you there. I keep playing it over in my head—why didn’t I go over more? Would things have been different if I had?” She slid the glass over to me to refill from the bottle in front of me.
After topping us both off, I pushed her glass back over to her.
“Do you think she’s going to cry under the shower all night?” Angel asked, addressin’ the elephant in the room.
“I ain’t tryin’ ta take anythin’ away from ya when I say this, but this ain’t easy for her.”
“I know. It isn’t easy for any of us. All day today I kept imagining . . .” She trailed off and focused on her glass.
“Yeah.” I stared at my own as well. “Still, she’s doin’ well. At least as well as we can expect.”
Angel twisted her mouth. “I don’t—” She cut off again. “Well, would you mind if I stole her for a while? I need to hold someone tonight.”
Her words stirred inside me and I tried not to let my mind wander too far down the path they conjured. Despite Phoebe’s promise to me before our weddin’ about remainin’ faithful after sayin’ her vows, things between her and Angel hadn’t always been entirely innocent. It didn’t bother me though because they’d been honest about it all. It was hard to say exactly how I’d been able to accept it. Before Pheobe, I never would have understood the ability to love more than one person at a time. When I was in the situation of choosing whether to allow Phoebe and Angel to show their love for each other or not, it was easy to go along with it.
Besides, it wasn’t the same as it mighta been if it was another man vyin’ for her aff
ection. If that was the case, I woulda been worried about what he offered that I couldn’t. Angel offered Phoebe things I never could. They loved each other in different ways than the way I loved Phoebe, and I couldn’t be jealous of that. Not if I loved Phoebe the way I did.
I didn’t know any details about what they’d done, but I didn’t need to intrude on their privacy that way. My mind spent plenty of time offerin’ up images that consisted of good enough guesses to satisfy my curiosity.
“Course not, sweetness. If Phoebe wants to spend the night with ya, I ain’t gonna stop it.” I stopped short of offerin’ a reminder that the bed Phoebe and I shared each night was a king size, just like the one the three of us had all shared in Georgia. The reality was despite my imaginin’s of the two of them together, and Angel’s teasin’ when we were alone, I didn’t actually wanna intrude. It wasn’t worth the risk.
Phoebe and I had a way of communicatin’ in the bedroom that was born out of hard-earned trust. Even though we’d been together for years, I still got the language wrong on occasion and sent Phoebe skitterin’ away like a newborn foal. Tryin’ anythin’ between the three of us together would only make that worse, especially when I was sure Angel and Phoebe had worked out their own language as well.
No amount of short-term pleasure would be worth that complication.
After all, if Angel and I were both with Phoebe together, who would take the lead?
And if we were all together, how would we proceed? Would I touch Angel? Kiss her? Would Phoebe want me to, or would it stoke the jealousy in her? Years earlier when Phoebe had first found out that Angel and I were livin’ together, she’d been convinced Angel and I were gonna fall in love. Phoebe was confident she’d be behind just because she’d broken by the assholes who’d hurt her. I didn’t wanna do anythin’ that might reinforce that belief.
It’d been complicated enough slottin’ the extra emotions between Angel and Phoebe into our lives. That was the reason for Angel movin’ out after Phoebe and I were married. I’d been away at a race, and they’d been sharin’ a bed for comfort. Apparently, things had progressed, and Angel had left the house thinkin’ I’d be cross with them both despite what I’d said before our weddin’. She didn’t know that Phoebe had already warned me of her growin’ affection and increased desire to taste the forbidden fruit. Nor had Angel known that I’d already reassured Phoebe that whatever she wanted to do would be okay.
Beacon (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story Book 6) Page 1