by Sara Orwig
He caught up and held the door for her.
“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do, Lila.”
“I know what’s important to me. Bye.”
She walked away and he let her go. Her back prickled, but she didn’t glance around.
Sam walked into one of the empty lounges and closed the door. He wanted a moment to think about Lila. Looking out the window without really seeing anything, he thought about Lila’s accusations of being chauvinistic, old-fashioned, even more about her earlier declarations that he didn’t love her.
Why couldn’t she see that love could develop between them? He wanted to be with her. He wanted her in his bed every night. If she would move back to Royal, move in with him, marry him, he was certain love would come.
He shook his head. She would never move back to Royal. He had no doubts about that. The minute she had gone to college, she never looked back. Was she right? Were the differences between them too great?
How important was she to him? That was the question.
Restless, Sam stood and walked to the window. He had sent flowers, taken Lila out, but he hadn’t realized that the gulf between them might be permanent.
He wasn’t in love and she definitely wasn’t, but they were good together. The sex was fabulous and now they had a baby on the way. With or without love, they should get married, but she would never change her mind or settle for the life he would want his wife to have.
If she felt that way, pretty flowers or dinners out would not change her mind. It had to be a lot deeper than that.
Was he making a mistake, being too old-fashioned in wanting to get married? Was it a mistake to marry without love? He had been so sure love would come, but what if he was wrong? Was he trying to tie himself into a relationship that would make them both unhappy? He didn’t want a wife who was an ambitious career woman. He didn’t want a wife who lived in California while he lived in Texas.
He didn’t see how love could come without really getting to know each other. And with Lila, that would mean a long-term relationship, which wasn’t going to happen with him in Royal and her in California. In two days she would be working and he wouldn’t see her. In a few weeks she would go to California and he probably wouldn’t see her until Christmas, if then.
He clenched his fists and thought about their baby. A baby needed a family. Maybe it was an old-fashioned notion, but he felt that with his whole being.
He was going to have to let go. Lila would share their baby, but he needed to face reality. Lila wasn’t the woman for him. She didn’t want to change and he didn’t want to change. The differences between them were huge.
His decision brought him no peace. He hurt and he missed her. “You’ll get over this,” he said aloud to himself, knotting his fists and taking a deep breath. “Forget her.”
How long would it take to get over her? How long would it be before she didn’t occupy his thoughts through his waking hours? With a baby on the way, it seemed impossible to think he could forget her. She was going to be the mother of his child. However long it took, he was going to have to let her go.
* * *
When the movie people arrived Wednesday morning and Lila vanished from his life, Sam told himself it was for the best. Twice he couldn’t resist calling her. Most of her work was in surrounding counties and the only contact he had with her was a brief snatch of conversation.
The second time when she answered her phone, she sounded breathless. “Sam, I really can’t talk. They’re ready to shoot a scene and they had a quick huddle about it and decided they wanted the child in the scene, so I have to find a child’s bed, either an old-time wooden one or iron, preferably iron.”
“Can I get it for you?” he said, heading toward the parking lot and his car in case she said yes.
“There’s one store outside of Royal—Buttons & Bows, sort of a flea market. They’re looking through their stuff and will call me back. There’s one on the highway to Midland I’m going to look at. I’m sorry I can’t talk, but someone is driving me and I’m calling places. I’ll get back with you later.”
“Sure, Lila,” he said, knowing she would not and he would not call her again.
A week later, his first reaction was surprise when she called him at his office. His heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice and he gripped his cell phone tightly as if he could hang on to her.
“Sam, sorry to interrupt your business day. I have a request. The director would like to meet you and I wondered if we could possibly come by your office briefly this afternoon? We should be finished by six—would that be too late?”
His pulse jumped and all he could think about was seeing Lila. “Whatever time you want will be fine. My appointments were earlier, so I’m free. Josh isn’t here this afternoon.”
“Doesn’t matter. Roddy just wants to meet you because of the hotel in Amarillo that you built.”
“Would you rather take him to the TCC?”
“Not really. I think he will enjoy seeing your office,” she said, talking faster than usual, and he suspected she would end the conversation soon and get back to work. “He isn’t friendly with strangers, but he was impressed by the hotel you built in Amarillo because on his first trip to Texas he stayed there. His name is Rodman Parkeson. He’s a little brisk and abrupt—I’m warning you now. He’s thinking about building a new house in California and I think he wants to talk to you about construction. We won’t take much of your time.”
“You can have all my time you want, Lila,” Sam said, unable to keep a hoarse note out of his voice. “I’ve missed you.” He was telling himself to let go, yet wanted her badly.
“Thank you,” she replied briskly, making him wonder if she was with other people or really didn’t care. “See you around six.”
She was gone and he missed her. He didn’t want her going back to California soon. He thought about the end-of-summer party at the TCC—that would be his last time with her, perhaps for a long time. He rubbed his forehead, hating to think about her leaving Texas yet telling himself it was for the best. When would he stop hurting over her?
