Beacon (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story Book 6)

by Michelle Irwin

  My heart thumped in my chest as I unloaded the girls from the car into the side-by-side stroller. Rather than headin’ straight to Declan’s office, like I had durin’ my previous visit, I made my way around the offices, tryin’ ta see what was goin’ on. From experience, I knew the impacts of declinin’ morale around a team. When I found a number of new faces, it proved my concerns. The ones missin’ were long-term employees who I’d thought of as staples of the company, like Audrey who used to coordinate all the travel and accommodation. Sittin’ at her desk was a young man who looked like he was about to take flight at any time.

  I headed down to the accountin’ department. It was somewhere Phoebe usually stopped in because the girls down there had their finger on the pulse of the company. I figured they’d appreciate the visit. Only one of the three who’d been there when I was still drivin’ was there now. Clare, who had been with the company since before it was Emmanuel Racin’.

  “Beau!” she exclaimed when she saw me comin’. “How have you been? And, oh my gosh, are these Phoebe’s little ones? They’re adorable.”

  I introduced her to both of the girls in turn. “I thought I’d show them where their mama worked and why she loved this place, but there ain’t many people left who were here when she was.”

  She glanced around the space at the other two young girls who shared the office with her before walkin’ me back out of the office. “It’s definitely not the same place it once was. It’s almost back to the way it was before Declan took over twenty years ago. It doesn’t feel like a family anymore. Not since Phoebe passed away.”

  “Why do you think that happened?”

  She glanced around as if she expected someone to leap through the kitchen door at any point. “Mostly it’s Declan. I mean, I think he’s doing the best he can, but he’s just not coping. He’s here far more often than ever but somehow achieves much less. And he flies off the handle at the smallest issues.”

  “Why are you stickin’ ’round when so many others haven’t?”

  “Because I think it can get better. He’s grieving, and I understand that. I genuinely believe this place can be built back up to what it is, but it’s gotta come from the top down.”

  “That’s why I’m here. I’m gonna ask him ag’in if he needs any assistance.”

  She snorted. “Good luck with that.”

  “I’m gonna need it. That’s why I brought reinforcements.” I nodded toward the stroller.

  “Well, if anyone can melt their grandfather’s heart, it’ll be these two.”

  I let her spend a few moments with the girls before leavin’ her to go talk to the mechanics and technicians in the shed. Again, I found the majority of staff there had left and been replaced. The ones I did know had their heads down, and the whole area lacked the usual sparks of enthusiasm. A few came over and spoke to me, but none of them added too much more to what I’d worked out about what was goin’ wrong in the business.

  After seein’ everyone I wanted to see, I headed up to Declan’s office. Once more, his office door was closed, and Gina was missin’. I didn’t even knock before I pushed into the room. It mighta been rude, maybe he was in the middle of an important meetin’, but if anythin’ was goin’ on between him and Gina, I wanted to catch him in the act so there couldn’t be any denials.

  Gina sprung off her post on the corner of Declan’s desk when I entered the room. With one glance at Declan, and a nod from him, she left the room.

  “Beau? What the hell are you doing here?” Declan demanded.

  Once more, there was a glass of amber liquid on his desk. If I’d thought the time he’d had to recover from everythin’ was enough to have him figure things out, I was wrong.

  “I wanted to see just how much you’re screwin’ up the place that Phoebe loved.”

  He rolled his eyes at me.

  I didn’t back down. Instead, I steeled myself and straightened my back. “And I thought ya might wanna see your granddaughters ag’in.”

  His gaze dropped down to the stroller, but only for a fraction of a second before his seafoam eyes met mine again in challenge.

  “They’ve got their mama’s eyes,” I said. As the months had passed, their eyes had changed from the crystal blue they’d been at birth to be more green, just like Phoebe’s and Declan’s.

  “Are you just here to give me shit? You don’t think I’m getting enough of it from everyone else lately?”

