“I wanted to honor you, and I knew I had to be there for you once the storm hit. I knew I had to make the right choice or lose you forever.” He paused. “You gave me a second chance. You believed in me.”
“I believe in you still.”
“But the heart is, without question, the most vulnerable organ in the human body.”
“I’ll never argue the point.” Emotions escalated, heightening Pyper’s senses. She folded her legs and leaned forward.
“I’ve never hated myself more. I was so wrapped up in telling you about me, in spilling all my baggage so you’d understand me, and care about me in spite of it all, that I didn’t pay close enough attention to you, to your pain and your battles. I apologize for that, Pyper. I never even asked you his name. He tried to wreck you and your mom, and I never even knew his name.”
She ignored that for the time being. “Chase Bradington, don’t ever—and I mean ever—say the words you hate yourself in my presence again.”
Her words weren’t angry or bitter. She hoped the loving reprimand would bear ten-times the impact as a result. When he looked into her eyes and absorbed the moment, and its meaning, she sensed nothing but his love and gratitude.
The benediction seemed to cause a crumbling. He drew her in tight, buried his face against her neck, against the tumble of her hair. “I don’t deserve you,” he murmured.
“I’d say the same to you, but evidently, God’s decided otherwise…for both of us.” She held him tight, warm and tender, letting her care pour over him like a balm.
Chase finished setting up their picnic, not looking at her. Pyper kept quiet and unwrapped a pair of sandwiches, opening containers with potato salad, fruit and crackers. Chase ripped into a bag of potato chips, but his hands weren’t steady.
“I was such a cocky, prideful, overly confident jerk, Pyper.”
He looked up at the sky and Pyper followed suit. Huge cotton-ball clouds drifted across a wide expanse of blue. Birds swooped and cawed, the cadence of the stream caressed her soul like the gentle touch of God—reassuring, grounding.
“It honored me that Zach wanted my friendship. I looked at it like a sign from God that I could help someone who was confused and trying to find his way. When he called me from Kim’s place, my heart broke as if he were my very own brother. Just like Shay. Shay was such a good guy, and he had everything to live for. He’s in a better place and I know it—but there’s part of me that wonders if losing him wasn’t some form of punishment for all the wrongs I’ve done.”
“God doesn’t work that way, Chase.”
“I learned that. It took a long time, but I learned that.”
“You learned it, but do you believe it? Do you truly believe it and know it through and through? If you don’t, then the learning isn’t very worthwhile, no matter how well-intentioned.”
“You don’t hold back, crash, do you?”
“Nope.” Her lips twitched; humor tickled her senses. “Should I apologize?”
“No. You should keep it up.”
The admission was quiet, accompanied by a boyish smile that reflected nothing but honest humility. “Then let me return the favor when it comes to Mark.”
Pyper went stiff. “Yeah. Mark. Not much to say at this point. Really.”
Her too easy, too pat, reply died a necessary death, especially as she noticed the way Chase’s eyes darkened, and his intensity ratcheted upward. She clenched her jaw and tears pooled to blur her vision. She blinked away the vulnerability, made it vanish like smoke. Such was how she coped these days.
“One of his favorite adages is to say that a yoke forms a team. I like to think that’s the type of yoke Jesus talks about in the Bible. Jesus isn’t saying He’ll take away the burdens we face; because of our sinfulness He can’t. But out of love and mercy, He’s not letting us carry the load alone, either. His life, his love, is about helping us deal with our fall as a team. That’s the kind of man, the kind of attitude and truth your father has embraced. I wish…I really wish…you’d give yourself the chance to know him as he is now.”
Stoney silence met that request.
“He wants your love, Pyper. He wants so badly to set things right.”
An instant of panic sang through the air, coursing from her soul like an aura. “Oh, how I wish you’d leave well enough alone, Chase. I know this must seem so simple to you. So easy, and—”
“Nothing about this is simple, crash, or easy. Nothing at all.”