He got up, moving chairs slightly in his office, pausing to look around and think how it would appear to a stranger. The dark oak walls still appealed to him and his hand-carved walnut desk was free of clutter. He wandered through the reception area and outside, standing on the porch.
The redbrick Greek Revival building was on a large shady lot. He and Josh had built it to look like a gracious Southern mansion, but it was a practical office that met their needs. The front porch had rocking chairs and the yard held beds of multicolored flowers. A redbrick walk ran from the parking lot to the front door.
Behind the office were the workings of the construction company with steel sheds for lumber, metal buildings for equipment. There was a garage for trucks and another building for the machinery.
The day seemed twice as long as usual, but finally at six his phone rang and Lila said they were on the office porch.
Sam strode out the front door, taking a deep breath at the sight of her. With her hair twisted and pinned up behind her head, she looked more businesslike. She wore navy slacks and a sleeveless matching blouse with navy pumps. All his intentions to forget her and get over her vanished. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her. Instead, he offered his hand. “Lila,” he said, gazing into her wide green eyes, which told him nothing about her feelings.
Her hand was warm, dainty, and he hated to release her. “Sam, I want you to meet Roddy Parkeson. Roddy, meet Sam Gordon, half owner of Gordon Construction.”
With an effort, Sam tore his attention from Lila to extend his hand to a stocky man with thick curly brown hair streaked with gray. His dark brown eyes were sharp and alert. He gripped Sam’s hand briefly in a solid, quick handshake. “I’m happy to meet you,” he said,
looking around. “This office is as fantastic as your hotel. I was enjoying myself looking at this porch. This is marvelous—a beautiful addition to the town.”
“Thank you. Feel free to look all you want. If you’d like, I’ll show you inside.”
“I’d like that. My dad was in construction and I worked in it off and on when I was a kid,” Roddy said while Sam held the door for Lila and Roddy and they entered the cool lobby. Sam guessed the director to be in his forties, and he was short enough that Sam could easily see the top of his head. Roddy’s nose was crooked as if broken sometime in his past and Sam noticed thick hands that looked as rough as some of the local cowboys’.
“My dad was hired to work in the film business, so that’s where I’ve always been, but I can recognize sound construction and I know the kind of architecture and buildings that I like,” he continued as Sam directed them to his office. “That hotel you built in Amarillo was excellent. And this is a fantastic office. I’m from L.A., but I had a great-aunt who lived in Natchez, Mississippi. How I loved those homes.”
Sam nodded, wondering whether he had heard Lila correctly when she had said Rodman Parkeson was brisk and abrupt. He had talked constantly since being introduced. Sam looked at Lila, who smiled faintly. As Roddy circled the room talking about construction and looking at crown molding and the hardwood floor, Lila leaned close and whispered, “You’re a hit.”
Sam didn’t answer. He crossed the room and tried to focus on Roddy’s conversation, finding it difficult to take his gaze away from Lila.
Roddy spent an hour looking at the Gordon office and sitting on the porch talking to Sam and Lila.
“If you have time, Roddy, we could drive out to my home. I can grill some dinner and show you my house if you want to look at more construction, or we can just sit and talk over Texas steaks.”
“Texas steaks and your home would be great,” Roddy said, standing.
The evening was enjoyable while at the same time frustrating because Sam wanted Lila to himself. When they finally headed for her car, they stood on the drive talking for another twenty minutes before Roddy walked around to the passenger side and climbed inside.
“You were really a big hit with him. He doesn’t usually talk to strangers or take time like this when he’s away on a job. Thanks, Sam, for all your hospitality.”
“A nice guy,” Sam said. “We still have a date for the end-of-the-summer party.”
“Yes, we do. Night, Sam, and thanks again.”
He opened the door for her and closed it when she was seated. Stepping back, he watched them drive away. “So much for trying to forget her,” he said under his breath. If he married her, this was the way his life would be—watching her drive away to go back to her career. He didn’t want that life, but he couldn’t stop wanting her.
“Dammit,” he said, kicking a pebble with the toe of his boot.
* * *
To his relief, finally the last Thursday of August came. As suddenly as the film people had come, they left Texas to return to California. Lila would fly out Monday morning and be gone. Each time he thought of her leaving Texas, his insides clutched. He hurt, and the knowledge that he needed to get over it didn’t diminish the feeling of loss.
Sam called Lila to ask her to dinner Thursday night. “Lila, I’ve had time to think about all you’ve said and I’ve had a chance to see how demanding your career is. I think we need to talk.”
Ten
Lila’s heart missed a beat. Sam’s voice was solemn, different from his usual cheerful self. “Then it will be a good thing to talk,” she said, wondering if he finally had realized marriage would never work.
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he said and then was gone.
She replaced the phone and felt a squeeze to her heart. At the same time, she nodded. “Finally, Sam,” she whispered.
