by Sophia Rey
Please don’t let the kids know I wrote this. At least I can die a hero, like the police officer I wanted to be. The boys who did this to me are 17 and can be tried as adults. At least in death I will finally have done something good.
Don’t bother having a funeral. Cremation is much easier and cheaper. I’m sure you can find someone much better than me, who isn’t depressed all the time.
Love, Gregg
Why would Dad do this? Things might have been hard for him, but didn’t he know we’d rather have him than insurance money? I wondered for two seconds if I should show this letter to Mom before putting it in my pocket, resolving that this would be my secret…at least for now. I grabbed the insurance information and ran back into the hospital.
CHAPTER 15
IT WAS THE MORNING of the tenth day Dad had been in a coma and I was sitting with him. We didn’t know if he would attain full consciousness or all of his senses, or even if he would wake up at all. We took turns sitting at his side. Everything reminded me of when Mason was in the hospital the year before. It felt so long ago. I remembered how I came to this very hospital to help Mason with his physical therapy, and how much fun we had despite his injuries. Thinking about it was bittersweet.
As if he could read my thoughts, Mason texted. “Hey! How’s it going?”
“My dad’s in the hospital. He was shot!” I replied.
“What happened?”
“He was trying to save a girl from a couple of guys and took a bullet to the head.” I thought, Please come and be with me. Be the boyfriend I used to have. I need a shoulder to cry on.
“That’s too bad, Babe.”
I waited. Was that all?
I felt like texting, What’s wrong with you? I said my dad is in a coma. Don’t you want to come and sit with me like I did with you when you had your accident? I don’t know if it was just Mason’s immaturity or what his problem was, but hours and hours went by. I didn’t know what else to text. I’d told him the situation. What else could I do but practically beg him to talk to me? But I really needed someone to talk to, so six hours later I wrote a casual text from the mall near the hospital, where I’d gone to decompress and window shop. I’d seen a pair of red jeans I thought Mason would like and took a picture of them, sending it with the comment, “These jeans are on sale at H&M's. Thought you'd like them."
Four hours later, I was back at the hospital, sitting with Dad, when he texted back. "I have a pair just like those. What are you doing tonight? Sardi’s at seven?"
I felt elated. He wanted to see me! We hadn't really talked in over two weeks and I really wanted to talk about my dad. And Carol and Maurine. The only thing I didn’t want to talk about was that note I found. I was still processing that and wanted to keep it private. I did want to find out what was going on with Mason, though. His move...job...school. I felt like writing Yes!!!, but I knew I’d sound desperate. Instead, I typed, “That sounds good.” I hesitated about whether or not use a smiley emoji, and decided against it.
************
The day went by happily enough for me despite Dad’s coma and Mom’s stress tears. She’d been sitting with Dad, caring for me and Kai, dealing with insurance and other hospital issues, and she’d decided after a week to keep her tutoring appointments to make sure we had cash coming in. She was running herself ragged. Normally, I’d worry about her, but today I couldn’t find it in me to worry about anything. I was going to see Mason!
My happy mood disintegrated at 6:30, when Mason texted, “Please, please, PLEASE don’t be mad at me, Babe.” My heart fell. “RJ called me and he wants me to come over and put in a ceiling fan. He just moved into a new place and it’s sweltering. It should only take about an hour or so. I don’t know if he actually has the fan so we might have to go get one. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”
Uh oh, I thought. There’d been other times when Mason was vague about a time that he was going to do something or other and then I didn’t see him for the whole day.
But I should be forgiving. I typed, “OK.” I figured I’d just wait for him to text.
I told Mom I could stay later at the hospital. She was relieved. “But I can only stay till eight,” I made sure to tell her.
“Oh, that’s great, Honey. That’ll give me time to get Kai some dinner and get some of these bills paid. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
I was glad to be busy, even if I was just sitting by Dad’s bed. At least I was there, in case he woke up. But he didn’t wake up, and 7:00 rolled by. Then 7:30. Then 8:00. Still no call from Mason.
At 9:00 I gave up.
At 10:00 he called. “I guess we’re not having dinner tonight. This took longer than I thought.”
I tried not to be too disappointed. I had known that he might do this; after all, it wasn’t the first time. But I was disappointed – I was alone and missed having my parents around. And who knew what would happen to Dad. Mason didn’t seem to care at all! When he was in the hospital he was so upset with the pain that he could hardly speak. I would come to visit and I could always tell that he’d been crying. I stayed with him so he could have some company. Now that I was hurting he wasn’t around at all. I started to cry. I wept and wept. Mason’s indifference seemed to turn on a storm of tears that wouldn’t stop.
About 10:30 Mom came in. She looked at my face and said, “Darling. Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay.” For a moment I couldn’t even speak. This was the third time Mason had let me down in a big way.
Mom sat by me and put her arm around my shoulder. “Is it Mason?”
“Yes,” I choked.
She waited. I wanted to tell her what was going on, but I had a harm time getting the words out. Once I started the words came out in a flood. I told her about the fan and about the other times he’d canceled our plans at the last minute. It reminded me of how other people had just dropped me.