“I may not seem to be behaving like a good Christian, resisting your very sound and reasonable advice to just move beyond it all. Let him be a part of my life. But I can’t contain what bubbles up inside me whenever I’m near him. I found that out this week when I talked to him.”
“You did it.”
Pyper nodded.
Chase’s gaze never strayed from her face. “I care about you so deeply. I want to know you. All of you.” He edged close, touched her cheek in an effort to soften her tension.
She was determined to push away from the topic. Chase seemed equally determined to achieve just the opposite.
“Don’t worry about emotions—good or bad, Pyp. I’m going to get mad at you. You’re going to get mad at me. We’re going to fight and we’re going to make up, but I’m not going to harm you, and I don’t turn away from the people I love. I stick. Your faith, your trust, is what I’m after. Talk to me.”
There was no way Pyper could withhold her heart. She surrendered, and cued up the bare-bones honesty he sought. “It didn’t go well. In fairness, it didn’t go well for either one of us. I didn’t like seeing him. At all.” Resentment returned, sliding just beneath her outward show of resolve. “I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to lash out and make him feel pain. I know that’s not healthy, but I couldn’t keep my head on straight.”
Chase waited patiently and watched, drawing her ever further into that place of trust and truest revelation.
“I knew his abuse left scars, but for the most part, I thought I had left them behind. I never thought about him much, so I fooled myself into thinking I had grown past the anger and the pain because of the love of my family. I know now that I’m wrong in that assumption. I’m still a sore, angry, scarred mess, and I don’t know what to do next.”
“What happened?”
“He took me to lunch. He sparred with me; I sparred with him. We traded some ugly comments, most of them on my end, I admit. I couldn’t help it. Maybe it was about vindication. If a couple verbal slap-downs accomplished the task of inflicting even a tenth of the pain I endured at his hands that might be fine enough. But in the end, my heart shattered all over again.”
“The path to goodness never comes about through fury.”
Tear glitter returned and Chase stroked tender fingertips against her damp cheek all over again.
“Rest easy, and know this, whatever you say, or don’t say, Pyper, I’m with you.”
She softened, craving that reassurance and solidarity, the port in a storm. She knew he was torn. She knew he battled conflicted emotions, but he had asked her to be real, and she owed that to him. So, a halting smile returned, and she did as he asked. She rested, she breathed, she swept up a few more wildflowers to add to her bouquet. Meanwhile, he captured another tear bud against the pad of his thumb as it tumbled over her lashes.
“The best answer I have for now is this: Tyler Brock is my dad.”
“And that’s as it should be. Is Mark asking to replace him? Is he asking to step into the role of being your dad, because it doesn’t sound to me like that’s the case.”
A breeze brushed against his shirt, rippling the fabric against his arms and chest. Pyper watched the material dance against his skin, tried to absorb the momentary kiss of cool before heavy waves of humidity rolled in once more.
“No. He’s not.”
“I think…maybe…what he wants most to do is just…I don’t know…wipe the slate clean. Do you think you could start again?”
She bristled instantl
y, all set to offer a stinging refute of the idea. Chase preempted that battle by pressing a fingertip lightly against her lips.
“Not from what came before but from someplace new. You’re right; he’ll never be your dad in the truest sense of the word, but he can still be worthy of your heart and care, just like me.”
“Like you?”
Chase nodded. “I ruined good things, Pyper. I battled the bottle. I have a troubled past. I have a temper, but here you are. You’re with me. You took the leap. I think you’re capable of doing it again.”
“Actually, I’m not so sure.”
“How so?”
“I’ve made a decision, Chase. I…I don’t think I can sing ‘Forgiveness’ with you on the album. The way things stand, I just can’t see my way through it any longer. With everything that’s been going on, it rips me apart, and I just…I can’t do it.”
“No. ‘Forgiveness’ is a song you sing beautifully, Pyper. It’s partly your creation.” He paused, forced her to confront that truth. “Give it a chance. Don’t you see? God’s taking you to a place where you’re not just singing words, you’re living them. You mean them. That makes it real.”