She dressed carefully, a simple sleeveless navy dress that fastened beneath her chin and had a straight skirt that went to midcalf. A conservative dress she usually wore to work. She had the feeling that Sam might be ready to tell her goodbye, which should make her feel relieved instead of empty and dreading the dinner with him.
When she stepped into the living room to wait for Sam, her mother walked by, saw her and came into the room. “It’ll be nice to see Sam again.”
Lila ran her finger along a table. “Mom, I think this is goodbye for us.”
“Lila, it won’t be goodbye. You are going to be parents, and for years Sam will be part of your life.”
“Not a major part,” she said.
“Think carefully, honey. Sam is a fine person.”
“I know. And he wants a wife just like you. I’m not that woman. Speaking of,” she said, seeing Sam drive up. “I’ll go on out. I might as well get this over with.”
“Lila, make sure you don’t want Sam to be a major part of your life. Be very sure of what you’re doing.”
“I’m really sure,” she said, knowing this was definitely for the best. “The hurt will go away,” she whispered. She walked out to get into his car, hoping to get seated before he was really out, but he had already walked around and he held open the passenger door. Her heart thudded at the sight of him. He looked more handsome than ever in his charcoal suit, white dress shirt and red tie. Her determination to tell him goodbye made her hurt even more. One look at Sam’s face and she knew it would be goodbye tonight. He had a somber expression she had never seen, a hard, angry look.
“I have reservations at Willow Hollow. I thought we might see fewer people we know and have fewer interruptions.”
“That’s fine,” she replied, relieved they weren’t staying in Royal where they would see friends all through the evening. Willow Hollow was in a neighboring county and was an excellent restaurant, but she had lost her appetite again, which had been happening more and more, lately. He closed the car door and she watched him walk around and climb in.
“Are you resting up a little from the work?” he asked after they were on the highway.
“I suppose. That and packing up to get ready to return to California on Monday.”
How polite they were with each other. She felt a rift between them as if Sam had put a wall around himself, which was totally unlike him. She should have felt intensely relieved, but so far the feeling hadn’t happened.
“I got a call today from Roddy.”
“Oh, really? Did he have a construction question?”
“Sort of. He offered me a job and suggested I think about moving my business to California.”
Shocked, she stared at Sam and then she laughed and shook her head. “Roddy can be so cold to people he doesn’t know. He was bowled over by your work. What a compliment, Sam. I know you have no interest—what kind of job did he offer you?”
“He wants me to build his new home,” Sam said, smiling for the first time that evening.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake! I knew he had talked about having a home built, but he lives in a very nice mansion. I bet he wants you to build him some kind of Georgian or Colonial or Greek Revival, something like his great-aunt’s house or one of those in Mississippi.”
“You’re right. I thanked him. The offer was flattering and he also has a film project he wanted to hire me to do. He made a big sales pitch, which was very flattering.”
“Roddy? I can’t imagine. He’s used to ordering people around and pushing them into doing things. What kind of sales pitch?”
“How great my construction company would be in L.A.”
“That’s probably true. Have you told Josh?”
“I will. He’ll just give me one of his looks and go on to the next thing on the agenda.”
“I’m surprised, but that’s very complimentary. Wow. You really impressed Roddy. He does know construction. His dad had a successful business.”
&
nbsp; “Roddy is a nice man.”
She laughed and shook her head. “He must really want you to build his house. He could hire you anyway and you could work on his house from Texas.”
“Actually, he talked about that, but I don’t think that would work. I’m not into flying back and forth.”
She thought about their baby and wondered how they would ever work out sharing a child. That sobering thought made her forget Roddy and ride in silence until they were at the restaurant.
She was barely aware of the linen-covered tables, the dahlias in crystal vases on each table, the candlelight and soft music. All she could see was the handsome man across from her, the father of her baby, the man she was somewhat in love with. For the first time, his smile and the sparkle in his blue eyes were gone.
She ordered tomato basil soup. He ordered his usual steak and as soon as they were alone, he took her hand. “I’ve thought over all you’ve said. I’ve thought about our future,” he said, and her heart dropped. “What may be most important, I stood on the sidelines as the movie was filming. While I didn’t see you at work, I learned a little about your job and your hours. I finally listened and thought about all you’ve said to me and I have to agree with you. You’re right, Lila,” he said.
These were words she had thought she wanted to hear, so why did they cut like a knife to her heart?
“We’re not wildly, deeply in love with each other,” he continued in a somber tone.
His declaration hurt more than everything else. She had said the same thing to him, but when he said it, the words stung badly. A knot came in her throat and she tried to fight back tears, aggravated at herself for reacting this way when he was merely echoing her own sentiments.
“I want a wife who is home with my children. Maybe that is old-fashioned and chauvinistic, but that’s the way I am. A lot of people don’t have a choice, but I’m fortunate to have been successful enough that my wife can afford to do that and that’s what I want. Call it selfish—I can’t see it that way. You want to work and pursue a career. You’re very ambitious, very independent and you don’t need me and the kind of man I am in your life.”