She gave me a reassuring squeeze with her arm. “You know, you always have your family. Dad and Kai and me.”
Yes, but you’re not Mason! I thought.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said.
“What?” I looked down.
“That we’re not Mason.”
I couldn’t believe it and the look of shock showed on my face.
“I know what it’s like to have that one special person to care about, who knows almost your every thought. Who puts you ahead of almost everyone else. Why do you think I’ve stayed with your father through all the thick and thin of our relationship? Of course things have changed along the way since we’ve gotten older. We’ve taken on more adult responsibilities like taking care of you and Kai. But when we were dating all I could think about was when Dad would call me. Back then there was not text or Instagram.” She smiled at me. “What would you like from Mason if you could have it?”
I knew just what to say. “I’d have him text me and tell me he was sorry for going to put up that fan. I’d have him tell me I’m important and that he should have kept our plans so that I wouldn’t sit here crying all night.”
“I don’t know, Em. I’m sure he must have some good qualities or you wouldn’t be dating him, but the way I hear you describing your relationship, he sounds like a narcissist.”
“Come again?” That was the standard saying in our family when we didn’t understand something.
“A narcissist is someone who’s almost incapable of caring about others. The things he wants to do are the only things that matter. They’re usually charming and charismatic.”
“Come again, again?”
“Charismatic means that he draws people to him. He’s outgoing and likable. He says all the right things. Things like, ‘You look great tonight, as always…do you have a sister because I’d like to set my friend up with someone as good looking as you.’ That last one was a line your dad used on me.” She winked.
“Dad?”
“Yes. Oh, don’t worry; he’s definitely not a narcissist, but a person who uses those line
s just to get people to like them so they can take advantage of them can be one. Dad told me that he ran into the mother of one of his former patients from Gardens, She told him that her son, Pete, was now in prison and do you know what for? He was caught stealing drugs from his 96 year–old grandmother. Your dad remembered that boy. He was good looking, bragged about how he had a baby mama and a girlfriend, and was as polite and charming as could be. He’d say thing like, ‘It’s good to see you today, Mr. Greg,’ to Dad. And he’d plead with soulful eyes for more food, Dad told me. Unlike most of the clients, he was polite to the staff most of the time, and he didn’t cause a lot of trouble. He was complimentary and respectful.”
That’s Mason, I thought.
“But when Dad ran into his mother later the real Pete was exposed. He hadn’t worked a day in his life. Only a few odd jobs once in a while.”
“How did he get into drugs?"
“He got into a motorcycle accident about a year ago, after he got out of Gardens. The doctor prescribed oxicontin. Probably too much, from the sound of it. Anyway, he went through his prescriptions and was still in pain when he wasn’t on the oxi. He knew drug dealers who sold heroin, which was cheaper, but even that was cost him $100.00 a day. One day he saw some oxi in his grandmother’s medicine cabinet. She lived in Sesame Groves Retirement Center and she’d broken her hip and was using it for pain. He took a few pills. Not enough for his grandmother to notice, but enough to get by for a while.”
“I see,” I said.
“Anyway, Pete started hanging around the retirement center a lot, getting to know the other residents of Sesame Groves. He offered to take them for walks in their wheel chairs and play checkers with them. The CNAs thought he was great. Then one day three different residents came to the nursing staff and reported that they were missing pills. At first the staff didn’t catch on because a lot of the patients have some form of dementia.”
“Come again?”
“They can’t remember things as well as they used to. Anyway, the staff thought maybe the patients had just misplaced the pills or something. And they didn’t want to think Pete was at fault because he seemed to be so kind and generous with his time.”
“I think I know how this is going to end.”
Mom grinned. “It might be what you think, but I don’t know. Here’s what happened. They confronted Pete about the missing meds. Of course, he denied knowing anything about. And they really couldn’t prove it was him. But Pete could see the writing on the wall so he stopped for a while. He went back to heroin, only this time he stole things like CDs and sold them to pawn shops to get money. And he begged. He did a lot of begging near Target and other big stores.
“He never did stop stealing the oxi completely. He was just more subtle about it. But one day he was at his grandmother’s and left the medicine cabinet open by mistake. His uncle caught him and shot him right there in the bathroom.”
“That’s awful!”
“I thought so too, but I can see why his uncle was so upset. He sees his mother crying in pain day after day because she’s running out of pills all the time and this little punk is stealing them. I don’t know if I wouldn’t have whacked him myself. The point is, Pete seemed like a nice guy, but he had a problem. Now, I’m not saying Mason is a drug addict or anything like that, but normal 23 year–old guys don’t act the way you tell me he acts.”
I’d thought that myself, but it was good to hear someone else say it.
“Our family’s going through a hard time right now. A decent guy would at least meet you at the hospital once in a while. Mason doesn’t. I don’t know what he does with his time, but it doesn’t seem to include being with you or our family.”