“Too real. That’s the problem. I feel like a hypocrite.”
She tried to keep it together, to control and suppress like she had always done, but that’s when her mother’s words came back to her—amplified.
Maybe God wants us to grow into something better than ‘well enough.’
Soon, Pyper was overcome by the cries of a broken soul. In comfort, Chase settled his hands on her shoulders and inched her gently forward so she could rest against him, circled by his arms.
“You’re not entirely in the wrong, Pyper. That’s not my point, and I don’t mean to hurt you. You’re right. I don’t know the man you had to deal with…the one you and your mama had to run from to save your very lives. If I met that man in the here and now, I wouldn’t allow him anywhere near you. Instead, I came to know the new man. The man who reformed. He’s the kind of man I wish you knew.”
“But I don’t.” Her words were a firm, stern refusal.
“True, but take a look at the wide-screen. You have that opportunity. By the grace of God you’re being given the chance. No matter what comes next, you need to let go of the negative emotions. Not for his sake, but for yours, and if for no other reason than to end a painful and bitter season of your life. Even if you start small. Just hear him out. Forgive him. Then treat him like a stranger. You’d never shun a stranger, Pyper. You’d never let a stranger steal a part of your soul the way you’re letting this resentment toward Mark’s ancient mistakes.”
He didn’t allow her to answer. “Think about it. Don’t answer right now. Don’t answer from emotion. Instead, answer from the silence. Answer after you’ve prayed, and thought it over, in stillness. You might not be ready to give Mark all of yourself. I get that, but the anger and hostility you’re holding onto will eat you up if you don’t let it go.”
He rested his chin against the top of her head. She trembled against his hold; the damp stain of her tears moistened the front of his shirt. At last she turned away, silently pushing to her feet. Walking to Briar, she loosened the horse’s reins. Chase followed her lead, but she could have sworn she heard him sigh.
“See beyond the past,” he urged. “See the potential. He saw it in me, and that changed my life. He knows he did wrong. Consider that helping him just might help you turn a page in your history book. Do it, Pyper. Live up to your beliefs, and the power of your heart, because your heart is beautiful. Don’t allow anything—ever—to leave it marred by bitterness.”
22
The thing Chase wanted to do more than anything in the world was make a difference in the war that was taking place in Pyper’s heart—a war between the past and present, between battle scars and fresh beginnings. The revelations they had shared, those precious, rustic moments beneath blue skies and earth-spiced air had left him with a burning fire at his core that called him to a solitary purpose—reconciliation. Trapped between two people of tremendous impact in his life, Chase needed to let them both know—no matter what—how much he cared.
That goal had been accomplished with Pyper. Time now, he figured, to extend that same gesture of faith and care to the one who had dredged hope from the ashes. It was time to face Mark once again.
Chase set up an appointment, so he’d be sure to have Mark’s undivided focus. He had nearly requested this meeting at Mark’s apartment, but Chase had worked through recovery of his own, and figured the solid ground of professionalism might serve them best for now.
After the receptionist announced his arrival, Chase moved at a brisk clip to the threshold of Mark’s office. When he stepped inside, Mark pushed away from his desk and welcomed Chase with a tentative grin. The old wooden chair in which he rested squeaked comfortably when he moved back and pointed to the chair across in invitation. “Come on in. Everything OK?”
“I’m good, thanks—no worries.”
That was always Mark’s first question, and first concern. Chase appreciated the fact that, no matter how complicated the undercurrents, Mark demonstrated faultless concern for his welfare. He needed to lean on that bottom line today more than ever.
“Glad to hear it.”
Chase refused an offer of coffee, and Mark heaved from his chair and rounded the desk. He claimed a chair next to Chase’s, and the meaning behind that gesture of equality didn’t go unnoticed. “So, what’s up?”
“I’m wondering if you’d mind me acting as a bit of an intercessor.”