  I sighed at the attitude. Phoebe would have hated to see him this way. “Have ya thought maybe you’re gettin’ it because you’re lettin’ everyone down?”

  “You’ve got a hell of a nerve coming into my business and shitting on everything.”

  “Ya don’t need my help there. You’re doin’ a good enough job on your own.” I sat in the chair on the other side of his desk and pulled Abby and Emma out of the stroller, balancin’ them on my knees. Declan was forced to look at them as he watched me.

  Abby gabbled and reached for everything nearby while Emma twisted in my hold to grab at my face and the bits of hair that were long enough for her to dig her fingers through.

  I gave them my attention for a few moments, tryin’ to ensure Declan had to watch us interact for a while before liftin’ my gaze again. “Somethin’ needs to change.”

  He just flexed his jaw and stared at me.

  “You’ve lost most o’ the staff who Phoebe knew and loved.”

  He huffed out a breath.

  “What d’ya think is gonna happen here if ya don’t change things? It ain’t gonna be livin’ up to the name on the side of the cars if you don’t improve things.”

  His jaw flexed ag’in, and his eyes narrowed. “You have no fucking right being here. Get the fuck out of my office.”

  “What else am I supposed to do?” I asked. “When the girls grow up, they’re gonna ask why their granddaddy doesn’t spend time with them. They’re gonna wanna know why the team their mama used to race for ain’t around no more. I ain’t gonna be able to answer those questions if I don’t try to fix things.”

  “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  “Phoebe—”

  He snarled. “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t you dare speak her fucking name with those girls on your lap.”

  “‘Those girls’ are her daughters. Ones she loved with everything she had, right up to her last breath.”

  “Ones who stole her life,” he added with a hissed voice.

  I pulled the girls closer to me and set my jaw. “No. I will not let ya think of the girls that way. I will not let them bear that burden.”

  “Why not? It’s the truth.”

  “It ain’t.” Before he could respond, I continued, “You told me yourself that she—” My voice broke as I tried to recall his words to me in the hospital while he was tryin’ to follow Phoebe’s wishes to push me away. “That she didn’t know how long she mighta had left. That her kidneys mighta given up and taken her from us all early. Ya . . . ya can’t blame her babies for that.”

  He buried his head in his hands and took a couple of deep breaths. Then he reached for the drink on his desk and tossed it back. When he put the glass back down on the desk, his head followed until he was restin’ it on his arms. A sob left a moment later. “I don’t know how to do this.”

  I quickly laid out a play mat for the girls and put them on the floor, hopin’ this was the break that needed to happen. “Have ya spoken with Dr. Henrikson?”

  After he’d brought Phoebe home from the States, he’d gone back to his old psychiatrist both for a recommendation for Phoebe’s therapy, but also for a few sessions for himself. He didn’t talk about it much, but he’d never hidden it either. I always figured he was tryin’ ta make it easier for Phoebe to come to terms with needin’ the extra help.

  He rubbed his tears away and clenched his teeth. “I can’t.”

  “There ain’t no shame—”

  “I know there’s no fuck
ing shame, but I can’t because he died last fucking year. No one even fucking told me. Not even a god damned note in the fucking mail to say he was gone.”

  “I’m sorry, Dec. I know he was important to ya. I know he helped ya a lot and I know it ain’t been easy these last few months. Ya can’t keep takin’ it out on everyone else though.”

  “What exactly do you suggest I do?”

  “Talk to your wife. Tell her all the things ya need to say.”

  He stared at me for a moment. At first, he seemed like he was gonna clam up again, but then he frowned and looked at his hands. “Yeah, she’s not talking to me. She, uh”—he glanced over at the corner of the room where there was a suitcase I hadn’t noticed. “She kicked me out.”

  I hadn’t realized things had gotten that bad between the two of them, but it didn’t surprise me either. Alyssa had been close to the edge when she’d asked me to help, and that was months ago. If nothin’ had changed, it made sense that she would’ve told him to leave if he couldn’t commit to his family. It did mean things were more critical than I’d imagined. “When did that happen?”