It was true. Mason didn’t seem to care about us. I decided to call Mason on his disappearing act. This relationship with him was ripping me up and zapping my energy. It was like walking on a tight rope. If he made plans with me there was about a 50% chance that he’d show. If I made plans he’d usually break them. I decided I had nothing to lose by confronting him. So I texted. “Hey. I know you’re busy, but I can’t quite figure out what’s going on with you. I was so excited to see you tonight, and then you ditched me to put your friend’s fan in at the last minute. I was crushed. If this had happened a year ago or something maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but I really needed you tonight. My dad’s in the hospital. Do you even want to BE my boyfriend? I miss you so much. Please text me and let me know what’s going on. Are we still going to the concert next Friday?” I thought, What do I have to lose? I can’t handle a relationship like this where I always wonder if our plans are going to change at the last minute. So if he dumps me, so what?
CHAPTER 16
TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY went by with no answer to my text. Mason was busy with work and school, But who doesn’t look at their phone? I thought. Every time a text came in I hoped it was him. But it never was. I kept busy. I was happy to be at work. I spent more time at the hospital than usual.
Friday rolled around. We were supposed to meet at a restaurant near the concert. Mason still hadn’t text me. I wondered if he was dumping me or if he’d just show up at the restaurant. Who doesn’t answer their phone for three days? I didn’t even know if he was coming, and now I wished I hadn’t sent that text. But even if I hadn’t sent it I don’t know if I’d have had a good time, anyway. I wanted to know why he was so hot and cold. I wanted him to apologize.
I hated to text him again. Still, I wanted to know how he felt and I definitely wanted to know if he was showing up for the concert. If he wasn’t coming I could give Mom a break at the hospital or even take an extra shift at work. I wrote a very businesslike text. “Hey. Is it okay if I’m a bit late meeting you at Marguerita’s? I’m going to be at the hospital with Dad all afternoon.” I wanted to add, Yeah. You know. My Dad? The man who’s in the hospital because he got hit in the head by a bullet? I sent it early Friday morning so he’d have a chance to get back to me.
I felt certain he’d get back to me well before the concert. After all, he’d invited me and bought the tickets. Surely he’d get back to me about a simple thing like my being late to Marguerita’s. But I was wrong. He didn’t get back to me all day. I went to the hospital right after school. My phone kept chirping that someone was texting me. A few times it chirped three times in a row, like it did when Mason texted me. I kept hoping that it was him, trying to give him any benefit of the doubt I could. It never was.
About 5:00 somebody knocked on the hospital room door. I knew it was Mason. The nurses never knocked and no one but Mom and I had come to visit Dad lately. My stomach did a flip. It’s him! I said to myself before I opened the door and saw one of Dad’s coworkers from Gardens standing there. I tried hard to hide the look of disappointment on my face. I told the man that Dad was still in a coma and there wasn’t much he could do, but he could come in and visit if he wanted. He stayed for a few minutes, making polite conversation, giving me a card for Mom, then left.
I decided to leave Dad’s room at six. I headed to the gym for a cardio drumming class. Class had just begun when my phone rang. It was Kai on his phone watch, wanting to know if he could go to a friend’s house. He said he couldn’t reach Mom and didn’t want to be home alone anymore. I told him he could go and texted Mom to tell her where he was. I didn’t want to miss a text from Mason, so I checked my phone about every 20 minutes.
When class ended, I picked up Kai and took him to the community pool. I let him swim about two hours, while I checked my phone every five minutes, even though I was just about sure Mason wouldn’t call. My heart sank deeper every minute. It was clear he wasn’t canceling our date; he was canceling our friendship. He knew I had no way of getting a hold of him. I didn’t know his new address. If he didn’t call or text I would never see him.
About 8:00 my phone rang. I rushed to get it. Not Mason. It was just Gloria from school. I knew she just wanted me to sell her my homework. I didn’t take the phone call.
By the time
we left the pool I was in tears. After Kai went to bed I sat up and read for a while. My phone kept beeping. I saw the name Amy. She was telling me all about her new job. Normally I would love to get texts from Amy, but today it annoyed me. I finally turned off the volume so I wouldn’t hear Mason not texting.
The next day I went to work and volunteered at the food pantry. Then I went to the hospital to spell Mom. By the time I got home and checked my texts it was super clear to me that Mason was ending our relationship. I was angry, sad, and confused. Just one week earlier we’d been an item. Now he had cut me off completely. I thought about texting him. What could I say, though? He was the one who had canceled on me three times. What was happening? Was there something wrong with me? Maybe it was our age difference, but I thought he liked high school girls. I was so depressed. I couldn’t figure it out.
It reminded me of one of the friends I had in junior high who had autism. Her autism was a lot more pronounced than mine. She’d forget what time she was going to meet me at McDonald’s. Whatever time we agreed to meet, she was always an hour late. But she acted like it was okay to be that late. We learned later from her mother that she had a memory problem and that she wasn’t just being rude. She really didn’t know what she was doing.
I thought that there was more to Mason’s actions than I saw. I just didn’t know what it was.
CHAPTER 17
FOR THREE DAYS I just went to school, work, the food pantry, and the hospital. As much as I like routine, this was making me die of boredom, so I decided to see what was up with Carol and Maurine. We weren’t tight, but it was better than sitting home alone. While we sat at the park I asked her how things were going.
“We changed residences.” Carol was playing with her shoes. She always avoided my eyes when she was hiding something.