Mark’s brow went up. “Depends. Are the two of us still on solid footing?”
Chase regarded the man. “Yeah. Absolutely.”
“Thanks for that. I need it.”
“And so do I. Never doubt it.”
At once, Mark relaxed; relief painted soothing colors against his softened features. Light. Affirmation. Goodness. Maybe that’s what it would take to wipe away decades of decay.
The realization gave Chase added courage. “You don’t need to thank me for anything. There’s more hard work to come. That’s why I’m here.” Chase edged forward against his chair. “I know I was rough on you, but it’s important that I look out for Pyper—not just important, necessary. Like breathing.”
“Yeah. I get that.”
“But I need you to realize I’m looking out for you, too.” Chase sucked in a deep breath. “I need you to know that I completely understand the transformation that’s taken place in your life. You know I do. And I believe Pyper should hear you out, give you a chance.”
Mark seemed to visibly relax a little more at that, but Chase knew the comfort wouldn’t last long once he’d said his piece. “Understand, though, that I think she should give you a chance for her own good, not for yours.”
“Ouch.”
Chase shrugged. “I’m being straight with you here. It’s what you taught me, after all. I’m going to support you—as my sponsor, as my friend, as a man I know is changed. I’m going to do what I can to ease the tension between you and Pyper, but you need to understand that she’s hurting right now. She’s scarred, and that’s a hundred percent on you. You need to give her time. You need to let her vent and get out her resentment. It’s the only way you have a shot at a relationship with her. Be gentle.”
“I was gentle, Chase. I held my tongue and let her have her say. She doesn’t want to hear anything from me at all. Am I even gonna have the chance to try again?”
Chase shook his head, sensing Mark’s frustration—and yearning. “I hope so. I believe so.” In the end, he expressed the same conclusion to his mentor that he had with the woman who owned his heart. “If you keep at it, we’ll all come to terms, OK? Persist. Don’t expect her trust after one attempt. Let her know you’re not going to just...vanish…if things don’t go the way you want. Know what I mean?”
“I do—but this is a whole lot easier with you than with Pyper, that’s for sure.”
Cha
se couldn’t suppress an agreeing chuckle. “She’s a spitfire, but she’s also an incredibly warm, loving person.”
“I saw that, the other day, between flashes of hostility. Chase, I wish things were different. I wish I hadn’t hurt her so badly. I owe you an apology, too, for that sin of evasion you talked about a while back.”
Chase shook his head, lifting a pen and twiddling it between his fingers. “Mark, you weren’t alone in all this. I know that. You weren’t the only one who stepped back from God.” He tossed the pen aside as his restrained growl vibrated through the air. How could he properly express himself? “I’ve done a lot of thinking lately, and I found I can really relate to Pyper’s mama. Pyper told me all about her, and their history. Like Amy, I pushed through life figuring I was immune from anything bad. I was the successful lead singer, just like she was the cheerleader, the head of the youth group at her church. Like her, I felt like the golden child. God would take care of me no matter what I did. Amy’s stumble came in the form of an ill-advised physical follow-through on a high school crush. For me it was fame, women, and the bottle.”
Mark squeezed the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “Don’t do that, Chase. To any of us. There’s been enough recrimination and blame and sadness to cover any number of lifetimes. God made goodness out of the mistakes we made. He gave this world our daughter. She’s part mine, no matter what she chooses to do about it.”
“Hang on to the knowledge—the privilege—that you’re her father as you fight back, and earn a place in her life, but don’t consider that she’s yours at all. She’s His.” Chase motioned upwards and let that tidbit sink into the silence that stretched between them.
“You honestly think I should keep fighting? After the way she—”
“Yeah, I do.” The fire in his belly burned hotter than ever. “She wouldn’t be in my life without you. I’ll never, ever stop being grateful for that.” He swallowed over a hard, thick lump. “God’s given me more than I deserve. Keep at it. He’ll do the same thing for you.”
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