  “Does it fucking matter? Either way, it means it’s over. Lys is the only one I’ve ever loved, and now that’s gone too. Everything is fucking gone, and I don’t know how to make things right. The only person I can rely on at the moment is Ginnie.”

  “It ain’t over with Lys. Least, it doesn’t have to be. There’s still time to fight. If ya wanna.”

  “Of course I want to. I just don’t know how. Not anymore. I’ve fucked up, and I’ve lost everything important to me.”

  “No, ya ain’t. And even if Lys can’t forgive ya, you’ve still got the rest o’ your beautiful family. You’ve got all the memories of Phoebe and the joy she brought to your life.” I glanced down at the floor. “And you’ve got your granddaughters. There is so much good in your life, you’ve just gotta look for it.”

  He sighed. “How am I supposed to do that when the darkness is all consuming?”

  “You spend time with your loved ones, and the dark don’t seem so black.” I stood and picked up Emma, before roundin’ the desk. I held her out to him. “Play with Phoebe’s daughters for a while. Spend a few days at home. Talk to Alyssa. Tell her how you’re feelin’, ’cause I guarantee she’s feelin’ the same hurt.”

  Without givin’ him a chance to refuse, I thrust Emma into his arms. His frown deepened.

  “Look in her eyes and tell me ya don’t see Phoebe.”

  “I do see Phoebe.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “That’s the problem.”

  “Stop seein’ it as one,” I said, tryin’ to get him to see the girls—the memories of Phoebe—the way I did. “See it as her legacy livin’ on in a way it mightn’ta otherwise.”

  He stared at Emma’s eyes and inhaled. His breath shuddered on the way in, and again on the way out. “Which one is this again?”

  “Emma. Ya can tell ’cause she’s got that li’l strawberry birthmark under her left ear.” As I spoke, I brushed my finger over the mark, causin’ Emma to giggle. “Abby’s got one in almost the same place, but it’s brown.”

  “The names were Phoebe’s idea, weren’t they?” he asked as he settled Emma onto his lap.

  I passed Emma a couple of toys and then picked up Abby, so she didn’t feel left out. “Yeah, they were. She wanted to celebrate her brother and my sister.” It was somethin’ we hadn’t really discussed with her parents. After the babies were born, there were too many other things to focus on.

  “They are beautiful,” Declan said. “I just wish we didn’t have to say goodbye to Phoebe for them.”

  “I understand, but ya can’t take it out on ’em. If you’re gonna try, I’ll take them back to the States and will make sure ya never see them ag’in. It ain’t what I want, but I ain’t gonna let them be made to feel guilty for existin’. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to protect them, even if it’s from family.”

  There was a knock on the door, and almost instantly, Gina pushed her way through. “Dec, we’ll have to head off soon if we’re gonna make our reservation.”

  I clenched my jaw as I wondered what their reservation was for. Was I too late tryin’ ta force him to fix things?

  Declan glanced between Emma and Gina. “Sorry, Ginnie, I’m going to have to cancel our lunch. I need to spend some time with my family.”

  A trickle of relief passed through me that maybe things were still repairable.

  Gina’s expression fell, and she took a step back. “Oh. Okay. I’ll call the restaurant and let them know.”

  “Thank you.” He didn’t meet my gaze as he dismissed her.

  I didn’t offer a comment as my gaze trailed Gina out of the office. When she closed the door behind her, I turned back to Declan.

  “I haven’t done anything wrong,” he said after a moment, liftin’ his gaze from Emma to meet mine. “Gina has just been a friend to me.”

  “It ain’t me ya need to convince of that.”

  “If I can ever get her to talk to me again,” he muttered under his breath.

  “Patience and perseverance are always helpful.”

  His gaze locked with mine, no doubt rememberin’ the weeks and months between my arrival in Australia and me winning back Phoebe’s trust and love. True, I hadn’t been the one who’d hurt her, but the situation wasn’t that much different. If he really wanted Alyssa to give their marriage another shot, the most important thing he had to do is turn up and be present.

  He reached straight for the phone and lifted it up. “Ginnie, have you canceled yet? Okay good, see if they can just push it back an hour.” He listened for a moment. “No, no, it’s okay, you go on your lunch break now. I’ll be taking someone else.” He hung up the call without puttin’ down the receiver, and then dialed another number.

  With each second that passed, his lips curled downward a little more. When whoever he was callin’ didn’t answer, he hung up the phone and swore under his breath. I was gonna have to have words with him about tryin’ ta keep the language cleaner when he was around the twins, but that was a fight for another day.

  Emma started to fuss on his lap, and he bounced her on his knee until she was gigglin’ as he picked up the phone and dialed again.

  Once more, each second—each unanswered ring—sent his expression droopin’ a li’l more. When someone answered, he sighed in relief. “Hey, what are you doing right now?”

  The female voice echoin’ through the speaker didn’t sound happy.

  “Can you get to the Olive in an hour? I-I think we need to talk.” He paused for a moment and looked at Emma. “Yeah, I think I am.” I could only hear his side of the conversation as he paused to listen to whoever he was speaking to. “Bring her as well.” He waited once more. “Okay, I, uh, I love you, Lys.” He frowned at the phone for a moment before hangin’ up.

  “She loves ya too,” I reassured him, certain he was upset because she hadn’t returned his declaration.

  “She didn’t say it. Not that I blame her, I guess. I don’t know if we’ll be able to get over this. I don’t even know if this place will survive.”

  “If ya have faith, it will.”

  “I guess I can only hope. Will you do me a favor though?”

  “Anythin’ for family.” Even as I spoke, I worried he might not think of me that way now.

  “Sometimes they’re the only ones we can rely on,” he murmured, meetin’ Emma’s eyes.

  I put Abby on the play mat again before reachin’ for Emma and puttin’ her beside her sister. “What do ya need?”

  “Can you take over here for a while?”

  “What?” My eyes widened. I’d expected him to ask me to come in for a few hours every now and then. That he’d ask me to take over completely had never crossed my mind.

  “I think I need some time away from all of this. Just for as long as it takes to get things sorted at home.”

  “And ya really think I’m the right person for the job? There ain’t no one
else? I ain’t never ran a team before.” I had been involved with the management of Richards Racing, but only regardin’ logistics and gettin’ the cars to the track. I hadn’t taken part in the wheelin’ and dealin’ over sponsorships or the finite management of costs.

  “You can’t do any worse than I have been.” He shifted the whiskey bottle out of the way. “You were right about one thing. I haven’t had my finger on the pulse here since Phoebe left us. I’ve tried, but I just can’t face the facts and figures or focus on the details. Plus, I think things might be easier with Lys if I can spend some time with her.”

  “When do ya want me to start?”

  “When can you?”

  “Tomorrow, I guess. Can I bring the girls in sometimes?”

  “If you keep everything as it is now or make it better, you can have them here every day.”

  “What about the endurance races?” The season was about to start soon, and I didn’t wanna be spendin’ the weekends away from the girls.

  “I already have my flights booked, so I’ll cover the on the ground stuff there if I have to. I just hope Alyssa will understand.”

  “And will ya be back on board before Christmas?”

  “I think that depends on what happens next. If I can’t get past this . . . If I can’t find a way to look at Lys and the girls without feeling like my heart is being ripped out through my throat, I probably won’t be back.”

  “Angel and I are headin’ to the States in February.”

  He recoiled, and his brow dipped. “What? Really? You’re taking Angel home with you?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I’ve got the girls to think about. It’s better for them when Angel is around for me to rely on.”

  His gaze traveled to where the girls were playin’ on the floor. The expression he wore was impossible to read. “Oh. Okay. A-are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I mean, Angel’s been in their lives from the beginnin’, and the twins love her. It makes sense that she’s part of their lives.”